rehearsal dinner questions

[basil]

How many people did you have?

What was the budget?

Did you provide alcohol, or cash bar?

Is it tacky to have cash bar at the rehearsal?

What was the level of formality?




Fiance''s family has offered to pay, but they are immigrants with no particular idea of what american weddings are like, and just want to do what is "traditional and expected", so they have no real budget. Plus they are not from the area where the wedding is, so they don''t really have an opinion to contribute other than "what you think is best". I just want to make sure we stay reasonable, and I don''t want to ask them for too much.

 

[Elmorton]

-We reserved for 45 but had 50 somehow (ETA: Our entire wedding guestlist was only 125!)

-~$1500 I think

-Bottled domestic beer, otherwise water and iced tea

-I don't think so

-Extremely informal. DH and I love BBQ and our families are totally informal-type people and a lot of people had just flown in, so we decided to keep the food/rehearsal laid back and let the next day be formal. I had to go dig out the menu, but we had pulled pork, baked macaroni and cheese, potato salad, vinagrette cole slaw, and cherry or apple pie, I can't remember what we ultimately decided. Seriously, it was so casual that my caterer had to talk me into ordering table linens, haha. There certainly weren't table decs or anything like that. I don't remember anything about the meal except my entire table going back for 2nds because it was really yummy!

Our reception was in an old converted theater in a Center for the Arts building, and the rehearsal was next door in a smaller theater that was sortof set up like a small jazz or open-mic club. It was a fun, relaxed place to have a rehearsal dinner, and since it was next door to our reception room, all the "young people" went and set up the reception room right after. And, because we did two events, they waived a lot of minor fees here and there, which was nice, and we worked with the same caterer, which kept things simple.

 

[neatfreak]

We had an informal RD, with about 12 people (and we only had 35 or so at the wedding!). Open bar, but at a somewhat casual local italian restaurant. I think it was only about $700 or so total? Not sure though, we didn''t pay for it.

 

[happy in love]

We did our rehearsal at my dad''s house. It started out as a simple bbq event for family and a few of our friends who would have been our bridal party if we had had one. The "simple bbq" grew to include renting a tent, tables, chairs, linens, hiring a caterer, and there were even centerpieces on each table! Because I had so much oot family coming our guestlist was just under 50. I had to laugh a little, "simple" for us got a little out of hand

I think the formality is completely up to you guys. I have been to rehearsal dinners at nice restaurants, and one''s that were casual events at a house. I don''t think I have ever been to a restaurant for a rehearsal where the bar tab was covered. I think the typical is maybe the wine was included, but other drinks we purchased at the bar on our own.

Hopefully others will have more info on the bar/budget questions.

 

[oobiecoo]

Date: 4/19/2008 7:01:36 PM
Author:basil
How many people did you have?

What was the budget?

Did you provide alcohol, or cash bar?

Is it tacky to have cash bar at the rehearsal?

What was the level of formality?




Fiance''s family has offered to pay, but they are immigrants with no particular idea of what american weddings are like, and just want to do what is ''traditional and expected'', so they have no real budget. Plus they are not from the area where the wedding is, so they don''t really have an opinion to contribute other than ''what you think is best''. I just want to make sure we stay reasonable, and I don''t want to ask them for too much.

FI''s stepmom offered "no more than a couple thousand" for the rehearsal dinner. I nearly had a heart attack! While many people''s do cost that much due to the venue, level of formality, and area, I let her know that it should definitely be under $1000. Ours is going to be at a local restaurant that is popular with the younger crowd but has great food. We are doing a fajita buffet for about $40 and it should cost no more than about $750 for everyone''s meal and non-alcoholic beverage. We didn''t even bother asking FI''s parents to pay for anyone''s alcohol. The restaurant has a great happy hour (2pm-close everyday!) so we didn''t want anyone taking advantage of the situation and getting drunk.... and if they really want to drink then they can purchase their own since the prices are so low (.99 margaritas!). It is going to be pretty casual... jeans or skirts for the ladies. A few places I looked into wanted to charge to rent the "party room" and some made you purchase a minimum amount of food in order to use their rooms but the place we found doesn''t do anything like that... we just pay for the food and thats it. I''ve seen a lot of people do the dinner at the parents'' home... that might be an option for you. Since you said FI''s parents are from a different country, maybe they could cook some of their native foods!

 

[basil]

We''ve been looking for a suitable place for ages, and my parents finally found one that looks nice. It''s semi-casual - I''d say not jeans, but khakis and polo shirt casual. It''s right on the water, which is nice. The room fee is $100 and the entrees range from $17-$22 for what we''d want, including soup/salad, dessert, and coffee. Either that or buffet for $20-$25pp depending on the options.

Initially that sounded reasonable, but it turns out to be almost $1750 for 50 people, including the service charge and tax, not including any drinks. I feel like I''d ideally like to at least serve wine with dinner, but I don''t know.

I''m also a little worried about fiance''s parents flaking out on actually paying for it. There is a history. But I feel like we should take this place cause the location is perfect and we''ve seriously been looking for a year without finding anything suitable.

Anyway, any opinions on buffet vs. served? Leaning toward buffet cause I don''t want to manage entree choices for both wedding and rehearsal (wedding is sit-down).

 

[oobiecoo]

I would go for the buffet. FI''s cousin was married about a year ago and they had a buffet but they sent invitations and asked guests to choose from a couple of options... that way they knew what to put more and less of on the buffet. They gave out 2 tickets per person for drinks which I know some people frown upon but I didn''t mind the ticket method at all. That does seem a bit steep without even wine being served. What area are you in? As far as the parents flaking out, could you tell them you need a downpayment? That way, if they do flake out on paying then at least half is paid for.

 

[sna77]

Date: 4/19/2008 7:01:36 PM
Author:basil
How many people did you have?

What was the budget?

Did you provide alcohol, or cash bar?

Is it tacky to have cash bar at the rehearsal?

What was the level of formality?




Fiance's family has offered to pay, but they are immigrants with no particular idea of what american weddings are like, and just want to do what is 'traditional and expected', so they have no real budget. Plus they are not from the area where the wedding is, so they don't really have an opinion to contribute other than 'what you think is best'. I just want to make sure we stay reasonable, and I don't want to ask them for too much.

- 40 people
- $10k including transportation we are providing to/from the restaurant to the hotel (i.e party bus)-- rehersal dinner is at Arthur's Landing in NJ. FI and I met in NYC, and we wanted to be able to see the city from the rehersal dinner location...
- yes. DEFINITELY open bar
- yes, unless $$ is an issue, then i dont think it matters. If you can afford it do. If not, people will understand. If you can afford it and don't people will think you're cheap...
- Fairly informal. Jeans will be OK, although I'll wear a button down and khakis with no tie... We have a black tie wedding the next night, so an informal rehersal dinner is a must...
- People from outside the US are generally shocked I find when they see the ridiculousness that is US weddings...

 

[basil]

$10k for 40 people for a rehearsal dinner? Eeak! Just out of curiosity, what are you serving?

 

[Sabine]

I don''t know what our budget is since FI''s family is taking care of it, but it''s definitely not exorbitant. I think the bar issue is a common one for RD''s. We had one friend who didn''t know what his parents (who were paying) had set for the bar, so people ordered drinks and sat there wondering who was paying for them. The parents ended up paying, but the guests all felt uncomfortable ordering without knowing. Another friend included bottled beer, and the wait staff told the guests when they were ordering, and the beer would be brought to the table. If you wanted to order anything else, you had to go up to the bar and start your own tab (which I think is perfectly reasonable, and a good way to be clear as to what is being covered and what isn''t).

 

[IWantAMilkshake]

Date: 4/19/2008 7:01:36 PM
Author:basil
How many people did you have?

What was the budget?

Did you provide alcohol, or cash bar?

Is it tacky to have cash bar at the rehearsal?

What was the level of formality?




Fiance''s family has offered to pay, but they are immigrants with no particular idea of what american weddings are like, and just want to do what is ''traditional and expected'', so they have no real budget. Plus they are not from the area where the wedding is, so they don''t really have an opinion to contribute other than ''what you think is best''. I just want to make sure we stay reasonable, and I don''t want to ask them for too much.

Immediate family and wedding party only, so 26 people.

Budget is coming in around $3K.

Alcohol provided (both open bar cocktails and wine pairings with each course)

I think all cash bars are tacky but I am in the minority I think.

Formal sit down five course dinner.

 

[sna77]

Date: 4/19/2008 9:37:54 PM
Author: basil
$10k for 40 people for a rehearsal dinner? Eeak! Just out of curiosity, what are you serving?

absurd, right??? Its nuts... good ol NYC... raw bar, open bar, view of manhattan skyline, and filets... plus a bus to and from the castle for the wedding... Plus NJ state 29% tax and gratuity... its absurd... our fist choices for restaurants wanted to close down the entire restaurant for a Friiday night... that would have blown the budget...

 

[julabean]

Our rehearsal dinner had around 40 people and came in around $1,450 (including a $100 room fee and tip). We paid for everyone''s alcohol...for FI and I, cash bar just didn''t seem right to us. Our RD was very informal...and a ton of fun.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/19/2008 7:01:36 PM
Author:basil
How many people did you have?

We''re planning on having 34 people, including us.

What was the budget?

We wanted to stay as close to $2000 as possible and the estimate that we got put us just under that. I''m okay with going a little over if we absolutely need to but I don''t want to go higher than $2500.

Did you provide alcohol, or cash bar?

Our reception will be open bar so we''re going to have a cash bar for the RD. We will be serving wine at each table for dinner and I think we''re also going to pay for soda and lemonade/iced tea. Other than that, guests will be on their own.

Is it tacky to have cash bar at the rehearsal?

Nope. I think if you were debating over whether to do a cash bar at either a reception or at a RD, I would go for the cash bar at the RD. It''s great if you can do open bar for both (my opinion) but if not, I''d at least try to do it for the reception.

What was the level of formality?

We''ve gone from wanting a clam bake to a BBQ to (finally) a seated dinner at a restaurant overlooking the ocean. It won''t be formal but the restaurant is a nice one. I''m guessing that the guys will wear polo shirts or nice button down shirts and dockers/khakis and the girls will wear dresses/skirts.

Our #1 choice is still the casual BBQ on the lawn of our hotel or on the beach but we were too afraid of rain so we went with the restaurant.


Fiance''s family has offered to pay, but they are immigrants with no particular idea of what american weddings are like, and just want to do what is ''traditional and expected'', so they have no real budget. Plus they are not from the area where the wedding is, so they don''t really have an opinion to contribute other than ''what you think is best''. I just want to make sure we stay reasonable, and I don''t want to ask them for too much.

 

[basil]

Dude, if you''re having a raw bar and filet for your rehearsal, I can''t even imagine what you''re serving at the wedding!

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I think we''ll probably go with the buffet. How does this menu sound?

Admiral''s Buffet:
Mixed baby green salad
Seafood newburg
Baked Boston scrod
Beef tips in red wine reduction
Jasmine rice
Oven roasted red bliss potatoes
Roasted seasonal vegetables
Fresh rolls and butter
Hot apple crisp a la mode
Coffee and tea

I''m thinking of replacing the beef dish with chicken - maybe chicken marsala as it is fiance''s favorite dish. Maybe that will save a few bucks, too?

 

[sna77]

Date: 4/20/2008 8:37:15 AM
Author: basil
Dude, if you''re having a raw bar and filet for your rehearsal, I can''t even imagine what you''re serving at the wedding!

Actually, no raw bar at the wedding... Wedding will have 250 people, so we decided that a raw bar at $30/head wasnt worth it... Plus we''ll be doing pictures during the coctail hour so I will miss the raw bar anyhow... Having it at the rehersal dinner allows meet to wat as many raw oysters as possible. It was a purely selfish decision! haha...

As with everything else with weddings, things are political... My parents are responsible for the rehersal diner (but both parents are splitting the wedding costs), and they''re going to be meeting many of mny FI''s non-immediate family for the first time, so they want it to go over well I''d imagine...

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/20/2008 8:37:15 AM
Author: basil
Dude, if you''re having a raw bar and filet for your rehearsal, I can''t even imagine what you''re serving at the wedding!

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I think we''ll probably go with the buffet. How does this menu sound?

Admiral''s Buffet:
Mixed baby green salad
Seafood newburg
Baked Boston scrod
Beef tips in red wine reduction
Jasmine rice
Oven roasted red bliss potatoes
Roasted seasonal vegetables
Fresh rolls and butter
Hot apple crisp a la mode
Coffee and tea

I''m thinking of replacing the beef dish with chicken - maybe chicken marsala as it is fiance''s favorite dish. Maybe that will save a few bucks, too?

YUMMY! Chicken marsala is one of my favorites too. The whole menu sounds really great. I don''t think you''re that far from me -- I''m curious where you''re having the RD.

 

[UCLABelle]

We are having a wedding of 40 people, and my guess is that over 10-15 will be at the rehearsal dinner. We are actually having a BBQ at my parent's....to keep costs down and separate the actual wedding dinner from the rehearsal.

Estimated costs are $300-400 (including catering for some of the food, and alcohol).

 

[mimzy]

just a little comment on the open bar thing....

when my stepbrother got married last summer, the RD was in an upstairs part of an irish pub that was closed off to the public while we had our dinner there. he paid for the alcohol up until a certain time (probably like an hour and a half or something), then after that it was cash bar. it worked out well because everyone somehow knew and a lot of people stayed a lot later after the dinner was finished and the section we were in opened up to the public.

not sure if that would work for you, but just throwing it out there!

 

[fabcrab]

How many people did you have?
About 22 or so

What was the budget?
It was awesome because we decided to have it at the inlaw''s house. We got an Italian restaurant to cater it and it was delicious. So for the food it was about $300 including cheescake factory dessert. The rental and centerpieces came up to about $100.

Did you provide alcohol, or cash bar?
We also provided wine and beer and I''m not sure how much that cost but it''s no where near if we had it at a different venue. The bestman was the somalier (sp?)

Is it tacky to have cash bar at the rehearsal?
I''m not sure. I won''t have a problem with it. Maybe provide sodas and beer. I can see having cocktails getting out of hand budgetwise.

What was the level of formality?
Very informal. I loved it! It didn''t have the whole "uptight" feeling and everyone just mingled.

Hope this helps.

 

[Krissie]

We''re inviting 68 - which includes all members of the wedding party plus their dates, the readers, Eucharistic ministers, flower girls and ring bearer and familiy, the priest, our parents and the wedding coordinator and her guest. I think most everyone will show up, except maybe the readers and Eucharistic ministers. We have budgeted around 4,000, which includes a seafood buffet, open bar and a chartered bus to take us there and back. We have a private glassed-in veranda on the water, about 15 miles out from the wedding location. I don''t think we''ll do any table decor - just candles probably.

Despite the large crowd we are hoping to keep it light and fun. We''re just having beer and wine, and the buffet will have 2 salads, 2 veg, seafood and pasta, with chocolate pie for dessert (fi''s grooms cake).

 

[anchor31]

Our rehearsal dinner will be a catered hot and cold buffet served at my parents' house.

Number of people: 13-15 (immediate families and the GM and BM).

Budget: I have no idea, my parents are taking care of it. Probably under 500$.

Alcohol: Since my parents are hosting the dinner at home, they'll undoubtedly serve wine.

Level of formality: As you probably noticed, extremely informal.

 

[Cleopatra]

Our rehearsal dinner will be at my FI''s mother''s house. A friend of the family, who is a fantastic cook and LOVES to cook for large amount of people volunteered to cook her fantastic Cuban cuisine for our rehearsal dinner.

We''re having about 25 people, our budget is nothing really since everything is pretty much volunteer help, we will most likely provide all the alcohol necessary for 25 people - beer, wine, hard liquor, whatever....and it will be a very informal occasion - just what i like