Online bullies

[ksinger]

Consider this a mini-rant on behalf of me for myself, and by me for the schools.

Disclaimer: I am NOT a technophobe. I do web development, so I''m around technology all day. However, neither am I an uncritical bandwagon jumper. Technology must serve a real need with me, or I don''t adopt it. I don''t like spending the amount of money and time required to keep up with it, quite frankly. I''d rather spend that money on jewelry, or the tools and materials to make it myself. That said, I somewhat reluctantly use some of technology today. I have a Facebook page. I have a cell PHONE - meaning I CALL people on it. I do not text. I do not have web connectivity on my phone, and yet, due to the bandwidth chewing apps of the i-Phone, I am frequently unable to receive voice messages timely, with many of them delivered a day or more later, or not at all. And no matter how many times I tell people that I do not text - that I do not have a text plan and must pay for each text - they still text me. Irritating.

So, it occurred to me that these gadgets and social networking have gotten completely out of hand, and have not made people more connected or genuinely social. It struck me most forcefully one night after a sailboat race. I came out to socialize but my husband''s entire crew - all under 40, and most under 30 - were sitting around after the race, and not ONE of them was talking to each other or anyone else. They all had out their phones and were absorbed in them, oblivious to the world and people around them. I said, loud enough for all to hear, "Ah, a perfect example of the huge generational gulf right here: no one talking, all with heads up a phone." They finally looked up, then looked chagrined, and put them away.

Then I began to notice how many times a day I must dodge oblivious texters in my hallway at work, who can''t be bothered to even look up.

Then I read this article, Online Bullies Pull Schools Into the Fray - and my stupid meter just hit overload. I just want to take these parents and slap the snot out of them, quite honestly. I''m so utterly tired of hearing - from my husband and in the news - of parents who won''t be parents. "Oh schools, please save us because we''re too lazy or scared to do the hard work of monitoring our kids or denying our little darlings anything!! What, call the other parents?? OMG! We can''t do THAT, we interact with them socially! YOU do it, school." I think I''m going to vomit.

OK...rant over. Any thoughts? Am I just hopelessly old and crotchety to think that we''re actually LESS social and genuinely connected to real flesh and blood people, due to the explosion of "social" technology? (Of course the irony of my time spent on this very site is not lost on me either, although my online time has decreased rather a bunch lately - too busy with real life, and too sick of trying to convert old VB6 .dlls into .NET .dlls and then trying to get them to interopt with ancient classic APS pages using VBscript - yes that is an invitation to any of you techies out there to pipe up. Ghastly problem, and I''m under the gun to do it fast. Riiiight)

 

[movie zombie]

it was hard enough being in school and dealing with bullies in the "old days" prior to cell phones. being a teenager now is pure HELL.

and you are so right: parents need to be Parents.

such a depressing article on so many levels. does not bode well for the future.

mz

 

[Harriet]

Cyberlaw still lacks clarity. Did you read about the parent who sued the school district and prevailed? Unfortunately, case law, thin as it is, was on his side.

 

[ksinger]

Date: 6/28/2010 9:46:04 PM
Author: Harriet
Cyberlaw still lacks clarity. Did you read about the parent who sued the school district and prevailed? Unfortunately, case law, thin as it is, was on his side.

Yep. The school must be all things to all people. Makes you want to lock the conflicting PARENTS - you know, the ones who want the schools to save little Janey from those mean kids, and the parents who raised the mean kids and who think that the schools are overstepping their bounds - in a room and not let them out until they act like adults and come to some understanding.

Of course, monitoring their kids'' internet or phone usage, or maybe not letting them HAVE these things unless they use them responsibly probably never occurs to either side of the fence. Both sides display parents unwilling to do the work, like the kid who said his mom was always threatening to get software to monitor him, but he knew she never would. It was an empty threat and he knew it. Poor, lazy parenting. Period. People that dumb should never have children.

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 6/29/2010 8:35:58 AM
Author: ksinger

Date: 6/28/2010 9:46:04 PM
Author: Harriet
Cyberlaw still lacks clarity. Did you read about the parent who sued the school district and prevailed? Unfortunately, case law, thin as it is, was on his side.

Yep. The school must be all things to all people. Makes you want to lock the conflicting PARENTS - you know, the ones who want the schools to save little Janey from those mean kids, and the parents who raised the mean kids and who think that the schools are overstepping their bounds - in a room and not let them out until they act like adults and come to some understanding.

Of course, monitoring their kids'' internet or phone usage, or maybe not letting them HAVE these things unless they use them responsibly probably never occurs to either side of the fence. Both sides display parents unwilling to do the work, like the kid who said his mom was always threatening to get software to monitor him, but he knew she never would. It was an empty threat and he knew it. Poor, lazy parenting. Period. People that dumb should never have children.

couldn''t agree more. for these parents, its always some else''s fault and someone else should be doing something about it. they never look at their part in it or what they could or should have done. parenting is work. and these people get a big fat F and fail as parents.

mz

 

[4ever]

Date: 6/29/2010 4:23:05 PM
Author: movie zombie

Date: 6/29/2010 8:35:58 AM
Author: ksinger

Date: 6/28/2010 9:46:04 PM
Author: Harriet
Cyberlaw still lacks clarity. Did you read about the parent who sued the school district and prevailed? Unfortunately, case law, thin as it is, was on his side.

Yep. The school must be all things to all people. Makes you want to lock the conflicting PARENTS - you know, the ones who want the schools to save little Janey from those mean kids, and the parents who raised the mean kids and who think that the schools are overstepping their bounds - in a room and not let them out until they act like adults and come to some understanding.

Of course, monitoring their kids' internet or phone usage, or maybe not letting them HAVE these things unless they use them responsibly probably never occurs to either side of the fence. Both sides display parents unwilling to do the work, like the kid who said his mom was always threatening to get software to monitor him, but he knew she never would. It was an empty threat and he knew it. Poor, lazy parenting. Period. People that dumb should never have children.

couldn't agree more. for these parents, its always some else's fault and someone else should be doing something about it. they never look at their part in it or what they could or should have done. parenting is work. and these people get a big fat F and fail as parents.

mz

And unfortunatly it's not just those lazy parents suffering as a result.

I'm 21 and I hate cell phones. Using a cell phone has become such an anti social behaviour. IMO it is so RUDE to text in the middle of having a conversation with some one in person, it is RUDE to answer your phone in the middle of a conversation with some one you are talking to in person (unless it is very important and you excuse yourself properly), it is RUDE to answer your phone while at a resturant, it is RUDE to use being on your phone as an excuse to ignore people in real life, it is RUDE to play music on your phone without ear buds in a public place, it is RUDE to carry on a conversation on a phone while trying to communicate to waiters, retail staff etc, not to mention it is just STUPID to NEED to use your phone while driving.

I swear, people my age act like they will DIE if they don't answer a call and it goes to voicemail, check if they have text messages, answer texts immediatly or check social net working sites every few hours. Not to mention "He hasn't texted me back, is he ignoring me? Does he not like me? IS HE WITH ANOTHER GIRL?" I put up with from my friends.

I wish people would take a good look at their cell phone behaviour and work out if they are using it in a way that is anti-social or if they are using it in a way which improves their everyday lives.

Rant over.

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 6/30/2010 5:19:43 AM
Author: 4ever

And unfortunatly it''s not just those lazy parents suffering as a result.

I''m 21 and I hate cell phones. Using a cell phone has become such an anti social behaviour. IMO it is so RUDE to text in the middle of having a conversation with some one in person, it is RUDE to answer your phone in the middle of a conversation with some one you are talking to in person (unless it is very important and you excuse yourself properly), it is RUDE to answer your phone while at a resturant, it is RUDE to use being on your phone as an excuse to ignore people in real life, it is RUDE to play music on your phone without ear buds in a public place, it is RUDE to carry on a conversation on a phone while trying to communicate to waiters, retail staff etc, not to mention it is just STUPID to NEED to use your phone while driving.

I swear, people my age act like they will DIE if they don''t answer a call and it goes to voicemail, check if they have text messages, answer texts immediatly or check social net working sites every few hours. Not to mention ''He hasn''t texted me back, is he ignoring me? Does he not like me? IS HE WITH ANOTHER GIRL?'' I put up with from my friends.

I wish people would take a good look at their cell phone behaviour and work out if they are using it in a way that is anti-social or if they are using it in a way which improves their everyday lives.

Rant over.

and i thought it was just ''cause i''m old and grumpy......good to know a youngster feels the same way!

mz

 

[dragonfly411]

I''m very much the same about texting and calling while with someone. I thin it is so rude to text or call while in a conversation, at a restaurant, at the dinner table, or at any kind of social gathering. I can''t stand it.

 

[risingsun]

Caveat: I'm a therapist, not a lawyer

I would like to tell Mr. Cohen [from the article] that his daughter, J.C., is guilty of harassment and stalking, perhaps, even making terroristic threats. I do believe that the problem of becoming and being a bully starts with the parents not taking responsibility for teaching their children healthy values and beliefs. [There was a point that the author made that was incorrect. According to developmental psychology, you learn to build your identity and become an individual by internalizing your external events. If you are bullied, that may likely become part of your personality, either as a victim or a bully, yourself.] I think that when bullies take their behavior to an extreme, it becomes a crime. I would love to see the parents, schools and law enforcement come together and develop a comprehensive approach to this serious societal concern. Peer pressure can easily overcome parental teachings. This is also part of the developmental process. Hopefully, the internalized values will rise to the surface and the teen will break through this stage into maturity.

Teaching should come from a variety of sources, working together. Mr. Cohen's daughter, in my view, should have served time in a youth detention center. Mr. Cohen needs brief therapy--smack on head. He has been enabling his daughter to be a bully. He also behaves like a bully. What do you do to get through to a man like that? I wouldn't let him into my office. Maybe another therapist would.

 

[StonieGrl]

Rudeness is eternal; the tools and venues simply change with the times.

 

[PhillYOung]

This online bullies is just a piece of cake, they are not real. So, do not be afraid of them.

 

[VRBeauty]

Re:

Date: 6/30/2010 5:19:43 AM
Author: 4ever

And unfortunatly it''s not just those lazy parents suffering as a result.

I''m 21 and I hate cell phones. Using a cell phone has become such an anti social behaviour. IMO it is so RUDE to text in the middle of having a conversation with some one in person, it is RUDE to answer your phone in the middle of a conversation with some one you are talking to in person (unless it is very important and you excuse yourself properly), it is RUDE to answer your phone while at a resturant, it is RUDE to use being on your phone as an excuse to ignore people in real life, it is RUDE to play music on your phone without ear buds in a public place, it is RUDE to carry on a conversation on a phone while trying to communicate to waiters, retail staff etc, not to mention it is just STUPID to NEED to use your phone while driving.

I swear, people my age act like they will DIE if they don''t answer a call and it goes to voicemail, check if they have text messages, answer texts immediatly or check social net working sites every few hours. Not to mention ''He hasn''t texted me back, is he ignoring me? Does he not like me? IS HE WITH ANOTHER GIRL?'' I put up with from my friends.

I wish people would take a good look at their cell phone behaviour and work out if they are using it in a way that is anti-social or if they are using it in a way which improves their everyday lives.

Rant over.

and i thought it was just ''cause i''m old and grumpy......good to know a youngster feels the same way! 

mz

Ditto, ditto, ditto! Unfortunately it's sanctioned and even seen as a badge of honor in many business settings. I understand that the BB's are a tool and do help get things done, but c'mon... surely there are times when you don't have to check every message immediately after it comes in?

One of the things I hate is seeing parents walking down the street, in the store, etc. with a kid in tow and a cell phone in one ear. do those kids ever get their parent's undivided attention?

BTW it's not just kids who participate in cyber-bullying... I've seen supposed adults bullying on a forum I used to participate in. Ultimately it shut the site down. .