Wedding Serious family issues!!

[lovehersomuch]

ive been posting on here for a few months now.. i finally bought the engagement ring for my fiance to be and im happy about that.. it should be coming in a few weeks so now i just to worry about how to propose.

i do though have family issues that are ruining this happy feeling. my girlfriend is white/american and my family is from pakistan but i was born in the US. we are in love and have been together for 3+ years and i never before told my family about my girlfriend since they are very conservative and muslim. dating is not allowed and my parents pretty much planned to have an arranged marriage for me. just a few weeks ago i told my mom and brothers about my gf and how i want to marry her and how she is a really great person..etc.. my brothers just met her recently at dinner and my mom is really upset that i had a girl that ive been seeing for so long and is concerned a lot about what my father will do.. perhaps disown me.. hes very narrow minded unfortunately and is the one that i see is making things so difficult. hes the main reason why i waited so long to tell my family because i was scared of how he would react but i knew the day was coming.. my gf is actually going to be converting to islam..not for me but for the sake of god and i told my mom this but she is still really dissappointed in me. i cant believe she cant see the scarifice my gf is making with her own family by converting and how my soon to be fiance needs our love and support and for us to welcome her into our family.

i think the main issue with my mom is that she is worried about what my dad would do to me and how this will mess up our household with all the drama.. yelling/screaming from my dad since he does have a really high temper.. and when i was younger did sometimes physically hit me. but hasnt for several years. shes is also concerned that our children will not grow up to become muslim since my gf is still learning about islam but i told my mom that she is learning and this is why we'd need her to be apart of our lives so that she can help influence our kids too when we do have them in a few years.

anyways.. in a few weeks i will need to face my father and its going to be tough.. i knew this day was coming so i shouldnt be worried but it doesnt make that any easier. i just want my family to be accepting of my gf and see her for who she is not judge her by her skin color or get so upset that i did see her for 3+ years.. its a huge deal to them that we did date for so long and they may have bad ideas of what happened between us. its one thing to be worried about being disowned by your father the other is that i want my younger brothers and mom to be happy and not to have my dad be angry all the time at the house with yelling and stuff and have all this funnel down to them. i basically dont want them to live in what feels like hell.. the other thing is.. even if i didnt get thrown out of the house for choosing my gf i dont think id feel safe stayin in the house with my dad.. it sucks to say that but i also dont want to go thru with that for 5-6 months before we actually do get married.

and let me reiterate.. i love my gf to death and im so proud of her for converting and for sticking with me for so long even after knowing it would be so difficult with my family. i just really hopes this turns out ok. her family already accepts me and i need my family to step up and open their eyes and hearts and accept her.. shes an amazingly beautiful person in the inside and out and has great morals and values.

i pretty much know what i need to do.. i guess i just made this post to vent and see if there are others on the forum that may somehow relate to my situation for support.

im going to have to tell my father in a few weeks and ive in talks with his older brother.. my uncle who is open minded and who as actually already met my gf and accepted her.. im going to work with his help get through this storm.. ill need to tell my father myself but later my uncle will come into the picture and help mediate the situation and help my dad see the bigger picture and help him understand and accept. sometimes though my dad has a total disregard for respect when he is angry and will not listen to anyone so im just hoping for the best. my uncle did say i could stay with him if i needed to. my gf and i both live at home with our parents and i do not want to get an apartment or anything during the months leadin up to the wedding as i want to save my money for our future.

thanks for reading this and providing your support/advice

lhsm

btw.. i truly believe my gf and i are the ultimate love story and evidence that love is for real with all that we are going through... i just wish things were easier.

 

[FrekeChild]

I think Gypsy might have a little insight into this picture.

I''m sorry you''re going through this. I know that it''s a clash of cultures and religion and I hope for both of your sakes that he surprises you both and welcomes her with open arms, although it doesn''t sound like that will happen. I have a friend who is Moroccan(father)/Spanish(mother) and Islamic and both of his parents are constantly trying to set him up with a nice girl/arranged marriage that he has little say in. I''m glad that your uncle is on your side, I think he will come in handy-is he older or younger than your father?

May I ask how old you and your GF are?

 

[Independent Gal]

I posted a thread about this more than a year ago. I''ll see if I can find it. My people and my husband''s people have a long history of hatred and violence. So it was a bit of a bumpy ride. But our families, even those who actually lived through some of the violence, quickly accepted the situation, and accepted that we will live as members of my religion and our children would be raised in my religion as well. They surpassed our expectations with their warmth, acceptance and understanding, although both sides expressed some occasional discomfort and trepidation.

At my wedding, my father in law - who is devout in his own religion - sang a special prayer in our language to call down God''s blessing on our marriage. He worked hard to learn it and stood up in front of all his former ''enemies'' and sang it and blessed us. It was very moving and there was hardly a dry eye.

It sounds like your situation is one of culture and not religion since your girlfriend is converting and Islam welcomes converts. Maybe she can really study hard and impress your family with her knowledge of Islam when she meets them. Maybe you can plan a trip to Pakistan together too?

Other than that, while I don''t know your dad, I would guess that eventually this situation will settle down and your dad will accept it even though it will be so hard in the meantime.

And can I just say that I admire you enormously for standing by your woman and facing these difficulties because of your love for her? You are a good man.

 

[lovehersomuch]

Date: 5/25/2008 2:46:40 AM
Author: FrekeChild
I think Gypsy might have a little insight into this picture.

I''m sorry you''re going through this. I know that it''s a clash of cultures and religion and I hope for both of your sakes that he surprises you both and welcomes her with open arms, although it doesn''t sound like that will happen. I have a friend who is Moroccan(father)/Spanish(mother) and Islamic and both of his parents are constantly trying to set him up with a nice girl/arranged marriage that he has little say in. I''m glad that your uncle is on your side, I think he will come in handy-is he older or younger than your father?

May I ask how old you and your GF are?

thanks for the support. my uncle that is going to help me with the situation is older.. hes actually the oldest of the 3 brothers and my father is the youngest. my uncle was the first one of my family to come to america over 35 years ago and is well educated so he is more open minded.

my uncle''s son.. my cousin actually got married to an american woman last year and my father was so upset and angry about the situation and it wasnt even his son!! thats when i started getting worried and thinking how much more tough it would be for me. my father didnt want to see his older brother anymore or be at the wedding etc.. but later my dad was present at the wedding and last summer when my cousin and his wife had a baby my father was there to see the baby and seemed to be more accepting.

but now when i told my mom about my gf she said that the only reason my dad went to the wedding and other places where my cousin and his wife are is out of respect of my uncle and he still doesnt like what they did at all... i pretty much already knew this. i can also see my dad blaming my uncle and his son for influencing me to marry my gf.. which is totally wrong because i had the intention to marry her since the beginning. this could also cause my father not to listen to his older brother when he plays his role to help the situation.

btw.. im 25 and she is 23..

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh dear.

This sounds very tough.

Do you know why your daddy is so angry? Sorry if that''s nosey. Feel free to ignore it.

 

[lovehersomuch]

Date: 5/25/2008 11:39:54 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Oh dear.

This sounds very tough.

Do you know why your daddy is so angry? Sorry if that''s nosey. Feel free to ignore it.

i dont know exactly why.. he thinks he knows about islam but he really doesnt.. hes also not that well educated so i think that causes him to be narrow minded. a lot of this is due to cultural issues and also of his narrowmindedness.. hes been against other ppl that have married white/american in my family has complained to other relatives about it.. so now that im doing what he has detested so much might seem like a slap to the face to him..

 

[purrfectpear]

If you''ve been living at home for 3 years and dating this girl, I assume you must have been lying to your dad about your whereabouts? I''m afraid that is going to play a big part in your dad''s feelings about your GF. If I were dad and had his strong feelings I would be questioning whether you were old enough to be getting married at all? Men don''t lie to their parents because they''re afraid. Well it''s too late to do anything about that now, but you might be thinking about what you can say to your dad about 3 years of deception?

It''s a really tough situation for sure. You might point out to your dad that while he loves and embraces Islam, for an American woman to do so in today''s climate is a sacrifice that very, very few women would make. It''s certainly indicative of her love for you and the positive role model of an Islamic man that you showed her. Perhaps remind him when he says you have turned away from your religion that the opposite is true. Your Islamic beliefs were so strong that they influenced her to embrace Islam also. Instead of Islam losing you, Allah put love in your hearts and you added another believer. That should be seen as a positive factor. Does your family believe in hajib? If so, will the GF follow the practice? It will be harder for your father to accept a modern muslim than a tradional one.

Good luck in your talk, I hope everything turns out OK.

 

[Gypsy]

In my own life I haven't had to deal with this, as my family was very westernized in Iran and obviously it carried over once we immigrated. And two of my aunts married Amercians with my grandfather's blessing as he has always thought Amercians make better husbands than Persian men... one of my aunts married her husband before I was born and in Iran-- he was serving in the US military stationed in Iran when they met. We immigrated when I was 3, and I was encouraged to be Amercian so I could fit in. When I was ten I decided I would not marry a Persian man, and made declarations to that effect as often as I could growing up. When I started dating, I never dated middle eastern men beyond a first date (that always went badly)... so it wasn't a surprise for my family that John is Italian. My parents lived in Italy when they first got married as a matter of fact. But my mother did ask if his family as mob affliated, and she's a snot so she thinks that they are 'not of our class'

. And John's education isn't as strong as mine is, so that created a lot fo obstacles. So we had a rough road. But, no where near as rough as you are going to have, I fear. And you have my sympathies.

First step I think it to name the problem. It's not that your dad is religious, its not that his religion is Islam, or that you are from Pakistan.

You dad is an abusive small minded bigot. And your mom sounds like she enables him.

I'm sorry, but that's the truth. And there may never be away to bridge that. The man is probably in his late 40s to 50s set in his ways, and self righteous with them. He probably justifies what he thinks and does by telling himself he is clinging to the 'old ways' and that in this country his 'old ways' are under attack. And you... are going to be right in that path. And I'm afraid that he is going to see this NOT as your life (because in many middle eastern and south east asian cultures there is not such thing, it is all about family and honor), and your right to determine its destiny... but as a direct defiance of his honor, his beliefs, and his SELF. And this is not a selfless man.

Islam is (despite all impressions otherwise in recent years) a religion of peace. A religion that welcomes converts and embraces them. That doesn't sound like your father's view of his religion. Or his practice of it.

And like I said, your mother is an enabler.


Unfortunately, you secrecy well... has made this situation worse. I understand, and sympathize with how it came about... your dad what he is, and you felt that you wanted to see where your relationship was going, earn some money, get older before you started a battle royale.

One of my great uncles was dating a woman for YEARS, secretly. He was set up with matchmaking prospect after prospect and nevre told his parents he was dating this woman (I think she was a divorce, now that I think about it)... and when he finally told them... man did the sh*t hit the fan. They would have been meddling and causing a ton of trouble if he had told them... but that he didn't gave them the opportunity to accuse him AND HER of duplicitousness.

They always said that if he had been proud of her, then he would have seen her honestly and openly. And that he MUST realize that she was wrong for him since he kept it quiet. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I have had friends that are raised in households like yours. And they usually have bowed to the pressure. Let their love go, and have married according to their family wishes. Divorced with a child... then remarried more to their taste and in one case to the very forgiving love that they let go. The ones that haven't let their loves go and insisted on marrying htem... well it depended on thier personality. A couple of times they were just written off completely-- dead to the family. And sometimes they were written off, until the first grandchild and then the family found a way to bridge the gap.

It's a difficult path. And I have no advice to you beyond this. PERSONALLY, I would start seeing a therapist or psychologist who is familiar with your culture and religion (they exist) and start talking to them. Because this is going to make you angry, its going to hurt you a lot, and its going to be very hard for your lady as well. And you are going to need someone removed from it all, with perspective, to talk to. And perhaps for her to talk to as well.

Most of all. You need to understand that this isn't being caused by Islam, so it can't be solved by Islam or her conversion. This is being caused by your father, who is an abusive bully with a wicked temper who enjoys his power. And you are going to be a threat to this bigotted tyrant. Especially as you have younger siblings and he might want to make an example out of you-- to prevent them from doing the same thing you are.

((HUGS)). And I will pray for the two of you.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Great post Gypsy, I totally agree with you. I have one question for you lovehersomuch. Is she converting because she genuinely wants to, or because you want her to, or because your family would want her to? Please do not take this as judgmental or snarky at all, and I am sorry if I offend anyone. I just think that converting for marriage is a big deal. I know people do it all the time, I just think you as her future husband need to make sure she has something personally invested in it as well. She needs to want to convert and not just for you I believe. I think religion is a very personal choice. I am not trying to start a debate on whether or not you should convert for marriage! I just wanted to make sure she was 100% in this as well.

 

[JulieN]

Hi, lovehersomuch. I understand what you're going through. So congratulations on your ultimate love story. It is hard, for sure.

I did briefly, casually date a Pakistani Muslim once. His brother was disowned by their father for marrying a white woman. Brother eventually divorced her and married a muslim woman.

Have you ever read A Suitable Boy, by Vikram Seth? I mention it because it's a very good read (also very long) although the main character is on the other side (it's her, and he is Muslim.) It's fiction, just one of my favorite books.

I think your uncle there is a good idea.

This might not end well, and you should be prepared for that. Everyone wishes their family and parents to be reasonable, clear-minded, and non-judgemental, but that is not the case. I think it is likely that few people will openly support you. My extended family tried to help me a little, but they never said to my parents that they're wrong and to just let the young lovers alone. Your whole family can't openly oppose your father, because then he will feel threatened.

It's all such BS.

Well, the one good thing is that, most likely, after all the arguing and drama, you and your GF are going to emerge very united and devoted to each other.

Do you have people you can talk to about this? Cousins, old professors/teachers?

Since you aren't engaged yet, I think it's a good idea to not spring it up and say, Dad! I'm engaged! I think you need to ease it, somehow, gradually. Shock is very ugly and I think it causes people to cling to some absurd idea.

 

[bee*]

Gosh I''m sorry to hear about the problems that are going on for you. I''ve no experience of it personally, but just wanted to send support and I''m glad to hear that you have your uncle that can help you.

 

[Independent Gal]

Particularly since your mom and your brothers are involved, and because your dad is an angry and violent man, I totally understand why you decided not to tell him about your girlfriend until it became a sure and forever thing.

 

[cellososweet]

Date: 5/25/2008 12:42:39 PM
Author: Gypsy
In my own life I haven''t had to deal with this, as my family was very westernized in Iran and obviously it carried over once we immigrated. And two of my aunts married Amercians with my grandfather''s blessing as he has always thought Amercians make better husbands than Persian men... one of my aunts married her husband before I was born and in Iran-- he was serving in the US military stationed in Iran when they met. We immigrated when I was 3, and I was encouraged to be Amercian so I could fit in. When I was ten I decided I would not marry a Persian man, and made declarations to that effect as often as I could growing up. When I started dating, I never dated middle eastern men beyond a first date (that always went badly)... so it wasn''t a surprise for my family that John is Italian. My parents lived in Italy when they first got married as a matter of fact. But my mother did ask if his family as mob affliated, and she''s a snot so she thinks that they are ''not of our class''

. And John''s education isn''t as strong as mine is, so that created a lot fo obstacles. So we had a rough road. But, no where near as rough as you are going to have, I fear. And you have my sympathies.

First step I think it to name the problem. It''s not that your dad is religious, its not that his religion is Islam, or that you are from Pakistan.

You dad is an abusive small minded bigot. And your mom sounds like she enables him.

I''m sorry, but that''s the truth. And there may never be away to bridge that. The man is probably in his late 40s to 50s set in his ways, and self righteous with them. He probably justifies what he thinks and does by telling himself he is clinging to the ''old ways'' and that in this country his ''old ways'' are under attack. And you... are going to be right in that path. And I''m afraid that he is going to see this NOT as your life (because in many middle eastern and south east asian cultures there is not such thing, it is all about family and honor), and your right to determine its destiny... but as a direct defiance of his honor, his beliefs, and his SELF. And this is not a selfless man.

Islam is (despite all impressions otherwise in recent years) a religion of peace. A religion that welcomes converts and embraces them. That doesn''t sound like your father''s view of his religion. Or his practice of it.

And like I said, your mother is an enabler.


Unfortunately, you secrecy well... has made this situation worse. I understand, and sympathize with how it came about... your dad what he is, and you felt that you wanted to see where your relationship was going, earn some money, get older before you started a battle royale.

One of my great uncles was dating a woman for YEARS, secretly. He was set up with matchmaking prospect after prospect and nevre told his parents he was dating this woman (I think she was a divorce, now that I think about it)... and when he finally told them... man did the sh*t hit the fan. They would have been meddling and causing a ton of trouble if he had told them... but that he didn''t gave them the opportunity to accuse him AND HER of duplicitousness.

They always said that if he had been proud of her, then he would have seen her honestly and openly. And that he MUST realize that she was wrong for him since he kept it quiet. Damned if you do, damned if you don''t.

I have had friends that are raised in households like yours. And they usually have bowed to the pressure. Let their love go, and have married according to their family wishes. Divorced with a child... then remarried more to their taste and in one case to the very forgiving love that they let go. The ones that haven''t let their loves go and insisted on marrying htem... well it depended on thier personality. A couple of times they were just written off completely-- dead to the family. And sometimes they were written off, until the first grandchild and then the family found a way to bridge the gap.

It''s a difficult path. And I have no advice to you beyond this. PERSONALLY, I would start seeing a therapist or psychologist who is familiar with your culture and religion (they exist) and start talking to them. Because this is going to make you angry, its going to hurt you a lot, and its going to be very hard for your lady as well. And you are going to need someone removed from it all, with perspective, to talk to. And perhaps for her to talk to as well.

Most of all. You need to understand that this isn''t being caused by Islam, so it can''t be solved by Islam or her conversion. This is being caused by your father, who is an abusive bully with a wicked temper who enjoys his power. And you are going to be a threat to this bigotted tyrant. Especially as you have younger siblings and he might want to make an example out of you-- to prevent them from doing the same thing you are.

((HUGS)). And I will pray for the two of you.

Took the words right out of my mouth. DH and I have had numerous ridiculous issues with his parents. They claimed not to like me for racial reasons. Then it turned into age reasons. Then it turned into badmouthing. Point is, it was never about me, but about the fact that his father is a control freak with a temper and his mother tries to placate him and I was just an easy scapegoat. I feel for you, really I do but if you love your gf, you need to talk to your Dad and deal with the consequences of him not knowing for the last three years (that was not a good idea, by the way. It just gave him ammo to be more PO''ed, but it''s over now. so. . .) Please stand up for your girlfriend and let your father know that he can have his opinion but that you won''t hear of it. You respect it, but he is not allowed to speak badly of her. And mean it. Make a line. Draw it in the sand and make consequences for him. You might lose your family''s support, but as much as it might hurt, it isn''t your fault and you need to start protecting your new family (your soon to be wife).

Good luck. Really. I know how difficult it is.

 

[cara]

You might not want to spend money moving out of your parents home prior to your marriage, but it might be necessary. If you want to make independent decisions about your life, you both literally and figuratively may need to get out from under your father's roof.

You can hope for your father to understand and respect your decision, and "come around" in time, but you should think carefully about what your plan is if he does not. As he comes from a different culture, it might be that he never comes around. Are you prepared to move out of his home sooner rather than later, marry without his blessing, marry maybe without many other family members' open approval or attendance (as they remain under your father's influence), choose your wife and your life with her over the people that have been your family until now?

These are tough questions, and I hope it is not necessary to go down the hard roads I suggest might be necessary. But there is now guarantee that your father will come around and accept your choices. You may have to walk them on your own, and you should think carefully about what you will do if it comes to that.

It has been quite an education for me to watch my friends from different cultures or much more conservative parents navigate the steps of adult decision-making in their 20s. Sometimes the parents have surprised them by respecting their decisions and choices (to marry outside their religion for example), while other times the parents have really put their children in an incredibly difficult position. The parents may retain their old-country values and customs, and stick to them even as their kids come of age in America and are influenced by our customs and independent-decision making and life-partner finding. In one particularly tragic case, my friend did end up canceling her engagement when her parents wouldn't come around. She thought that they would eventually grudgingly accept her choice, but it became clear she would never speak to them again if she went through with it and she decided that the less painful path was to remain single. Others might choose to marry and lose the family that raised them, but that too is a hard hard road.

 

[doodle]

this is just my two cents on everything, and i hope you''re not offended by anything i say--i just like to offer a disclaimer on heated topics!

firstly and foremostly, you need to move out. you''re setting yourself up for the classic "as long as you live under my roof" speech, and i guarantee you when the sh!t hits the fan, you''re really going to appreciate being able to somewhat distance yourself from the drama. i understand wanting to save the money for your future, but a)you have to make it through the present in order to reach the future, and b) if you get a decent place, y''all could live there together once you''re married, so it''d be contributing toward your future anyway. i''m in 100% agreement with cellososweet--you need to set some very strong boundaries, and you need to be prepared to deal with the consequences should he refuse to honor them, and there''s a distinct possibility that will be the case, so be ready. also, i personally wouldn''t spring an engagement on the man because it''s going to provoke him even more. talk to him about the fact that you have a gf that you''ve been seeing for THREE YEARS!!! you can let him know what an important part of your life she is, and that may give him time to warm up to the idea without it feeling so disrespectful to him (i''m not saying you HAVE been disrespectful, btw, just that HE may view it that way!). be prepared for the worst, then if things turn out better, it''s less to deal with, and, hey, maybe you''ll even be pleasantly surprised. look on the positive side--at absolute worst, you don''t have to lie and keep secrets and whatnot anymore, and you have someone who really loves you and is willing to brave hard times to be with you--that''s not too bad!

 

[somehowcollide]

I know it''s been a while, and its a little awkward to bump this but I was wondering if LHSM could offer us an update on how things are transpiring with his family situation?

I have a good girlfriend who will be dealing with something similar in the near future. LHSM, I know its a very personal and sensitive issue and I would not be offended if you decided not to share. But if, in fact, you are willing, your openness will be much appreciated.

Thank you

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I am so sorry you have to go through this... The worst feeling in the world is the feeling that you have to hide who you are, or who you love, from your family. I think Gypsy said it well - this isn''t an islam issue but rather an issue of your father being narrow-minded.

My dad, who was Muslim (but no longer practicing) married my mother (french canadian catholic). Both sides of the family were initially shocked and many individuals in my family did not talk for years after they got married. Over the years though, they learned to accept my father''s and mother''s decision.

I think at the end of the day you have to do what makes you happy. If you love this woman and can''t be without her - marry her. If your dad loves you he will *eventually* learn to accept it. That being said - get ready for lots of protest and arguments from your father.

I think the fact that you are a male might help you a bit in this situation.... In a lot of conservative muslim families the males are given a lot more lenience than their female counterparts... Your dad may disagree with your decision but after careful consideration, he may be more open than you anticipate he will be, especially if she is converting.

As for her converting- make sure she is doing it for the right reasons, namely because she agrees with Islam and what it preaches.

You have to decide if this woman is worth losing your family for. It''s a sad thing to think about, but the fact is your father may disown you if he can''t accept her and you will need to be mentally prepared to face the consequences. That is the worst case scenario and if she is worth it, then you have to do what makes you happy. You can''t not be with her in fear that your dad will not accept her because of something so shallow.

 

[Fleur]

Just thought I''d add a different perspective as the "end product" of a mixed marriage. My parents married in the 1940s when people didn''t usually marry outside of their culture/faith/ethnicity. My mom was from a very rural, very white, very narrow-minded family. They were "Christians" in the sense that they celebrated Christmas and weddings/funerals were held in church. My father was first generation from an immigrant Austrian Jewish family in NYC who suffered the indignities of losing a high social position in Austrian society when they immigrated to American at the turn of the century. My father''s father was a multi-degreed college educated man but had to take a job as a tailor and press clothes because his immigrant status as a European Jew did not allow him access to better jobs.

My parents married over the objections of both families. Neither of them converted but they raised me as a Unitarian and we celebrated all major Christian and Jewish holidays. Papa''s family sat shiva when he married Mama as if he were dead and to this day I do not know any of them. My mom told me (in whispers as I got older) that he used to take the train from Baltimore to NYC to visit his mother until she died in the early 1960s. Apparently this was done secretly without anyone else in the family knowing. My mother''s family came to accept my father. I don''t think my grandparents were ever over-joyed but they were civil. My mom''s siblings embraced him. When my father died 15 years ago, my aunts and uncles grieved with us.

I''m sure my parents wished it would have been different insomuch as they didn''t have to go through the hardships caused by non-supportive families. But, my parents had a wonderful marriage and a very happy life together. They were married 48 years when my father died and everyone they knew always remarked how much they loved each other.

I guess my point is that you may have to make your own way in the world....you are creating your own, new family. Always keep the door open for your families to be invited into your lives. In my case one family chose to walk through the door and one family did not. As a child of a mixed marriage I feel blessed to have had such a wonderful upbringing and enriched by both cultures.

You will need to find the strength to make this marriage work and stand up to your family but it will be a wonderful, multi-faceted marriage that reflects both your cultures. Your children will be the better for it.

Please keep us posted on how things are going. Sending you positive energy to get through this difficult time......