Should Children Address Adults by First Name?

[monarch64]

I'm curious what people think about this, or what they teach their children when it comes to speaking with adults in social situations. I'm making an assumption here, but I think teachers are still addressed by Miss/Ms./Mr., right? I'm thinking more about situations outside of school.

 

[GliderPoss]

I vote no coz I think it's rude & disrespectful (unless the adult specifically asks them to). It's about deference to your elders. Even as an adult now, I struggle to call teachers I know etc by their first names due to habit from childhood!

 

[bludiva]

I think they should stick with Mr./Ms. until or unless they are invited to be on a 1st name basis

 

[bludiva]

That reminds me my mail carrier introduced herself as Ms. FirstName ....we are probably close to the same age but I would not take the liberty of just calling her by her first name unless invited to do so, it would be impolite imho.

 

[AV_]

One rule.

 

[MissStepcut]

I grew up in a progressive place where many teachers went by first names. But I don’t live there now. I teach my children to call family friends Miss and Mr First Name.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I taught my daughters to address all my friends as uncle or auntie XXX (first names)

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

im 47 and i still call my parents friends Mr and Mrs
although its been a few years since i called a manager or co worker Mr or Mrs as was the way at a very old fashoned firm i worked at for the first 7 years of my working life
my other half's family don't do aunty and uncle and i must say they all get on alot better than my more formal extended family
im happy for our nieces and nephews to call me by my first name but my sister's kids call us aunty and uncle (it sounds sooo old)

 

[LLJsmom]

NO. WAY.

 

[dk168]

It depends.
For natural parents, no; for step parents, yes.

DK

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

Funny how cultures vary... Auntie and uncle is only used for the actual blood relatives in my culture. Anyone else would be very odd. It has a very 1930 working class vibe.
For complete strangers it's definitely Sir or Madam, but anyone who will introduce himself or herself to the children will say whatever he /she wants to be called and that's 98% of the time the first name, which goes with the informal "you". Last name and formal "you" is for teachers and grandparents usually. Talking about Germany and France.

 

[OoohShiny]

I think it's an interesting question because titles and formality arguably infer and perpetuate some form of class or power system.

I think it is right that children pay due respect to their elders, as we all should, but then at what point should we teach them that, actually, all humans are (or at least should be) basically equal, and everyone should be treated with the same respect?

 

[missy]

Not reading the replies before I respond. Generally I say no. Children should show respect to adults by addressing them as Mr or Ms or something similar and first name if the parent/adult thinks it is acceptable. Such as Ms. Missy.

And then when the child gets to know said adult very well and it is OK with the parents and that adult I guess it would be OK to address them less formally. But generally I feel calling the adult Mr or Ms first name is best when a child is young. Not too formal but not too informal (causal) if you kwim.

 

[missy]

I think it's an interesting question because titles and formality arguably infer and perpetuate some form of class or power system.

I think it is right that children pay due respect to their elders, as we all should, but then at what point should we teach them that, actually, all humans are (or at least should be) basically equal, and everyone should be treated with the same respect?

The thing is children are children and yes of course they deserve respect but they are not yet equal to their adult parents. IMO. I mean they don't get equal votes in deciding things when they are young. The parents have the final say. Because they are the adults and they outrank the children so to speak. Children need to grow into it and earn respect.

And no adult deserves unconditional respect. No, rather they need to earn and deserve it. But when addressing adults yes I believe children should use something to soften just using their first name if that makes sense.

 

[Tekate]

If the adult invites them to call them Kate or John, otherwise it's Mrs. Smith, Mr Smith. That's what my kids did.

 

[House Cat]

I would never want to be the type of adult that required children to address me formally. I’m not better than anyone.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Growing up I addressed my best friend's mother by her first name, my guess is that she told me to but really she was like a mother to me so looking back now seems rather informal.

Our kids call almost everyone (not us, older family members or teachers etc.) by their first names and it doesn't seem rude. I think it depends on the person, I dated this guy in high school and his Mom all out told people "call me Debbie, I'm not Mrs. Z, that's my mother-in-law".

Of course if someone introduced themselves as Mrs. So and So that's what they would call them but most people are not that formal I guess.

 

[KristyDarling]

Nope. Never. (exception would be if the adult truly prefers to have my kids call them by their first name...but I have yet to meet anyone who has requested that)

 

[Snowdrop13]

When I was growing up in the 60’s and 70’s we referred to all of my parents friends as “auntie” or “uncle”. It did get a bit confusing working out who was actually related to people! That was just the way it was, then. Nowadays, all my own friends kids have always called me by my first name. I was a bit taken aback by this initially but “Mrs.” seems quite formal to me and I’ve become used to it now.

 

[Ally T]

I always referred to my friends parents as Mr or Mrs Surname. I'm 45 now and I still do it, despite them always just signing Christmas cards etc as from First Name & First Name. My friends also still refer to my mum as Mrs Surname, except my bestest friend, whom I have always referred to her parents by their first name & she does with mine.

Interestingly I work at my childrens school. All the children refer to me at Mrs Surname EXCEPT my own daughters friends, whom are regulars at my home & i occasionally socialise with their parents. They call me Alex. At school Oh, and there is one girl who calls me Mrs Coffee as I'm always drinking it

 

[JPie]

My friend's kids call me Auntie JPie. It'd be kinda weird if they just called me JPie or Mrs. Pie.

In our culture, any adult who's a family friend can be addressed as Auntie or Uncle.

 

[Arcadian]

Growing up my friends referred to my parents as Mom and Pops. Some of them still do.....lol I think it depends on the level of closeness. Some of my parents friends were referred to as Uncle/Auntie .... some were referred to more formally. We were never invited to call them by their first names only.

I do get referred to as Ms .... by the kids in the neighborhood though. I'm ok with that. I don't tell them otherwise.

 

[lyra]

I'm trying to be very open minded about this. My kids are adults. I never had them call adults aunt and uncle, unless they were actually aunts and uncles. Yet I definitely grew up with the aunt/uncle thing. I think it's okay for kids to use the name that they are introduced with. Maybe that will give them more confidence as they grow, and will also make them less likely to just automatically go along with that sense of trust that any adult has authority over them, just in case they get into a questionable/scary scenario. So I'm open and paranoid, there you go.

 

[rainydaze]

I grew up using Mr. & Mrs. Lastname. I fully intended to teach my kids to do the same, however I was pretty much on an island with that idea. Adults introduced themselves to my kids with their first name, and at their school (which was not public) the teachers went by Miss Firstname/Mr. Firstname or just Firstname. I was swimming upstream to try and teach them to use Mr. & Mrs. and it confused them.

One of my kids entered public school at fifth grade and the adults are addressed as Mrs. Lastname/Mr. Lastname. She was taken aback and confused at first, but caught on quickly. She only uses Mr./Mrs. at school.

I have not found that using first names vs. Mr. & Mrs. has had a negative effect on the respect the kids show the adults. In the environments where I have seen kids use Miss/Mr. Firstname, the kids naturally live up to the respect the adults show them. In the public school environment and the circles that exist there, the kids don't look adults (parents of their friends) in the eye nearly as much, they don't carry on pleasant and easy conversation with adults, and their first instinct around us is more often insecurity and mistrust. It is with these kids that I feel I have to make extra efforts to gain their respect and trust enough for them to have pleasant exchanges when they come over.

 

[lambskin]

I always introduce my kids to adults using last name formality. As my girls got older these folks then would say "Call me by my first name" but it really started in mid to late teens.

 

[missy]

I always referred to my friends parents as Mr or Mrs Surname. I'm 45 now and I still do it, despite them always just signing Christmas cards etc as from First Name & First Name. My friends also still refer to my mum as Mrs Surname, except my bestest friend, whom I have always referred to her parents by their first name & she does with mine.

Interestingly I work at my childrens school. All the children refer to me at Mrs Surname EXCEPT my own daughters friends, whom are regulars at my home & i occasionally socialise with their parents. They call me Alex. At school Oh, and there is one girl who calls me Mrs Coffee as I'm always drinking it

Haha I just realized I do this too. There are some of my friends parents I still call Mr and Mrs. despite my advanced age.

I would never want to be the type of adult that required children to address me formally. I’m not better than anyone.

I can only speak for myself of course but I do not think I am better than the children. It is more of a respect thing. Anyway what works for you and your kids and friends kids is all that matters. No worries about what others do or don't do but I just wanted to comment on what you wrote about thinking one is "better" if wanting to be called Mr or Mrs or Ms etc. Cause that is so not the case.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

It depends on my own relationship with the adult. My son refers to our neighbors as "Mr. Bob, Mr. John" etc. He refers to my good friends that he knows by their first names. Teachers and doctors by however they introduce themselves. He's 3.5

 

[AGBF]

I found myself introducing two women to each other by their titles at my mother's memorial service which was extremely informal, taking place at my parents' home. It was an "everyone is welcome" affair and a neighbor from down the street for whose children I had once been a babysitter came. As she had been my parents' neighbor when I was a child I had always addressed her as "Mrs Smith". Some oth the neighbors have urged me to call them by their first names as we have all aged. (I was calling my next door neighbor "Gloria" by the time I was in my 60's and she was in her 90's.) This particular neighbor had never invited me to call her anything but "Mrs" and I was not as close to her as I was to my next door neighbor. So when I wanted to introduce her to a cousin of mine who is slightly older than I am I did a "Mrs Smith, I would like to introduce Mrs Brown to you.". It felt very odd, indeed, but there was no alternative.

 

[msop04]

Not in the South.

 

[alene]

Depends on the adult, but mostly my kids are on the first name basis with all adult neighbors, their friends’ parents, and family friends. Aunts and uncles are aunt/uncle first name or just first name (seems interchangeable). Mr/Mrs are reserved mostly for school and complete strangers. Using titles otherwise just sounds odd and too formal to me. Of course if any adult voices a preference for being addressed more formally, I would have my kids do that, we l’ve just never encountered anyone who did.