SAHM getting picked on

[diamondfan]

SS, that is brilliant!

I mean, I am all for a woman having an awesome career, but who could argue with a statement like that?

 

[diamondfan]

SS, that is brilliant!

I mean, I am all for a woman having an awesome career if she wants it, but who could argue with a statement like that?

 

[monarch64]

I haven''t read all the posts in this thread yet, but will. I was raised by a SAHM. I think I turned out WONDERFULLY! So, from a SAHM-raised kid...who cares if you worked outside the home or not? And...just do what is right for you, and don''t listen to some bitter, jealous neighbors. They''re just mad because they can''t SAH themselves.

 

[pennquaker09]

I''ve practically stopped going into the teacher''s lounge when I have my lunch because I''m tired of the comments. And it''s a shame because these people are teachers. I''ve had someone tell me that I''m too young to be a SAHP. And then, I get a lot of comments because I am a guy. A lot of them from my family, but I don''t care to be completely honest.

I think people confuse my age with my level of maturity. It''s weird, I''m adult enough to be a teacher and run a classroom, but I''m not adult enough to have my own kids.

What I did was tell people in the nicest way that I can, is that I''m doing what I feel is right for me. And that I don''t want someone else taking care of my kids, when I can do it myself. I''m thankful to be in the position to choose to stay at home and i think that''s what makes some people jealous.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Hi guys I don''t know about this whole stay at home BS and the consternation......we are never home!!!

Kindermusik Mondays.

Gymboree Class Tuesdays.

Dog Park and errands Weds.

Mall and play zone there to socialize Thurs. Lunch out.

Gymboree free play Friday. Followed by outlet mall shopping

Oh and the possible upcoming swim classes at the Y.

I barely get anything done around the house, I hate housekeeping, laundry and cooking for the most part.

I

being w/ Olivia. She is so my little buddy.

And it beats doing psychosocial assessments of drug moms and having their newborns taken by CPS or working w/ the parents of the 24 weeker in the NICU half-dead.

They can all pound sand as far as I''m concerned

BTW I have a friend that spends $700 month on childcare!

 

[D2B]

I forgot to mention in my previous post, that I think the key to staying sane is finding a SAHM network. being surrounded by likeminded women is the way to survive and thrive.

good luck
D2B

 

[somethingshiny]

I don''t mean to threadjack....but I will for just a moment...

PENN~ Looking at your post, it appears that the babies haven''t arrived yet. When are they due?? Hope all is going well getting ready for them. And, have you decided on names? The last I knew, you were debating on continuing a family name.

 

[vespergirl]

To all you ladies, I''m sending out lots of love! THanks so much for your feedback, you guys make me feel so much better.

Something Shiny, I love your quote, and that is goign to be my new catch-all response from now on - perfect!

Some of you guys asked about the status of the people in my community - it''s funny, because even though I don''t know every individual''s financial situation, I''m in a relatively well-off community, so from what I can tell, the wives are working to pay for the second Mercedes and the vacation in Fiji, not struggling to put food on the table. That''s what I don''t get - I have one acquaintance who just had a baby who went back to work after 3 months, and her and her baby are both thriving (grandma watches the little one during the day). When I asked her how she''s enjoying the new baby, she said, "I love her more than anything, but I know I''m a better mom when I get out and work during the day, and I can give her all my attention when I get home." So for them, her family situation is working great, and there are no snarky comments that go either way. That''s why I''m surprised by the doctors'' wives in my neighborhood who are being nasty - I bet they could stay home, but just don''t want to, and that''s fine, but why with the comments? I''m beginning to think that some of them are just not very nice people (sigh)

That''s why I''m so glad I have the PS community!

 

[ahappygirl]

Halleluia SS! That is EXACTLY what I say!!

And girlfriend, I feel your frustration. After 4 years of the same comments from the same type of people, I have thought the same things. But really, I don''t know if they are working because they have to, they are better moms when they do work outside the home, they just want more material things, it''s too much hard work to be a GOOD, non-soap-watching-bon-bon-eating SAHM, or whatever. And I don''t care! And I don''t care what their judgments are of me, either. In our neighborhood, I certainly see plenty of crappy SAHMs who focus on working out, having lunches with girlfriends, keeping up their hair/nails/wardrobe and hiring sitters/ nannys etc instead of actually being with their kids. My decision may not be the right one for them. You eventually will meet some moms you connect with and the job won''t be so isolating, which at first it can be.

I feel blessed to be able to be a SAHM and have a husband who values this. I also am blessed to already have had a kick-*** career, completed grad school, beforehand. I LOVED my old job. But SAHM is my dream job, and it is hard as hell to do well. (And I''m not talking clean house, etc. ) I am so appreciative of every moment with our son. I am so glad I get to see his expressions when he first learns something or wants me to play "fire truck game (virtually a daily game x 2 years - like I said, hard as hell

) or climbs into our bed every morning with books for us to read together. I got to see his first steps, hear his first words, etc. I love to hear his thoughts on the world. I am there to answer his questions when they come. The list is endless. My husband is so jealous of my job!! He would trade in a heartbeat!!

You will never have a more important job than this one, which you obviously know already. You don''t loose anything by just being gracious to these other people. They don''t deserve any further energy at all.

Having almost lost my son (CPR, etc - another thread), I can assure you that you will NEVER regret a moment with your child. Even when our angel decides to throw a tantrum or drop my Ering/ WB down the heating vent in the floor, my husband and I will look at each other and say: This is what we prayed for. A normal, healthy child.

Good luck and enjoy your new job!!

 

[kellyfish]

I''m a SAHM and have been for 3 years. SAHM''s feel bad that they are at home. Workin'' moms feel bad because they are not at home. Don''t take it personally. I completely understand. I actually would work if I could afford to!! It would be soo expensive to have 2 toddlers in childcare, plus taxes that I would not have much left over--certainly not an amount that would make the sacrifice worth it--even with a Master''s....

 

[diamondfan]

That is what I do not get. If they are working for more spending income and not to pay for basics, and they truly want to be doing so and are okay with the choices implied, why be nasty to you when you are doing what you want to do? If they think you are less interesting than they are because of your choices, that is elitist, snobby and just plain ignorant. So why not just live and let live?

 

[asscherisme]

Don''t let them bother you. I don''t understand why women feel the need to judge each other. I am home with 4 kids and it is a TOUGH job, especially having 3 of them with autism. It is a wonderful and challenging thing. I did not think I would be home so long but with the special needs of my kids, thats just how it worked out.

And parenting gets tougher as they get older.

I do my best to ignore comments like what you got. But if anyone on the planet things I have it easy being a stay at home mom of 4 kids, 3 with special needs, I challenge them to take my job for a week. Heck, even a day. I am beyond busy. And I spend tons and tons of time in my car driving around too with the kids at 3 schools, therapies, activites, etc.

Oh, and I have to confess something and after reading this thread, I must dispell a myth. For some reason, people seem to equate stay at home mom equals crafty homemade costumes etc and homemade goodies.

Well ladies, I''m a stay at home mom who is not crafty and have never made a homemade holloween cosutme. OK, we once I did but that was easy (a harry potter cape), but other than that, I buy costumes.

And our school district will not let parents bring in home baked goods due to allergy concerns, they only accept store bought or bakery bought with labels with ingredients.

 

[asscherisme]

Oh, and I hate, hate the term housewife (especially now that I''m seperated and barely a wife) and I hate the term homemaker. But even when I was living with my husband, I hated that term! I am not home to take care of a house, I''m home to take care of my kids!

I do plan on going back to work eventually but right now, I am thankful that I''ve got income coming in that allows me to stay home.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Date: 4/16/2008 1:13:14 AM
Author: asscherisme
Oh, and I hate, hate the term housewife (especially now that I''m seperated and barely a wife) and I hate the term homemaker. But even when I was living with my husband, I hated that term! I am not home to take care of a house, I''m home to take care of my kids!

I do plan on going back to work eventually but right now, I am thankful that I''ve got income coming in that allows me to stay home.

Asscherisme I totally agree!!

We still have such antiquated language.

I hate doing housework and don''t do much (yes the house is a mess) but at least everyone''s clean and smiles a lot.

I don''t cook either, never did even when single, I HEAT!

I barely wash a dish. I do the bottle and baby items.

But the kid''s thriving, clean and healthy. And sometimes I look clean and healthy too!

Oh and I do clean the catbox and diaper pail from time to time.......but loathe it.

 

[asscherisme]

Lisa, I couldn''t agree more! I don''t enjoy cooking either. Menu planning is so hard for me. I need to be more creative to make my money go further these days and I have no problems finding ways to cut money, buy generics etc. But the hardest thing is meals.

I use to have a cleaning lady but since I''m on my own wiith the kids now no cleaning lady anymore. Which is not a bad thing because I''ve found ways to use it as a lesson to my older kids and they help me out more. But I''m with you on hating cleaning. I do my best and think I''m doing well considering my life now.

But, like you my kids are clean, their clothes are clean, and they smile a lot I have to admit the parts of the house that I am on top of are bathrooms and kitchen. Cluttery for sure but definately clean.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I'm not a mom, but I am only 21 and I can tell you growing up my Mom took a lot of crap from people. She was a stay at home mom and I'm an only child, so she played a HUGE role in my successes today. She was always there for me (and still is today, I still call her every morning), she was room-mom in elementary school, always on the field trips, etc. So it meant a lot to me, but sometimes she got looked down upon by other moms, neighbors, or even family members. Sorry you've had to deal with this, just remember how much of a difference you're making in your child's life. They'll really appreciate it one day because it is a seriously important job. One of the most important ones on earth.

ETA: Sorry I didn't answer your question, just wanted to provide some support.

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 4/15/2008 3:48:22 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I don''t mean to threadjack....but I will for just a moment...


PENN~ Looking at your post, it appears that the babies haven''t arrived yet. When are they due?? Hope all is going well getting ready for them. And, have you decided on names? The last I knew, you were debating on continuing a family name.

I don''t want to threadjack either, but to answer your questions; due May 18th, but my money says before then, and I *think* we have name. I''ll post that in another thread.