Question for Domestic Ladies....and one for Pandora :)

[NakedFinger]

Pandora- I didnt include you in the "domestic ladies" category because I know, like me, you are very upfront with your "anti-domestic goddess" ways

I''ve noticed you mention numerous times how you were very upfront with you now husband about not falling into the "typical wife duties". I too am like this...i have made no false pretenses pre-marriage with my SO, and have made him well aware while living together that I am not like that, and if he needs someone to do laundry, iron, cook, etc. I might not be the one

I have a cleaning lady, and he cooks/does laundry. My question for you pandora, is do you wish you were and/or hope to become more domestic as years pass?

My question for those ladies that are domestic.....were you always like that? Like pre-marriage/living together? Or is it something that happened naturally over the years? Its not that I am trying to be a b*tch and telling my SO to fend for himself (although I dont really like the cultural "expectations" placed on women), its just I dont have it in me. I hate to cook, and although I am neat, I dont like to clean. I do want to keep a nice home, and want my house to be a picture straight out of Better Homes & Gardens, I just want someone else to do it all!

I hoping for a turn around as I get older and we get married, but I wonder if not growing up watching my mother clean (she had a cleaning lady) or cook (my dad did it all), has prevented me from getting the "experience" I need to be a domestic goddess?

 

[elrohwen]

In my experience, being domestic is more about growing to like specific domestic tasks. It's not like a light switch turns on and *poof* you're a total domestic goddess who loves cooking, cleaning, and everything else.

I love cooking and don't totally mind laundry or dishes (as long as doing dishes involves filling and emptying the dishwasher and maybe handwashing one or two things). However, I hate most cleaning tasks and don't think I will ever learn to like them. I think most women fall into this same domestic spectrum - somewhere between zero domesticity and domestic goddess. You may enjoy a few things more as you get older, but I know very very few women who would claim to be domestic goddesses and actually enjoy cleaning.

 

[AsscherGirl]

Growing up, my mom basically did everything in the house since she was a SAHM and my dad travelled for work a lot. My dad did the outside chores mostly, but if something was broken outside of the house that required a professional, it was mom''s duty to get it fixed. My brother & I had minimal chores.

I don''t think watching my mom cook & clean really prepared me to be domestic as I''m pretty resistent to most of it. I do love cooking, but don''t want it to be expected of me every day to have dinner on the table at a certain time. I want to enjoy it . We don''t have a cleaning person, but we share the cleaning duties. I am not a fan of cleaning at all and I am a fairly messy person - poor hubs. I do it, but I never enjoy it, ever!

Hubs & I don''t have kids yet, but we as of now we don''t fall as strictly into the gender roles as my parents did. But a HUGE part of this is that we both have full time jobs and both go to school part time. It would be so unfair if I had to come home and cook,clean,etc every day and he just went to work & school. If either one of us ever didn''t work, then the home would really become our "job" (a tough one!)

I would say there is nothing wrong with not being domestic - now or ever. You & SO just have to work out a system that works for you guys. If you don''t like cleaning, and SO is ok with having a cleaning person, then have a cleaning person! If you don''t like cooking & SO does, then you''re just lucky. But if he doesn''t like it and you two want to eat at home, you might just have to split it up over the week so you''re contributing equally for something neither enjoys and there are no hurt feelings. But you know how it goes, we all have to do things we don''t want to every once in a while - that''s just life!

 

[Novel]

This is such an interesting question. I hate most domestic tasks, but like things that bring a certain easy satisfaction: polishing silver and shoes, cleaning shiny surfaces (ha! - but this includes the toilet), and scrubbing the shower. I guess I like these things because you can see what you''ve done, but I don''t like other cleaning, especially dishes and vacuuming.

As for cooking, this sort of happened one night. I have no idea why, but now I love it. Does it have to do with BF and liking cooking for him? Maybe, but I think it more has to do with really liking food.

Every woman has the right to like what she likes or not, and if you have the financial ability to get a cleaning person, why not? And then send her to me!

 

[Steel]

In the years I have lived with DH I have become increasingly domestic; I like to have a clean and tidy home, dinner at dinner time and have the weekly shop done every week etc.

I found that these tasks do not get done unless somebody does them, funny that

.

 

[Mara]

i am not what i would term overly domestic. i like a clean house but i am not a very neat person. after a few years of teasingly arguing over who cleans what, we just got cleaning help every 2 weeks. it is a life saver and not that expensive in the scheme of things. we don't have a lot of clutter so the house almost always looks 'neat'...people comment on it.

i never used to cook or bake or anything much either. but in the last 5 years i have gotten a lot more into cooking and more recently baking. it was not about 'putting a meal on the table' at all, but rather me finding it intriguing as a hobby and then wanting to learn more. yes it's a benefit that i can put a meal on the table, but we both have extremely busy jobs, and i cook if i want and if not then we get take-out.

i don't know if people easily become more domestic over time ... and i will never like cleaning!! i DO love home decor so making the house pretty is a big thing for me, like painting or decorating and i love gardening. the one thing i would say about your future with your SO is if you are up front and don't make any pretenses of expecting to change and press home the 'this is how i am'...at least he can't say he didn't know! there are a few times when my hub is like 'where's dinner?' and i am like 'i don't know, where is it??'.

i will never be that super domestic goddess....and he is fine with that. though he does love coming home and finding me cooking, it must be some inherent GUY thing.

oh we also have a deal where if i cook he cleans, and that has been the deal since we moved in with each other almost 7 years ago. he doesn't always LIKE cleaning but sometimes i don't like cooking either.

oh and we do our OWN laundry. i don't do his and he doesn't do mine. he also picks up his own dry cleaning hehee.

 

[sctsbride09]

I totally agree with the other ladies about doing what works for you and your hubs, especially if you both work. But to answer your original question, I am a "domestic lady" lol. I grew up around a mom and grandma who were both very domestically inclined, both cook very well etc, although I never thought I picked it up. Fast forward to meeting my now DH at 23. I pretty much went from eating take out EVERY day, to cooking 2 meals a day plus packed lunches for Dh. I also take care of all finances, cleaning the house,laundry, errands, planning vacations and all the shopping (dh hates to shop for anything). Now, if I had to work everyday plus do all that umm no. But staying at home IS my job and it works well for us and our marriage, not to mention we actually save money this way. If you think you want to get more domestic, try something small first, something you *might* like even. Ok so you hate to cook? How about baking? Ps I hate to clean, there is nothing in my domestic goddess notebook that says I have to like it

And, its really not that hard to keep a house clean (if you dont have kids). At the beginning of the month I do a hard core cleaning of the entire house (takes the week) and then that way, I only have to do upkeep an hour or 2 a day. Just a thought, especially if you have a cleaning lady to do the initial cleaning

Hope you find something that works for you!

 

[Sha]

My mother was a Home Economics teacher and always tried to get me to learn to cook growing up. Me - I hated being in the kitchen and always tried to find a way to get out. Having two brothers, I was definitely more oif a tomboy, and much preferred climbing trees and making tree houses or toy cars than learning how to clean chicken.

I always thought it was unfair too that I was the only one who had to be in the ktichen, while my brothers could basically do whatever they wanted.

Anyway, so suffice to say I grew up not knowing how to cook or do other domestic tasks like laundry or cleaning, since Mommy did most of it. I admit I was kind of proud of saying "I don't cook" in University as well - I guess it made me feel like I was resisitng this assumption that all women were naturally domestic. As I went through my college years though - I found it more of a liability than anything else not to know how to do basic cooking. My food didn't taste all that great - I had to rely mostly on take-out, and I couldn't invite any friends/boyfriends over without having to order something in. It was also a bit awkward in my first relationship - since my boyfriend cooked for me all the time but I didn't feel confident about doing the same for him.

Fastforward about 8 years later - I now can cook pretty well, having picked up a lot from my ex-boyfriend and my husband, who's also great in the kitchen. I can definitely fend for myself, and my dishes taste pretty good too! I think it's great to know how to cook (ijust like it's good to have any other skill - like typing), and I feel more all-rounded as a person too. But truthfully, cooking still isn't my favourite activity. My husband LOVES to be in the kitchen - I would rather be cleaning or doinig something else. Our arrangement right now is that he does most of the cooking and I do most of the cleaning, which works out well for both of us. I don't think I could be the kind of wife to be 'cooking up a storm' every day or night.

So cooking still isn't something that love to do, but I'm glad that I know how to do it - just like I'm glad I took a Sewing class and an Excel class and know how mend clothes or create a spreadsheet if I have to. I think it's important to know how to cook and take care of a home - whether or not it's something that you're naturally 'inclined' to. That's not saying that all of that responsiblity should fall on you, though.

**************
ETA: Perhaps not having the example in your home contributes to your not wanting to cook/clean. I wasn't really pressured to clean when I was growing up, and as a result I had a messy streak as a child/teenager/young adult. However, I've now realized that I really do enjoy cleaning and much prefer having my surroundings clean rather than messy. That inclination just wasn't fostered in me growing up, I guess.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I''m totally domestic and have always been that way I take pleasure in seeing my chores done right or cooking a yummy meal whether it''s for me or me and fi

 

[JSM]

I HATE cleaning. It is my goal in life to be able to afford a cleaning service.

I grew up watching both my parents work but my mom usually doing all the 'domestic' tasks - I didn't do much of it, but I was watching my three younger siblings while my mom did most of the work (my dad generally ignored us all). When I moved out on my own, I learned cooking and cleaning by trial and error because I HAD to. I now LOVE to cook, and I love that I can throw things together and come up with a tasty meal (DH loves it too). I do hate to clean, but we can't afford to have someone else do it. Boo!

I find myself sometimes doing the domestic chores because I think I expect it of me. Looking back at my parents it was totally the norm for mom to be doing something constantly, while my dad sat there uninterested. If I catch myself doing it, I'll stop and recruit my husband to help.

I've found that delegating chores really really helps. We both have 'jobs' - I do laundry, he does garbage, etc. I'll never complain about the dishes piling up because I know he'll get to them. He never complains about laundry piling up because I will do it when I have time. Less nagging = cleaner, happier home!

He also gets the jobs where you can easily see results - he can tell when the garbage and dishes pile up, but he won't notice soap scum in the shower and dirt on the floor, for example. I call it man vision.

 

[D2B]

Hmmm, an interesting thread.
Before children when we both worked full time, we shared all domestic chores equally, no questions asked.

Now with child at home, where DH works long hours and travels, and I am at home with our child, who also goes to kindergarten, so I am not that stretched for time, I do all the main inside chores, and we do outside chores together on the weekend. It seems fair to me as at the moment he works long hours so I would feel I wanst helping us, if I didnt do the horrid housestuff and cook etc. But on the weekends, we share the load, however I will make sure the house is clean, so it is just maintenance.

FWIW, I hate cleaning, but it has to be done. When I go back to work again, we will reorganise it. My DH respects the work I do at home and if I am ill etc will do what needs to be done.

ah , wouldnt it be nice to have a full time cleaner and cook - much better and less dreary.
db

 

[Camille]

My mother wasn''t a gifted cook but her home still is very neat [@60] imho I think it''s a preference rather than acquired experience, one of my siblings is a complete disaster and we all picked our rooms as kids.
DH & I never lived together but I knew how disorganized he was, I started cooking classes at 22 while working full time because we couldn''t eat out anymore. There''s no way 1 can do it all, it takes patience, room at a time and team work...ie DH can''t vacuum due to furniture damage & I can''t IRON nor clean toilets

As an interior designer [15 years] I had clients coming home all the time

so DH learned to pick his ''stuff'' rather quickly. We got our cleaning lady 1 @ week when the kids came and decided to keep her after I retired last year [@38] she doesn''t do laundry/beds/ KITCHEN, yep I''m an*l about those things.
I''m def and far from a domestic goddness! but do Love cleaning floors [ fridges, garages, windows you name it, it''s a great work out and I take pride on it. I''ve always been home when my kids get back from school with warm snacks and now with My new SAHM status, they get better meals and yeah, still have to pick up their junk within a day or it gets donated, it''s not my house it''s our home

 

[Haven]

This is a very interesting thread.

I am very domestic in that I love to cook and entertain for parties large and small, and I take a lot of pride in our home and keeping it clean and well decorated for the seasons, that sort of thing. DH and I split the tasks around our house according to our strengths, which turn out to be very typically divided: He fixes things on the exterior of the house, maintains the lawn and most of the landscaping, and keeps our cars in working order. He also does all of the feeding for our pets, as they''re on a raw diet and it is a huge amount of work. I cook all of our meals and clean the interior of the house, and maintain all of our paper files and records. I''m also the one to do any mending or sewing, but I have a degree in costume design so my experience far outweighs DH''s in that department. We each do our own laundry. We split up bill paying and each maintain different bills.

Had you asked me back when I was in my early twenties if I thought I would be a domestic lady once married, I would have laughed in your face, and sped off in the opposite direction on my neon orange roller skates. I think my younger understanding of "domestic" was colored by images from 1950s home economics textbooks and such, which didn''t really fit into the self-image I had as a tattooed, liberal, visionary. Of course, I was wrong on both accounts.

Anyway, being "domestic" has really been a natural thing for me. I think it''s a combination of the following things:
- I love to entertain
- I enjoy cooking and I like having control over what I put into my body
- I take a lot of pride in owning our home and keeping it in order
- I''m naturally very creative and enjoy creating things
- We have a lot of pets, which requires constant cleaning
- I''m pretty tight with money (so, *I* prefer to take care of these things rather than hiring someone else)

As for childhood influences, my mom was not domestic at all. Our house was rarely clean, and my father did all of the laundry. My mom did love to entertain, and I''m certain that my love of entertaining is largely because I was raised by someone who loves to entertain. I never cooked until a few years ago when I realized it would be cheaper and healthier, so don''t despair--you can always learn if you really want to, but I imagine *wanting* to is key.

 

[brightlight]

Date: 10/19/2009 3:56:54 PM
Author:NakedFinger
Pandora- I didnt include you in the ''domestic ladies'' category because I know, like me, you are very upfront with your ''anti-domestic goddess'' ways

I''ve noticed you mention numerous times how you were very upfront with you now husband about not falling into the ''typical wife duties''. I too am like this...i have made no false pretenses pre-marriage with my SO, and have made him well aware while living together that I am not like that, and if he needs someone to do laundry, iron, cook, etc. I might not be the one

I have a cleaning lady, and he cooks/does laundry. My question for you pandora, is do you wish you were and/or hope to become more domestic as years pass?

My question for those ladies that are domestic.....were you always like that? Like pre-marriage/living together? Or is it something that happened naturally over the years? Its not that I am trying to be a b*tch and telling my SO to fend for himself (although I dont really like the cultural ''expectations'' placed on women), its just I dont have it in me. I hate to cook, and although I am neat, I dont like to clean. I do want to keep a nice home, and want my house to be a picture straight out of Better Homes & Gardens, I just want someone else to do it all!

I hoping for a turn around as I get older and we get married, but I wonder if not growing up watching my mother clean (she had a cleaning lady) or cook (my dad did it all), has prevented me from getting the ''experience'' I need to be a domestic goddess?

Are you talking about doing all the domestic duties or doing my share? My husband and I split the household chores. There are some things I like to do, and I do other chores b/c I don''t like the way my husband does them.

 

[Blair138]

In a word...No...

I just moved out when DH and I got married. Living at home, my mom did everything. She was a SAHM when I was little and she had dinner (made from scratch) on the able every night, did laundry, ironing, cleaning, you name it, she did it (and still does). My dad didn''t help much, basically because he wasn''t raised to and my mom did it all. Living at home, I did help where needed, I never cooked at home but I did laundry, ironed and cleaned up my own junk.

Fast forward to living with DH, I cook, most every night and I truly like to, do laundry (because I don''t trust DH not to shrink my clothes or ruin my bras), I dust and pride myself in a neat house and love to decorate. We currently have many cute Halloween decorations gracing our abode.

DH vacuums, (because he loves our Dyson), takes the trash out, we both clean the bathrooms, and he makes the bed every morning that I leave before him, which is most. He also cleans the cat box because that is just gross.

I feel like I do more, but I am also home more than he is as he works late most nights.

So I have become more domestic because otherwise my house would be a dusty, cat hair filled mess and I would never eat.

And I like a pretty, neat house.

 

[MonkeyPants]

It''s in my blood. I''ve been "domestic" since I can remember. As a child I always helped my mother with the laundry and loved helping my grandma make dinner. In HS I''d make dinners for my BF and clean his room (mostly because if I was going to spend time in his room it better be somewhat comfortable to me).

Currently, FI and I live together along with our two dogs and I spend most of my time cleaning the house, decorating for the seasons, and taking care of the animals. I do all of this because I LIKE it. I''d rather be taking care of the home than going out. My older sister is the complete opposite so it wasn''t that my parents conditioned us girls to be this way.

Interesting isn''t it?

 

[soocool]

My parents had their own business at which they worked very hard. Growing up we had a housekeeper that lived with us (think Hazel). Mom and she cooked together whenever they could and it was fun watching them in the kitchen. My sister and I never had to do a thing around the house except keep our rooms clean and our shared bathroom presentable. So basically I thought once I would marry someday I would have the same life. Boy was I wrong!

After I got married and I worked full time DH and I didn't have a live in housekeeper, but did hire cleaning women to come in once a week. That was wasted money because they did a lousy job (not to my standards), however, we lived with it because I had no time (neither did DH) to do it ourselves. Fast forward a few years and I had a baby, became a SAHM, and kept my own house. I didn't enjoy it but it kept me busy as I was used to working full time. I found that as the years passed I had a system to keeping my house nice. I still don't like to clean, but I have a system in place (my system is that everything has its own place and it must be put in its place by the person who introduced it into the house). That means dirty dishes in the dishwasher, trash in the trash, dirty clothes in the hamper, etc. That makes cleaning quite easy not having to pick up and put away after everyone else. So keeping the house clean is manageable. Plus DD is responsible for cleaning her own bedroom and bathroom.

Cooking is another thing. I don't cook complicated meals, but simple tasty and healthy meals. I plan ahead so that I have all ingredients on hand so I don't have to make frequent trips to the store. I rather enjoy cooking and trying new recipes, So that is something that surprised me, especially after my mom making her Spam meals (thank goodness we had a housekeeper so we did eat well... I at least ate all my veggies).

DH takes care of the majority of the yardwork, but again he has his own system and he rather enjoys it. I garden and like that too.

While I don't consider myself a domestic goddess, I do manage to keep a very neat house, cook a good meal and can throw a dinner party with only a day's notice. I guess it is the organizational skills that helps!!

 

[luv2sparkle]

I had no idea how to cook much of anything when we first got married. I remember one of the first things I cooks was homemade mini corn-dogs. I breaded them myself and fried them (what was I thinking)
then left the oil on on the stove and the smoke alarm went up in our apartment!

Gradually, I did learn to cook and became a pretty good one. My mom tried and tried to teach me to sew as a kid and I would tell her that I was going to marry a rich guy and I would never sew! Well, when
DD was born suddenly I wanted too! So I taught myself to sew as well. I could sew pretty much anything now. Go figure.

I also enjoy entertaining and I am pretty creative. I am not crazy about cleaning, but like a clean house. I have had the part-time housecleaners but after a few weeks I thought I did a better job than they
did and it bugged me to spend the money. Most of the ''domestic'' stuff I learned to do came from the fact that there were other places I wanted to spend the money so I learned to do it myself. When
our four oldest were young and friday night was family tv night (think Full House, and Step by Step) the kids wanted pizza. We would have four T.V trays in the living room in front of the t.v. Well, 4 weeks
of pizza was over 80.00 bucks so I learned to make it myself. Now my kids are grown pretty much, but they still would rather have homemade pizza. Necessity is the mother of invention as they say.

We used to split the chores when I was working more. But now they are kind of traditional. My husband will always help me with dinner and many nights cooks it himself. Just this past weekend I had
my 11 best girlfriends over and my husband spent the week going over everything in the house to make it special. On D day he got up with me at 6 am to help me with the last minute preparations and
then took the boys out for the afternoon so it would just be my friends and I.

I think the domestic thing is a learn as you go kind of thing. The arrangement you have now will probably change and grow as the two of you do. Your priorities change sometimes and you adapt. You can
always learn how to do stuff, or not. You don''t have to want to do it now or ever. But you might, you never know.

 

[cellososweet]

i''m a domestic diva

I love to cook, bake, organize, decorate, make a home comfy. I don''t love to clean, but I''m so psycho anal that nobody can do it better than me. So, I do it DH helps, especially now since I''m technically on bedrest. He has a few chores that are his alone (cat boxes and trash mainly. And the man can clean a bathroom way better than I could) But in the end, it''s all me all the time and complain as I may, I wouldn''t have it any other way.

 

[bee*]

I was never domestic when I was living with my parents but when D and I moved into our own house, I definitely became more domesticated. I adore cooking and will cook every meal from scratch. Cleaning I''m not such a big fan of but as others have said, it''s got to be done. D does a bit more of the cleaning as I do the cooking. I take care of the pets and bills and he will take care of the bins etc. It works well for us.

 

[sba771]

I love being domestic, but I wasn''t like that when I was a kid. I would walk over dirty clothes or leave things out. Now being a grown up I realize if I don''t pick up, no one else will. My FI will do anything I ask of him, but I do most of the chores because I am picky. I asked him to load the dishwasher for me and when I opened it to unload it, it was just all wrong. Not his fault, I am just OCD about putting things in the right spot and the right way. I also take a lot of pride in my chores, it sound silly, but when I clean the tub it feels good and I know I am contibuting in my own way.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I think I''ve always been pretty domestic. I''m a homebody and I love to cook. Things that changed once I settled down with DH are that I''m more into decorating and making our home a home and I love doing little projects around the house and renovations. I''ve also developed a strong like for gardening (flowers only).

 

[lilyfoot]

I guess I''m a "domestic lady"?

I cook, clean, and wash clothes.

However, I''m lucky that my boyfriend: washes all the dishes, cleans, and washes clothes/puts them away.

I like to keep a clean space around me (at home, at work, etc.), so I don''t see it as being domestic as much as just being a neat, clean person in general.

When I lived by myself, I hardly ever cooked for myself. But, I do very much enjoy cooking, and it saves money of course!

There may be nights I don''t feel like cooking but I can honestly say there''s never a day I don''t feel like cleaning. I really enjoy cleaning.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I loathe all "domestic" chores - cooking, cleaning, dusting. I was never made to do those things as a child, either, until I reached my teens, so I hated suddenly being given all these jobs that I disliked.

Now, I do laundry and don''t mind that, and DH and I have divided up chores. He feeds the pets, maintains the car, takes out the trash, and vacuums. I do the rest, unless I need help. I''m lucky that he especially likes cooking, because I have VERY limited experience in that area! Some wife I am lol.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I think in most couples there is one neater person and one messier person. I saw how DH followed the leader when it came to cleanliness with his roommates before we got married. A messy roommate meant their place was disgusting. A clean roommate meant DH tried to keep things reasonable.

I also think it''s all about finding what works for you. What doesn''t work is for one person to resent the other for not helping around the house. What you need to figure out is a fair division of the labor based on likes and skills.

DH''s mother was what I would call resistant of doing domestic chores, but I don''t mean this in a hurray for rejecting arbitrary gender roles kind of way. I mean that FIL at times worked up to 3 jobs to make ends meet while she stayed home, and yet she would not cook or clean. So FIL cooked, and I don''t think anybody really cleaned, which may explain why my DH doesn''t notice grime the way that I do. FIL, as a result, became quite the gourmet, and DH has picked up on some of this (yay for me!). He is naturally a better cook than I am, and I can depend on him to make dinner for guests or if I''m not feeling well (and to do fancy things that intimidate me), but it''s not something he thinks about if he doesn''t have to. If I plan the recipe and do the shopping, he''ll wander over to the kitchen to spend time with me and often end up doing most of the cooking, which is what happened last night when we made grilled duck quesadillas (yum). All I did was make the sauce.

Anyway, it has always seemed ridiculous to me that MIL didn''t "pull her weight." I believe in splitting things as equitably as possible. During my summers off, I don''t expect any cooking or cleaning from DH; I was home relaxing all day! During the working part of the year, I expect both of us to take on equal shares, which we do. We''ll have to figure things out once our baby arrives any day now. DH mentioned how he''d probably have to make dinner more because I''d be busy breast feeding, but I was like, well, I''ll be home all day for the first months, I can try to get her on a schedule where I am free for an hour at night. I think the important thing is that we are both offering to do the cooking and trying to help. We''ll figure out what works for us once she''s here. Maybe a lot of takeout!

I love that my DH is not in any way a lazy man. He spends his entire weekend doing house projects, working in the garden, exercising, going on dates with me, and seeing friends. If he sat around watching tv all the time, I think I might start to think, yeesh, you can''t do your own laundry? But that''s one of those things where it''s easier to do the load all together, and I dislike laundry less than he does, so it works for us.

I have several girlfriends whose husbands or live-in boyfriends drive them nuts by not cleaning. I always tell them to hire maids. Cooking and laundry are one thing, but I think cleaning an entire house is pretty draining. Just when you finish, it''s dirty again. I know it''s a luxury to spend money on a cleaning service, but it makes me so much happier. There are enough chores to split as it is!

 

[KimberlyH]

I never cooked much when I was single, it was too much of a hassle for just one person; I have gone through phases of being okay with mess, but for the most part have always preferred things neat and in their place. When I lived alone I designated a cleaning day and spent several hours doing so.

My husband lived on his own for quite some time before we were married (18 or so years) and can certainly manage a household. He cooks, cleans, does his own laundry, gardens, to include growing fruits and vegetables, etc. He works from home and so he tends to be the one who is responsible for the day-to-day stuff in our house. He's taken over cooking since I got pregnant, but I do miss it.

We plan to move and when we do a house cleaner is on our list of wants. Just someone to come in every few weeks and do the heavy duty scrubbing that takes so much time.

Being "domesticated" wasn't on his list of things he needed in a spouse, nor was it on mine. He knew I didn't cook much, but liked baking, and he saw how I lived so he knew I preferred a clean house. We just work really well together to get things done and ignore the little stuff that really isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of life (his newspapers all over the coffee table, my shoes in the hall).

 

[geckodani]

Date: 10/19/2009 4:48:29 PM
Author: Steel
In the years I have lived with DH I have become increasingly domestic; I like to have a clean and tidy home, dinner at dinner time and have the weekly shop done every week etc.

I found that these tasks do not get done unless somebody does them, funny that

.

Hate how that works, LOL. This is pretty much the only reason anything gets done at home. I am not a neat person by nature, but I have limits, and I find that my brain is in a happier place when the apartment isn''t a wreck!!!

 

[NakedFinger]

Thank you ladies for your great replies! It makes me feel better to know that many of you became more and more domesticated as years passed. I wont lie, I would Like to be domestic, like a little Charlotte York

but I am just not feeling it.

Like many of you said, a large part of it has to do with the fact that I have a full time job, get home late, and work weekends, so the last thing I feel like doing when I get home is cook/clean. I am crafty/creative, so like Haven said, I do love the whole seasonal decorating, x-mas, halloween, etc. My house looks like a pottery barn catalog, it just needs to get cleaned by someone else!

Similar to Blair's comment, my mom was a SAHM, so although my dad cooked and she had a cleaning lady for the actual "cleaning", she still did my laundry, straightened up my room, etc. So it wasnt until I moved out that I had to "learn" those things. I had to learn how to do laundry from my BF, how sad is that??

I am fairly young still (25), so I am hoping that as I get older, and I have babies and stay home (which I plan to do if possible), then I will be able to focus more on "learning" these things. I do like to bake so far!

 

[Sha]

Date: 10/20/2009 10:19:39 AM
Author: NakedFinger
Thank you ladies for your great replies! It makes me feel better to know that many of you became more and more domesticated as years passed. I wont lie, I would Like to be domestic, like a little Charlotte York

but I am just not feeling it.

Like many of you said, a large part of it has to do with the fact that I have a full time job, get home late, and work weekends, so the last thing I feel like doing when I get home is cook/clean. I am crafty/creative, so like Haven said, I do love the whole seasonal decorating, x-mas, halloween, etc. My house looks like a pottery barn catalog, it just needs to get cleaned by someone else!

Similar to Blair''s comment, my mom was a SAHM, so although my dad cooked and she had a cleaning lady for the actual ''cleaning'', she still did my laundry, straightened up my room, etc. So it wasnt until I moved out that I had to ''learn'' those things. I had to learn how to do laundry from my BF, how sad is that??

I am fairly young still (25), so I am hoping that as I get older, and I have babies and stay home (which I plan to do if possible), then I will be able to focus more on ''learning'' these things. I do like to bake so far!

See, that''s what happened to me too. I learned most of my cooking/laundry skills from my ex-boyfriend and husband. When I was younger, people often asked how come my mom was a Home Economics teacher, and I didn''t know basic homemaking? I know my mother tried, but I don''t think she bothered much with teaching me as I got older - after realizing I was so resistant to it. That''s a mistake I don''t want to make with my own children, whether they are boys or girls. I really think it''s important that teenagers leave home with these basic skills (cooking, laundry, cleaning etc), whether they ''take'' naturally to it or not. It''s an important part of learning to be independent, IMO, just like learning how to drive.

 

[Mara]

lol sba re loading the dishwasher all wrong. my hub says i do that so i just let him load it!