Street charity collections

[MAC-W]

Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me being stupid and needing to step my game up?


I was walking through town today and there was a charity collection going on. Now it happened to be one that I already have a monthly direct debit set up for, so I walked on by the first collector and the second collector and the third collector. I have approximately a 1km walk from the train staion to my office and by the time I wasnt even 1/4 of the way there I caved and gave a token contribution, just so I got the sticker badge and wasnt hassled by the other collectors anymore.

The collectors were - well lets be kind and say "committed". If I was feeling less kind I might say bullying.

This happens here quite a lot.

Now I freely admit I dont do the full tithing thing but I'm probably at 7-8% each year and I'm actively working on making it more.

So why do I still feel guilty walking past a collection tin and not putting in a gold coin when I know I already have a direct debit of eg, $50-00 per month set up for that charity? (or not putting in a gold coin for a charity that I dont have a monthly contribution set up for)

Given that I have 7 direct debits for charity set up for anything from $35 per month to $500 per month, all carefully chosen by hubby and I for causes that mean something to us or our family, why do I feel guilty for not buying the the crappy item that I dont want or need from a charity I already contribute to? Is it cos I'm not at the full 10% tithe? Once I get to 10% contribution of my salary will I feel more comfortable in this scenario or will I still feel guilty walking past collection tins?

At the moment I pretty much always end up caving and making a donation even if its a charity that's "not important'' to me, which then bugs me cos I think I should have given the donation to a (to me) more meaningful charity.

Anybody else have this problem and how do you deal with it? Help!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

The ones that irritate me the most are random groups like softball teams or church youth groups standing on corners asking for money for whatever reason. Do a carwash, offer to mow lawns, sell baked goods, whatever! I hate that children are being taught to beg as if others are responsible for funding their acitivities, regardless of how good the cause.

So I agree with you, panhandling is panhandling, and I shouldn't be harassed on the street, even if it is a federally recognized non-profit organization or charity.

 

[monarch64]

Mac--you feel guilty because you ALLOW people to make you feel guilty. You stated within your initial post that you give x% and much more to charities. Why do you think you feel like you're not giving enough? It surely isn't because you aren't giving enough financially...

 

[MAC-W]

GP, yep I totally know what you mean. If they are offering a service I'm much more likely to 'pay up'. If they are just 'begging' - meh. But I always still end up giving something. Am I encouraging them? mmm, must think about that. ETA: when we were on holiday in Egypt we were told not to give the street 'urchins' money but to give pencils, lollies,toys, etc instead. I guess that 'similar' to what you're saying?


Monnie. I'm the daughter of a Presbyterian preacher man. Brought up with the whole tithing thing, and tried to do it all my life, but not always been possible. And yes you're right, I feel guilty cos I allow people to make me feel guilty. How do I stop that given my upbringing? I'm currently giving as much as I feel capable of, but still, as you say I'm allowing people / organisations to make me feel its not enough. Hmm, maybe its the financial thing. Must think about that. Maybe if I contibuted time instead......


Thank you both. You've given me a new perspective to think about.

 

[monarch64]

GP, yep I totally know what you mean. If they are offering a service I'm much more likely to 'pay up'. If they are just 'begging' - meh. But I always still end up giving something. Am I encouraging them? mmm, must think about that. ETA: when we were on holiday in Egypt we were told not to give the street 'urchins' money but to give pencils, lollies,toys, etc instead. I guess that 'similar' to what you're saying?


Monnie. I'm the daughter of a Presbyterian preacher man. Brought up with the whole tithing thing, and tried to do it all my life, but not always been possible. And yes you're right, I feel guilty cos I allow people to make me feel guilty. How do I stop that given my upbringing? I'm currently giving as much as I feel capable of, but still, as you say I'm allowing people / organisations to make me feel its not enough. Hmm, maybe its the financial thing. Must think about that. Maybe if I contibuted time instead......


Thank you both. You've given me a new perspective to think about.

Well, the fact that you're posting here is sort of a tithe in itself. I think that you have to stop and realize that you HAVE given a lot! As long as you are giving what your church is asking you to give, and doing a bit more as far as community service, then you're fine!!!! What else are you worried aout?

Do you feel like you aren't giving enough? If so, why? Just know that we can erase this thread if need be.

 

[MAC-W]

Well, the fact that you're posting here is sort of a tithe in itself. I think that you have to stop and realize that you HAVE given a lot! As long as you are giving what your church is asking you to give, and doing a bit more as far as community service, then you're fine!!!! What else are you worried aout?

Do you feel like you aren't giving enough? If so, why? Just know that we can erase this thread if need be.

OK you`re going to have to explain that one to me, cos I dont understand.

 

[MAC-W]

As long as you are giving what your church is asking you to give, and doing a bit more as far as community service, then you're fine!!!! What else are you worried aout?

Do you feel like you aren't giving enough? If so, why? Just know that we can erase this thread if need be.

Nail head hit !


Thats the thing. My church is asking me to give 10%, which I`ve always taken as financial, and I`m currently only giving 7 and a bit percent of my monthly salary.

But (Lightbulb moment thanks to your post), the 10% doesnt have to be financial. It can be time invested instead cos I can take my hourly rate an multiply it up.

I`m going to try this (already have a charity in mind).


Thank you so much. You`ve been a lightbulb (that a compliment by the way).

 

[Pandora II]

Here in the UK we call them 'Chuggers' as in Charity Muggers.

I decide who and what I will donate at the beginning of the year and I have direct debits set up. I don't give to chuggers or anyone else in the street. I might however buy things or donate to charity shops or cake sales or things like that.

 

[MAC-W]

Here in the UK we call them 'Chuggers' as in Charity Muggers.

I decide who and what I will donate at the beginning of the year and I have direct debits set up. I don't give to chuggers or anyone else in the street. I might however buy things or donate to charity shops or cake sales or things like that.

See thats my problem. How do you walk past without feeling guilty?

 

[lulu]

I know exactly how you feel. Especially at Christmas-even though we give the Salvation Army money every month I can't walk by without throwing change in the bucket. It all comes from Catholic school where we put pennies in a box so we could save a pagan baby. Oh the guilt!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Only at Christmas time do I donate on the street, and usually only to the Salvation Army. I keep a wad of 5's in my wallet and I give to each one I see, coming in and going out. They are always polite and never outright ask--they just ring their bell, standing out in the ice cold, sleet or rain or high winds or snow. It's the least I can do, really. I also adopt three children for the holidays and buy their gifts.

Other than that, my husband and I make a decision early on each year as to what organizations we'll be donating to. This year I opted for ASPCA (because the commercials bring me to tears), SGK breast cancer research and Saint Jude's. If I gave to every cause I felt worthy of a donation, I'd have no money. So, I know, I can only pick one or two or three to give healthily too each year.

Outside of that, if there is a container for a cause at a place I shop (like the one at PetSmart for Fudge a sick puppy whose owner is also sick and cannot afford the vet bills) I'll throw in a $20.00. I'm a sucker for a sad situation.

Charity is just that, it's charity. It should be something that makes you feel good and not pushed or pressured. I love to help out people and causes when I can, and I do what I'm able, but I'm never going to be made to feel badly if I have to pass, that's just not the spirit of the reason.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Mac, I simply say, sorry but I dont carry cash, and keep walking.

99% of the time I don't have the money in my purse but sometimes I say it when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere and don't have the time to stop. I don't feel guilty because I know there are all the other times when I do donate.

 

[Pandora II]

Here in the UK we call them 'Chuggers' as in Charity Muggers.

I decide who and what I will donate at the beginning of the year and I have direct debits set up. I don't give to chuggers or anyone else in the street. I might however buy things or donate to charity shops or cake sales or things like that.

See thats my problem. How do you walk past without feeling guilty?

If I am stopped I just explain that I don't make snap decisions on which charities I will support and that I have already chosen this years. Beggars I don't give money as they may spend it on drink/drugs, but I have been know to buy the ones outside the supermarket a pack of sandwiches or tins of dog food (for the dog) at times.

I'd also rather donate to a homeless charity and in many towns in the UK there are collection boxes for them in all the shops to avoid people giving money to beggars as it can become a real problem when you get too many in one small town. There are also many 'professional' beggars who are making an absolute bomb in London - you've only got to get someone to give you £1 every 10 minutes or so and you're earning a good wage tax free.

 

[y2kitty]

I don't feel bad. Many charities are just big businesses. I contribute to small, local charities.

 

[jewelerman]

i understand what you are saying.I give 10% tithing to my church and also extra to other charities that are important to me.I hate it when the check out person is required at many retail stores ask you to donate to a cause while you are checking out.It makes everyone involved feel uncomfortable.I say no and that my extra funds have been donated to other charities.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I don't feel bad. Many charities are just big businesses. I contribute to small, local charities.

This. I would rather give to the little girl down the street doing a bake sale for her church youth group than direct debit. I am jealous of those of you that have the disposable income to do that, though. We have very little left after bills (until recently) so donating is just not an option for us.

I know it makes you feel guilty, but don't let them get to you. Harassment just makes me want to donate LESS.

 

[Octavia]

Ack, I hate this. I live in the middle of a city and it drives me up the wall that I can't leave my home without being pestered for money. Same with the endless number of petitions for this and that. I usually feel more annoyed than bad/guilty, though. I already give to the causes that I want to support, and I have a firm rule that I don't sign anything or take my wallet out when I'm on the street. I usually have some spare change in my pocket for the good street musicians who play nearby, but otherwise I do my donating online or with a check -- never with cash (easier to track for tax purposes that way, too). I hear you on the way the workers make you feel, though, I used to feel that way until I realized that if I gave to everyone who asked me when I'm out and about, pretty soon I would be the one begging for money...

 

[JewelFreak]

That's a good point, Octavia. You just can't give to every cause, worthy as they may be. We give to the places we think it helps most. The only street collectors I give to are the Salvation Army people at Christmas, they're always so nice & do so much good.

I probably have gained a rep as the witch of the neighborhood -- a few years ago I got so tired of buying ugly wrapping paper, magazines I don't want, and I HATE Girl Scout Cookies, yack, so took a big breath & began saying No to the kids who come selling. It doesn't feel very happy to do that, but I just can't afford to fund the local school's band, baseball team & field trips. I think it's too bad to turn children into shills too.

But I completely refuse to buy from the ones who swarm your car at a stoplight. Forget it!

--- Laurie

 

[swingirl]

Here in the UK we call them 'Chuggers' as in Charity Muggers.

I decide who and what I will donate at the beginning of the year and I have direct debits set up. I don't give to chuggers or anyone else in the street. I might however buy things or donate to charity shops or cake sales or things like that.

See thats my problem. How do you walk past without feeling guilty?

I would feel more guilty if I donated to anyone on the street without checked out how much of my donation is going to help people and how much is used for administration costs and salaries. It takes research to make an informed decision. So I have no guilt about choosing a charity that I like and avoiding the ones that are wasteful. And it's impossible to get information about their practices which talking to a street solicitor.

 

[kenny]

Just say, "No".

This is a time to mention that saying, "What others think of you is none of your business."
POOF - so much for guilt!

Many of us get to an age when we find out that what we were taught as children does not work for us.
That's okay and not your fault.
Your parents did the best they could.
That's when it's time to replace what does not work with what does work.

Keep in mind, you don't have to be like anyone else, or like your parents taught you.
You are free to find what works for you.

 

[Haven]

Ooh, I like the chuggers name.

I don't give to street charities, and I don't feel bad about it, either. I give my money and time to charities and causes I believe in, and I'm not inclined to give money away to just anyone who asks for it on the street.

I particularly dislike the groups of "high school students" who hang out outside of a local grocery store selling $5 miniature boxes of M&Ms to benefit their school's sports teams. They are never from local schools, and when I ask which schools they attend they always give me the name of a school I've never heard of and can't find online when I come home to search for it. I'm inclined to think they aren't even students at all, to be honest. Anyway, they've made comments in response to my kind "no, thank you" reply to their offers of sale. Once, a boy walked up to me very quickly with his arms out to his side and said "What? You can buy North Face but you can't buy a box of candy?" I live in a privileged town, and I imagine these teens target this store because they figure people have more money to throw around.

 

[JewelFreak]

Once, a boy walked up to me very quickly with his arms out to his side and said "What? You can buy North Face but you can't buy a box of candy?"

That's a clue, Haven, that you're right on the money (ahem, sorry) in your suspicions. Every time I've refused charity requests & the donee gets huffy, I've found it's a scam.

A huge one is the guy who calls "collecting" for the fire or police dept. "Just leave it on your door & we'll collect it." Once I offered much less than the previous residents of our house gave -- the fellow got SO NASTY, I was aghast. Happened on an article a little later saying those depts NEVER ask for money from the public. Same with the "handicapped" scheme where they insist you buy some piece of junk "made by our handicapped workers" for a really high price. They've been sued in several states -- not a handicapped soul among them (except maybe morally).

So I feel no guilt passing by collectors on the street -- I don't know who they are or where the money goes.

--- Laurie

 

[CUSO]

From day 1 my wife and I decided to give no money whatsoever to charities that benefit in any way human beings (that is what are taxes are for, in my opinion). We give considerable ammounts to local animal shelters and dog breed specific groups, but never ever any money to benefit humans. Call me nuts, but that is how we roll. I never have a problem walking by anyone who is trying to shake me down

 

[MAC-W]

Thank you so much for all the great comments everyone. Its nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this issue and that there areways of dealing with it.

I'm going to try putting all your advices into action and see how I get on.


Oh and Pandora, I'm still giggling about the chuggers. Thanks for that

 

[MAC-W]

just wanted to update this thread and say "Thank you so much for all the great advise". Its now almost 18 months on from my initial query and the advice from every one on here has helped SOOOOOOO much with my dilemma. You guys are the best.

I would feel more guilty if I donated to anyone on the street without checked out how much of my donation is going to help people and how much is used for administration costs and salaries. It takes research to make an informed decision. So I have no guilt about choosing a charity that I like and avoiding the ones that are wasteful. And it's impossible to get information about their practices which talking to a street solicitor.

Swingirl, thank you so much for this. This was a "ding ding ding" moment for me and now I use the 'admin costs 'as reason not give an immediate donation. My standard answer now is "Give me your card /details and I'll research your charity - if I feel it fits,I'll make an online donation. Thank you".

You're a star!







Oh and pandora, I`m still snickering about "chuggers". Thats such a great word and (for me) really puts the charity bullies into context. Makes them (relatively) easy now to walk past. Thank you. I`ve even said to a couple of them "Stop`chugging` me"

 

[diamondseeker2006]

GP, yep I totally know what you mean. If they are offering a service I'm much more likely to 'pay up'. If they are just 'begging' - meh. But I always still end up giving something. Am I encouraging them? mmm, must think about that. ETA: when we were on holiday in Egypt we were told not to give the street 'urchins' money but to give pencils, lollies,toys, etc instead. I guess that 'similar' to what you're saying?


Monnie. I'm the daughter of a Presbyterian preacher man. Brought up with the whole tithing thing, and tried to do it all my life, but not always been possible. And yes you're right, I feel guilty cos I allow people to make me feel guilty. How do I stop that given my upbringing? I'm currently giving as much as I feel capable of, but still, as you say I'm allowing people / organisations to make me feel its not enough. Hmm, maybe its the financial thing. Must think about that. Maybe if I contibuted time instead......


Thank you both. You've given me a new perspective to think about.

Your faith will inform you as to how much you give. And we cannot tell you that your current amount is okay because that is between you and God. Many believe that the tithe and even more than that is the goal.

But to answer your question, I think we will always be uncomfortable with people on the street asking for money. The conflict is that we know it is right to help those truly in need, yet I wonder if those people on the street are really in need? Are they paid to collect money for the charity? How much administrative expense is taken out of what I give? Are there better places to give where more will go to the needs of others, etc. and less to advertising and salaries?

My similar example is that I go to Walmart a couple of times a week, and there are periodically people standing at the entrances collecting for something. If I feel compelled, I may put something in the bucket once, but I walk by them many, many times and do nothing. I am not out to please the person holding the bucket because they are not the ones who will judge my giving in the end. That would be my best advice to you!

(Ooops, I see now that you were updating an old thread!)

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I believe it is our duty to donate responsibly. Whether for religious (tithe) or social reasons, part of donating is making sure that the money, time or effort will be put to good use. Donating blindly to random people on the street is not responsible. You don't know how the money will be used or even if it will be used for the stated purpose.

If you sat down, calculated how much you could give and researched to whom you would give, you have been responsible. When you come across random people asking for your money, think back on how you have already done your part and that, if you can't be sure the money is well spent, you can hardly count it towards your tithing, could you?

(double oops on my part!)

 

[Andelain]

just wanted to update this thread and say "Thank you so much for all the great advise". Its now almost 18 months on from my initial query and the advice from every one on here has helped SOOOOOOO much with my dilemma. You guys are the best.

Glad you got something from these comments. I'm just seeing this thread for the first time, and I can agree with the comments, too. Personally I don't want to be approached by strangers at all, so I'm not at all receptive to solicitors and panhandlers. I've seen some aggressive solicitations myself, and figure those are most likely scams.

 

[kenny]

Monnie. I'm the daughter of a Presbyterian preacher man. Brought up with the whole tithing thing, and tried to do it all my life, but not always been possible. And yes you're right, I feel guilty cos I allow people to make me feel guilty. How do I stop that given my upbringing? I'm currently giving as much as I feel capable of, but still, as you say I'm allowing people / organisations to make me feel its not enough.

I like to say my upbringing isn't finished till I'm lowered into my grave.
Adulthood is about trying out and tweaking what we learned in childhood.

There a zillions of ways to raise a child, but once we hit age 18 it's time to start experimenting with thinking for ourselves so we turn into ourselves, not carbon copies of our parents.

I'm not saying be selfish and don't donate.
I'm saying, check in with yourself, make your decision; then be at peace with your decision.
It's your life and you are the boss - and that may mean following your conscience and donating 30%.

 

[zoebartlett]

We give to charities that are most important to us but we don't hand out money to those asking on the streets or outside stores. If it's Girl Scout cookie season, we sometimes buy a box if I haven't already bought from one of my students, but that's pretty much it. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty when kids catch my eye and I turn them down, but I just tell them that I don't have cash (which is true, I usually don't) or I leave it at a polite "no thank you" and continue walking.

Haven, that would tick me off if a high school kid harassed me like that. I can't believe that behavior!