question for working moms

[ficklefaye]

i''m slowly opening up to the idea of having children in the future, but i know that FI and i both need to work to pay the bills

to all the working moms, how do you deal with both working and taking care of your children? do you ever feel like you aren''t spending enough time with your kids? i just want to make sure that FI and i have talked through all these issues before we make the decision

thank you in advance for any help you can provide.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Hi Faye

My Story:

I''m a ''working mum'' to a soon to be nine year old girl. When she turned about 3 i started working 4 days a week in a school, close to home which was good as i was working when she was at school. 2.5 years ago I took a full time job (7.5 hours a day) with 3 hours travelling a day. It was ok for a while as I had alot of support from my mum. We have been living with my partner for the last year and it has finally become too much, I had to rely on everyone else to get her up, get her ready, take her to school, pick her up and get involved with her school, sports and after school activities. I wasn''t being her mum, everyone else was. So i have scaled my hours back to 4 days a week, and i am already seeing the benefits of it with my little girl.

My Advice:

Make sure that you have a really good support network if possible. Between my mum, my partner and my FMIL my little girl is always in good hands. If you have to use daycare, being confident and comfortable with your daycare provider is a must, i could never have left her nearly every day if i didn''t have full confidence in the lovely girls who cared for her. I also found that since i had such a great support network, my little girl was never missing out, even though i was.

I wont lie, it hasn''t been easy working full time, i used to feel guilty all of the time, i would leave before she was up in the morning and be home just before dinner, and i have always been jealous of those mums who get to drop off their kids and pick them up everyday, but then again.. how boring would that get after a while??

Being a working mum is definately possible, i think you just have to find the right ''work life'' balance for you.

Good luck!!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I am a working mom and I have an 11 month old son.

I work part-time - 30 hours per week (M-F 10a-4p) and I enjoy my job very much. Prior to having a baby I worked full-time. DH and I live with his parents, which is a long story that I wrote about in a thread called "sacrifices" a while ago. My MIL is a nurse and does not work every day. On her days off she watches my son and on the days she works he goes to an in-home daycare. Every now and then a special aunt helps out and so does my SIL. We do a daycare schedule in three-week blocks based on MIL''s schedule, then schedule the special aunt/SIL and then our sitter.

It is so important to have a support system in place when you are a working mom. We are lucky in that we live near family and there is nearly always someone available to help out in a pinch. It''s also important to have a work/home life balance. I work at work and work stays at work

I get an extra hour in the a.m. and p.m. with my son since I work shorter hours than most, and I cherish that time with him so much. It is so nice being able to get up with him in the morning and have our time alone together. My son is such a morning person and I love to see his smiling face when I go to pluck him out of his crib when he wakes.

I do feel like I spend enough time with my son and he''s thriving. I took an extended maternity leave (6 months) and during that time I discovered that I am not SAHM material. I love working and my job and I don''t think I could give that part of myself up comepletely. I know it sounds bad, but I also need the time away from the baby. It sounds awful, but I am telling you the truth. I LOVE my son more than anything in the world but, sometimes, mom needs to get away and work provides that away time for me.

You have to trust that you''ll be able to work it out - and you will but it won''t always be easy. After a while you get into the swing of things and it''s no big deal [shrugs]. Good luck!

 

[D&T]

I''ve been a working mom since my first one was 7 weeks old. It was very very hard, and I sometimes was mad at DH because I couldn''t stay home, I make 3 times more than DH and for obvious reason I had to work, but hopefully the role will reverse in the next few years, But we also moved away from Family, and I cried almost everyday for the first three weeks of dropping my DD off at daycare. It does get easier, but I also have had many trial and errors, I will not take my kids to an institutional setting any longer unless they are older, I''ve tried two before when they were very little and it was a nightmare for me. Anyhow, my kids now goes to a private person in home day care, and they are very happy, one is almost four and my other one seven months. Yes I do feel that I don''t spend enough time with them, and I always and still feel guilty if I want to join a gym or have a date night with DH because then they would be with someone else again. I would feel less guilty if we had family around to watch the kids on occassion as they are with family and their cousins. Now I only work 3-4 days in the office and at home, so a little more time at home, but then again, I''m working from home so my attention for the kids is not 100% still. The other part of me, feels very fortunate for my kids to be at a good home daycare environment because they learn social skills that they might not otherwise have learned. I don''t know if I would really be a good 100% SAHM though, so for me to have the opportunity to work from home one or two days a week and still have my career is good for me at this point in my life. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and we were not planning on having kids until much later in life so that I could have the option to be a SAHM, but in our case I didn''t have that option and had to adjust quickly.

 

[D&T]

Date: 6/8/2009 11:00:34 AM
Author: DivaDiamond007

I am a working mom and I have an 11 month old son.

I work part-time - 30 hours per week (M-F 10a-4p) and I enjoy my job very much. Prior to having a baby I worked full-time. DH and I live with his parents, which is a long story that I wrote about in a thread called ''sacrifices'' a while ago. My MIL is a nurse and does not work every day. On her days off she watches my son and on the days she works he goes to an in-home daycare. Every now and then a special aunt helps out and so does my SIL. We do a daycare schedule in three-week blocks based on MIL''s schedule, then schedule the special aunt/SIL and then our sitter.

It is so important to have a support system in place when you are a working mom. We are lucky in that we live near family and there is nearly always someone available to help out in a pinch. It''s also important to have a work/home life balance. I work at work and work stays at work

I get an extra hour in the a.m. and p.m. with my son since I work shorter hours than most, and I cherish that time with him so much. It is so nice being able to get up with him in the morning and have our time alone together. My son is such a morning person and I love to see his smiling face when I go to pluck him out of his crib when he wakes.

I do feel like I spend enough time with my son and he''s thriving. I took an extended maternity leave (6 months) and during that time I discovered that I am not SAHM material. I love working and my job and I don''t think I could give that part of myself up comepletely. I know it sounds bad, but I also need the time away from the baby. It sounds awful, but I am telling you the truth. I LOVE my son more than anything in the world but, sometimes, mom needs to get away and work provides that away time for me.

You have to trust that you''ll be able to work it out - and you will but it won''t always be easy. After a while you get into the swing of things and it''s no big deal [shrugs]. Good luck!

ditto!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I'm not a working mom, but a SAHM, and wanted to say that time spent with your kids should be quality not quantity time. Even though I spend hours a day with my boys, they often are off playing Legos in their rooms and I'm doing housework, so it's not like every second is spent doting over them. Part of the time is positive interaction, helping with homework, and other time is spent making food, running errands with them, and keeping them disaplined.

When talking to fellow moms, I've found that among working moms, most are overwhelmed and wished they could spend more time with their kids. Most are also glad to be bringing in the money. Day care is VERY expensive and that is something to consider before having kids. The school year program I looked into (before/after school care) for my two elementary boys was $1100 a month! If you're not making a lot, then it often is more economical to stay home for a year or two. . .long enough to have time with your child, but not too long as to have your professional skills become outdated.

DivaDiamond is right about not all moms being SAHM material. Even I had reached my breaking point a few times when my kids were little. Thank goodness we could afford preschool for them so I could get a break. Everyone I know puts their kids in at least four hours a week. That's not very much time, but it's a chance to rejuvinate.

 

[janinegirly]

I work full time in NYC, which means on top of working, I have a hefty commute. We've recently moved so it's shorter, but still a good hour each way door to door. It's been challenging to say the least. I do feel guilty not spending more time with my little baby, but have made efforts to make sure she is watched by a loving, consistent person if I can't be there. For now, that is my mother. I'm incredibly grateful to have my mother be an option.

Anyway, each person comes up with their own solution to make it work..there are always sacrifices involved, but you try to come up with the best possible scenarios. It's frustrating that the U.S. is not "working mom friendly" (let's be honest) and some firms tend to look at it as a liability. To me, working moms are the most productive employees around though--they have so much more to prove and time balance/organization comes naturally! So with that said, there are things you can figure out before having children--but only to an extent. DH and I are v. practical people and planned as much as we could for what was basically the unknown. We bought a new house (for more room than NYC), we made sure we had a healthy "rainy day" fund and we planned for how childcare would be handled. I had figured my DD would go to day care once I returned to work.

But things felt different to me once the baby was here. I couldn't do daycare that early, so now we are basically winging it. My mom will watch her to 1 year, and then I will consider day care or nanny. I am trying to work from home 1-2 days week meanwhile. Yes, I could quit, but things would change drastically in our lifestyle, and I'd like to stick it out as long as I can..for the benefit of all of us. Right now it works..my DD is cared for by my mom who is someone DD has been comfy with since day 1 and I have peace of mind. At 1 year DD will be close to talking and walking which is when socialization is most desireable--so daycare would support that. And if something changes and I must quit, well we stilll have the rainy day fund to fall back on.

So each person has their own solution--the fact that you are already thinking about it before children shows you're already thinking like a parent . Good luck, it's difficult finding peace and balance, but keep us posted!

 

[beaujolais]

Mine goes to a quality day care with a FANTASTIC, FANTASTIC, FANTASTIC program. Honestly, it enriches him in a way I never would be able to replicate at home.

Agreed, quantity time with them is not necessarily quality.

 

[icekid]

fickle- I struggle with this a bit, as well, even though there are no children in the picture yet. However, my career choices will pretty much dictate that I will never be able to stay home with the kids and "part time" work would be more like full time hours of a regular job. Obviously since I do intend on children someday, I believe that work and a family can coincide. It will mean, as MC mentioned, an emphasis on quality time over quantity.

Obviously, in our society the mother generally performs the majority of the child-rearing. This will not be the case in my home. With a working mother, more needs to be delegated to the father (as well as a good nanny, in my case!)

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 6/10/2009 4:07:03 PM
Author: sonomacounty
Mine goes to a quality day care with a FANTASTIC, FANTASTIC, FANTASTIC program. Honestly, it enriches him in a way I never would be able to replicate at home.

Agreed, quantity time with them is not necessarily quality.

Big DITTO to this!

 

[MustangGal]

I have a 4 month old, and I''ve only been back at work for 2 months, but I can share how I feel so far.

We simply can''t afford for one of us to stay home. Having 2 incomes is also more stable in the economy incase one of us gets laid-off. The first 8 weeks I was home with my baby were great, but it did get a bit old not having any adult time, and no adult conversations. I don''t think I''m the stay at home type anyway (and my mother agrees with me). What we do is I get him ready and drop him off at an in-home sitter at 7am. DH goes inot work earlier than I do, and picks him up around 3:30 and has an hour or so of boys only time until I get home at 4:30 or 5. I still have time to play with him before he goes to bed at 8pm, and all weekend. Since I only want 1 child, going to a sitter will give him interaction with other kids that he will need. I plan to swtich him to a preschool setting when he''s 3, but for now I feel much more comfortable with an in-home setting.

Depending on your location, daycare may not be too outragous. I pay $125 a week for full-time in-home care in Phoenix. Most "chain" centers here are closer to $200 per week.

Even if I had a choice in staying home, I would choose to work (at least PT). Like MC said, its more about quality than quantity.