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Paypal wedding

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Ok... I agree to link paypal for that is rude... But we did ask for cash instead of gifts cause I am well into my late 30''s and we already have everything we need for the house.

If I was in my early 20''s and just starting it would be different. But I don''t think it is rude to "request" for money gifts instead of goods.
 
I am a bit conflicted on this issue. My bro recently got married, and he said that from now on he ll be giving cash as he he really appreciated the cash presents. And I can see how it would come in handy. But my feeling is, your guests are nt meant to pay for themselves, its supposed to be your present to them in a way. I am considering asking for no presents whatsoever. I know this is radical, but my guests may have to buy an outfit, stay in a hotel, (perhaps) take a day off work, etc etc, it seems totally unfair to ask them for a gift/money as well. I would much prefer to have my guests really really want to be there, than to have lots of presents/cash.
I know someone who put their bank acc details on their invites. Now I thought that was really tacky!
 
A couple in my husband's family made a site where instead of gifts/cash you can pay for their honeymoon. For example tour of ABC $100 per person or dinner at XYZ $75 & you could "buy" one or two or pay towards the amount via paypal. Hopefully I make sense.? I though it was sort of tacky but not my business.
 
LOL

people are funny
 
I think cash is the best gift. But asking for it by Paypal is a little tacky. It''ll probably catch on in a few years.
 
Date: 9/9/2009 12:44:37 PM
Author: Abril
I think cash is the best gift. But asking for it by Paypal is a little tacky. It''ll probably catch on in a few years.
agreed.
I know in many Asian cultures, cash is what we always give and get. Maybe they are just trying to make it more electronic technologically minded and easier instead of losing an envelope here or there I guess, dunno...lol
 
The height of rudeness, if you ask me.
 
Rude with a capital R!


The reason why I say so, is that not its only tacky, but it seems incredibly lazy and impersonal as well. If someone wants to write me a check as a present for a wedding or give me cash, they can do so easily. Having someone put it directly into your Paypal account...makes it seem like you don''t even want to drive to the bank to cash in your uncle''s $500 check.
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While I appreciate any and all cash gifts, and understand that weddings are expensive, I also equally appreciate thoughtful presents. I would be horrified if my aunt were considering giving me one of her old pendants, and then changed her mind after seeing my request for a direct deposit into my Paypal request and simply deposited $300 in my account!
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All in all, I don''t think that giving, or wanting cash is wrong it any way at all, but I do think linking your Paypal account to your invitations is
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Date: 9/9/2009 12:56:42 PM
Author: Haven
The height of rudeness, if you ask me.
Ditto.

I think that if you don't want actual gifts, then just don't register. Most people will take the hint and give cash.

Besides, I think it's weird to say "we have everything we need" therefore give us cash!


ETA - I have lots of relatives that are just making ends meet. Often they'll give handmade items like quilts or put together a basket of items for cheap but that looks lovely and is thoughtful as a wedding gift. I can't imagine saying to them, just give me the ten bucks you would spend on yarn or fabric instead.
 
Date: 9/9/2009 1:25:30 PM
Author: lucyandroger

Date: 9/9/2009 12:56:42 PM
Author: Haven
The height of rudeness, if you ask me.
Ditto.

I think that if you don''t want actual gifts, then just don''t register. Most people will take the hint and give cash.

Besides, I think it''s weird to say ''we have everything we need'' therefore give us cash!


ETA - I have lots of relatives that are just making ends meet. Often they''ll give handmade items like quilts or put together a basket of items for cheap but that looks lovely and is thoughtful as a wedding gift. I can''t imagine saying to them, just give me the ten bucks you would spend on yarn or fabric instead.
I guess I was a rude bride. Beside we needed extra money for all of the immigration papers that we had to pay for him to obtain his greencard. The fact that he''s allowed to be here with me now forever is the best wedding present I could have ever have!
 
Date: 9/9/2009 12:44:37 PM
Author: Abril
I think cash is the best gift. But asking for it by Paypal is a little tacky. It''ll probably catch on in a few years.
I agree that this will probably catch on over time. Most folks these days are grossly ignorant of standards of etiquette, and the individualistic nature (of American culture at least) makes everything so ''all about me'' that who cares who you offend, as long as you are happy in the end.
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I agree that cash is the best gift, but I usually do not give cash
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I guess I will try to do better with that in the future!
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I love giving personalized gifts though, if I know the couple pretty well. I LOOOOOVE giving gifts!
 
I come from a culture that also often gifts with cash for wedding. I don''t think it''s rude to give money for gifts, but for some reason it seems rude to ask for it. I would seriously prefer to say "no gifts" before I asked people to give me cash.

I think our standards of etiquette are changing. More transparent, but less personal. It''s almost becoming more of a business transaction than an act of friendship and affection. I remember once upon a time for showers and such it was considered rude to put down where one was registered; if you wanted to know what the person wanted you could ask the mother or a close friend. Now it''s customary to list a huge, long registry, often at multiple places.
 
I think she''s very resourceful. Getting free stuff by letting people sponsor your wedding? Thats fantastic. Good for her for getting what she wants on the budget they have by thinking outside the box. Yeah the paypal is different. But I don''t really see how that is the same as charging admission. I''m sure she wouldn''t deny someone from coming if they didn''t contribute, that''s not her intention at all. I would consider going to a wedding and not bring a gift rude so shes not asking anything that isn''t already socially expected, she''s just making it as convenient as possible for her guests.

I think a lot of those comments people said about her in that article are 1000x more rude than her asking for cash to pay for a wedding. "If you don''t have anything nice to say..."

Yes its unconventional, but when that couple thought of what they needed, like she said it wasn''t fancy china or a microwave, it was money to properly celebrate their marriage.

Would I do that... No. But its not my wedding.
 
I am going to comment on the link that was provided, not on asking for cash at weddings.

I want to think that they are being clever and innovative but I can''t. To me it does scream that they are begging for a big wedding. If they want that they should pay for it themselves. If they can''t then it should be scaled back. What if these vendors don''t turn up on the day? It wouldn''t be such a great big wedding then and they will be left disappointed.
 
I agree that this will probably catch on, and it is a shame. I think this is rude, and tacky. A paypal account? Seriously?
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Lots of different cultures traditionally give cash as gifts, and asking for cash only has been around forever too. I don't think this example is particularly rude, but it is different, and may be the way of the future. I would go along with whatever the couple chooses, and would spend or give the same set amount anyway. I would not want to use a credit card, so hopefully there would be a way to just give cash or a cheque too.

ETA: this particular case seems to just be seeking attention. But her original goal was only $2000 from among 75 guests, and I don't feel that was out of line necessarily, just a different way of doing things.
 
Date: 9/9/2009 3:25:35 PM
Author: Callisto
I think she''s very resourceful. Getting free stuff by letting people sponsor your wedding? Thats fantastic. Good for her for getting what she wants on the budget they have by thinking outside the box. Yeah the paypal is different. But I don''t really see how that is the same as charging admission. I''m sure she wouldn''t deny someone from coming if they didn''t contribute, that''s not her intention at all. I would consider going to a wedding and not bring a gift rude so shes not asking anything that isn''t already socially expected, she''s just making it as convenient as possible for her guests.


I think a lot of those comments people said about her in that article are 1000x more rude than her asking for cash to pay for a wedding. ''If you don''t have anything nice to say...''


Yes its unconventional, but when that couple thought of what they needed, like she said it wasn''t fancy china or a microwave, it was money to properly celebrate their marriage.


Would I do that... No. But its not my wedding.

Resourceful...implies you''ve already got the resources. I understand the train of thought she was using; she says "I don''t see how I''m selfish," said Caldwell. "It''s the same thing as asking guests to buy you crazy gifts like the ones you see on registries all the time, like a Wii or a microwave that costs $200 and you would never buy yourself." Her ''etiquette'' seems to be lacking from the start, because it seems as if brides ''ask'' guests to buy expensive gifts, so she''s not doing anything wrong by asking for them to pitch in for her wedding. I do agree that what others in the article criticizing were very rude.
 
Yes I think it's rude.

I don't think it's rude if a guest asks your mother and your mother subtly tells them you are saving for a house or something like that-so if you want cash I think that's the way to go about it. But otherwise yes I do personally think it's rude. And I definitely think it's rude to put it on the invites or ask them to pay advance!
 
poor taste and rude.
I think this extends from expectations that weddings are suppose to be elaberate and expensive affairs.If you cant afford it then dont have an expensive wedding!
 
Date: 9/9/2009 1:25:30 PM
Author: lucyandroger

Date: 9/9/2009 12:56:42 PM
Author: Haven
The height of rudeness, if you ask me.
Ditto.

I think that if you don''t want actual gifts, then just don''t register. Most people will take the hint and give cash.

Besides, I think it''s weird to say ''we have everything we need'' therefore give us cash!


ETA - I have lots of relatives that are just making ends meet. Often they''ll give handmade items like quilts or put together a basket of items for cheap but that looks lovely and is thoughtful as a wedding gift. I can''t imagine saying to them, just give me the ten bucks you would spend on yarn or fabric instead.
Ditto x 1
 
It''s the nth degree of tacky.

The sort of people who do that know it, but they''re more focused on the end result than on feeling any shame (see above).

It isn''t about cash or no cash, paypal or no paypal, gifts or no gifts.

Etiquette simply states that you do not mention gifts PERIOD. Not to decline them, or specify what type, or announce your registration on a website or in your invitations.

The assumption that a gift is even forthcoming is rude. You register if you wish, and may be "hopeful" that your friends and family may choose to avail themselves of the list. As the bridal couple you do NOT provide the info, nor do you mention gifting whatsoever.

What your parents, or bridal party may mention is up to them.
 
What a stupid idea. Doesn''t Pay Pal take a portion of every transaction when a person accepts money? I wonder how much of that $2,000 will go toward that?
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Date: 9/9/2009 4:58:36 PM
Author: MC
What a stupid idea. Doesn''t Pay Pal take a portion of every transaction when a person accepts money? I wonder how much of that $2,000 will go toward that?
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Good question. I guess with paypal you *could* have it take the money directly from your bank account instead of a credit card too. I am secure in knowing that my daughters would never do anything like this. I''ve told them that eloping is perfectly acceptable in lieu of an expensive wedding.
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I think it''s rude to ask for any sort of present. Weddings should not be gift grabs and people should be invited not for what they are going to give the bride and groom. The article states that the bride and groom decided to ask for donations because friends and family wanted to help them celebrate their marriage. I wouldn''t have a wedding I couldn''t afford, no matter what my friends and family wanted.
 
I think it''s rude to request anything from your guest. A gift is just that...a gift.

I ALWAYS give money at a wedding...I give a physical gift at the shower. I think it''s a PITA to bring a gift to a wedding...a nice card with cash or check is fine. The only wedding I''ve been too where there were gifts brought was in Wash. DC...other than that....it''s always a monetary gift. Maybe it''s regional but until that DC wedding, I didn''t know that ppl actually brought physical gifts to a wedding.
 
We flew home, 3000 miles. We didn''t want any gifts, but my mom who was the coordinator on site (ha ha) continued to get confused aunts, and family asking what to do.
I told her I''d have absolutely NO room in my luggage to bring stuff back since they had such high restrictions at Christmas time for luggage. So, told her cash, gift cards, OR NOTHING would be perfect! haha.

We asked for cash. SO WHAT! haha.

Seriously though, I think it depends on where the couple is in their lives. I am 24, so if my friends are getting married and ask for money only- I''ll assume its to pay down debt, save for a down payment, etc etc. As a gift giver, I am more then HAPPY to know what the couple wants. If I know they don''t "need" money (everyone needs money, but I mean with a real goal), I prefer giving gifts.
I''m big into finding the perfect gift for people I know, and love. My close friends got married, I knew money wasn''t on their mind; so we got them an antique trunk, inside, we had 2 art canvas'' which was a black and white tree split in half, and the colors were reversed!- they loved it...but then, this gift took me months to find/put together.

I wouldn''t get offended by what the married couple wants, and I actually don''t think the paypal thing is that bad. Its not as though they sent reminders to everyone saying "please put money, etc". We are living in a world of credit, and some people can only live off of credit (this does not mean I agree with that), but...why not accumulate some points while making a gift?

Okay, way too long. That is all!
 
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