Okay, I need some advice...

[kenny]

I don't do illegal drugs and it bothers me that many otherwise-responsible adults do.
If you don't like a law work to change it, but don't break it.

If someone offered my kids drugs I'd call the 911 and have them arrested, relative or not.

 

[junebug17]

Date: 8/19/2009 6:14:20 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Former manager of a law firm. I''ve moved on to aerospace contracting, it pays better

I''m not entirely sure what the motivation for the personal attack was, but please reread my post. I did say that I would have said something to my relatives. I simply said I wouldn''t make a federal case of it, as clearly Richard agrees it is not his intent to do so. A few posters have said they wouldn''t say anything, so IMO I am being more agressive in discussing it with the relatives than some other posters.

Regarding the snark about whether it''s OK to break the law, certainly it is if you are willing to accept the consequences, or am I to believe you''ve never broken the speed limit knowingly, parked in the no park zone, etc. Obviously many people do not share my casual acceptance of pot, but here in California you''d be hard pressed to find 2 people out of 5 who have not partaken. Perhaps you think that''s what wrong with Californians

Hey, you may be on to something

There was no lack of empathy in my post. Perhaps Gypsy is ''projecting'' her issues?

Not a snark, just an observation.

This thread isn''t about speeding, it''s about drug use. But you''re good at diverting the issue, I''ll give you that.

And btw, I don''t speed, do drugs, or jaywalk. I''m a model citizen.

 

[allycat0303]

Richard,

This is really advice from the heart. I don''t smoke. I don''t drink (i.e I have NEVER tasted alcohol in my LIFE.) I have never tasted coffee in my life. Over the years, MANY people, including my husband have tried to get me to partake in alcohol. Which I think we agree is much more common then weed. I have NEVER drank, and have never even been tempted too. It was something that I strongly believe in and have never faltered. So what I am trying to say is that all young people, will do as they wish. You can not shield them from life. I can bet you that when she is in college, she''s been offered much worst, and much more insistently by people who are more likely to make her feel left out then your brother in law.

Trust in the daughter you raised.

 

[junebug17]

Date: 8/19/2009 6:26:28 PM
Author: kenny
I don''t do illegal drugs and it bothers me that many otherwise-responsible adults do.
If you don''t like a law work to change it, but don''t break it.

If someone offered my kids drugs I''d call the 911 and have them arrested, relative or not.

Kenny, I like the way you think!

 

[iheartscience]

Another one who wouldn''t say anything to the relatives. Your daughter handled it well and you don''t want to betray her trust.

 

[Indylady]

Richard, its wonderful to hear how your daughter handled that situation!

I am sorry she''d like to go through such peer pressure, especially coming from relatives, but, it probably won''t be the last time someone is going to try to convince her to smoke/drink/do something she doesn''t want to. Perhaps its a blessing in disguise; the more times you say no, the easier it becomes to do it. After having been turned down once, perhaps next time they won''t even ask her and it won''t be an issue.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/19/2009 10:12:52 AM
Author: Richard Sherwood

Thank you so much for your advice everybody. I feel much better about things after reading your views.

So at least I know I''m not crazy. That''s a relief.

I tend to resonate with the posters who state that the bond I have with my daughter is more important than the passing situation. This bond is a special thing to me, one that I am very hesitant to damage.

There''s also the aspect of creating a possibly permanent family rift, with nothing really gained in doing so.

I''m thinking that the opportunity is going to present itself for me to make my feelings known without betraying my daughter''s confidence. I think I''ll wait for that opportunity.

Thank you again.

Wait a minute, nobody said that...

It sounds like you and your wife raised a lovely, responsible daughter Rich. Be proud.

 

[packrat]

I''m glad your daughter handled herself the way she did-shows a lot of maturity, I think.

I had another long ole post but decided to just leave well enough alone..besides, I think it went into threadjack territory.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 8/19/2009 6:38:15 PM
Author: junebug17

Date: 8/19/2009 6:26:28 PM

Author: kenny

I don't do illegal drugs and it bothers me that many otherwise-responsible adults do.

If you don't like a law work to change it, but don't break it.


If someone offered my kids drugs I'd call the 911 and have them arrested, relative or not.

Kenny, I like the way you think!

Are you serious?
You would suggest trying to have his own family arrested over something like this,
alienating them completely from him, and very likely damaging the child's bond with these people and the link to their late mother?


Fwiw, my actual opinion on the matter is pretty much what the majority of posters have said, and Rich has identified with this and resolved to let the issue sort itself out in it's own time.

I wasn't going to post, but this is just waaay overboard imho, and really doesn't take the more important issues into consideration.

 

[mousey]

I am on the ''respect your daughter''s confidence'' line too. One thought though, could you not say to one of your other kids to look out for your daughter in such situations? Even though they partake, they could then stick up for her and say something like ''X doesn''t do that stuff, let her be''. Then at least she d feel supported.

 

[niccia]

Date: 8/19/2009 6:37:40 PM
Author: allycat0303
Richard,

This is really advice from the heart. I don''t smoke. I don''t drink (i.e I have NEVER tasted alcohol in my LIFE.) I have never tasted coffee in my life. Over the years, MANY people, including my husband have tried to get me to partake in alcohol. Which I think we agree is much more common then weed. I have NEVER drank, and have never even been tempted too. It was something that I strongly believe in and have never faltered. So what I am trying to say is that all young people, will do as they wish. You can not shield them from life. I can bet you that when she is in college, she''s been offered much worst, and much more insistently by people who are more likely to make her feel left out then your brother in law.

Trust in the daughter you raised.

Ditto Ally.

My aunt and uncle are similar to these two. Old hippies that smoke pot all day. Very different from my family. We used to visit them as children, and my parents made it clear to us that while they didn''t aprove of the smoking, they were still wonderful people who made their own choices in life. I thought it was disgusting, and looking at my cousins now, I am very glad I wasn''t raised that way. I don''t like their lifestyle, but they all seem really happy. It wasn''t a big deal. I would just trust in your daughter and let it go. They are only there twice a year and your kids are all grown up now. They can make their own decisions, and they obviously have a special bond with these two.

 

[junebug17]

Date: 8/20/2009 4:38:57 AM
Author: arjunajane

Date: 8/19/2009 6:38:15 PM
Author: junebug17

Date: 8/19/2009 6:26:28 PM

Author: kenny

I don''t do illegal drugs and it bothers me that many otherwise-responsible adults do.

If you don''t like a law work to change it, but don''t break it.


If someone offered my kids drugs I''d call the 911 and have them arrested, relative or not.

Kenny, I like the way you think!

Are you serious?
You would suggest trying to have his own family arrested over something like this,
alienating them completely from him, and very likely damaging the child''s bond with these people and the link to their late mother?


Fwiw, my actual opinion on the matter is pretty much what the majority of posters have said, and Rich has identified with this and resolved to let the issue sort itself out in it''s own time.

I wasn''t going to post, but this is just waaay overboard imho, and really doesn''t take the more important issues into consideration.

Well, ok, maybe calling 911 is extreme, but I would be sorely tempted. I was agreeing more with the sentiment that I''m tired of people just ignoring laws and rules that they don''t like. If trusted relatives offered my kid illegal drugs, I would be livid and I would say something. Not only did Richard''s daughter have to deal with the initial incident, now she has to worry about keeping it a secret. The whole situation stinks, but apparently Richard has found a way to handle it to his satisfaction.

 

[Amethyste]

Richard -

Seems like your daughter has a really good head on her shoulder and has made her own choice on the matter which is to stay away from it.
You are a proud father and you trust your daughter''s ability to make the right decision on several things in life like that one. your daughter has
told you this incident in private and in confidence, hoping that you would also keep this conversation in between the 2 of you. My suggestion is to not mention
anything to them as you would perhaps break a little bit of the trust that she has put into you... She knows its wrong and you know its wrong.
As long as they are not pushing this constantly in front of you and her, I would "try" to keep to myself and trust her judgement.

But it''s hard to give advice especially when you are not in the situation. you seems like a great and strong father figure, loaded with common sense.
you will know what to do and how to approach this in due time....

 

[VRBeauty]

Richard --

Congratulations for raising such a strong, sensible daughter!

I second the sentiment that it''s important for you to keep your daughter''s confidence.

I trust you mentioned to your daughter that you''d be ready to say something if she asks for your help?

Good luck!