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Wedding Open Bar Input please????

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galvana

galvana

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Hi All
I want to find out from you all what you think about open bar..............
My fiance and I are paying for everything wedding related ourselves which has been very stressful and difficult. We are struggling with the open bar thing.
So then i thought we could do it for just the first hour.......
Our wedding consultant for our reception told me open bar is based on consumption but would be about $20 per person for the first hour.
We are having 150+ guests so thats $3000 we''d have to pay upfront and then they will credit us or we have to pay more if people drink more.

We only budgeted for about $1000 towards some sort of open bar and now dont know what to do. I feel guilty about not having it open.
is it terrible to have a cash bar? did any of You have a cash bar??????
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Personally speaking, and this is just personal, I would much rather do something like wine/beer that is usually cheaper than do a cash bar. People are weird like that. They have no problem paying $10 for a shot at a danceclub, but God forbid you have to pay $8 at your loved one’s wedding

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Anyway, do they have a wine/beer option? How long is the reception? I think that you shouldn’t feel guilty about anything. You are paying for the wedding yourself. The fact that you are paying for people to enjoy your moment should be good enough for your guests.
 
I think it is pretty offensive to have a cash bar when people are giving gifts. Could you just offer beer, wine and punch?? Or even no booze??? Customs do vary in different areas of the country. Here in Ct. it is generally a full bar for the whole reception.
 
Thanks for the responses so far. Wow I thought people might be disappointed if it was a cash bar but i never thought they would be offended by it.??
geeez- now i really dont know what to do. We could do open bar beer/wine but the cost will be way out of our budget.........

Do you all think we just NEED to do it regardless of the money because its wrong/offensive to people if we don''t?
 
Date: 8/22/2008 11:42:11 AM
Author: galvana
Thanks for the responses so far. Wow I thought people might be disappointed if it was a cash bar but i never thought they would be offended by it.??
geeez- now i really dont know what to do. We could do open bar beer/wine but the cost will be way out of our budget.........

Do you all think we just NEED to do it regardless of the money because its wrong/offensive to people if we don''t?
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No. It''s your money. It''s your budget. Once people leave you have to deal with going over budget, not them.

Does the dinner package come with wine? Sometimes the dinner package will state "wine with dinner." I would do what you can afford. If you can afford one hour of open bar then do that.
 
Yes the dinner package comes with wine, a bottle of white and a bottle of red at every table during dinner, they will bring more if the table finishes them during dinnner.
is that good enough? and first hour open with beer/wine?
 
I was just at a wedding were wine and beer were free, and mixed drinks cost money. personally, i was shocked that the wine and drinks were free after the first glass they passed around. I am thinking about the same thing, but more so for the reason that i dont want people getting plastered at my wedding
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See if there is a beer/wine only option if you can do that. I think with the amount of people you are having, it is going to cost above 1000
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Can you ask them about brining in your own wine/beer? That way you can go to the wholesalers and purchase at wholesale price, rather than what the venue price is.
 
I totally understand what you''re going through. My fiance and I are also paying for our whole wedding, and it''s tough to think about paying thousands of dollars for other people to drink...but you are throwing a party. We actually moved our wedding from a Saturday to a Friday night and saved a lot of money that way. Our venue cut down the bar cost just for moving the day. We still get to have an open bar but for much less!! Or you could always do beer, wine, and a signature cocktail or something. Other people may feel differently, but I don''t really think a cash bar is a good idea. You should be able to figure out some sort of compromise. Good luck!
 
Thanks for the input, they wont let us bring in our own............tried.
 
Hi Alicia...I hear ya girl on paying for your own wedding....it seems that everything is always over budget. I too agree with doing a beer/wine/signature cocktail package. It will be way less (but probably still over the 1000.00).
Personally, I would not be offended by a cash bar although I would be very caught off guard (and uprepared, I do not bring cash to a wedding other then as a gift to the couple). I have found in my area and with the weddings I have attended, I have not once seen a cash bar (or no bar). But, things vary by region and the norms around you. Personally, I would go over budget on this one and at least to beer/wine, but that is just me.
I am so sorry....I hope this works out okay for you
 
The past two weddings I've been to (and in) the beer and wine were free, mixed drinks and shots were cash. I don't go to a wedding expecting an open bar, because I know how much money it is. At these weddings, no one had a problem paying for their own drinks. You drink what's provided, or you pay for what you want.

We're having an open bar (which we're providing) and we're choosing our liquor that will be provided. Is someone going to pout and moan because there is Absolut instead of Grey Goose? If they do, they'll have to get over it. Not their dime that's paying for it.

I think you need to do what's best for you. Beer and wine is a good option.\

ETA: My best friend did this last September, and they ended up spending about $1000 on the beer and wine once all was said and done. They paid for the keg, picked the wine, and paid for the wine after it was consumed.
 
Hmmmm, I think the cost of an open bar can be really tough, especially when you''re paying for it all on your own. I can only speak personally, but I found it really helpful to think about the costs for the guests. The issues we factored into our decision were: 1.) Do people have to pay for travel or accommodation to get to/attend the wedding? 2.) Are you registering? 3.) How formal is the wedding?

For us, the decision was kind of simple when we thought of it that way: our wedding is in England, but I''m American, so it''s going to cost my fam a chunk of change to attend. We''re not registering because of this, and to add to it all, the wedding is formal. Therefore, we''re opting to keep the bar open all night on us.

I''ll add that generally (and again this is purely personally) I do agree with the other gals and think that people respond better to an open bar and unfairly do not want to spend money at booze at a wedding despite what they may spend on a night out. However, the extent of your open bar is totally at your discretion. The idea of only serving wine, beer, and a punch-like drink is a great way to save money on the bar. I haven''t been to a lot of weddings where people drink the hard stuff anyway.

I think the bottom line is that you can only afford what you can afford, and it totally isn''t worth going over budget. We just used those factors I listed above to decide that for us an open bar is a good thing to allocate money to! We''re cutting back on flowers and other stuff to even things out. It''s just a preference of ours.

I hope this helps a little!
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The last wedding I went to had a keg, a red and white wine, and a signature cocktail (mojitos) which was classy, saved them money, and kept anyone from getting plastered.

I have been to weddings where wine and beer were offered, and hard liquor was cash bar. I didn''t hear any complaints. I wasn''t offended, personally. If I turned my nose up at what the hosts were serving, I had the option to buy a drink mixed to my liking.
 
However you slice it, providing alcohol for your guests is extremely expensive, and it is essentially guaranteed to exceed the $1000 budget, especially for as many guests as you will have. It''s a bummer they won''t let you bring in your own alcohol--that cuts down on the cost immensely.

Of the four weddings I''ve attended this summer, two had hosted beer and wine only, and two had an "open" bar that included liquor and mixed drinks. All the weddings hosted champagne for the champagne toast. Of the two that hosted only beer and wine, one had no other alcohol available while the other had a cash bar for mixed drinks. I honestly think that the former turned out much better. No one was grumbling about having to pay for liquor since there was none available. At the wedding where there was a cash bar, some guests were caught off-guard: having seen a bottle of bourbon out, and having ordered a bourbon assuming it would be free, some people were unpleasantly surprised to hear that their drink would be $15. Many guests did not have cash on them (I don''t bring cash to a wedding), so it created some very awkward situations. Not that this would necessarily be the case at your venue, but people were pretty offended at the exorbitant cost of the cash bar drinks ($15 for a well gin and tonic?!). Before doing a cash bar, I would look into how much it would cost the guests and nix it if the prices aren''t reasonable.

If it fits in your budget (I didn''t quite understand whether it would), I would do the hour of hosted beer and wine, not have any liquor available, and then just serve wine with dinner. If it doesn''t fit in your budget, just do whatever you feel would make you and your guests most comfortable--that is the hallmark of a good host.
 
here's the way the whole cash bar thing was explained to me by a number of people (and keep in mind that region does play a part in people's attitudes, so maybe this take on it is characteristic of where i live, my social circle, etc): your wedding reception is kind of like a big party that you throw to thank your guests for coming to your wedding, supporting your marriage, etc., so in a way, the party is FOR your guests, therefore, some people see a cash bar as being like "hey, i'll throw you a birthday party, but you have to buy your own cake" if that makes sense. sure, not everyone would be offended by it, but there's a distinct chance some would. IMO, it'd be better to either limit what you serve in some way to reduce cost or reduce your budget in another area (bridesmaids carry something other than flowers to reduce flower budget, make your own veil or programs, that kind of thing) than to risk offending some of your guests. i mean, if you were planning a party at your house, if you couldn't afford it, you just wouldn't have it. your wedding is the same way--if you can afford it, great, but if not, do something else.

there are other ways to reduce alcohol costs, too, though. if people are drinking wine during dinner, tell the waitstaff to ask before refilling so they're not giving more wine to people who don't want it. don't serve the top shelf liquors--half the time, people get mixed drinks where you can't tell if you're drinking grey goose or mr. boston! limit what times the bar is open--cutting cocktail hour from an hour to 45 minutes can save you a LOT of money because people generally drink a lot more earlier on (food hasn't been served yet, the wedding party isn't there, so there isn't much else to do, and they're sober, so they can take it). also, close the bar completely an hour before your reception ends--not only will it save you money, but it also gives guests more time to sober up.

sorry this is so long, and i hope something in my rambling was helpful! best of luck to ya!

ETA: I just caught the part that wine was free during dinner, so nevermind the waitstaff asking first comment! i think you'd be fine just having the wine at dinner, personally, and if you can afford it, serving just wine and beer for a bit when people first show up. just don't bully yourself into thinking you HAVE to serve the hard stuff. someone who wants to have a drink will be perfectly happy with whatever's in front of them...although i agree with the pp who said that seeing a bottle of bourbon and then having to pay for it will make people grumble who probably would've never done so if they only had the option of wine or beer from the get-go. i'm rambling now, haha! shutting up!
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Thank you so much to everyone who responded. Its very interesting to me to read all the different views on this.
Here''s what i think we''ll end up doing.
Our package comes with:

Champagne Toast for All
Two Bottles of Wine at every table during dinner (which they replenish if needed)
I think we''ll do Open Bar for Beer/Wine for the cocktail hour or have it for as long as the money we have saved will take it.

Wait though! here is another piece i forgot to mention to you all! We are having an "after party" in one of the hotel suites we reserved for guests after the reception ends. We will have the room full of food and beer for everyone. ---- geez maybe we should cancel the after party and use that money towards open bar?!?!?!
geeeeeeeeeez sometimes this wedding planning is less than fun!
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we''re having a limited bar, so wine, beer, and whatever mixed drinks can be made with vodka, rum, or whiskey. after the reception, we''re having an after-party at a bar, but it''s an impromptu kind of thing, and whoever goes to that will be paying for themselves.
 
I think your new plan is good, although I''m surprised you are supplying alcohol for the afterparty. Where is the afterparty going to take place? All the ones I''ve been to have been at hotels/bars, and we knew at that point drinks were on us, the guests, not the hosts. If possible, I would nix the alcohol at the afterparty and put that towards your bar budget, and allow guests to buy their own drinks if they attend the afterparty.
 
They really think it will be $20/pp for wine and beer? How much are they charging per drink? I don''t think many people will have more than one, or possibly two drinks in the first hour. Sure, you may have a couple of lushes, but you''ll have an equal number of non-drinkers, or people who will have only one.

I mean, unless you''re 20 and it''s a pseudo-frat party.

I think it is nice to offer an open bar at the beginning, because when you invite people to a party, you don''t expect your guests to chip in. But that said, if you can''t afford it, just let it be known, and people will probably understand!
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I certainly would understand completely if I knew the couple was young and poor and paying for things themselves!
 
Date: 8/22/2008 1:12:35 PM
Author: galvana


Wait though! here is another piece i forgot to mention to you all! We are having an ''after party'' in one of the hotel suites we reserved for guests after the reception ends. We will have the room full of food and beer for everyone. ---- geez maybe we should cancel the after party and use that money towards open bar?!?!?!

geeeeeeeeeez sometimes this wedding planning is less than fun!
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Missed this.

HEAVENS YES!!!!! DO NOT PAY FOR THE AFTERPARTY! At least among people I know, nobody expects to have booze provided for them at the afterparty. In fact, the whole point of the afterparty is often so that you no longer are responsible for paying for peoples'' booze. Definitely, do NOT pay for the after party booze. Just go to a club or a bar or something. And put that money toward what is more ''socially expected'', aka, serving drinks to your guests at the party to which you primarily invited them.
 
I think best would be no cash bar - serve beer/wine only if you can afford it. People will give a variety of responses on this one (some people would at least like the option of buying their drink rather than going without), but if you are throwing a party, I say throw a party you can afford and don't rely on your guests to throw their own party.

Having an open bar (ie. with liquor) during cocktail hour and then only hosting beer/wine is a fairly standard arrangement and would be great if you can swing it.

We were only allowed to serve beer and wine at our venue and it worked out wonderfully, especially as we had some girly malt beverages (Mike's Hard Lemonade, Bacardi's, etc.) for those that are not a fan of beer or wine. That is a treat for them but not necessary. No one complained about the lack of hard liquor.
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ETA: YES allow the guests to throw their own AFTERparty. After the party that you have invited them to and hosted. That they will expect. Ixnay on the cash bar at the wedding reception as much as you can...
 
i think this really depends on where you are and what your guests are used to. Here in NY, if i were to have a cash bar, people would be OUTRAGED. I''ve never been to a wedding with a cash bar, and can only imagine the reaction of guests if they were expected to pay. I realize it is not like this in other areas of the country. If your guests are used to this, and it would save you a lot of money, then go with the cash bar. A wine, beer and soda bar might be a good compromise as well.
 
LIke people have said, everyone has their own opinion on this. Alot of it is biased by your area''s norm and also the number of weddings you have been to where one or the other was done.

That being said. I am from the boston area and currently live in LA. I have attended maybe a dozen or so weddings throughout my life over on the east coast (where I was old enough to drink and therefore paid attention) and 5 out here.

Of those, only 2 weddings were a "cash bar" Both of these weddings took place in a hall (VFW type place and one on a Army base) where the hosts were told that open bar was not an option. Both weddings involved close family so I don''t think they would lie but maybe they did to save face. The drinks were also significantly cheaper at these places.

Either way, the vast majority of weddings I have attended have had liquor included. Ooh one of them had just beer and wine for free, cocktails were an additional cost. FI and I both agreed that for us and our crowd not having a hosted bar (based on comsumption for us) was not an option.

I think that guests greatly appreciate that their beverages are free of charge, alcohol or not. I don''t know that I would be offended at a place that had a cash bar but I do think I would be inconvenienced. Some things I would consider before opting for a cash bar:

Does your package atleast involve non - alcoholic beverages (i ask because my venue has a separate package for each). Does your venue accept credit cards (I rarely carry cash. One of the cash bar weddings I attended didnt accept crecit cards and I did hear many people complaining that they didnt have alot of cash on them.

I think that the beer and wine option is a nice compromise. If not for the whole event then atleast for the first hour. I agree with Indy that $20 per person is awfully high for just an hour of beer and wine. If you need to nix your afterparty to do this, then do so! It seems like this would benefit the majority of your guests not just the few that stick around for the after party.

Good Luck!
 
I''ve attended dozens of weddings and never felt that the Bride and Groom owed me my choice of cocktail. Beer and wine, and punch is fine with me. If I want something else, I can go to the hotel or restaurant bar and pay myself, or just wait till I get home. People shouldn''t be so picky that they can''t choose from beer, wine, or non-alcoholic IMO.

I''m not keen on cash bar, because I don''t normally bring a lot of cash to a wedding (or any other party for that matter).
 
With our budget, number of guests and their propensity to drink (!), a no holds-barred open bar was not an option for us. We toyed with the idea of completely open during the cocktail hour (i.e., beer, wine and liquor) and then restricting to beer and wine after the cocktail hour. However, we were advised by friends that they wouldn''t want their choices "taken away" and would be fine with beer and wine only.

We decided to offer only beer, wine, bourbon punch and champagne. We will not offer hard liquor, even as a cash bar option. We do not want our guests to pay for anything; and if they don''t like our beer, wine, punch or champagne choices, they''re welcome to have an ice tea or diet coke
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I also think that you should NOT be paying for drinks at your after-party! Once they leave the reception site, they should pay for their own booze.
 
I just served wine and soft drinks at my wedding.

A red, a white, a sparkling and a dessert wine with the cake.

Cash bars are just not something that is done or would be acceptable in my circle - it would be like inviting people over for dinner and then asking them for $10 at the end of the meal to pay for their wine.

My wedding was nearly 10 hours, with a two and a half hour drinks reception after the ceremony, a two hour dinner and then a four and a half hour evening reception. For 120 people I got through 48 bottles of sparkling, 22 bottles of red, 18 bottles of white and 8 bottles of dessert wine. Some people drink a lot, some people none at all.

For the after party, it is not up to you to pay for anything, We stayed in the same hotel as all our friends and I just arranged that the bar would be open all night. Our friends paid for their own drinks - and ours.

I do understand that some people would prefer to have a cash bar and that is fine.
 
Here are my thoughts: Cash bars are perfectly acceptable in some regions, social circles, cultures. I don''t normally attend a wedding with cash in hand (unless for a gift), and though John always has his wallet with him, there isn''t always cash in it. I have heard of people doing the cash bar thing with tickets. Like 2 or 3 tickets per person for alcoholic drinks, and anything beyond that being a cash bar. I wouldn''t say it would offend me at all. But it would surprise me, as I''ve never been to a cash bar wedding.

What I''m doing: Beer, wine and champagne only. It''s a way to keep costs down (you can pay by the bottle, not glass, and ask them to give you a case discount) and still not do the cash bar thing.
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Date: 8/22/2008 1:12:35 PM
Author: galvana
Thank you so much to everyone who responded. Its very interesting to me to read all the different views on this.
Here's what i think we'll end up doing.
Our package comes with:

Champagne Toast for All
Two Bottles of Wine at every table during dinner (which they replenish if needed)
I think we'll do Open Bar for Beer/Wine for the cocktail hour or have it for as long as the money we have saved will take it.

Wait though! here is another piece i forgot to mention to you all! We are having an 'after party' in one of the hotel suites we reserved for guests after the reception ends. We will have the room full of food and beer for everyone. ---- geez maybe we should cancel the after party and use that money towards open bar?!?!?!
geeeeeeeeeez sometimes this wedding planning is less than fun!
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Galvana, please be very careful with your decision for an open bar if you are on a budget. Does the venue (caterer) offer a "price per head" for the open bar? If so, it is likely a much better option than paying per consumption. My wedding was in the morning with an afternoon lunch reception. Only 14 people consumed alcoholic beverages. However, those 14 people drank 97 alcoholic drinks. All of our guests were adult professionals - no college kids or lushes. My venue offered the option of open bar for $35 per head. I didn't do it because only half of my 25 guests drink alcohol. I would have saved about $500 if had chosen the per head option.
 
Date: 8/22/2008 12:54:33 PM
Author: doodle

your wedding reception is kind of like a big party that you throw to thank your guests for coming to your wedding, supporting your marriage, etc., so in a way, the party is FOR your guests
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I agree with this 120% and wish more people would see it that way.

Beer and wine only is fine if that''s all you can swing. (Although it pains me to see people walking around with beer bottles at a nice wedding...put it in a glass!).

But what would bug me is if I went to an elaborate wedding with hundreds of guests where it is clear tens of thousands of dollars was spent, and there was a cash bar. Maybe you don''t invite *everbody* from the accounting department at work. Or you skip the circus performers during cocktail hour. Remember, the party is for your guests. Most of them would like a drink.
 
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