parents and in-laws

[mary poppins]

How often do your parents and in-laws communicate? What is the nature/reason for communicating? Would you prefer for them to communicate more or less, or you don't care either way?

ETA: Also, from a different perspective, if you are a parent of a married child, how often do you communicate with your child's in-laws and what are the reasons for communicating?

 

[Rhea]

Frequency: About once per year by sending Christmas cards, if either set remembers. They see each other about once every 3 years so far.
Reason: My parents visiting England to see me and DH invites his parents to dinner with us.

I'm not bothered either way. I did originally wish them to have more communication, I've always wanted one of those families you see on tv - large and laughing and wonderful. I'm like that with my own mother and sister. But I married an only child, whose father has one sibling, and whose mother has several siblings that neither my husband or his father have seen for over 5 years - I've never met any of MIL's family - none of DH's uncles, aunts, or cousins on that side. I couldn't name them or even tell you how many there are if my life depended on it. My point is, communication is pretty minimal in DH's family. My family lives far away so I've given up my dreams of that large wonderful family and don't really mind who has contact and when.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Umm..they don't. My parents see them when they are in town and they are friendly but not friends (if that makes sense).

 

[melave]

never. They haven't even met, and may never.

My parents are in another state, we travel to see them. We plan on eloping, so they won't be at the wedding. We don't plan on having children, so they may never meet.

Is that weird?

 

[LJL]

They aren't technically my in-laws since my SO and I arent married - BUT I'll go ahead and answer anyways

They live about 1000 miles from each other - so they send Christmas cards, sympathy cards, etc. They chat occasionally through facebook and comment on each others' pictures. I think theyve seen each other 3 times in person which isn't bad since we've only been together for 3 years and they live so far apart.
What do they talk about? I dont know...? The usual - what are you up to? vacations, pets, that kind of stuff. I don't really think much of it honestly.

 

[iheartscience]

How often do your parents and in-laws communicate? What is the nature/reason for communicating? Would you prefer for them to communicate more or less, or you don't care either way?

My mom and MIL are Facebook friends and that's pretty much it. I think they talked on the phone a few times about wedding stuff, too, but that was a while ago. I don't think they talk much at all now. When my MIL comes to visit we will get together and have dinner with everyone. Although now that we've moved further away from my parents, that probably won't happen. I don't care how much they talk, personally.

 

[sonnyjane]

never. They haven't even met, and may never.

My parents are in another state, we travel to see them. We plan on eloping, so they won't be at the wedding. We don't plan on having children, so they may never meet.

Is that weird?

Melave, not too weird!

My parents have also not met my husband's parents, nor have they ever exchanged any communication. In fact, I've been married for more than 3 years, and my dad has not met my husband yet, although I'm sure they will eventually. My husband and I live in California, my dad lives in Colorado, my mom lives in Florida, and my husband's parents live in Massachusetts, so none of us are close. I've only met his parents once, and that was before we were married. Also, my husband and I did elope, so there was nobody at the ceremony except us.

We will have kids, but I'm not sure that my parents and his parents will ever meet as we're all so spread out.

 

[vc10um]

Much like thing2, my mom is FB friends with MIL and FIL, but as far as I know hasn't communicated with them since the wedding. The rehearsal dinner was the first time they met in person and, by virtue of them living 1000+ miles apart, probably won't see each other again until we have children sometime down the line...and that's if DH's parents choose to/can make the trip to see us.

 

[Lotus99]

My mother and his mother have never met (neither of our fathers are around). We didn't have a real wedding, so there was no chance for them to meet. We're on different coasts from his mother and my mother lives in the UK. We don't have children together, so that probably means fewer visits from either of them. I'm really fine with it, and I believe my DH is, too.

 

[marcy]

My parents and in-laws are cordial but there are some very quiet moments when we all get together. We usually suggest all of us going to dinner somewhere because it is more of a fixed time and a neutral location. If we have them to our house it usually ends up my DH and his folks end up on the patio and me and my parents are in the house.

 

[armywife13]

My husband's father lived in CO, but he passed away and we don't have communication with his stepmom anymore because she has been very rude to us, so obviously she doesn't communicate with my family. His mother lives in Oregon, she sent a card to my parents(who live in WI) this Christmas, that is the first and only time they have communicated. Our families are so spread out that they don't see each other, and don't speak via phone. I think the extent of communication will be occasional cards on holidays. My husband, myself, and our parents are ok with that.

 

[Haven]

Our families are really close.

Our families celebrate the holidays together, so they communicate quite often. Religious holidays, birthdays, etc.

My mom has DH entire family over for one major holiday a year, either Passover or Thanksgiving. (She and I switch off hosting those two holidays.) She goes to DH's family for all the other holidays.
We also all get together with our parents and siblings for family dinners on Sundays and other non-holidays, too.

My mom is close with my DH's brother's children, and my BIL will often call my mom to set up play dates for the kids with her. They call her Auntie Herfirstname, too, which is nice.

I can't remember exactly, but we all probably started celebrating holidays together a year or two into our relationship.

Now that I think of it, we're really close with my sister's in-laws, too. She's been with her husband since high school, so they've been in our lives for a long time. Her MIL and SIL are in my book club. (My sister isn't because she lives out of state.) I've stayed with her husband's grandparents on a trip for my sister's bridal shower. They invite us to a lot of holidays, as well, and we them.

It's really nice to be so close with these families because my own family is so small. It also makes holidays much easier to plan since we're all together, and I love having such a full house for every get-together.

 

[rosetta]

They live on different continents so hardly see each other but they are very friendly to each other eg they would definitely stay in each others houses if they flew over.

I have a huge extended family but I only get so see them once a year at most as they live abroad. Family is great, I'm so glad there's a whole mess of us

 

[Trekkie]

They only met for the first time the day before our wedding. They haven't spoken since then.

They were polite and friendly but I don't really see a friendship developing, they're just too different. My inlaws are into geo-caching and hiking. My parents are into golf and bowles. The fact that my parents are 15-20 years older than his doesn't exactly improve matters.

 

[Missy]

They send each other holiday cards (different religions so send each other cards for the other's religion), birthday cards, get well cards etc. My dh and I invite my MIL and my parents to our home together about once a year so they see each other about that much. They live in different states and not that close in distance to each other. If they lived closer we would invite them together more often. They occasionally speak on the phone. The relationship is friendly enough.

 

[QueenB29]

I'll preface this by saying my MIL is crazy and evil and has done and said horrible things to both me and even DH. My parents will never forgive her and at this point, I'm actually quite afraid of what would happen if they were ever forced to be in the same room again My mother might not be able to restrain herself....oh, and they don't have much use for my FIL either. We don't have kids yet, so it should be interesting (OK, scary) to see what will happen when that day comes.

Even before things got really bad, I knew they would never really get along. They were just too different. They did exchange Christmas cards a few times, and met exactly twice: Once at a get together a few months before my wedding that my aunt and uncle hosted so everyone could meet each other (My aunt and uncle were the buffers ) and then at the rehearsal dinner/wedding. Neither meeting was exactly a success. (I've been married for 3.5 years and their last contact was, I think, a Christmas card the year I got married.)

My brother is getting married in May and my parents have already met f-SIL's parents more times. They have much more in common (my mom and my brother's MIL even graduated from the same high school....), so I see them actually building some kind of friendship.

 

[stephbolt]

Rarely - like some other posters I think they chatted a few times around the wedding but outside of that not really. I don't really care, they live far away from one another and have no reason to be friends other than the fact that their children are married!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Since none of my children are married right now, it doesn't really apply to me. When my daughter was married we had very little contact with her in-laws after the wedding. The only live about 20 miles from us. We didn't have contact because they are flipping crazy. I do mean
totally insane.

On the other had, my son hopes to marry a girl he has gone to college with. It is a little up in the air right now as they are just getting back together after a break-up due to my son's own stupidity. But if he does marry this girl, I hope we will get to see her parents. I met her mom once and instantly loved her. Just one of those instant connection kind of things. I knew we could be friends.


I have always wished that my kids would marry people that we could be friends with because I remember how hard it was for us running from house to house for holidays with little kids in tow. Our families were friendly but really had nothing in common, and didn't want to, so it was a bit uncomfortable for me. My ideal vision of the future has been having everyone over to our house at one time, like Haven
has been lucky enough to do. That would be awesome.

 

[zoebartlett]

Oops, I read the question wrong so I deleted my original answer.

My parents and my in-laws have only met three times: once when my husband and I had both sets of parents over for dinner before we were married (or maybe before we were engaged, I don't remember), our rehearsal dinner and then our wedding the following day.

I used to dream of all of us getting together often, whether it's for holidays or just to have dinner or hang out. That's not likely to happen though. My in-laws and my parents are very different and they don't really have a lot in common.

 

[Skippy123]

My parents and my in laws speak when they are in town and send each other Christmas cards and birthday cards.

 

[Laila619]

Rarely. Now that we have a child, they see each other slightly more often due to things like his first birthday party, christening, etc. But it's still only a handful of times per year.

I had hoped they would become good friends, but based on most of these posts, it seems like it's a pretty common thing that parents/in-laws don't end up as friends. Oh well.

Haven, you are a lucky girl!

 

[Amys Bling]

Mine are friends- but we have a unique situation. DH and I grew up together in the same town (since first grade) friends since 6th/7th and dating since 9th. Our younger sisters grew up as friends as well. It worked out well

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Sorry, I mis understood the question--feel free to ignore

Well, we hear from my MIL 2 TIMES A DAY!!!!!!


We live in the same neighborhood. She lives alone and is afraid something will happen to her and no one will find her in time so she calls my husband every morning @ 10am and every evenng @ 7:30. A neighbor of hers had a stroke and wasn't found until 46 hours later, so she decided she would institute this little routine. {please notice I've not addd any smileys or any kind of attitude!} It actually is a good thing, because last year she had two horrendous nosebleeds and didn't call and my husband called me and asked me to go check on her. I insisted she go to the hospital. I stayed with her in the ambulance and the EMT told her the nosebleeds may have quite possibly prevented a stroke. I cared for her when she came home {despite the fact she has 4 others DIL} and she has since told me she thinks of me as her daughter.

Both of my parents are dead--but I had cut ties with them TOTALLY and WITHOUT REMORSE when my son was born {26 years ago}, it was the only way I could preserve my sanity. This action was therapist endorsed.

My friend has a daughter whol lives 4 hours away. She had a baby a couple of years ago and my friend and her husband go visit every 3 weeks, I'm not sure how I feel about that....{and I don't know how her SIL feels about it! }

 

[AprilBaby]

My parents and in laws lived 20 min apart. My mil was a snoot and thought my parents were a lower class than her. They weren't . She was just full of herself. We moved 1000 miles from both so we didn't see either. My son is married and his in laws live 5 min away. His fil is nuts so we don't get together. His mil is a doll, but her dad and my husband can't stand to be in the same room. It will be a problem when they have kids.