Wedding Question about out of town guests/wedding location.

[Halo]

I live on the west coast (Vancouver) but my large family, both sides, live on the other side of the country (Toronto). I was considering having the wedding in Vancouver (since my bf''s large family cannot afford to travel) and inviting all of my family, but then having a special party in Toronto after the wedding for those who can''t attend.

My concern is if I go this route, would it cause less of my family attend my wedding? I assume this would be the case and its been one of dreams to have my whole family attend. So, a few questions:

1) Has anyone been in a similar situation and what was the outcome?

2) Does offering to pay for the flights for the out of town guests help increase attendance and, if so, how much is reasonable to pay (50%, 100% etc)?

3) Has anyone been in a similar situation with family so spread out, and what solution did you decide on?


This has been kind of worrying me and I''m not even engaged yet, lol, so I would love to find a solution so I can put my mind at ease Thank you very much for any help

 

[newbie124]

Have you talked with your parents about their thoughts? If you're really close to your family members, many of them will probably show. However, my guess is that the more distant folks will probably not come, especially if they're informed ahead of time that you guys will be having a Toronto reception after the wedding.

We live in Chicago and are getting married in Northern CA. My family is somewhat scattered, although many are in California, some in Texas, and my mom on the east coast, but I'm expecting most everyone to show.

FI's mom's family is all in Chicago, but he grew up closer to his dad's side of the family in Florida. We really weren't sure how many if any of his relatives would come. But right now it sounds like most of the people in FL are planning to come (even though they're the furthest of anyone from our wedding location), but probably few of his relatives in Chicago are going coming. His parents also already mentioned that they are going to throw us a post-wedding reception in Chicago.

So I think it really just depends on what your family dynamics are.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Welcome to BIW!

This is a toughie situation, but there are a few factors that come into play:

1. How large is your family?
2. How does FI feel not having his entire family at the wedding?
3. If FI''s family is smaller, and he doesn''t need all of his family at the wedding, can you fly them to the other coast, and have your wedding there?

I imagine paying even 50% of the flight fare would run you a pretty penny. Say if you have 10 couples, and the fare is 200pp, that''s $2000. If you have an unlimited budget, then that would certainly be an option.

Also, don''t forget about accomodations, as those can get rather pricey as well.

 

[SparklyGirl*]

I havent been in that particular situation but from what i see of your problem i have a few thoughts.
yes, the attendance to your wedding for out of town guests will decrease some because they live so far away and it rarely occurs that every single family will be able to fork out the airfare and lodging money. In the end, the ones that really want to be there will make it to your wedding.
Having a party for all of the families who couldnt attend the wedding is a great idea. I know a lot of people that have had a "2nd reception" back near home after a destination wedding.
If you have enough money to help pay towards your families airfare then you could also do that. Even paying for 1/2 of it would be nice. Maybe that will make them more apt to pay the rest to come to your wedding because you are still showing you want them there by helping them out finacially. If you can afford to go that route.
Also, what if you compromised and paid for maybe the lodging and transportation where you have the wedding at? The only thing that they would be paying for would be the airfare. And also depending on how many people from your family need to fly out to Vancouver, they all might be able to get a group discount and not have to pay as much. Anyways, I think that is a good compromise to make with them. I know that i would want my family at the wedding also. i would be devastated if they all could not make it. Just keep your options open and you will find a way!

 

[Halo]

brooklyngirl - Thanks for the welcome

There are at least 46 people from my family in Toronto that I would invite. My fiance is close with his family and feels that he "has" to invite family members he doesn''t otherwise see, including some unsavory characters that I''d rather not attend, but I haven''t voiced that concern.

There are 18 people from his family/friends that I can think he''d want to invite off the top of my head, but that only includes one of his aunts/uncles and a few cousins, not all of the others. We really never see the others and what I''ve learned about some of them makes me worry about having them at the wedding. My bf (fiance eventually sees his family very regularly whereas I see mine about once a year, so maybe he would think it would be nice for me to be able to see my family for an important occasion like this. And it would be far more financially doable to fly 18 people to Toronto than 46 people to Vancouver Either way I will have to consider accommodations as well as flights.

But listen to me going on and on, so much to think about

 

[Halo]

newbie124 - I know that there are a few of my family members who would attend for sure, but I would miss the others. I''m treating my wedding as if I''m paying for it, so my parents will likely get mad if I offer to pay for the flights/accommodations of any of the guests but I''d rather do so than not have those guests come at all

 

[Halo]

brooklyngirl - A few moe thoughts: My cousin is getting married next September and is the first of my cousins to do so and since he lives in Toronto he''ll have everyone there, including myself and my parents. I''m bringing my bf to the wedding so perhaps when he sees how much fun my whole family is and what it''s like, he may want that for our wedding Who knows.

Oh how I wish flights would only be $200 per person! They''d likely run about $800 per person and so if I was to fly his 18 friends/family to Toronto it would be $14,400 if I only paid half. Oh my gosh, that''s so much... I couldn''t afford to pay for their accommodations then, that''s for sure. But then again I''m not sure what my budget will be yet so I''ll wait until I know before I freak out, hehe

 

[Halo]

SparklyGirl* - Thanks for the thoughts I had forgotten that group rates are available, so if I was to fly my bf''s friends/family to Toronto there would be 18 of them and you get discounts on flights when booking 10 or more people. Thanks for that tip, I''m sure I would have never remembered that otherwise!

 

[brooklyngirl]

Halo,

I was thinking, especially when you say there are some people you "have" to invite, if you have the wedding in Toronto, you know they won''t attend

. Ok, that was a little evil, but still.

Have you spoken to your bf and got a real number of people he *wants* at the wedding?

 

[Halo]

brooklyngirl - That''s true, if we have the wedding in Toronto only his closest family/friends would attend I imagine.

I haven''t talked to him about his exact numbers. I actually admitted to him last night that I had spent the day looking at e-rings and diamonds and he said "Isn''t that my job? What site are you on?" PS of course! Then he said "And if you feel the need to give me photos of the rings you like, I''ll gladly take them." Hehe. So I think I''ll let him mull the ring idea over before I start asking him about guests and the like. I''ll worry about that part for now

 

[Gwyn]

My family is all on the east coast, FI''s family and FI and I all live on the west coast.

I have a large family (a couple hundred with cousins and spouses) he has a relatively small one. About 20 or so in all and then a set of 20 friends that he has known since elementary school.

We decided to have the wedding here on the westcoast with just my parents, siblings, grandparents, godparents, and 2 best friends and their dates would be attending on my side. The rest of the guests (48 is tht total of people, including us, that will be at the wedding) would be from his friends and family.

This worked for us because it allowed me to more easily plan a wedding (since I was there to go to places and meet with people and such). And I got to have a slightly more elaborate/dream style wedding because there were less people.

After the wedding we are going on our honeymoon. From our honeymoon we are going to the east coast and having a cocktail party with open bar and horsdouvres for my friends and family on the east coast (the room we rented holds 100 and it looks like it will fill it)

this worked out nice b/c my side is more party people and will probably appreciate the simplicity of it. We got discounted rooms at a nearby hotel and a shuttle to take us to and from the bar that we rented. I am also going to wear my wedding dress to this event so my aunts and uncles and such have a chance to see me in it.

Hope that helps.

You could always try planning the wedding long distance. If you have someone you trust to do the groundwork for you it is very doable these days with phone/fax/internet.

Good Luck!