Wedding Open Bar Input please????

[violet02]

Date: 8/22/2008 5:32:16 PM
Author: Gwyn

I think that guests greatly appreciate that their beverages are free of charge, alcohol or not. I don''t know that I would be offended at a place that had a cash bar but I do think I would be inconvenienced. Some things I would consider before opting for a cash bar:

Edited.

I agree with Gwyn''s point. For the last four weddings I went to which varied in budget here''s how it worked:

Low budget: Wine only
Med/High Budget: Beer, Wine, Hard alcohol... it was at a hall with a bar... cash bar for top shelf liquor only. This friend actually had pitchers of beer on every table (it was a bit informal) as a result none of us ever really got up to get anything else, heh)
High Budget: Open bar for all (they had caterers though, that helps on the price, no venue charges). Problem here was they had bottles of expensive red on the table yet the servers kept coming by and pouring white. A lot go wasted. I had three full glasses in front of me at one point for some reason.
Low Budget: 2 signature drinks and two types of Wine, some champagne at the beginning.

No complaints at any of the weddings except maybe a few comments on ''where''s the beer''? For the wedding with the cash bar no one cared as long as they could still get a free gin and tonic albeit not top shelf. I had no comment on the booze at any of them. I''m not a big drinker though.

Our plan is to serve one signature drink, pre-poured for the cocktail hour, then a choice of 3-4 mixed drinks on a menu with red and white wine and 2 choices of beer. The ingredients from those 3-4 mixed drinks will enable the pickier people to get things like a rum and coke instead. We won''t be serving shots. We''re able to buy our own booze though which helps a lot (and can be returnable!).

Honestly if budget is an issue I would serve only wine and beer. I asked all of my friends about this and they said they didn''t care as long as there was at LEAST beer to drink. Free booze is free booze! Just pick one mixed drink and do beer and wine... Get some inexpensive champagne to toast with too for variety if you can pull it off. Only need to pour a smidge per guest to toast with.

And yes I think it would be weird to go to a wedding where you had to pay for all of your drinks.

This is what I hate about ''venues''. They rake you over the coals for things like booze. One venue I looked at told me it was $2.00 per can of coke. wtf?

 

[Nocturnius]

I had practically no budget for my wedding; I had $4000 total to spend. My family and I don't drink due to personal beliefs, my husband doesn't drink, and the entire wedding party was underaged, as well as the majoirty of the guest list. I thought it was stupid to drop thousands of dollars on a bar that only six people were allowed to/would use.

So we tossed out the booze altogether, including the champagne toast. We had a freh fruit smoothie bar instead, which made a bigger impact than a liquor bar would have.

As for bars, cash bars are a regional thing. In the South, at least in my experience, it is absolutely absurd, rude and offensive to have a cash bar. You don't invite guests to a party and expect them to pay for their own drinks; you're better off not having one at all. But I have several Northern friends who have informed me this is totally normal there. It usually is something similar to what a previous poster mentioned: certain drinks are free, but mixed drinks are not. Or, the bar is open during the cocktail hour, but then trasitions to cash at the start of the reception.

My best advice would be to try and poke the brains of a few married friends, or even question a few local wedding planners to see what is considered "normal" in your area. A cash bar may be totally acceptable where you are.

Above all, do not drop thousands of dollars more than your budget just for a bar. These are your loved ones; they should understand if you don't have $3000 to spend on a bar for one night.

 

[violet02]

Date: 8/23/2008 9:41:50 AM
Author: Nocturnius
I had practically no budget for my wedding; I had $4000 total to spend. My family and I don''t drink due to personal beliefs, my husband doesn''t drink, and the entire wedding party was underaged, as well as the majoirty of the guest list. I thought it was stupid to drop thousands of dollars on a bar that only six people were allowed to/would use.

So we tossed out the booze altogether, including the champagne toast. We had a freh fruit smoothie bar instead, which made a bigger impact than a liquor bar would have.

As for bars, cash bars are a regional thing. In the South, at least in my experience, it is absolutely absurd, rude and offensive to have a cash bar. You don''t invite guests to a party and expect them to pay for their own drinks; you''re better off not having one at all. But I have several Northern friends who have informed me this is totally normal there. It usually is something similar to what a previous poster mentioned: certain drinks are free, but mixed drinks are not. Or, the bar is open during the cocktail hour, but then trasitions to cash at the start of the reception.

My best advice would be to try and poke the brains of a few married friends, or even question a few local wedding planners to see what is considered ''normal'' in your area. A cash bar may be totally acceptable where you are.

Above all, do not drop thousands of dollars more than your budget just for a bar. These are your loved ones; they should understand if you don''t have $3000 to spend on a bar for one night.

Asking around is probably a good idea.

BUT out where I live people rate wedding receptions based on a few things. 1) free booze (of any kind) 2) good food 3) good music. Lots will say good food and booze, some say as long as the booze is flowing I''m happy heh. I still say cheap booze is fine. One of my friends did 1) free-ish booze 2) awesome music 3) crappy food... no one left unhappy.

 

[Haven]

If you can''t afford the open bar, don''t offer it. But don''t offer cash-drinks in its place, either.

Are you offering people a few free entrees, but then a few pay-entrees as well, such as lobster, because you can''t afford the lobster but would like to give your guests the option of having it? Of course not. It would be the same thing, IMO, to have a cash bar. And it is in extremely poor taste.

When we invite guests to our homes we set a budget, create a menu, and serve what we choose to and can afford to serve. Your wedding is the same thing, you are hosting an event, and if you can''t afford something, it should not be available at all.

I have only been to one wedding with a limited bar, and it was absolutely fine and I didn''t think twice about it. However, I went to one wedding with a cash bar, and I thought and still think it was a ghastly thing to do. That couple also never sent out thank you notes, so they are clearly not the best mannered people.

If your guests are not gracious about having only a limited drink menu, then they certainly don''t deserve a full bar anyway.

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 8/22/2008 5:14:56 PM
Author: DMBsGirl
i think this really depends on where you are and what your guests are used to. Here in NY, if i were to have a cash bar, people would be OUTRAGED. I''ve never been to a wedding with a cash bar, and can only imagine the reaction of guests if they were expected to pay. I realize it is not like this in other areas of the country. If your guests are used to this, and it would save you a lot of money, then go with the cash bar. A wine, beer and soda bar might be a good compromise as well.

Same in Miami Beach, but we''re the Sixth Borough, basically, what with all the NY''ers who retire/vacation here, LOL.

That said, there are definitely civilized ways to limit the cost of liquor if they''re charging you on consumption. My favorites on this thread are the Signature Cocktail (plus wine/beer) idea, the wine/beer/soda/no hard liquor idea (because how many people *really* consume MULTIPLE hard-liquor drinks when wine and beer are freely flowing?), and the "time limit" open bar (Maybe from cocktail hour until dessert is over? Once coffee/tea service begins, the hard liquor ends---safer for drivers, too).

If alcohol is available in some form or fashion (Beer & wine only, signature cocktail, or time-limit on an open bar) I doubt that said limit will even be noticed. If people are asked to pay out of pocket...it will be noticed, especially with the way we''re all counting our cash with this economy!

 

[jackieomy]

I just got married in July. Our venue offered a dinner package that included an open bar (open for 4 hours) and wine service with dinner, plus champagne toasts. I was certain that everyone would drink from the bar while they could (I have some wild friends and coworkers.)

I was suprised that, after the cocktail hour, almost no one went back to the bar to get more drinks. The one or two drinks with hors d''oeuvres Wine and champagne was enough for everyone. I think the bartender got a bit bored as the night went on!

So, I think wine service during dinner certainly could be enough, as long as there''s not a long time between your ceremony and dinner service. Or, would one-hour of an open bar and then wine be enough?

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I'm not a bride, but I've been to over twenty-five weddings in my life, so here's the results of my "research"

Lots of people do just wine and beer and maybe champagne with no liquor option. LOTS. Some people do no alcohol whatsoever. Some people do free wine and beer with the option to buy mixed drinks. Plenty of people provide an open bar ( I think of an "open bar" as beer, wine, and mixed drinks without a limit).

In my experience, I've only heard people complain when they had to pay for something or when there was no alcohol at a Saturday night wedding. I've never heard anyone complain about not having liquor there (only beer and wine were available), but I've heard plenty of grumbles about paying for liquor (beer and wine still free). Weird, huh! Personally, I'm in no way offended or put out or upset when there is no alcohol, but I think it's weird and kind of delusional to schedule a Saturday night wedding and hire a DJ and expect people to dance and live it up, but not serve alcohol. Whether the choice is for budget or religious or personal reasons doesn't matter. At least in my world, white boys do not dance without some alcohol in them!


In my perfect dream wedding within a budget scenario, I would have a daytime wedding with really yummy brunch food and serve different kinds of lemonade and fruit juice as a refreshment before an outdoor ceremony and water, tea, wine and beer and mimosas during the brunch reception indoors. Not a lot of people would drink very much since it's the middle of the day. If I was having a nighttime wedding, I would serve water, tea, soft drinks, wine and beer.


I guess what I'm saying is that you need to ask yourself, "What type of reception do I want?" If you're going for the "party feeling," then you should provide some sort of alcohol. That doesn't mean you have to spend outrageous amounts providing all kinds of alcohol though. I definitely suggest moving that after-party budget to the wedding and having your afterparty in the hotel bar or inviting people to bring their own drinks to the room if they know they'll want the party to continue once the bar closes.

 

[Gwyn]

I can honestly say, I would much rather pay for my drinks then not have alcohol served at all.

That could very well be an age thing though, FI and I are in our mid 20s to lower 30s. I can see not serving hard alcohol if you want to have an open bar but want to limit it to just beer and wine to save costs but I think I would be one of the pretty bummed people (and..yes might complain to someone nearby) if there was no alcohol of any kind.

FI and I are not heavy drinkers IMO but we do enjoy a drink or two when we go out, especially at night and DEFINITLY if there is dancing. I need that liquid encouragement to get on the dancefloor LOL.

When your talking about 100+ people, I think you are bound to get atleast a few that would greatly appreciate that some spirit be there, regardless of whether or not it is free.

Unless you are in Nocturnius''s shoes where its a belief thing and you know for sure there are only a handful of drinkers, I wouldnt recommend nixing the alcohol all together (not that you are since wine comes on the table during dinner this is meant as just a general comment).

One a side note Nocturnius, those 6 people would have to be kind of drinkers if their bar tab would have cost you thousands

 

[galvana]

Thank you all for responding! I definitly believe this is a region thing and what is accepted in one area may not be accepted at another.
I have been to several weddings in my life, and i live in worcester, massachusetts.

3 - Open Bar all night
3 - Open during cocktail hour only - then Cash Bar
1- Open bar all night BUT they shut off the bar during dinner, you couldn''t even buy a drink if you wanted, it was about 1.5 hrs and the guests were not happy that they all of a sudden couldn''t drink even if they paid for it themselves
2 - Cash bar all night

Around here, you do what you can. If i go to a wedding and its cash bar, im bummed that I have to pay but oh well, im excited to be there to celebrate with the couple.
I work at a hospital so the 3 that were open all night were physicians marrying physicians with physician parents.

I guess you just do the best you can. Thanks all and i will definitly talk to my fiance about having the $$ we were using to provide beer for the after party go towards the open bar instead, we rented the two presidential suites at our hotel, one for us to stay in and the other for the after party (which his brother will stay in)