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She can't call...

I'm so sorry... I am crying with you. I know how how difficult it is. I lost my mom 13 years ago in March, and it's still raw. For me, it has become easier, if that's any consolation. I still think about her and miss her every day, but it's become easier to talk about her, and I feel close to her when I talk about her recipes, etc.
 
Birthdays are always hard, as any big milestone is when you are left without your loved ones.

Just know they are with you. There are signs, you may not know it at the time... But they do little things, or give you an energy that makes you feel it. They do this to show you, they may not be here in the physical world but are with you in spirit.

Be open to it. It's their way of showing they are with you..
 
Oh Begonia, my heart is truly aching for you. I'm 30 and my mum is still young (60) and the thought of losing her is far too much to bear. I can't imagine how you are feeling. Big, big hugs, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
 
My thoughts are with you Begonia and wish you the best for your birthday.

I empathise completely and its funny that you miss the phone calls just as much as seeing the person. I lost my dad 14 years ago when I was 19 and I remember it took a really long time to get used to the fact I couldn't call him. I'd see something funny during the day and go to dial his number and remember that he wasn't there to answer. I also remember seeing a co-worker arguing with her dad on the phone and being envious that she could even argue with him!!

Anyway, I hope you had a good day after all.

Mich.
 
Aww, I'm so sorry. I know that your Mom is up there, wishing you a Happy Birthday and smiling at her baby.

Hugs to you and Happy Birthday.
 
I am so sorry for you Begonia, and the others who have lost their mothers. Despite living on opposite sides of the world, my mother remains my best friend - and her deceased mother was HER best friend. She just said yesterday that she is having a hard time with Mother's Day this year, even though my grandmother has been gone for 20 years now. She has apologized in advance for how difficult it will be for me when she goes, but promised to always stay with me one way or another. I am certain your mother will be with you on your birthday, Mother's Day, and every other day you need her. ((HUGS))
 
I have total empathy, Begonia. I am around your age, and lost my Mom 20 years ago. I miss her, and wish I could share my life with her, every day. Birthdays/certain occasions can be very difficult, and while time heals somewhat, it never fills the void in your life. I'm sure she would want you to have a happy birthday, so make the most of your day!! :)) I hope it's a good one!
 
Kaleigh|1336016067|3186340 said:
Birthdays are always hard, as any big milestone is when you are left without your loved ones.

Just know they are with you. There are signs, you may not know it at the time... But they do little things, or give you an energy that makes you feel it. They do this to show you, they may not be here in the physical world but are with you in spirit.

Be open to it. It's their way of showing they are with you..
Click to expand...

I think this is true. My mom died 18 years ago and the time when she was dying of breast cancer was very difficult. Despite our rough start, my mom and I became very close and we loved to antique together. DH and I were married in her hospital room an hour before she died.

On my first birthday after she died I went to the courthouse cafeteria to get a cup of coffee and I saw a library table shoved into the hallway. It was Arts and Crafts, which I love. I opened the drawer and saw the Stickley Bros. label. I went to Wally in Purchasing and told him I wanted to buy it and he quoted me a fair price. I wrote a check and it wasn't cashed. I called Wally who insisted it had been cashed.

I really believe my mom arranged this to make my first birthday without her easier. But for a sudden impulse for a cup of coffee the table would have been at the warehouse and I would never have seen it.

And here's another funny thing. I had to refinish it because it was quite beat up. My mom restored furniture beautifully and I do pretty well. I could never again refinish anything as well as that table came out. It's like she was guiding my hands the whole time.

Okay, I made myself cry. Just keep your heart open for signs.
 
It's very tough when the realities of life pinch at you in covert little ways, and then follow that up with a sound smack to the face that makes it obvious what you're upset about. I'm sorry you're feeling this way on your bday. Any ideas for creating a new tradition for remembering your mom on your birthday?
 
My mom will be gone 4 years this December. Last month was my 30th birthday. The day before my birthday, when I was already down in the dumps, I found out that my stepbrother (easiest classification) was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. My mom died of cancer and hearing the news brought everything, and then some, back.

I weep with you Begonia.
 
Happy Birthday!

I feel your pain. This post brought tears to my eyes. There is NOTHING that you can hear or read that can prepare you for the breath knocked out of you loss of a parent. It just shakes you to the core. Its been 8 years this month since my dad died and certain days like fathers day or his birthday are still very hard.

I know your mom would want you to have a special birthday. She sounds like she was an awesome mom.

I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of your day. Big hugs to you.
 
Nothing useful to add, I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss.
 
lulu|1336058578|3186609 said:
On my first birthday after she died I went to the courthouse cafeteria to get a cup of coffee and I saw a library table shoved into the hallway. It was Arts and Crafts, which I love. I opened the drawer and saw the Stickley Bros. label. I went to Wally in Purchasing and told him I wanted to buy it and he quoted me a fair price. I wrote a check and it wasn't cashed. I called Wally who insisted it had been cashed.

I really believe my mom arranged this to make my first birthday without her easier. But for a sudden impulse for a cup of coffee the table would have been at the warehouse and I would never have seen it.
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That's a wonderful story, lulu. You brought tears to my eyes, too! I am certain your mother was and is with you.

Hugs,
Deb
 
FrekeChild|1336071409|3186758 said:
My mom will be gone 4 years this December. Last month was my 30th birthday. The day before my birthday, when I was already down in the dumps, I found out that my stepbrother (easiest classification) was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. My mom died of cancer and hearing the news brought everything, and then some, back.

I weep with you Begonia.
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My dear friend, you had such a terrible time. I send you lots of love!

Hugs,
Deb
 
I'm so sorry for your loss Begonia. As chance has it, it is my birthday today and my mother is no longer there to share it with me. For me though it is not so much special days that are hard, it's more all those special moments of sharing that you miss when you're close to someone and know the way they would have enjoyed them. Its absence has also made me realise how precious that kind of intimacy is and that having had it enables me to keep sharing with her things I know she would have loved. I think I come to terms wih my mother's death by not coming to terms with it. It takes away the pressure to "get over it". Healing seems to come about in a more natural way as you progress through life.

At the moment I'm missing sharing Pricescope with her! She was bought a lovely sapphire stone by a friend who visited Sri Lanka years ago. I remember her planning and so looking forward to it and then being so dissapointed because the friend had chosen to have it mounted there in a very heavy setting that wasn't to her taste and she rarely wore it. Honestly it would have been so easy to change the setting in something to her taste. With the help of the internet and Pricescope she could have found something gorgeous.
 
My own mother passed in '03 when I was 44. It was literally months before my first thought upon waking was not "My mother's dead." That's how traumatic it was, even at the age I was.

Every Mother's Day it gets a little easier; every birthday of hers is a bit less joyless. I miss her, and will always miss her, but the pain of losing her is not a fresh wound on every day of significance anymore. It will get better for you, too.

Bless you, and Happy Birthday.
 
Begonia, im so sorry to have just read this thread now and im so sorry you're sad :(sad Lots of **HUGS** to you for your birthday and to help you through your grief - i know your Mum is wishing you nothing but joy and i hope with time special occasions get easier for you.

And more **HUGS**...
 
Begonia - I'm so sorry for your loss. I know your mom is watching over you, just remember she would want you to be happy, especially on your birthday, because that day was such a wonderful one for her.
 
Hugs to you. You are VERY fortunate to have had a mother who loves you. Some of us don't. I envy your relationship.
 
You all helped me through that day. Thank you so much. I cherish your words and stories.

I wasn't going to write anything, as I'm a private person in many ways, but I'm glad I did. My friends haven't lost any one close to them yet and they think I am "all better now." One day they will lose a beloved parent/sibling/spouse or (God forbid) child and then they'll understand.

Yes, I was fortunate to have her for 42 years. She loved her kids more than anything. Unfortunately my Dad...didn't. He was violent and abusive and she saved our lives more than once. She almost lost her own life at his hands before he died. I think that had a lot to do with our closeness and the void her passing has left in my life. We survived against some traumatic odds.

Amber I'm so sorry to hear that your Mom doesn't feel that way about you. Do you have children of your own? Can you change the karma with them?
 
You all helped me through that day. Thank you so much. I cherish your words and stories.

I wasn't going to write anything, as I'm a private person in many ways, but I'm glad I did. My friends haven't lost any one close to them yet and they think I am "all better now." One day they will lose a beloved parent/sibling/spouse or (God forbid) child and then they'll understand.

Yes, I was fortunate to have her for 42 years. She loved her kids more than anything. Unfortunately my Dad...didn't. He was violent and abusive and she saved our lives more than once. She almost lost her own life at his hands before he died. I think that had a lot to do with our closeness and the void her passing has left in my life. We survived against some traumatic odds.

Amber I'm so sorry to hear that your Mom doesn't feel that way about you. Do you have children of your own? Can you change the karma with them?
 
I am soo sorry Begonia. I am reading these posts and just crying buckets of tears. So many of us know just how you feel. My mom has been gone almost 10 years and every now and then I still find myself wanting to tell her something so badly. I have her cookbook in my cupboard that has so many of her recipes stuffed in it, written in her hand. I can hardly touch it without coming unglued even still. I have my of her things but none affects me like that book. Hugs to you, and happy birthday.
 
Begonia|1336194766|3188005 said:
You all helped me through that day. Thank you so much. I cherish your words and stories.

I wasn't going to write anything, as I'm a private person in many ways, but I'm glad I did. My friends haven't lost any one close to them yet and they think I am "all better now." One day they will lose a beloved parent/sibling/spouse or (God forbid) child and then they'll understand.

Yes, I was fortunate to have her for 42 years. She loved her kids more than anything. Unfortunately my Dad...didn't. He was violent and abusive and she saved our lives more than once. She almost lost her own life at his hands before he died. I think that had a lot to do with our closeness and the void her passing has left in my life. We survived against some traumatic odds.

Amber I'm so sorry to hear that your Mom doesn't feel that way about you. Do you have children of your own? Can you change the karma with them?
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Begonia--I have a son and have been married to the same man for 29 years. I like to think my mother's method of mothering made ma a BETTER mother. Whenever I was unsure of what to do, I thought about what she would do and did the opposite. It must have worked--I have a great relationship with the kid--altho he's planning on moving out in June..... :(sad and the more content I am in my life in general I pity my mother that she didn't have that with us.
 
luv2sparkle|1336222879|3188093 said:
I am soo sorry Begonia. I am reading these posts and just crying buckets of tears. So many of us know just how you feel. My mom has been gone almost 10 years and every now and then I still find myself wanting to tell her something so badly. I have her cookbook in my cupboard that has so many of her recipes stuffed in it, written in her hand. I can hardly touch it without coming unglued even still. I have my of her things but none affects me like that book. Hugs to you, and happy birthday.
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I have my Mom's written cookbook too. You are so right about them being very precious and yet so difficult to look through. I think I could pick Mum's handwriting out even if the whole world submitted a sample :)). I started a written cookbook myself so that my boys can have a written record of our favourite things to eat. I write little notes in there too for when they read it someday. Just little thoughts.

Glad to hear that you are cherished now and are cherishing your own child Amber. Maybe someday soon there will be grandbabies to love as well...
 
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