Wedding Oh boy!

[iwannaprettyone]

I am almost in tears.

FI just told me that he has been inviting random people to come to the wedding (6 extras that he has admitted to Oh and new girlfriend of GM....I tried to explain that I am making favor tags, seating arrangement, food qty estimates etc but he is like, well its my wedding too and if they wanna come they can.

Deep breath. Am I overeacting?????

 

[galvana]

wow im shocked reading this, you are not overreacting. I honestly surprised though......................has he been involved at all in the plans? does he know how much detail is taken? how much everything costs? etc?
If he doesn''t has a true understanding of how big of a deal it is to just invite random people, then be fair and explain it to him...........
if he DOES know then im with you 100%.

I would kill my FI if he did that, but he wouldn''t cuz are $$ is tight and more people equals more $$

 

[gtn]

You are not overreacting. You have a month to go. If he wanted to invite more people, he should have done it earlier. Now that it is done, take a deep breath and explain to him how each additional person will cost x more and how much extra work you will have to put into it.

If he doesn''t have as many guests coming as you do, he might feel the need to "even things out." I don''t get it, I just know it happens.

sending hugs and ps dust your way.

 

[meresal]

Not overreacting at all!!! I would be beside myself

. I would sit him down with ALL the info and show him that if he wants those people there, he can pay for them and arrange where they will be sitting, and really show him how hard it is to do all these things. Does he know how hard you have been working on this? How did you find out he asked these people? Did someone say something to you or did he confess?

 

[swingirl]

It is his wedding, too. But he must have a cut-off date for any additions. Same sort of thing happened to me but what I found was that people who were verbally invited the last minute didn't take the invitation very seriously and most didn't RSVP or show up.

 

[loverocks]

Wow. I am with you on this one unless he has living in a hole for the last few months and truly has no idea what the implications are of doing this. More info is needed here, but yea, I would freak out too. I am so sorry you are in this situation. You are so close now and this is just added stress you don''t need

 

[julesbeth]

Ew! NOT overreacting AT ALL! You can''t just start inviting people!

Yes, its his wedding too, but its YOU who is pulling you hair out over all this stuff. sheesh.

 

[Shoopy]

This actually made me giggle a little cause its such a "man" moment (not to offend the ps men on here!).

My FI was doing the same. I came up with a list and asked for his input and he said everything was great. Then this weekend he starts adding people...his neighbor, the guy that repairs his car, a friend he met 2 weeks ago. I just let him continue and by the end it was 18 extra people.

Then I told him, ok that''ll be $2,250 please

Those 18 are no longer invited

 

[iwannaprettyone]

We worked on the guest list together and he took it and worked on it some more with his mother and two sisters. Then we went back over it, he kept it for 2 weeks until he was satisfied with it.

He went to the rental place with me, he has seen the hand fans I ordered and the favors. I just don''t get it...I tried to explain to him what the ramifications of extras were (these are people I have never even heard of in our 5 year relationship mind you) and he said "well if they love us then I want them to come".... um yeah they love us soooo much I haven''t heard or seen these people well...EVER?!

It is his wedding too, and I have given him every opportunity to be involved. The wedding had to be approx. 60 people so we could get married on the deck...well I guess that is out.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Holy Christmas I''d be livid. Definitely put it in terms of $$. Calculate how much their plates will cost, plus the added cost of invitations, fans, etc. Deliver that number to FI and ask him if he still wants them to come. Men understand money when there''s a big figure in front of them, otherwise they''re kind of clueless (no offense guys). He really may not understand the correlation between the guest list, the cost, and adding people to said guest list.

I wanted to strangle my mother the other day when she added 6 cousins to the guest list...that''s $600+ out of my pocket (we''re paying for the wedding 100% at this point).

 

[iwannaprettyone]

I guess I should do the math. I am stunned at this point!

 

[bee*]

lol I''d kill him! I just said it to D and he said even I know not to do that. Sending hugs!

 

[marchswallowbird]

You know, men deal a LOT better with facts than they do with emotions. Does he know that this new guest count will mean your ceremony location must change? That may make a difference to him.

Perhaps you two can reach a compromise...have some of the extra people he invited but not all of them. Definitely sit him down and show him how much extra $$ it will cost for the additions. Sit down with him and the seating chart and ask for his input on where the best place would be to seat these people. And tell him at this point it is too late for any MORE additions.

 

[Gwyn]

Was he involved in the actual guest list making/approving? Guys can be so clueless about things.

We are waiting to hear back from one of his cousins to see if she is coming or not and his mother tells me to just put her down as a yes since she will probably not RSVP and just show up. So I tell FI to send his cousin and email or call and find out and he is like "why cant we just go with what my mom said"

There is seating and labels and dining options but, and most importantly, head count for food (and for some bar as well). If he is just randomly inviting people, is he keeping track of who is really coming? I mean, so he invites 6 extras. And they say sure ok cool. ANd so you put them down and pay for their plates and their liquor (if its a hosted bar by the hour) and then they dont come...you are out all that extra money.

I had to explain this all to FI (our per head cost is a little under $100). He didnt relate the fact that if we just put her down for a yes and she didnt even plan on coming that we were out $100.

I am totally with him that it is his wedding to, if he wants to send them people an invite and make it "official" and stuff I am all for it" but there is a time frame that this all needs to get done. What is done is done. Make sure you get in touch with the peopel he already invited and be sure they know they really are invitied and, if they agree, they are expected to be there just like they got an invitiation and RSVPd (or you could even make sure they get one). Also give him a cut off. You said you have a month to go. When are your final numbers due to the venue? 10 days before or something. Tell him he has to the end of this week to get out all in the "invites" to people who he forgot about. After that, too bad. It is your wedding too

 

[swimmer]

Sweet Jesus,
I would strangle my man if he did that.
Having him manage the google spreadsheet of invites made him acutely aware of numbers. I found out at the wedding that he had cut some of his friends to accommodate mine; I was in Asia for a few weeks and got back 3 weeks before the wedding so he had a list of wedding chores.

Is it possible to calmly sit down and say, OK we have 60 spaces, who will you cut to accommodate these new people?
Here is the seating chart, where should the extra table go? Can you make this his problem and not yours?

Now he might just be fearful of having to go and un-invite people...can you draft an email emphasizing how they can''t come but it will be great to hang together in the future. Can you un-invite someone by text? Do you think these folks would really think to come?

 

[kittybean]

I wish I had some better advice for you, but I think the other posters have given you the best advice: see if you can make this his problem instead of yours.

I''m really sorry you have to deal with this right now--a month beforehand is not the appropriate time to go inviting people! I hope it works out with minimal headache on your part.

 

[Izzy03]

No way! My fiance has a very similar plan! He is afraid that people will call when they see the engagement announcement, so he will invite those who call to avoid hurt feelings. I was like, HECK NO! I have already doubled my ideal guest list from 50 to 100 to comprimise! Now you want me to up it to 150?

We almost canceled the wedding we JUST started planning because of this.

Stick to your guns!

 

[pocahontas]

Iwanna, I totally agree with the other ladies that you''re not overreacting at all. At this point, you just need to continue taking those deep breaths because he can''t uninvite them. Hmm, or can he - lol?! I like the suggestion of getting him to help with some of these responsibilities, or at least to take over one or two of your other responsibilities. As Kitty stated, I hope you get through with minimal headaches **big hugs**

 

[miraclesrule]

Men

Whatta gonna do? You can''t choke him, but you can make him do all the last minute add-ons that need to be done now because he invited them. If he does that, maybe he won''t add anymore.

I''m feeling for you girl. Some men just don''t have any idea about all the details that go into the wedding/reception process.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

You are not overreacting!

He''s being pretty unreasonable!

 

[Linda W]

Men

, sometimes they do not have a clue Iwanna, even after being married almost 28 years, sometimes mine still doesn''t "get" it.

The other posters have given you wonderful advice, I can''t think of anymore to add to theirs.

Just know I am thinking of you sweetheart and sending you a big hug.

Everything will work out, just you wait and see.

Love to you,

Linda

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Thanks for the thoughts, love and advice.

I told him last night that we will roll with what we have, but NO more. I am going to contact a couple of vendors today with additions and I guess I can just be glad that he is excited!

I need some sleep!

 

[CaliCushion]

I''m entirely with you, that''s unreasonable. Let your fiance know how expensive it is to invite extra guests. Who is paying for the wedding? Are they willing to pay for the extra guests? Is your FI willing to pay for all of his new extra guests, as well as the extra centerpiece, extra cake, etc? Also, can your venue hold extra guests? If you are near capacity or the room is going to be too crowded, use that as the reason he can''t invite his extra guests. Good luck!