Ok to diss large diamond but rude to diss small e-ring?

[Alexiszoe]

Based on what I have read on PS over the years, my friends and my personal experience, it seems that snarky/negative comments for larger diamonds is more common than for smaller e-rings. Does anyone have had a similar experience and why do you think that happens?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Based on what I have read on PS over the years, my friends and my personal experience, it seems that snarky/negative comments for larger diamonds is more common than for smaller e-rings. Does anyone have had a similar experience and why do you think that happens?

b/c i'm envious of PSer's BIG rocks...

 

[decodelighted]

I think people generally assume that folks with *small* diamonds don't have a choice ... but folks with very *large* diamonds DO have a choice. And they are choosing to *flaunt* their financial success in the same way one would with a known expensive car or jewelry or furs or houses etc.


ETA: Crude comparison but it's rude to "diss" things people can't change - like handicaps or birthmarks etc. But people seem to go out of their way to snark on bad plastic surgery or obvious hair plugs or something that they've done to themselves intentionally out of vanity.

 

[AprilBaby]

Maybe I have my head in the sand but it seems to me for the most part we love diamonds of any size???

 

[VRBeauty]

I can't speak to your friends and personal experience, but... here on PS, any generally negative on large diamonds are comments on very large diamonds sported by celebrities and such - not PS'ers diamonds. Small diamonds owned by non-PS'ers tend not to make it to our attention.

 

[Laila619]

Probably for a number of reasons: larger ones can be seen as tacky or showing off or being materialistic/shallow, etc.

 

[Alexiszoe]

Aprilbaby and VRBeauty,

I meant folks on PS commenting about their larger e-ring receiving negative attention/comments, or folks who want larger e-rings and worrying about negative comments. PSers love bling large or small!

Deco and Laila,

I understand how large diamonds can be seen as materialistic. However I also see folks with luxury cars but not receiving the same level of judgment...is it because a diamond is considered frivolous hence the negativity?

 

[kenny]

... why do you think that happens?

The green monster.

 

[Laila619]

Aprilbaby and VRBeauty,

I meant folks on PS commenting about their larger e-ring receiving negative attention/comments, or folks who want larger e-rings and worrying about negative comments. PSers love bling large or small!

Deco and Laila,

I understand how large diamonds can be seen as materialistic. However I also see folks with luxury cars but not receiving the same level of judgment...is it because a diamond is considered frivolous hence the negativity?

If I had to guess, yes. People think a car, even a showy luxury car, is useful in that it gets you places you need to be, whereas a diamond is a completely frivolous purchase--it does nothing but adorn your finger and look pretty (and cost a lot!). A lot of people judge...that diamond could pay for little Johnny's college education or a down payment on a house, etc.

 

[Autumnovember]

Yes and actually I started a thread on this topic sometime last year....

 

[justginger]

It seems to always be ok to comment/poke fun/criticize something that is viewed as a 'good thing' by the majority of society. Skinny women are supposed to be ok with comments about their weight, obese women are not. Women who look young hear about it all the time (even when it's not-so-nice teasing), women who look older or haggard do not. People who eat fine food are teased for being food snobs, people who eat rubbish don't. People with big diamonds, nice cars, expensive purses are in the firing line, those who have very little never have it pointed out. For some reason it's considered fair game if societal norms say that the object/characteristic is desirable.

 

[jazzoboe]

About a year ago, one of my best friends told me that a girl she goes to dental school with just got engaged, and proceeded to tell me how her ring was sooooo huge, it was a full 1.5 carats, and how a rock that big looked tacky/fake . I almost died laughing inside imagining what most PSers would think about that. Keep in mind, the average size in our area is probably .5ct or a little over. I personally have a .86 solitaire, and the friend who said this has probably .5-.75 in a fairly elaborate setting. I just couldn't believe she thought 1.5 was so outrageous she had to comment on it like that!

But my point is, you're completely right. If the ring had been .3ct, I'm sure my friend wouldn't have said a word about it. And i also completely agree that people feel they can comment on things that most would perceive as good things, even if it's done in a not so nice way. I used to be fairly skinny (like 5'7" and 105 lbs... but, uh.... not anymore. I hit 20 years old and my metabolism came to a screeching halt) and random strangers felt it was okay to say things like "Oh my gosh, you are SO TINY! Don't you eat??"

 

[Missy]

Not always but for the most part it does come down to jealousy as Kenny has pointed out.

 

[Circe]

There's also the fact that, practically speaking, diamonds are a gendered interest. Most things coded as feminine in our society are fair game. A guy with a Rolex, on the other hand? "Successful," not "gaudy," or whatever other term you might hear applied to a big ring.

 

[iheartscience]

It seems to always be ok to comment/poke fun/criticize something that is viewed as a 'good thing' by the majority of society. Skinny women are supposed to be ok with comments about their weight, obese women are not. Women who look young hear about it all the time (even when it's not-so-nice teasing), women who look older or haggard do not. People who eat fine food are teased for being food snobs, people who eat rubbish don't. People with big diamonds, nice cars, expensive purses are in the firing line, those who have very little never have it pointed out. For some reason it's considered fair game if societal norms say that the object/characteristic is desirable.

Ditto-my thoughts exactly!

 

[iheartscience]

There's also the fact that, practically speaking, diamonds are a gendered interest. Most things coded as feminine in our society are fair game. A guy with a Rolex, on the other hand? "Successful," not "gaudy," or whatever other term you might hear applied to a big ring.

This is so right. UGH.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think it is exactly the same with men and cars. They just may not voice it like women do, but they feel it whether they admit it or not!!!

And yes, negative comments sometimes stem from envy. But I would say in my case, there are two negative thoughts that I have had when seeing certain large rings. One is when the ring is huge but visibly poor quality, and the other is when the ring is just over-the-top gaudy and/or ugly and obviously trying too hard! I can think of only a couple of those that I have seen here in a few years. For the most part, PS regulars have exquisite taste and the large jewels are elegant and beautiful!

 

[Dee*Jay]

To the OP, I think you’re right. And Kenny hit the nail on the head with the green eyed monster. Thing2 also raises a very valid gender point, and DS is, I suspect, spot on about the car (interestingly, another gender related point).

As a woman with large (by local standards) diamond studs that I wear daily and a luxury car, I am the target of much snark. Sad but true. And if I ever trotted out my old engagement ring, well I think the same people who are dissing studs and/or my car would pretty much just DIE of snark. Death by snark--would serve them right. *I* am happy.

 

[iheartscience]

To the OP, I think you’re right. And Kenny hit the nail on the head with the green eyed monster. Thing2 also raises a very valid gender point, and DS is, I suspect, spot on about the car (interestingly, another gender related point).

As a woman with large (by local standards) diamond studs that I wear daily and a luxury car, I am the target of much snark. Sad but true. And if I ever trotted out my old engagement ring, well I think the same people who are dissing studs and/or my car would pretty much just DIE of snark. Death by snark--would serve them right. *I* am happy.

Ha, seriously! Haters gonna hate.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

No, you know, everyone talks about size and upgrades which is a subtle way of stating smaller diamonds are not as desirable as a larger diamond that can be achieved over time. I've heard lots of people say that a certain size is too small. And, this is in RL. One gal even told me she would wear CZs rather than settle for small diamonds (she said that .75 per ear was too small!).

 

[OneFifty]

I would agree that a lot of it is probably jealousy or thinking that you are spending money on a frivolous item. Well, luckily it's my money.

DeeJay - You just let me know who those snarky people are and I'll give them a nice talking to.

 

[Laila619]

I don't always think it's envy though--some people genuinely think large diamonds are tacky and ostentatious. That same person could have a huge mansion though, and not find that to be ostentatious, so it's all just what you personally value/like.

 

[Alexiszoe]

Circe,

what you said seems to ring true: I have had male acquaintances wear watches or own luxury cars that are the equivalent of a 5 carat diamond ring in cost, but I have never heard anyone make snide remarks about their watches. Whereas if women possessed the same thing I have heard remarks that tend to insinuate that it was because she married up or had a rich male partner/father - success is rarely attributed to the woman. And I suspect if it was, the lady in question would receive some snarky comments, as in DeeJay's case.

DeeJay,

It's just sad that some others can't be happy about your success. Your comment made me laugh though, lol. and off topic, but your Brick is one of the loveliest I have ever seen!

justginger,

you are right -and I wonder if there's an element of classism in there, that it is all right to make fun of the good things in life.

I wonder if it is not just envy but also because when someone makes negative comments about a small e-ring, it seems like it is insulting that person's (and her husband/fiance/partner) financial status - the assumption is they bought a small e-ring because of financial limitations. Whereas insulting someone with a large e-ring is somehow ok...because it is about taste? or that because they are "different" from most folks and successful or financially well to do it is somehow all right to be made fun of.

 

[decodelighted]

It seems to always be ok to comment/poke fun/criticize something that is viewed as a 'good thing' by the majority of society. Skinny women are supposed to be ok with comments about their weight, obese women are not. Women who look young hear about it all the time (even when it's not-so-nice teasing), women who look older or haggard do not. People who eat fine food are teased for being food snobs, people who eat rubbish don't. People with big diamonds, nice cars, expensive purses are in the firing line, those who have very little never have it pointed out. For some reason it's considered fair game if societal norms say that the object/characteristic is desirable.

haha. yeah, I've *never* heard jokes about people eating McDonalds all the time. Or Cheetos covered fingertips (Britney Spears comes to mind). Or shoving Twinkies in your face. Fat jokes def aren't the one safe harbor of comedians everywhere. Bzzzzz. Try again.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

To the OP, I think you’re right. And Kenny hit the nail on the head with the green eyed monster. Thing2 also raises a very valid gender point, and DS is, I suspect, spot on about the car (interestingly, another gender related point).

As a woman with large (by local standards) diamond studs that I wear daily and a luxury car, I am the target of much snark. Sad but true. And if I ever trotted out my old engagement ring, well I think the same people who are dissing studs and/or my car would pretty much just DIE of snark. Death by snark--would serve them right. *I* am happy.

Dee Jay, you are one classy gal, and I think you should pull out that beauty and rock it on your right hand!

 

[Dancing Fire]

There's also the fact that, practically speaking, diamonds are a gendered interest. Most things coded as feminine in our society are fair game. A guy with a Rolex, on the other hand? "Successful," not "gaudy," or whatever other term you might hear applied to a big ring.

that's me "Mr. Successful".. i wish...

Circe, it depends on what forum i post my gold Rolex on,if i posted it on a watch forum most members will see it as "gaudy" ...

 

[Gypsy]

It seems to always be ok to comment/poke fun/criticize something that is viewed as a 'good thing' by the majority of society. Skinny women are supposed to be ok with comments about their weight, obese women are not. Women who look young hear about it all the time (even when it's not-so-nice teasing), women who look older or haggard do not. People who eat fine food are teased for being food snobs, people who eat rubbish don't. People with big diamonds, nice cars, expensive purses are in the firing line, those who have very little never have it pointed out. For some reason it's considered fair game if societal norms say that the object/characteristic is desirable.

Ditto-my thoughts exactly!

Yup.

 

[Enerchi]

It seems to always be ok to comment/poke fun/criticize something that is viewed as a 'good thing' by the majority of society. Skinny women are supposed to be ok with comments about their weight, obese women are not. Women who look young hear about it all the time (even when it's not-so-nice teasing), women who look older or haggard do not. People who eat fine food are teased for being food snobs, people who eat rubbish don't. People with big diamonds, nice cars, expensive purses are in the firing line, those who have very little never have it pointed out. For some reason it's considered fair game if societal norms say that the object/characteristic is desirable.

Ditto-my thoughts exactly!

Yup.

I'm another one - well said Justginger!

There are just some people who want to elevate themselves by putting others down. But my guess is, Kenny is also dead on with the jealousy thing!

 

[rosetta]

To the OP, I think you’re right. And Kenny hit the nail on the head with the green eyed monster. Thing2 also raises a very valid gender point, and DS is, I suspect, spot on about the car (interestingly, another gender related point).

As a woman with large (by local standards) diamond studs that I wear daily and a luxury car, I am the target of much snark. Sad but true. And if I ever trotted out my old engagement ring, well I think the same people who are dissing studs and/or my car would pretty much just DIE of snark. Death by snark--would serve them right. *I* am happy.

Ha, seriously! Haters gonna hate.

So true

 

[iheartscience]

It seems to always be ok to comment/poke fun/criticize something that is viewed as a 'good thing' by the majority of society. Skinny women are supposed to be ok with comments about their weight, obese women are not. Women who look young hear about it all the time (even when it's not-so-nice teasing), women who look older or haggard do not. People who eat fine food are teased for being food snobs, people who eat rubbish don't. People with big diamonds, nice cars, expensive purses are in the firing line, those who have very little never have it pointed out. For some reason it's considered fair game if societal norms say that the object/characteristic is desirable.

haha. yeah, I've *never* heard jokes about people eating McDonalds all the time. Or Cheetos covered fingertips (Britney Spears comes to mind). Or shoving Twinkies in your face. Fat jokes def aren't the one safe harbor of comedians everywhere. Bzzzzz. Try again.

Maybe comedians make jokes about fat people, but I seriously doubt regular people comment on overweight people's weight nearly as much as they do to thin people.

And there is nothing wrong with Cheetos covered fingertips.