Share Your Embarrassing Moments

[Sprinkles&Stones]

I have a lifetime of small incidents, like the one at the hairdresser. I'd embarrass myself to that degree once a week - even now. But this next one was special....

So DH and I adopted a beautiful, beautiful field English Setter. I called her Dapple - because she was white with grey spots, like dappled shadow, and because - as I always told people - she was d'apple of her mommy's eye! Awwwww!

Here's Dapple - aka Dappy - aka the Dapster - aka Princess Dapple:









Dapple was put into rescue because she and her twin brother were both deaf - as is quite common for spotted dogs; the gene that controls hearing is attached to the same gene for spots! Consequently, a lot of English setters and dalmatians are deaf. Despite being completely deaf, tho, Dapple could feel vibrations, so if we stamped on the floor sufficiently, or clapped our hands very loudly, she'd sense the vibration and would come to us, knowing that we were calling her.

So, shortly after DH and I got Dapple, our other dog, a hugely beautiful and successful show dog, had a show weekend up in Canada. We decided that DH would take him to his shows and Dapple and I would stay at home. DH and dog-son left on Friday and the weekend progressed uneventfully. On Sunday morning, I woke up, kinda groggy, dragged myself out of bed, fed Dapple, and went into my office to check my email. So this is where I admit that I sleep in the nick and often wander around my house sans clothes in the morning before I've had my shower.

it was a glorious, utterly still, sunny, quiet Sunday morning, and my office window - that ran from ceiling to about 2ft (think - just above my knees) above the floor - was open. My office was on the second floor, and outside, beneath us, was the verandah that ran off the first floor. That verandah had a roof over it, so if you stood at the window in my office, you looked down directly onto the verandah roof below.

I'm sitting at my desk, and out the corner of my eye, I see something move - and moving FAST. I turn - just in time to see Dapple race across the room and fly - and I mean FLY - out the office window, sailing through the air, and land, stumbling, on the verandah roof below. She slides down the verandah roof, but catches her paw in the gutter, *just* before going over the edge, and stops. She straightens up, shakes herself, trots half way up the roof, and stands, surveying the view around her new home. She's about 15' off the ground.

I think 3 things at once:
"DH is not here - I have to solve this myself."
"If I don't get her off this roof, she will fall and be hurt or killed."
"DH has the car. I cannot get this dog to the vet if she falls."

You'll note that one of the things I did NOT think was - "Oh sh*t - I'm naked."

I throw back my chair and know I can attract her attention if I make enough noise. Remember - it's 8 am on a Sunday morning.

So, leaning waaaaay out the window, buck naked, I start banging the window sill, clapping my hands, doing my super-loud fingers-in-the-mouth type whistle, and SCREAMING her name. Because I know - speaking - calling - even mild yelling - will not attract her attention. So I am BELLOWING and BANGING and POUNDING out a second story window in a tightly packed NY suburban neighborhood on a still and silent Sunday morning - totally naked from top to knees.

For a minute or two, Dapple ignores me (and I KNOW she 'hears' me, because she is giving me side eye - juuuuust avoiding making direct eye contact) - and trots proudly up and down the length of the verandah roof, occasionally losing her footing and sliding down into the gutter, then trotting further up the verandah roof again, before repeating the process. Finally she sits.

But luckily for me, it was high summer, and the verandah roof was metal. After a minute more of me screaming and her ignoring me, she decides the roof is too hot for her tush, she has seen all there is to see, and oh-so-delicately, she stands, shakes herself off, and trots, grinning, up to me at the window, hops over the window ledge, and into the room.

I slam the window closed, and sink, shaking like a leaf, into my office chair. She comes and puts her front paws on my lap, checking I'm ok and letting me know she is "Here for you, new mommy!" I, OF COURSE, give her a treat and a pat and tell her she is a very good girl for coming back inside.

The neighbors never mentioned it. But I know for a fact they were all at home and there is NO WAY they didn't hear me. I was in full view of 5 other houses.

Better than the circus.

Now THAT story make my Friday grumpies go away in a instant! Oh @mrs-b that truly is giggle worthy! Hehehe thank you for sharing! What a little IMP!

 

[Tourmaline]

I’ve got one that still makes me laugh. My daughter was under two years old (she’s 17 now). She was fascinated by buses and trucks, and she would point at trucks when we saw them, saying “Truck! Truck!” Hilariously, she pronounced “Tr” as “F”. My husband and I got a kick out of it, and one day, in a moment of being a selfish, irresponsible parent, I took it a step further. I was home alone with her and, just for my own entertainment, I told her to say “mother trucker”. She did, and I laughed. Bad mom.

Two weeks later, I was out in a restaurant with my daughter and an old friend, and her 8yo daughter. My daughter did something cute, and my friend and her daughter laughed with enjoyment. My daughter liked the attention. I saw the gears turning in her head, as if trying to remember something, and then she said, loudly, “Mother trucker!”

Everyone in the restaurant looked at her and I was MORTIFIED, falling over myself to explain that it was my fault and not my daughter’s.

 

[GoldenTouch]

I had a big night with too many drinks. I caught a taxi home & he politely waited until I unlocked the door… but I couldn’t find my keys in my bag.
I made him search his car with a torch for over half an hour because I “knew” I had them & the “must of” fallen out of my bag in the taxi.
And I did have them… in my hand the whole time.
He wasn’t impressed & understandably so.

 

[MamaBee]

I had a big night with too many drinks. I caught a taxi home & he politely waited until I unlocked the door… but I couldn’t find my keys in my bag.
I made him search his car with a torch for over half an hour because I “knew” I had them & the “must of” fallen out of my bag in the taxi.
And I did have them… in my hand the whole time.
He wasn’t impressed & understandably so.

Haha..Don’t feel bad. Yesterday I was looking all over for my phone. It was in my hand.

 

[Diamondbug]

Thank you for sharing your funny stories. Laughing my head off!

My youngest son loves cement trucks and would always beg for me to follow the cement trucks when we see them on the road. We would wave at the cement trucks when we stopped at the traffic lights. I drove a honda van and the front windows are not tinted, just the back ones. So most times you will just see me waving at the trucks and not know that my son is in the back waving too. We were doing our thing like we always do but this time I happen to look at the cement truck driver that I have been following for a few blocks and he was looking straight at me and blew me a kiss and honked his horn!! I was mortified! And that was the last time I followed and waved at a trucker!

 

[qubitasaurus]

I have a bunch where I've done or said something awkward -- I have a knack for it .

But I remember one funny one where I went on a 3 month long trip, starting in Tokyo. I'd worn walking shoes (super unusual for me), because it was going to be snowing most of the trip and I wanted something with a good tread. This was the only shoes I'd packed.

Anyway I quickly became absolutely convinced that the Japanese were terrible at coblestoning streets. They were so uncomfortable to walk down.

Eventually about a week into the trip I was trying to put my boots on haphazardly at breakfast (surrounded by relatively austere Japanese families) and I notice something is weird about the laces, they lace up differently. So I pick both shoes up and start cataloguing the differences -- different shades of brown, different markings, different brands, different sizes. Eventually I put them both down realising I'd picked up one boot from my own pair and one from my brothers. It had been dark when we left and I hadn't looked properly. My family thought it was hysterical.

 

[Diamondbug]

I have a bunch where I've done or said something awkward -- I have a knack for it .

But I remember one funny one where I went on a 3 month long trip, starting in Tokyo. I'd worn walking shoes (super unusual for me), because it was going to be snowing most of the trip and I wanted something with a good tread. This was the only shoes I'd packed.

Anyway I quickly became absolutely convinced that the Japanese were terrible at coblestoning streets. They were so uncomfortable to walk down.

Eventually about a week into the trip I was trying to put my boots on haphazardly at breakfast (surrounded by relatively austere Japanese families) and I notice something is weird about the laces, they lace up differently. So I pick both shoes up and start cataloguing the differences -- different shades of brown, different markings, different brands, different sizes. Eventually I put them both down realising I'd picked up one boot from my own pair and one from my brothers. It had been dark when we left and I hadn't looked properly. My family thought it was hysterical.

Oh my gosh!! A week??? Your poor feet

 

[qubitasaurus]

Oh my gosh!! A week??? Your poor feet

Yes it was quite unbelievable, I guess I almost never wore them (too hot where I normally lived) and the lacing was so intricate that I spent several days teaching myself how to lace them again . It was only after I'd been doing it for several days that I realized part of the problem was the lacing followed a different pattern on the two sides. They actually looked quite different I'd just been so focused on lacing them up correctly I'd never noticed.

 

[Diamondbug]

Yes it was quite unbelievable, I guess I almost never wore them (too hot where I normally lived) and the lacing was so intricate that I spent several days teaching myself how to lace them again . It was only after I'd been doing it for several days that I realized part of the problem was the lacing followed a different pattern on the two sides. They actually looked quite different I'd just been so focused on lacing them up correctly I'd never noticed.

You must have been having so much fun and didn't stop to realize that little difference . I wonder if anyone else noticed the difference and just thought it was the "style"?

 

[donnabrsd]

I'm laughing just thinking about my many.

My girlfriend and I were in our early 20’s and in Las Vegas. After a night of dancing at a club, we taxied back to our hotel and as we got to the elevator, it was about to close. We waived to the people inside and said “Are you going up?” A gentleman pressed the open button and said “Yes…” so we hurried in. Then, he continued, “…of course we are going up, I don’t think you can go lower than ground level.” The others in the elevators couldn't contain their laughter. It was the longest elevator ride ever.

I was in a bathroom stall with my daughter when she was about 3 when she yells, “Mommy, why do you have hair on your butt?” She was talking about my front side, which I hope all the laughing ladies in the restroom realized.

 

[qubitasaurus]

You must have been having so much fun and didn't stop to realize that little difference . I wonder if anyone else noticed the difference and just thought it was the "style"?

Im pretty sure that if they had noticed, the Japanese would have been too polite to tell me. Its entirely possible they'd been aware all week.

I have a tendancy to hyperfocus, if I'm thinking about something I become a bit oblivious to everything else. A lot of my family shares this trait. So while it's difficult to explain how I walked arround for almost a week in mismatched shoes, the actual reason is probably pretty prosaic .

 

[canuk-gal]

Thank you for sharing your funny stories. Laughing my head off!

My youngest son loves cement trucks and would always beg for me to follow the cement trucks when we see them on the road. We would wave at the cement trucks when we stopped at the traffic lights. I drove a honda van and the front windows are not tinted, just the back ones. So most times you will just see me waving at the trucks and not know that my son is in the back waving too. We were doing our thing like we always do but this time I happen to look at the cement truck driver that I have been following for a few blocks and he was looking straight at me and blew me a kiss and honked his horn!! I was mortified! And that was the last time I followed and waved at a trucker!

LOLLOLOLOL........... spit my martini out on the keyboard....

 

[lilmosun]

I usually avoid wearing makeup - too much effort and not one to spend hours practicing, it just never looked right when I tried putting it on myself. But once I hit my 50's and I started seeing first signs of aging, I decided that I should start wearing foundation to work. Day 1 of my attempt did not go so well.

One of my co-workers pulls me into a room and asks "Is your husband abusing you?". Stunned, I asked her why she would think that. She said "Your face...did he hit you?" I tried to tell her that I was just wearing makeup and overdid it but she wouldn't let it go "Please...I can see you are covering it up, you can tell me...". I had go into the bathroom and wash it off to assure her I was fine.

I didn't touch the stuff for another 5 years...I still haven't mastered it but when I do wear it, I go very light with the stuff.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I have so many embarrassing stories, I feel that I'm taking over the thread!

I was traveling in Asia, visiting different co-packing factories for my US based company. We were at a small, independently owned factory, where the owner lived with his wife in a small apartment above the factory. We were actually invited to their apartment after the factory tour, and where we held a meeting right at their dining table! Anyway, both my boss and I needed to use their restroom, and were told to just use their personal bathroom in their apartment.....

Well, this particular toilet had a fancy toilet seat bidet with all the buttons with vague icons and writing in Japanese. When I sat down the seat was warm, and music started playing, so I thought it was a fully automated bidet. When I got up however, the toilet did not flush.....so I'm standing with my face over the bidet, looking for the correct button to flush the toilet. I figured that the closest looking picture icon was the one showing a water geyser, and since I couldn't read Japanese, I just figured I'll just try it, well lo and behold, when I hit the buttom, an appendage shot out from the front of the bidet and proceeded to send a strong gush of water......right up to the ceiling!!!!!!
I apparently hit the button for washing your bottom .....

Then I noticed the water was dripping from the ceiling down, and got the whole bathroom wet....Iuckily this was clean water, and I hurried to to dry off the water coming down from the ceiling, and dripping on the toilet seat, and around the floor with flimsy toilet paper, using up almost a half a roll. Luckily in that part of the world it was common to have wet bathrooms with a drain in the floor, and bathroom are rarely 100% dry anyways.

To make a long story short, I finally found the toilet flushing button which was not part of the bidet, it was on top of the toilet, and had to hurry and explain the workings of the bathroom to my boss who was patiently waiting her turn! We still laugh at the funny experience to this day...

 

[doberman]

I have a couple.
1. Wearing my gold charm bracelet it got caught in the jumper of a lady walking by in the opposite direction on a narrow and crowded footpath. We had to stop blocking everyone’s movement until I could get it unhooked.
2. Asking my dentist when her baby was due and her saying no, she had just put on weight. Cringe.
3. Around lunchtime at work realising I was wearing one navy shoe and the other was black.
4. When young, silly and fit, jogging through the local shops with friends and jumping up high to “tap” the neon sign (showing off) only to dislodge said neon sign and have it crash and smash onto the footpath. Super fast exit!
5. Wearing a white business suit and running late for work so I was applying my make up on the bus (I was in my early 20s - no shame) and the bus driver suddenly braked and the lipstick went up my nose, literally, broke off then fell onto my jacket and then onto my skirt. It was my favourite long lasting bright red lipstick. Dry cleaner could not remove the stains.

The best time to inquire about someone's pregnancy is when the baby's head is emerging from the cervix. Before that, all bets are off!

I was once asked when I was due by an old man at the gym. I had just given birth a couple of weeks earlier. Le sigh.

Once while skiing I had to use the facilities and all they had available were some portapotties. So I went in, but I must not have locked the door properly because a gust of wind came along and threw it open. There I was by the lift line, peeing. Fabulous.

The most recent embarrassment was last year when I went over to my son's in-laws house for a lunch. I opened the door, stepped in, caught the toe of my shoe and landed flat on my face. Such a good look...

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

So many bathroom incidents! Happened to me as well. Good thing you never see those people who opened your bathroom door again.

cheers--Sharon

 

[LorettaB]

The worst part was the toilet was facing the door!!!!! You don't usually find that kind of configuration in home bathrooms....

I worked in a school district transportation office for a long time and LOVED that job and who I worked with and for. A bus driver walked into the Transportation Director's bathroom only to see him "standing up" doing his business. He hollered out, "I've got it! I don't think I need any help with this!" Laughing his fool head OFF. She was so embarrassed and he thought it was the funniest thing in the world but he made sure she was ok and not traumatized by the experience.

 

[donnabrsd]

The time I drove away from the gas station with the pump still in my tank.

Not me, but kind of what I looked like...

 

[autumngems]

I was about 17 and at the beach with my hubby (then boyfriend). I was wearing bandeau style bikini top that hooked in the back. I got out of the water and starting drying off I stood there a few minutes and look down and my top is gone. the plastic hook in the back had broke off while I was drying off and I hadn't noticed. I was standing there with the "girls" out and hadn't realized it. I hit the ground so quick and covered up and refused to leave until the people around us left. I was mortified.

 

[Vanilla Bling]

I have lots but I’ll just share this one , I used to be in Advertising sales most of my clients were Automotive and Furniture, big companies, medium and small , on my route there were just a few places I would use the restroom and one was an older man he kept his place nice neat and clean and knew that when I pulled up I would use the restroom because I’d been holding it awhile anyway he had company and I didn’t want to bother so I put my briefcase down and headed to the back bathroom I had just stepped my foot over the threshold when I heard both men urgently yell WAIT !! To late I already saw it but I spun on my heel and turned around acting like I had seen nothing , there was a naked blowup doll with a round mouth that looked like she was saying oh nooo in slow motion and the name Peggy scrawled across the poor things forehead, I used his personal restroom got my add went over a few details and was outta there .