Selling engagement ring and hurt feelings...

[Laila619]

How 'bad' is it to sell your original engagement ring? If your DH picked out your engagement ring all on his own and was very proud of it, would you sell it if he said it was okay, even if you suspected that secretly, he probably would feel a bit sad/hurt about it? Thanks for your opinions!

 

[junebug17]

I guess if I knew in my heart of hearts he'd be hurt, I probably wouldn't do it.

 

[mrscushion]

If I had since upgraded to a new ring and weren't wearing the original, DH-picked ring, then I would sell it -- on the assumption that most of the hurt feelings (if any) already happened and hopefully passed when you upgraded / changed the ring.

 

[Lottie]

Honestly, no. If I thought that dh would be even remotely sad or hurt then I would definately not sell it. Did you like it when he first bought it for you? Tastes change and I think its normal to 'go off' a ring or perhaps long for a different sized stone or cut but personally, the emotion attached to secretly picking out the ring that he was going to ask me to marry him with would stop me from selling it. There is so much potential for it to be brought up in an arguament, that I would rather just keep it at the back of the jewellery box and make an heirloom out of it. The other option might be to use the ring in another design - maybe use the stone and the metal to create something else, would that work for him?

 

[Maria D]

It depends.

Did he go out and spend a ridiculously large amount of money on a ring whose design reflects only his tastes without any consideration of yours? Or did he spend a reasonable amount on a traditional type engagement ring that doesn't happen to be the ring of your dreams? If it's the latter, and it is something he is proud of having done, then honestly I think you are a fool to sell it. Appreciate the ring and your guy and save up money for your dream ring, which you can still wear on your left hand ring finger, just not every day.

If it's the first scenario, it is a bigger problem than whether or not to sell this ring, imo.

 

[rosetta]

Never ever. No way. From my cold dead hands.

H wouldn't mind, if it made me happy. But its irreplaceable to me.

 

[Enerchi]

It's not "bad", its what works for your relationship w your DH.

For me, even tho I've upgraded then redesigned, I wouldn't be able to let go of my original ering. I'm just to sentimental. It isn't really worth too much either. I don't have any plans of wearing it, no plans to give it to any of my kids (highly doubt they'd want it anyway...) and I know its going back to the safety deposit box, I just personally couldn't part with it. That's me - other's are fine with it.

What does your DH say about it? If it represents a significant financial outlay and that could be used for another purpose, those circumstances could lead you in a different decision.

Its a thought provoker, isn' it?

 

[Bliss]

For some surprising reason, men seem to be very sentimental about the ER they give us. Even if DH said it was OK to sell my ER, I would bet money that deep inside, it would hurt his feelings. And I bet it would make him sad every time he bought me jewelry, thinking I might sell that as well. So my vote is no! But hey, you know your DH best and maybe he would 100% be OK with it after the initial sting of disappointment/surprise. In that case, sell sell sell!

 

[Circe]

I wouldn't want to sell my e-ring, or trade it in, or upgrade it, or whatnot, because I am a sap.

That said, if I wasn't? I'd trust my husband to be honest with me about his feelings. My husband is possibly the bluntest person I know: if it bugged him, he'd say so. If he said he was fine with it? I'd ask him to put up the eBay auction and call it a day.

So ... I guess it depends. More on him than it does on you, really ....

 

[marymm]

Honestly, if he actually proposed with the ring, I'd be inclined to keep it. If somehow the proposal and the giving of the ring were two different occasions, and we together made a happy decision of together making a project of the new ring, possibly I might see my way clear to selling it... but if you have or plan to have children then I'd say keep it as an tangible intangible part of your family's history.

 

[Mrsacornblue]

If it hurt my DH, I would not do it. In my case, it would hurt me just as much so even if I ever upgrade, I'd keep my original ring. Personally, I will not upgrade, I will just put the money into great RHRs and other pieces.

 

[Black Jade]

Keep it and change it to a pendant or something. Then let him see you wearing it.You won't get any money for it anyway--and I bet it will hurt his feelings if you put it on eBay.
Men will say things don't hurt their feelings when they're being macho, but the angst that goes into choosing an engagement ring for them is big, as you can often read here and I think they rarely regard it as just any piece of jewelry.
My husband didn't even pick mine out (he brought me to the store to make sure I got the one I wanted) and he still is sentimental about it.

 

[Laila619]

Thanks everyone. Here's a little more back story: DH bought this diamond from a mall store. He didn't know anything about diamonds, he just told the sales associate that he wanted something that sparkled like crazy. So the sales associate showed him this particular diamond, and he took it. It wasn't like he shopped for weeks and did a lot of research or anything. In fact, he didn't do any research. I had no input on it at all, but I did like it at the time (until PS).

It is sentimental to me, but it just will never be big enough. I know that sounds horrible, but there it is. DSS set in and it's never going away. I have reset it so many times and have never been satisfied with it. I feel like it's a waste to pay money to insure it when I don't even wear it anymore. Having it sit in a jewelry box unworn seems silly too. So that's why I got the urge to sell it.

DH said it's really fine, and he just wants me to be happy, but the look in his eyes was kind of sad. He said it's just that it was the ring he proposed with, and it would be weird to not have that anymore. I agree, but then again having the cash for other things (or another ring) would be nice too. I hate that the diamond is just not being used. I don't really wear pendants or anything, so that's not an option either unfortunately.

 

[kenny]

How 'bad' is it to sell your original engagement ring? If your DH picked out your engagement ring all on his own and was very proud of it, would you sell it if he said it was okay, even if you suspected that secretly, he probably would feel a bit sad/hurt about it? Thanks for your opinions!

Suspicions carry less weight than his words.
Sell it.
If your suspicions are correct he'll blow up.
Let him.

Maybe that's what it takes for him to learn that being passive aggressive doesn't work.

Instead of playing games, it is much more workable to say what you mean, mean what you say, and take your lumps up front.
My SO may not like many things I say but he never has to wonder what I REALLY think.

 

[Amys Bling]

Nope. Add to it and make a three stone or what for a special anniversary for another ring. I wouldn't risk hurting him.

 

[marcy]

No, I would not sell it. If I thought it would even slightly hurt my husbands feelings I wouldn't sell it.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

No, I wouldn't.

I might make it a pendant, but my DH has also been pretty honest that he put a lot of thought into my e-ring and would not at all be open to me selling it. He gets a little hurt when I wear just my wband or eternity instead of he ering He is open to upgrading the side stones, but I don't think that the expense is worth it...so, I am taking care of other real estate

 

[VapidLapid]

I wouldn't, but if I did I would use the money to get him something he would really want but would not allow himself. Woodshop tools, hang glider, vintage Gibson archtop guitar, or put it into a long term investment.

 

[ccuheartnurse]

I would sell it or trade it in if he were OK with it. Most men dont care about the stone **after** the initial proposal and if trading it in waas ok with them, then trading it in was ok with the ring holder/owner. So...trade it anyway you want to...to get what it is you really want to get..

Judy

 

[Haven]

It depends.

Did he go out and spend a ridiculously large amount of money on a ring whose design reflects only his tastes without any consideration of yours? Or did he spend a reasonable amount on a traditional type engagement ring that doesn't happen to be the ring of your dreams? If it's the latter, and it is something he is proud of having done, then honestly I think you are a fool to sell it. Appreciate the ring and your guy and save up money for your dream ring, which you can still wear on your left hand ring finger, just not every day.

If it's the first scenario, it is a bigger problem than whether or not to sell this ring, imo.

I 100% agree with Maria, as usual.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I sold my original ring. I hated it. It represented a lot of pain to me because of how long and how little it seemed to matter to my very young fiance. Because of that, I got rid of it. I would never get rid of the one he bought to replace it though, even if he said he wouldn't mind. That one he bought with joy. It is a long story, but I would keep the one you have unless there are very bad memories attached to it.
I know a lot of people sell it to fund other projects but it represents a part of good history between you.

I guess you have to decide how much the history and the sentiment mean to you. Some people aren't sentimental about it at all. How do you feel?

 

[Amys Bling]

Ultimately- its your decision- you are going to hear both sides here but in the end you know what you really want.

 

[TristanC]

I think there are two levels - a practical and an emotional. If there is financial need to liquidate assets you rather not, hence the existence of pawnshops (even when people know they can't afford to buy i back), that's a different question.

If it wasn't a need, then I don't see why you should sell it. Especially when you can see the hurt in your DH's eyes. As the guy speaking, it would be very sad if the woman sold on the symbolic item she said yes with, unless it was as Maria D said.

 

[Laila619]

I think there are two levels - a practical and an emotional. If there is financial need to liquidate assets you rather not, hence the existence of pawnshops (even when people know they can't afford to buy i back), that's a different question.

If it wasn't a need, then I don't see why you should sell it. Especially when you can see the hurt in your DH's eyes. As the guy speaking, it would be very sad if the woman sold on the symbolic item she said yes with, unless it was as Maria D said.

There's no real 'need' per se, but I just feel like it's a waste of money to insure it and have it sitting in a drawer unused. I would like to use the money to buy a ring I will wear, and put anything left in the bank.

 

[HollyS]

We were older when we got engaged and married. Mine was not a 'starter' ring. It was a significant purchase, both in price and sentiment.

To us, it is irreplaceable.

 

[Hera]

I would sell the diamond but I would keep the setting and set something else with it. That way, you keep the special ring for your husband and you get funds for a new diamond/ring.

eta: And if you don't have the setting anymore, I wouldn't sell the diamond. It's not worth making your husband sad. While it's not something he agonized over, it still represents a special moment in your lives.

 

[movie zombie]

actually, i'm not sure what i'd do....kenny makes a lot of sense.

 

[Jennifer W]

How 'bad' is it to sell your original engagement ring? If your DH picked out your engagement ring all on his own and was very proud of it, would you sell it if he said it was okay, even if you suspected that secretly, he probably would feel a bit sad/hurt about it? Thanks for your opinions!

Suspicions carry less weight than his words.
Sell it.
If your suspicions are correct he'll blow up.
Let him.

Maybe that's what it takes for him to learn that being passive aggressive doesn't work.

Instead of playing games, it is much more workable to say what you mean, mean what you say, and take your lumps up front.
My SO may not like many things I say but he never has to wonder what I REALLY think.

This, exactly! I wouldn't personally change my engagement ring, but if I had replaced it and was minded to sell it and I asked the question, I would absolutely take the answer at face value.

 

[packrat]

I sold the one he proposed w/and the one we got married w/and the one I had made after I came here. We're both sentimental but..I don't know. I've kept all the cards he's given me-those mean more to me than a ring I guess. If the setting is gone and it's just the diamond left, unless it was a family stone passed down to him/you by someone who meant a great deal, I would be inclined to sell it and get something I'd wear. I guess I figure the strength of our marriage isn't in the stone, there's no proclamations of love inscribed on it, it's a symbol, and it has only the meaning that you give it. What is it about it that doesn't grab you and make you love it, besides the size? (the three stone idea above is a good one FYI) If the cut isn't the best, why not sell it and you both go look together, or browse online together?

 

[makemepretty]

It's a ring, not your marriage. A strong marriage will last through a ton of rings! Sell it, get another one and have him re-ask you and put that baby on your finger! Celebrate the new ring and when you gush about how much you love it, he'll be happy too. There's no reason to keep something you don't love when it's just a possession. There may be hard times in your life when you HAVE to sell something so learn that the things don't make a marriage, two people do.