Wedding shower invite weirdness

[mimzy]

early on there was some shower issues, but most have been resolved and my mom and my aunt are starting to plan! Part of the issue before was the invite list and making room for people, etc. Well I thought it had been mostly sorted out and I didn't give another thought to the invite list until my mom emailed me asking for the address of FI's ex girlfriend's mom (we'll call her F). F is on the invite list for the wedding because she and FI were close for a long time (4+ years that he dated her daughter plus it's one of his groomsmens stepmom (and dad)), AND she helped my sister get medical rotations in the area (she's a med ed. coordinator here and sister was in vegas) AND put me in touch with a lady for my own internship. We've only met a couple times but have had numerous emails with her and she is a VERY nice lady and I like her a lot, and i'm happy that she'll be at the wedding. but....i didn't really think that she would be invited to the shower. there's a couple issues at play

#1: FI and his ex don't speak, or i should say that she won't talk to him. she's married and obviously it isn't because of old feelings, but they didn't end on the best of terms and she didn't want to remain friends. she is also under the impression (i think?) that FI's continued relationship with his family (he also talks to her sister once in a while) is strange/pathetic (i'm not 100% sure of this, but that was sort of the impression that i got). So would MY family inviting her to the shower be even weirder?

#2: FI's mom isn't inviting anyone to the shower. she had the opportunity but decided that instead of offending any of her friends that there wouldn't be room for that she would throw her own very small shower. well, she doubled back and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to anymore, but i told her that my family was operating under the assumption that she wasn't inviting anyone (read: filled the spots). So how would it look if FMIL came to the shower and this lady that she knows that my family and i are not THAT close with is there when i told her that the spots were filled?

#3: would she be insulted if she wasn't invited? in my experience not everyone that was invited to the shower that was invited to the wedding, but FMIL said that that they ALWAYS were. before i didn't think that she would think twice about not getting a shower invite, but now i'm not so sure

. the shower invite list is 60 people, for what its worth.

so what should i do? I thought about asking FI to ask his mom about inviting her to the shower that she was going to throw, but i think that that would be even more awkward. plus, now i'm wondering if i should ask to see the invite list to see i there are any other surprises!! what do i do?!?!

 

[Sabine]

I don''t think it would be weird for her to NOT be invited to the shower. In my experience, only close relatives and female friends are. Plus, I think it would be weird that NONE of your FI''s family friends will be there other than his mom when she would obviously be on "his" side of the guest list. I say don''t invite her to the shower, and then if you MIL has that smaller shower for her friends, she could be invited to that.

 

[kama_s]

I agree with Sabine. I wouldn''t invite her to the shower for several reasons, but the main being that if you aren''t inviting anyone else from FI''s side to this shower then it would not be appropriate to invite F. You''ve already mentioned how messy it will be for FMIL to find out she''s there, but think of it the other way around - how would F feel when she was the only one invited from FI''s side. It''ll be awkward for her too, imo.

However, if you were to invite others from FI''s side, then I''d definitely invite her.

 

[mimzy]

thanks for replying girls, and i think you''re both right. i think that we''ll nix her from the guest list and then if FI wants her to come to his moms (which he''ll be at) then he can say so when she makes her list. thanks again!