Wedding People that invite themselves to your wedding

[Shoopy]

We are far from our wedding date so this isn’t affecting us right now but just wondering how other brides are dealing with it.

I’m getting a lot of people inviting themselves to our wedding. Besides the usual family members who make comments like “can’t wait for the wedding”, I’m also getting friends saying the same thing. One in particular is one of my FI’s best friend’s ex. She and I are “friends” but if it comes down to choosing between him and her, we would choose him without even breaking a sweat. Yet she tells me yesterday “don’t forget to invite me!” Who does that? Or the other day I’m in the car with 2 coworkers and they ask if I picked a date, I said sometime in October, they looked confused and I clarified I meant 2009. Their response “I was going to mention that we haven’t received our invites yet.” Or another that sends me an email saying “you know I wish you two the best and wow I can’t believe how time passes by. I hope I’m invited to the wedding.” (that was kind of sweet lol)

Why do people do that? Do you think it''s just that they don''t know what else to say besides congrats?

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/15/2008 4:44:55 PM
Author:fieryred3314



Why do people do that? Do you think it's just that they don't know what else to say besides congrats?

This is definitley NOT what people say. I am very happy that I haven't had one person invite themselves to my wedding yet. Even my best friends haven't said anything.

I would think it would be a very uncomfortable situation. Are your coworkers going to be mad if you don't invite them? I mean I can avoid a few sorority sisters I never see, but these peeps are around you every day. I'm sorry. We can probably come up with some good comebacks though

ETA: I would bet they probably haven't been invited to very many, and so they deem it ok to bring up such a thing.

 

[violet02]

LOTS of people have said this to me. Particularly co-workers who I''m somewhat close to. BUT we didn''t invite anyone we don''t actually have a personal (outside of work) relationship due to space constraints. I would have loved to invite everyone but that''s just not feasible. I think some people would genuinely like to come... I don''t think it''s meant to make you feel awkward. It''s more like a knee jerk response to someone having a wedding maybe. I''m guilty of saying it when my friend''s sister was getting married... I didn''t mean to offend her though she seemed fine about it. It was said in a joking manner.

Honestly I just tell people that we can only have 80 people and a lot of that is family then old friends etc. and if we had more space we''d invite everyone but unfortunately we were limited by who we could bring. I also point out that we only invited people we had personal relationships with outside of work to some co-workers who asked I invited (and didn''t expect to be invited).

 

[ladyciel]

Putting in their bids for a free meal??

Really, I don''t know why people do this. Maybe they just don''t realize how rude it is? Poor parenting? I had a friend assume she was going to be a bridesmaid ("just let me know what dress I have to buy!" over IM one day), which was much harder to outright ignore than any of the self-invite comments we got. In the end we just handled them by ignoring them. We tried to understand that most likely they''re just happy for us and aren''t sure of the best way to express it. So far nobody that wasn''t invited has pushed the issue, but if they do we will just tell them we wanted a smallish wedding, can''t afford something any bigger, and that at this point we wouldn''t even have room in our venue if the other issues disappeared.

 

[violet02]

Date: 8/15/2008 4:49:24 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 8/15/2008 4:44:55 PM
Author:fieryred3314




Why do people do that? Do you think it''s just that they don''t know what else to say besides congrats?

This is definitley NOT what people say. I am very happy that I haven''t had one person invite themselves to my wedding yet. Even my best friends haven''t said anything.

I would think it would be a very uncomfortable situation. Are your coworkers going to be mad if you don''t invite them? I mean I can avoid a few sorority sisters I never see, but these peeps are around you every day. I''m sorry. We can probably come up with some good comebacks though

ETA: I would bet they probably haven''t been invited to very many, and so they deem it ok to bring up such a thing.

I found that this happened to me after I started planning the wedding and also people who didn''t say anything to me I think already knew they were invited.. it was the people that weren''t sure that said it.

 

[violet02]

Date: 8/15/2008 4:53:30 PM
Author: ladyciel
Putting in their bids for a free meal??

Really, I don''t know why people do this. Maybe they just don''t realize how rude it is? Poor parenting? I had a friend assume she was going to be a bridesmaid (''just let me know what dress I have to buy!'' over IM one day), which was much harder to outright ignore than any of the self-invite comments we got. In the end we just handled them by ignoring them. We tried to understand that most likely they''re just happy for us and aren''t sure of the best way to express it. So far nobody that wasn''t invited has pushed the issue, but if they do we will just tell them we wanted a smallish wedding, can''t afford something any bigger, and that at this point we wouldn''t even have room in our venue if the other issues disappeared.

This exact thing happened to me. ''So that means I''ll have to buy a dress...''. Ack! Awkward. Luckily she lives out of state so she understood my ''I''m having my bridesmaids be the 3 people that live near me that I''m close to''. Having her be in the wedding would have been a huge hassle for a lot of reasons.

 

[Shoopy]

Mer-I really don''t know if they will be mad...or care for that matter since they''re not the ones cutting the check

It''s extremely uncomfortable. I was just talking to another friend on the phone (as in right before writing this post) that said "I''m invited to the wedding right??" I had no idea what to say so I just said "I don''t even know if I can afford to go to my own wedding" LOL I crack myself up.

I''m sorry ladies but the BM assuming she''s a BM and asking where to buy the dress made me LOL

 

[violet02]

In retrospect the BM story is funny!

Haha! on being able to afford to go to your own wedding.. I feel the same way. In fact just recently I realized I did the seating and food count and everything but forgot FI and myself on there. I was like oh crap, no room for us!

 

[Cleopatra]

It''s funny that you mention this...

My husband and I got married just two weeks ago - I remember after the ceremony, we were standing outside of our reception site about to make our entrance - then I see this guy that DH and I know - we have mutual friends with this guy, but we are in no way close friends with him and the decision to not send an invitation to him was agreed upon by myself and DH. Well, there he was at the entrance of the reception hall, waving at DH and I as we are about to walk in....we smiled and waved - but then looked at each other like: "Did YOU invite him?!"

Apparently, he decided he was invited and his invitation merely got lost in the mail....

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 8/15/2008 5:06:31 PM
Author: Cleopatra
It's funny that you mention this...


My husband and I got married just two weeks ago - I remember after the ceremony, we were standing outside of our reception site about to make our entrance - then I see this guy that DH and I know - we have mutual friends with this guy, but we are in no way close friends with him and the decision to not send an invitation to him was agreed upon by myself and DH. Well, there he was at the entrance of the reception hall, waving at DH and I as we are about to walk in....we smiled and waved - but then looked at each other like: 'Did YOU invite him?!'


Apparently, he decided he was invited and his invitation merely got lost in the mail....

Oh my goodness! People just have no clue sometimes.

Fiery, I had a few people make comments like that to me. We had a tiny wedding so I just said "I hope you understand but we're limited to just family and a few close friends because of budget/venue constraints". You can also just ignore it, but it's better to address it IMO or else it could come back to bite you later...

 

[meresal]

Date: 8/15/2008 4:58:21 PM
Author: violet02

This exact thing happened to me. 'So that means I'll have to buy a dress...'. Ack! Awkward. Luckily she lives out of state so she understood my 'I'm having my bridesmaids be the 3 people that live near me that I'm close to'. Having her be in the wedding would have been a huge hassle for a lot of reasons.

LOL... I would have been thinking in my haed, "Yup, as long as it doesn't match my BM's." LOL

 

[vintagelover229]

Here''s one to swallow for you guys. I was talking to a new friend (just moved here 6 months ago, we''ve hung out like 6 times total) and I was telling her how I had to go back to an old HS friend to be in my wedding to get the 3 I needed. She goes well I''ll be in your wedding! She INVITED HERSELF INTO MY WEDDING! Of course, I said, we''ll I have everyone I need now, but if someone backs out I''ll let you know.

I don''t mind her being in my wedding, she''s a cool girl, but her man...to be nice...well....he''s....kinda...a unique fellow. They have been together for 6 years and my FH hasn''t even met him. So they would have to fly to my wedding and he would be coming and I don''t know either of them well enough to have them around other friends and esp. my FH family.

But the thing is I have to have 3 BM''s. And one may not be able to be in my wedding. I can''t afford to pay for her to be in my wedding and they are having $$$ issues. So, it looks like my new friend and her SO are going to be coming over for dinner.

Sorry for the thread jack, kinda relivent though...cept she invited herself INTo the bridal party. Ugh.