Regional Differences

[Sabine]

How would you describe the "atmosphere" of the region you live in? Do you like it? Do you notice it?

I''m a native Pennsylvanian, from small towns (most recently Hershey). If you had asked me, I would have said people are polite and friendly most of the time. If you look lost, they will help you out, etc.

I JUST moved to Virginia, and already I''m a bit thrown off by the different way people interact. At my first trip to the grocery store, the teenage boy checking us out saw our dog treats, and started making conversation about what kind of dog we have. The teenage bagging boy noticed my dh was wearing a recreational basketball teeshirt that dh has had from high school, and asked him if he played basketball and if he liked it, and then talked about how much he liked it. Then we went out to dinner, and our waiter stayed at our table chatting with us as well.

Sounds simple, but I''m not used to making small talk to complete strangers, and frankly, I''m not very good at it. If this proves to be something that is expected everywhere I go, I''m sure I''ll get used to it, but I definitely wasn''t expecting it.

 

[megumic]

I''m from NYC/NJ area. Even people you know purposely avoid you so they don''t have to speak with you! Of course this isn''t true of everyone

But I think you''re right to point out that it is definitely regional. Personally, I enjoy making conversation and small talk. But it can be annoying and intrusive if I''m not in the mood. I will say, I do find myself happier, smiling more, and less cranky when I''m in a place where people are friendlier and more polite. Being around other people who appreciate the day definitely help me to slow down.

 

[April20]

I live in the south and grew up in a small town. When I go back home and visit, the check out people still ask me how I am, if I''m still living where I''m living, if I still have the same job, etc. They know all this because they talk to my mother when she checks out (and they''ve been there for 110 years and remember me growing up). Small talk wherever you are is the name of the game. I''ve found living in Atlanta that the small talk is still there, but it''s much less in depth and doesn''t happen nearly as often.

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m in the San Diego area. We live in a very transitory society (the true local yocals are rare birds) and it reflects in how people act toward one another, it is not an overly friendly place. People are polite, but it is a surface sort of politeness. Small talk is not common here. I live in the ''burbs and in the three years we''ve been in our home I''ve only ever spoken to one of our neighbors (aside from the couple we knew before we moved here) and it happens rarely, like every 3-4 months. People tend to keep to themselves.

I grew up in the greater Los Angeles area and it was similar same there.

 

[Shoopy]

I spend most of my time in Miami.

It''s a mini Latin America here and it shows. The city and the people have so much rhythm. Even when just story telling, everyone puts on a show. But its not very friendly here if you are visiting from other areas and don''t understand how the locals work.

 

[princesss]

Hahahaha, Sabine, I remember being so shocked by that when I first moved to VA. Everybody would talk to me. All the time. Coming from a city that I considered very friendly but where I had my space and plenty of it, it was a major culture shock to suddenly have people just start talking to me. I like it there, though, and that''s part of it. Go to a shop, get what you need, chat with the cashier, leave, repeat.

NC is similar but (I find) a little more overbearing. It''s almost overly friendly. I''m fine with a minute or two of chit chat, but when some stranger in Borders keeps me there for 20 minutes because she just won''t shut up, it gets annoying. I''m sure I''ll mellow out about it (I mean, this is how I felt about a minute or two of chit chat when I first moved to VA), but right now it''s a little...much, lol.

 

[gemgirl]

Long Islanders are not overly friendly, in fact in all the monied towns around the town where I live, people wouldn''t give you the time of day even if you really needed help, never mind casual chat. People in the better shops and stores don''t do small talk, and if you are particularly nice to a saleperson or cashier, they really appreciate it. The people on the North Shore (in general) are more stuck up and snooty. The people on the South Shore are...... I can''t think of the right word and I don''t want to offend anyone- they''re just different from North Shore folk.

 

[atroop711]

I''m in NYC (Manhattan) and it''s a huge mix here in the city. For the most native NYers are very friendly. I''m usually in a conversation with total strangers while waiting for a bus, in the park, in a building lobby. PPL just start talking to me (and I to them) esp. when they see my children (conversation starter).

For the most part NY is very friendly ESP with tourist. I make sure if I see someone that looks lost I will stop and offer help. If I see someone taking a picture of the other person they''re hanging out with, I always offer to take a pic of them together, ect

What I do find here (and I grew up in Manhattan) that bothers me is an attitude from certain ppl toward others. For example.....SOME very snobby ppl look down on others for what they wear, color of their skin or living in the wrong area (or running around in the wrong circle). THANK GOD this isn''t the majority of the city but maybe 2%.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/8/2009 10:32:45 AM
Author: gemgirl
Long Islanders are not overly friendly, in fact in all the monied towns around the town where I live, people wouldn''t give you the time of day even if you really needed help, never mind casual chat. People in the better shops and stores don''t do small talk, and if you are particularly nice to a saleperson or cashier, they really appreciate it. The people on the North Shore (in general) are more stuck up and snooty. The people on the South Shore are...... I can''t think of the right word and I don''t want to offend anyone- they''re just different from North Shore folk.

oh I see this (what you are describing) when I visit my sister in Muttontown. Going out to dinner with her blows my mind. Took her years to get used to it

 

[jcrow]

southerner here. people are very friendly. if you''re driving in a neighborhood, they''ll wave to you like they know you, even if they don''t. if you''re standing in line somewhere, 8 of 10 times, someone will engage in casual conversation just because. i think it''s a slower pace down here.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I live in the midwest and people are friendly around here for the most part. If I''m out filing things for my boss and I see that someone is obviously lost I try to help and I''ve been offered help as well.

I like the atmosphere here, but not the weather so much.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/8/2009 10:42:16 AM
Author: jcrow
southerner here. people are very friendly. if you''re driving in a neighborhood, they''ll wave to you like they know you, even if they don''t. if you''re standing in line somewhere, 8 of 10 times, someone will engage in casual conversation just because. i think it''s a slower pace down here.

In the last few yrs, I have made 2 very good friends and they are both from the south. I call them my southern belles. They are such great women and I''m happy they are in my life.

 

[Scorpioanne]

Date: 6/8/2009 10:45:12 AM
Author: DivaDiamond007
I live in the midwest and people are friendly around here for the most part. If I''m out filing things for my boss and I see that someone is obviously lost I try to help and I''ve been offered help as well.

I like the atmosphere here, but not the weather so much.

I am from Saskatchewan the Canadain midwest and we are like that here too. I think it is from a tradition of helping neighbours due to the harsh climate and low population. We just seem to be friendly people and inclined to smile and say hello to strangers (this is somewhat disconcerting to people from big cities).

 

[upgrade]

I''m from the south coast of BC and I think people here are friendly and very polite, but not very conversational. Everyone is busy and in a hurry so while people will say hello and remember their pleases, thank yous and excuse me''s, they tend not to engage in conversation with strangers.

 

[packrat]

Another Midwesterner here. I like it for the most part.

 

[zoebartlett]

Sabine, you and I are in a similar situation, sort of. My husband just took a job late last month in Charlotte, and I''m moving there (from NH) in a couple weeks. I''m hoping to get a teaching job down there, unlike you. We''ll see what happens. Moving is nerve-wracking, isn''t it? Where in VA are you? I don''t think Charlotte is TOO far away. I was just wondering if it would be possible to get together sometime. Hmm...

Anyway, back to your question.

When we were in VA last month on our way to Charlotte, a young boy said hello to me at breakfast at the hotel we were staying at. I turned to look around before realizing that he was talking to me. The kid was probably about 12 or so. I was SHOCKED at how friendly he was. In New England, people aren''t known for their friendliness. It''s not that we''re NOT friendly but I think people are more reserved up here. I''m PSYCHED that we''re moving to some place that''s known for its welcoming attitude towards others.

I grew up in NH, so I don''t see people''s reserved nature as a negative thing. I feel the same as you -- if asked, people will help. I will say though, that there''s a big difference between the atmosphere of the south and that of the north. I''m looking forward to noticing other differences too.

 

[gemgirl]

Date: 6/8/2009 10:37:09 AM
Author: atroop711

Date: 6/8/2009 10:32:45 AM
Author: gemgirl
Long Islanders are not overly friendly, in fact in all the monied towns around the town where I live, people wouldn''t give you the time of day even if you really needed help, never mind casual chat. People in the better shops and stores don''t do small talk, and if you are particularly nice to a saleperson or cashier, they really appreciate it. The people on the North Shore (in general) are more stuck up and snooty. The people on the South Shore are...... I can''t think of the right word and I don''t want to offend anyone- they''re just different from North Shore folk.

oh I see this (what you are describing) when I visit my sister in Muttontown. Going out to dinner with her blows my mind. Took her years to get used to it

People are like that along the Gold Coast from Great Neck to Huntington. Some of the wealthiest people and families in the country own estates along the Gold Coast. Oheka Castle was right down the road in the same private golf course community from a house that my sister and BIL once owned. It''s a spectacular area to live in. Your sister is very lucky to be living in Muttontown!

 

[sba771]

Date: 6/9/2009 10:27:00 AM
Author: gemgirl

Date: 6/8/2009 10:37:09 AM

Author: atroop711

Date: 6/8/2009 10:32:45 AM

Author: gemgirl

Long Islanders are not overly friendly, in fact in all the monied towns around the town where I live, people wouldn''t give you the time of day even if you really needed help, never mind casual chat. People in the better shops and stores don''t do small talk, and if you are particularly nice to a saleperson or cashier, they really appreciate it. The people on the North Shore (in general) are more stuck up and snooty. The people on the South Shore are...... I can''t think of the right word and I don''t want to offend anyone- they''re just different from North Shore folk.

oh I see this (what you are describing) when I visit my sister in Muttontown. Going out to dinner with her blows my mind. Took her years to get used to it

People are like that along the Gold Coast from Great Neck to Huntington. Some of the wealthiest people and families in the country own estates along the Gold Coast. Oheka Castle was right down the road in the same private golf course community from a house that my sister and BIL once owned. It''s a spectacular area to live in. Your sister is very lucky to be living in Muttontown!

I grew up in Philly, well in a suburb very similar to the North Shore and FI and I are buying a house on the North Shore when we get back to the US in a year. It is a shock I think if you didn''t grow up in that environment and I am not a big fan of it, but for many reasons it makes more sense for us to be there for FI''s job. I just refuse to not be myself and keep telling myself I won''t let the people get to me. Living in Germany...I could go on and on about the differences between the regions and between Germany and the US. It is an interesting experience.

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/8/2009 10:02:02 AM
Author: fiery
I spend most of my time in Miami.

It''s a mini Latin America here and it shows. The city and the people have so much rhythm. Even when just story telling, everyone puts on a show. But its not very friendly here if you are visiting from other areas and don''t understand how the locals work.

Very true. It''s one of the things I miss the most about FL. If you can appreciate the flavor, it''s awesome!

Sabine, I''m in NYC, and it''s the complete opposite. People are friendly, but not outright--you have to work for it, and sometimes that''s not enough. I''ve found that generally, in the NE, it is like this. Boston (native Bostonian here) is not as fast-paced as NY, but it''s still aloof, maybe even more so. I''m a friendly person, but not in a chit-chatty sort of way, so it doesn''t bother me. However, I do appreciate the good-natured and friendly atmosphere of many places outside of the NE (south, midwest, out west).

 

[Sabine]

I''m still definitely trying to get the hang of this small talk thing! A woman at the Navy Exchange was asking me about when I''m due, what I''m having etc., because she said I look like she did when she had a boy. I answered all her questions, but then never thought to ask her a single one about her boy! Felt dumb afterwards.

Zoe, we''re in Chesapeake Va, which is pretty much south east, but I''d love to try to do a get together anywhere in the area! Good luck with your upcoming move! Definitely not fun, but it can be exciting!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Not sure if it is age or location but I think I am getting friendly since moving to the South. We wave at neighbors, talk to strangers...I am often times that annoying lady you run into that talks your ear off

My first experience with southern hospitality was during an ice storm we had about 6 years ago. I drove my car into a ditch and THREE people stopped to help me (in an ice storm). A man actually pulled my car out with his truck and some chain. He wanted nothing in return. Just a generous person. THAT is what makes the south friendly.

 

[April20]

I''m going to second the frienliness and helping strangers in the south. When I moved back south from the NW, I drove the U-Haul, towing my car. My mom and I missed the turn to my new house. We drove further looking for a place to turn around. We finally pulled into a neighborhood, thinking the roads would loop around and back out. What i missed was the teeny tiny dead end sign on top of the street name. So.not.good. We got to the end of this street with the U-Haul and car in tow and could not turn around. Got it rather wedged in fact. About the time I''m beginning to freak out and wonder what to do next, three guys come running out of the house. Mind you, this was the middle of the day, I''m lucky there was anyone home. They unloaded my car, detached the tow, turned the U-Haul around, and re-attached the tow. We could NOT have done this without their help. Not that that could not have happened anywhere else, but they were so quick to help and would not accept ANYTHING from me in return.

 

[musey]

I live in LA, and I find it very friendly. People are generally laid back and outgoing, want to make conversation with you at any opportunity. I think it's something to do with the 'networking' thing, that every stranger is seen as an opportunity for a connection... but I think that even if that's the original source of it, it's developed more into an overall outgoing atmosphere.

Of course, it sort of depends when/where you're exposed to people. I don't do the bar/club scene very often, but when I do I notice that it's TOTALLY different. People are not generally looking to socialize outside of their group, and are much more stand-offish than at the grocery store/coffee shop/dog park/yogurt stop.

It's funny, too, because I grew up in the midwest and one would think that people would be more friendly there... but they're not. I feel more of an air of competitiveness in the midwest than I do here in LA. Isn't that ironic??

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 6/9/2009 10:39:49 AM
Author: sba771
Living in Germany...I could go on and on about the differences between the regions and between Germany and the US. It is an interesting experience.

sba, I would love to hear about your experience in Germany some time and what you think the key differences are between the two countries. I''m just interested.

 

[Clairitek]

Sabine- I can totally relate to you! I am from New England and in high school I lived near Santa Barabara, CA for two years. We were not at all accustomed to making small talk with strangers in the check-out line for the grocery store or in a cafe or restaurant. It took us a few weeks to realize that it was the norm out there and we aren''t even your typical frosty NEers. If you chat up a stranger in the grocery store in New England they probably will wonder what you want from them. We got so used to it that when we moved back to NE people thought we were weird because we took our CA living habits with us.

I am an outgoing person by nature and worked my college years behind the counter of a coffee shop where I had to make conversation with people from all over the world. Now that I live in the mid Atlantic Coast region I would say that my demeanor fits the area well. The people here are generally chatty, outgoing, and helpful. Not so friendly on the roads though...

 

[decodelighted]

Oh Sabine ... Chesapeake? That''s my old home turf ... well ... close by. Yes! We''re all like that. Even after 15+ years of NYC & environs I *still* chit chat with cashiers & neighbors & doormen & anyone really. And I laughed about the "wave even to strangers driving down the street" because I do that too!

If I was having kids I think I''d want to raise them in VA so badly. DH is from upstate NY & he turned out swell ... and my best friend lives in the aforementioned North Shore (Huntington ... by way of the Five Towns) ... but there''s nothing like Virginia. **sigh**

 

[luckystar112]

I don''t think it''s a "north v south" thing, perhaps it''s a city/town thing?
In my experience Maine is a lot more friendly than the Greater Houston area, but it could be because I grew up there and I''m a little biased. I know that chit chat with complete strangers was very common but that could have something to do with the population differences? I also miss driving down a random residential road and having complete strangers wave at you. I do miss the sense of community that I had up there.

My experience in Houston is a bit different. People tend to keep to themselves. Although we see the same people every day in our neighborhood we have never spoken to many of them. The neighbors that we do talk to we only met when a hurricane was coming. The lack of community could be beause Houston is so spread out, the population is so large, and a lot of the people who live here are transplants from other places. I wouldn''t say that people are "ruder" than other areas, but definitely not as outgoing.

Funny thing about VA, but when we were planning on getting married there I was so frustrated with how SLOW it is. It just seemed like everyone was sooo laid back about everything to the point where it was annoying and preventing me from getting stuff done. I remember I was expressing this to my mother and she told me a funny story: Years ago we (Me, my mom, and my grandmother) went down to Virginia Beach for a vacation. We had been basking in the sun all day and had run out of drinks. My grandmother became very thirsty and so we waited in line to get water from this beach vendor. The line was huge and my grandmother was dying of thirst. After about 20 minutes my mother realizes that we haven''t even moved an inch, so she leaves us in line to see what is going on. Apparently the person in the front of the line had ordered a slurpy and they were out of mix. Instead of having the person wait on the side of the line or telling them to order something else, the vendor had called another store on the opposite side of the beach to bring them some mix. So everyone was just standing there waiting for the mix to arrive and waiting for them to MAKE THE DAMN SLURPY for this person. And oddly enough, my mother was the only one who found that irritating even though everyone else had been waiting longer than her.

 

[luckystar112]

Just wanted to add that Virginia is my mother''s favorite place ON EARTH. It explains why she has only visited me in Texas once but tries to make it to VA (where DHs family lives) every time we go.


I''m confused about all the NE comments. If NE is bad, Houston must be horrible. lol. I''ve experienced nothing but friendliness where I grew up or even in NH...Portsmouth, Deering, Manchester...all friendly towns to me. I''d hardly call people icy in ME of NH but possibly in some MA towns like Lowell, Worcester, etc.
Perhaps Portland ME could be considered icy, but I really don''t get that vibe there either. I haven''t spent enough time in Boston to judge but I lovvvvvve it there. hmmmm

 

[luckystar112]

Yes, this is my third post in a row.

The more I think about, it would be very interesting to do a study as to what makes one atmosphere friendly and another not-so-friendly.
Things such as:
What region/state of the U.S. do you live in?
What is the population?
What is the zoning like?
What types of community events are available?
Is there lots to see/do in your area?
Do you shop more at family-owned businesses or corporate places like Target/Walmart?
Do you dine more at family-owned businesses or larger chains like Fridays and Olive Garden?
What is the culture like? Do the different cultures co-mingle or do they tend to segregate themselves?
How often to you talk to your neighbors?
Do you live in a large development or on a private road (not part of a development, just a road).

 

[soocool]

I live in a small town in southeastern PA, which consists of about 500 families and I know at least half of them. My daughter went to a small elementary school in which the principal knew every student and parent by name. Many of the people have lived here for 50 + years . I and my closest neighbors around 20.

We are so friendly that we toot our horns when passing by and at times stop in our cars to chat. We help the older neighbors put out their trash cans and check on them when we see their papers and mail have not been picked up. Many who are taking a stroll will stop and talk and at times join us in the back yard for a game of badminton or horseshoes and a drink (dogs and kids included). I just find that many (not all) of the newcomers who have moved here from NJ or NY are somewhat unfriendly and never return the hand wave or the friendly "Hello". They turn away as soon as they see one of us approaching, but don''t hesistate to speak up when they need something from you (like cut the parts of your tree that has invaded 6 inched of their space) or not to walk the dog on their lawn, which is riddled with weeds anyway. BTW, we do clean up after our dogs. We usually leave them alone and stick with our own kind... the friendly kind!