Wedding small town or big city?

[LeggoMyEggo]

Hi ladies! Best wishes to all you soon-to-be brides! It will be a while for me so I''m fully aware that I''m getting ahead of myself, but I''m pondering circumstances and had a random question--

I''m from a relatively small town, but I''ve been living in New York for a while now. Future fiance is from a large city on the west coast, but he''s lived in New York for 10 years. I''ve always wanted to get married in my hometown-- it''s where all my extended family is, plus it''d be way cheaper of an affair than NYC. But would a lot of people actually come to a wedding in a small town? We couldn''t afford a lot of guests at New York prices, but they might not show in my hometown either.

Did any of y''all have similar dilemmas? How did you decide? Are there pros/cons to either that I haven''t thought of yet?

<3 Margaret

 

[Independent Gal]

It depends on two things:

1) Do these people care about you? If so, of COURSE they''ll come to a small town to see you get married. Can you really imagine someone who loves you saying "You want me to go to somewhere SMALL? A SMALL place? And you want ME to go there? Out of the question!"

2) How difficult is it to get there? Mind you, last year, I took a taxi, then a plane, then a city bus, then a train, then a rental car into the middle of nowhere to see my friend get married. So, that may not be an issue.

My guess is, if it''s up to a two hour drive from the nearest reasonably decent-sized airport, no one will even blink. You may lose a few around the edges if it''s harder than that, but the ones you''ll lose will be the ones who are less close to you, probably, so I wouldn''t worry about it too much anyway.

Also, NYC weddings are INSANELY expensive. Not sure if you''ve got the full scale of the sticker shock, but it is very, very shocking. So that really should be a factor.

So all that said, if you want to marry in your hometown, you should do it!

 

[mjso]

Another thing to consider, is would your relatives from a small town be able to afford to come to a NYC wedding? Although you said you''d only be able to have fewer guests, those guests might not be able to come to the big city.

Sure airfare is cheaper between two large international airports, but you have to consider that they will be paying for hotels, and probably some meals as well.

I don''t think I''ve ever thought "oh that''s a small town we aren''t going to go to the wedding". The only reason we''ve ever had to decline is due to 1) Us not being able to take the time off of work or 2) Not being able to afford airfare/hotels/etc

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I vote for the small town because like IG said, NYC is so expensive. There''s also something special I think about getting married in the bride''s hometown. We are doing it in my hometown even though it''s going to mean about a 2hr drive for everyone (except one of FMIL''s friends I think) on FI''s side. Some people will have to fly, but overall this is where I''ve always wanted to get married and FI was completely understanding about that. Everyone (even his family in CA) told us to let them know and if they''re invited, they will come. I foresee us losing some of his parent''s more distant friends, but overall if you know the people and they are able to make it they will. So go with what you want!

 

[musey]

We went through a similar dilemma with Los Angeles vs. my midwestern hometown.

We ended up picking LA because:

A) We cared more that our LA friends were there than my midwestern extended family, who I am not all that close to
--A1) Our friends are "young professionals" and it would be a lot harder for them to gather the money (and vacation time!) to travel to the midwest, than it would be for my/our out-of-town family to do so for LA
B) Since each location would require travel, we figured OOT guests would have more fun traveling to Southern California than to Illinois
C) It''s easier to plan where you live
D) LA is where we met and fell in love, and that holds more meaning to me than the town that I grew up in (which I''m honestly not all that attached to)


Anyway, there are plenty of arguments we could have made for doing it in the midwest (cheaper for us, it''s where at least one of us grew up and therefore meaningful, etc.), but we ended up feeling that LA was the best balance for us. I''m certainly not suggesting that the logic would work out the same for you, but those were our reasons

 

[swimmer]

I felt some guilt about inviting people to travel from the NE to the SE for our wedding, but here is my rationale:
We had no idea how to do a wedding in Boston, no connection to any venues, no particular part of town, etc.
We both love my home town, I loved our officiant for years, and DH is now close to her as well.
It is insanely cheap to have a wedding where local vendors and friends are giving you their all.
Hotels in Boston are over $200 a night. Hotels in a smaller town in the south, $49.99
Able to use the same venue my cousins did, family tradition.
In the future, if we stick to our plan, we will move down south to have a family. We will drive past our wedding site frequently and remember our day.

Felt guilt about:
No direct flights
Folks had to rent cars ($20 a day) as there is no public transportation
We put together goodie bags with local attractions featured so that no one would get bored.

You need to figure out your equation, what will cause you the most joy and what will cause you the most angst?
Good luck and congratulations

 

[lliang_chi]

I agree with Indy. Your friends will probably travel to your small town to see you get married. It''s about you getting married. Not necessarily hitting some cool bar or whatever.

My cousin''s wedding in August will be in a wee little town in PA where there''s not even phone reception. It''s 3 hours from any large airport, and 1 hr from Scranton. Are we still going? Heck yeah!!!

Best of luck planning. Hopefully you''ll have friends/family in your hometown that can help with the vendor coordination for you. Otherwise, I''d suggest you get a day-of coordinator/wedding consultant/helper.

 

[lovesparklies]

I was/am in a similar situation where I live in a big city (well, soon to be moving from big city on the East coast to a mid-sized one on West coast that might as well be a big city for its high prices) but am from a small town. For me the decision was pretty easy because I really want to get married in the church I grew up in, but that doesn''t mean I don''t feel conflicted as to how it will affect my guests. As others have said, the people who really want to be there will come. I will totally understand if some people can''t make it because it''s super expensive to fly into the small airport in my hometown, but on the other hand a hotel in CA (for us) or NYC (for you) would be 3 times the price, so there are always trade-offs. Is it more important to you that your extended family not have to travel as much, or that your friends not have to travel as much? Do you want to have a certain style of wedding that would be possible in NYC but not your hometown? I know for me, we didn''t have many reception venue options so I''m not totally happy with that but whatever, it will be fine. It sounds like you have some time to decide, so why don''t you make your own list of pros and cons and see what you come up with? Your future fiance might have some opinions on the matter, too!

 

[zoebartlett]

I agree -- small towns are great, and I wouldn''t hesitate to attend a wedding in one. Yes, a city would be cool too, but it could be more complicated, especially for people who are unfamiliar with it. I would still make the trip even if the wedding was in a large city, but the price of the hotel, etc. might be harder to pay for.

 

[Octavia]

I grew up in a small town and I would LOVE to have my wedding there, in the place my parents got married. Unfortunately, it''s just too impractical. A number of our friends have said that they''d be happy to travel, but in the end, it would actually be so inconvenient for FI and me to go (Sunday wedding during the school year) that we''re having it near the city we live in. I''m having some pangs over it, but as long as we''re married in the end, what does it really matter, right? This way, we''re so close to an airport and public transit that our friends who don''t have cars (or licenses, for that matter) can just pop down from NYC or DC without any worries, and we don''t have to worry about hopping in the car for a 5 hour drive home the day after our wedding.

If all goes well, though, it will probably be in a smaller city nearby, which is equally convenient by public transit, but hotel and catering costs are a lot less.

 

[julesbeth]

Hi Leggomyeggo, first off congrats on your engagment!!

My fiance and I are from the same small town in Michigan and moved to Chicago about 3 years ago. We got engaged last August and just knew that we wanted to have our wedding in the city. We wanted it to be a smaller, more intimate affair with only our closest friends and family - if we had it in MI it would have been larger and more of a circus - which is just not our style. We understood that certain people wouldn''t make the trek to Chicago, nor would they want to pay the hotel prices here - and we totally understood that. I don''t want anyone breaking the bank to come to our wedding (except me and FI!). FI and I don''t see us ever moving back to MI so it was important that our wedding and start of our new life be in our city.

Granted, we are spending much more money having it in the city - but its an expense we are happy with Best of luck, let us know what you decide!