Home SIL miscarriage

[star sparkle]

My sister-in-law had a miscarriage today. She was at 19 weeks, and it was to be the first child (a baby girl) for her and my brother. I''m devastated and I feel so bad for them. I can''t imagine the hurt they''re currently feeling, and I feel helpless. I know there''s nothing I could ever do or say to make it better, but still. It was absolutely heartbreaking talking to my brother and hearing about it from him today. He was struggling not to cry and he was so sad.

I don''t really know why I''m posting this, I just felt like I needed to get it out.

 

[somethingshiny]

I''m so sorry for your family''s loss. It''s devastating for everyone involved. Healing prayers outgoing.

 

[packrat]

I''m so sorry Star! I will keep your SIL and brother in my thoughts and prayers!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I am so sorry...

This is really a hard time for them. It''s not something that can be solved with words...it''s all a matter of time. It''s about healing and coming to terms with a new reality. This is an end to something that was meant to be a beginning.

Support them and show them love. For them, this was their baby...it was a little girl and she was real, mourn the passing the same you would any other. I would send a lovely bouquet of flowers or something soothing for your SIL and BIL, a heartfelt card and if you''re close by drop off a meal full of comfort food...if you''re not near by, find a restaurant that delivers and send them a meal. I''ve found its easier to grieve when the people around me acknowledged my loss and treated me the same way they would for any other tragedy.

((huge hug)) I wish you all the best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am so, so sorry.

 

[FrekeChild]

My love to you star. I know how much you were looking forward to decking that little girl out in shoes.

((((((((((((((((((((((((GIGANTIC HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[miraclesrule]

Star, I am so sorry for your family''s loss. Big hugs to you.

 

[Circe]

Star, I am so, so, so sorry for your family''s loss.

Getting it out is very important - for you, here with us and with your friends, for your brother and SIL, with you, other family, etc. Italia gave some wonderful suggestions on how to show support: me, I''d say just be there for them. Like, literally physically if you can: losing a child that late can be really hard on the body, and having someone around to help with day-to-day stuff can be a lifesaver. If you''re far away, just follow your instincts - call regularly, let them vent, remind them they''re loved and that there are other things out there.

It doesn''t seem possible when you''re in the throes of it, but it will get ... not better, but more tolerable. My heart goes out to you and your family.

 

[iluvcarats]

I am sorry for your family''s loss.

 

[lilyfoot]

I''m sorry to hear this. They''re in my thoughts.

Don''t ever double-guess what you post here. There is always someone here that can relate to you, and everyone else can offer support the best we can.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am so sorry for their loss. I cannot even imagine how heartbreaking it is to lose a child. My good friend lost her daughter around the same time as well. Someone gave her a wind chime and when ever she hears it she is reminded of her daughter. I know it is a source of comfort for her. I also remember her saying it was worse when people ignored it b/c they didn''t know what to say so I would just be honest, kind, gentle and there for them.

 

[vespergirl]

Star, that is just terrible. I am so sorry for your family''s loss. There is never the right thing to say in these situations - the best thing that you can do is just be there to listen if they want to talk about it.

 

[Kay]

I am so sorry for your family''s loss.

 

[Bia]

I''m really sorry

 

[Kaleigh]

That's a devastating loss.

So very sorry, will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[trillionaire]

I''m so sorry for you and for them. Wat a difficult thing to go through. May they find strength and peace in this difficult time.

 

[snlee]

I''m so sorry for your family''s loss.

 

[star sparkle]

Thank you so much for all of your kind words, I really appreciate each and every one of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Yesterday I was able to send them flowers, and then last night I was able to go visit them (they only live about an hour''s drive away from me). My brother actually called me during the middle of the day, and he said it was because HE wanted to check on ME to see how I was doing. That absolutely floored me.

When I got to his in-law''s house, it seemed pretty hectic. My SIL''s parents, her two siblings and both of their spouses (plus a 1-yr old), my brother, my mom and I, and two hyper dogs. I found my brother amid all of the madness and just enveloped him in a hug and he started crying. We stayed that way for a good 5 minutes and it was just absolutely heartbreaking.

We all hung out and visited for awhile, and I could tell it meant a lot to my bro and SIL that I was able to make it. My brother mentioned possibly having me visit again on Saturday, so we''ll see.

Thanks again, everyone. Your words and thoughts have touched me deeply.

 

[KimberlyH]

Star, I''m so glad you were able to go spend some time with them. Just having people present can provide such support. My best to them and all of your family during this difficult time.

 

[Maisie]

How devastating. I'm so sorry. I remember wishing more people would talk to me about it. It's like people are so afraid to upset the parents that they avoid the subject. She may want to talk at length or not at all. All you can do is be there and be whatever she needs of you. The father too. (((hugs)))

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I''m so sorry!

 

[waxing lyrical]

I''m very sorry to hear of their loss.

My heart and thoughts go out to them. (((hugs)))

Date: 11/19/2009 12:22:19 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I am so sorry...


This is really a hard time for them. It''s not something that can be solved with words...it''s all a matter of time. It''s about healing and coming to terms with a new reality. This is an end to something that was meant to be a beginning.


Support them and show them love. For them, this was their baby...it was a little girl and she was real, mourn the passing the same you would any other. I would send a lovely bouquet of flowers or something soothing for your SIL and BIL, a heartfelt card and if you''re close by drop off a meal full of comfort food...if you''re not near by, find a restaurant that delivers and send them a meal. I''ve found its easier to grieve when the people around me acknowledged my loss and treated me the same way they would for any other tragedy.


((huge hug)) I wish you all the best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am so, so sorry.

I want to echo this. Although, for me, I didn''t like flowers after we lost Duncan. Flowers die and I didn''t want that reminder hanging around. Wives of husbands from my husband''s work brought over food for a week and friends and family sent cards. I stayed home a lot during the beginning, especially when my milk came in and I was miserable. I didn''t want to do anything beside sleep or cry and had to force myself to get up and do things around the house. Having other kids to take care of forced me to learn to function and adapt to my new reality.

There''s really nothing one can say, but just being there can help. Remembering the baby''s angelversary/birth day, due date, etc., are important to many parents. Referring to the baby by name and basically not forgetting the loss happened. Oftentimes people forget, move on, etc., and the grieving parents or mother is left feeling alone and abandoned in her loss because everyone else has forgotten about the loss.

Oct. 15th is a good day to remember. It''s pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day.