Odd engagement question...

[swingirl]

Date: 3/29/2010 9:24:15 AM
Author:PinkAsscher678
Say you know a couple. They have been together for a long time (3 years). Suddenly one day, out of nowhere the guy breaks up with the girl and says he wants to see other people.

Girl is devastated for 2 years, moves out of the country and goes into a deep depression. Guy tells mutual friends that he just wasn't attracted to her anymore and makes fun of her at get-togethers.

1 year later, guy realizes that it's hard out there in the dating world and wants the girl back. Girl is so happy he's back. Guy proposes. Girl is flashing her ring and giddy about getting married now.

I've been observing this all unfold since they were dating and it's not sitting right with me. Girl is a close friend, which makes it worse. I'm happy for her, but hope she proceeds with caution.

Could you accept a proposal from a man who basically dumped you to sleep with other people?

They both have issues. And I doubt it was "out of the blue".

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Date: 3/29/2010 7:14:59 PM
Author: swingirl

Date: 3/29/2010 9:24:15 AM
Author:PinkAsscher678
Say you know a couple. They have been together for a long time (3 years). Suddenly one day, out of nowhere the guy breaks up with the girl and says he wants to see other people.

Girl is devastated for 2 years, moves out of the country and goes into a deep depression. Guy tells mutual friends that he just wasn''t attracted to her anymore and makes fun of her at get-togethers.

1 year later, guy realizes that it''s hard out there in the dating world and wants the girl back. Girl is so happy he''s back. Guy proposes. Girl is flashing her ring and giddy about getting married now.

I''ve been observing this all unfold since they were dating and it''s not sitting right with me. Girl is a close friend, which makes it worse. I''m happy for her, but hope she proceeds with caution.

Could you accept a proposal from a man who basically dumped you to sleep with other people?

They both have issues.

I agree.

 

[Cehrabehra]

he could have been saying all of that bs to convince *himself* that it was true because he was scared of the things he was feeling within the relationship. For all WE know what they had was so magical and overwhelming he got scared that he was going down THE road never to return. Maybe this is truly a case of sowing the wild oats and he will from this point forward be a gem of a husband.

Or maybe he won''t.

All of us have that maybe when we marry... but the situation doesn''t sit well with me either.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/29/2010 6:27:02 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678
Thanks for the opinions, everyone. I''m definitely on the same page. Some of my friends think this situation is ''cute'' and ''romantic.'' I''m thinking poetry and slow dancing is romantic, not mind games and jabs at someone''s expense.


But, that said, I''m not planning to say anything. I will attend the wedding, I will smile and gush over the ring. And perhaps put a bet on when the divorce is happening...

My husband''s uncle was making bets at our wedding that we wouldn''t last 6 months. He doesn''t specifically know that I know he did that but EVERY time I see him I make a comment about, "And some people didn''t think we''d last 6 months." he''s clueless every time but I still haven''t forgotten and since I don''t like the guy I guess not forgiven either. 19 years in June.

A lot of speculating here and while my first reaction is to be on the same side of it all, there ARE things that go on between a man and a woman that others just don''t know about and she may be trying to subside the skepticism of others (you may be being quiet but others may not be). If he was a good boyfriend the first 3 years and a lousy ex-boyfriend during the separation, maybe he just doesn''t know how to be without her. Maybe he isn''t lying to himself how - maybe he was lying to himself then.

 

[oddoneout]

He sound like a slimeball and they both seem desperate. I don''t understand why she''d take him back after all that time (and the trash talk about her). I just hope you''ll be a good friend when it all crumbles. It''s a tough situation.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/29/2010 8:10:37 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 3/29/2010 6:27:02 PM

Author: PinkAsscher678

Thanks for the opinions, everyone. I''m definitely on the same page. Some of my friends think this situation is ''cute'' and ''romantic.'' I''m thinking poetry and slow dancing is romantic, not mind games and jabs at someone''s expense.



But, that said, I''m not planning to say anything. I will attend the wedding, I will smile and gush over the ring. And perhaps put a bet on when the divorce is happening...

My husband''s uncle was making bets at our wedding that we wouldn''t last 6 months. He doesn''t specifically know that I know he did that but EVERY time I see him I make a comment about, ''And some people didn''t think we''d last 6 months.'' he''s clueless every time but I still haven''t forgotten and since I don''t like the guy I guess not forgiven either. 19 years in June.


A lot of speculating here and while my first reaction is to be on the same side of it all, there ARE things that go on between a man and a woman that others just don''t know about and she may be trying to subside the skepticism of others (you may be being quiet but others may not be). If he was a good boyfriend the first 3 years and a lousy ex-boyfriend during the separation, maybe he just doesn''t know how to be without her. Maybe he isn''t lying to himself how - maybe he was lying to himself then.

I think if you really care about someone, you don''t tell them you want to see other women and then bash them at every opportunity. And I mean, saying really really mean and nasty things to mutual friends. Personal things that would really embarrass her.

I don''t see how this is a good situation. But I will be supportive. This will fail, I guarantee, and when it does I will do what I can to be a good friend.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/29/2010 10:04:53 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/29/2010 8:10:37 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 3/29/2010 6:27:02 PM


Author: PinkAsscher678


Thanks for the opinions, everyone. I''m definitely on the same page. Some of my friends think this situation is ''cute'' and ''romantic.'' I''m thinking poetry and slow dancing is romantic, not mind games and jabs at someone''s expense.




But, that said, I''m not planning to say anything. I will attend the wedding, I will smile and gush over the ring. And perhaps put a bet on when the divorce is happening...

My husband''s uncle was making bets at our wedding that we wouldn''t last 6 months. He doesn''t specifically know that I know he did that but EVERY time I see him I make a comment about, ''And some people didn''t think we''d last 6 months.'' he''s clueless every time but I still haven''t forgotten and since I don''t like the guy I guess not forgiven either. 19 years in June.



A lot of speculating here and while my first reaction is to be on the same side of it all, there ARE things that go on between a man and a woman that others just don''t know about and she may be trying to subside the skepticism of others (you may be being quiet but others may not be). If he was a good boyfriend the first 3 years and a lousy ex-boyfriend during the separation, maybe he just doesn''t know how to be without her. Maybe he isn''t lying to himself how - maybe he was lying to himself then.

I think if you really care about someone, you don''t tell them you want to see other women and then bash them at every opportunity. And I mean, saying really really mean and nasty things to mutual friends. Personal things that would really embarrass her.


I don''t see how this is a good situation. But I will be supportive. This will fail, I guarantee, and when it does I will do what I can to be a good friend.

It really does depend on what he said I think - if he was just saying he''s not attracted to her and a list of reasons they aren''t compatible (even if said in a bitchy way) vs just cruel things like you just said.

Does she know this stuff? Has anyone told HIM what they think? Just curious.

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 3/29/2010 9:57:00 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I know several married couples (including my in-laws and my cousin) who dated for a long while, broke up because they were unsure about the relationship/didn''t necessarily feel that marriage was the best ''next step'', but then reunited and married. While breaking up is hurtful and would need to be addressed before getting married, I wouldn''t consider it a dealbreaker. If, however, the person bad-mouthed me, made fun of me, etc., I wouldn''t have enough respect for him to love him, so in this case, it would be a dealbreaker. Sorry you''re in this situation!

Ditto, it''s all about the way the breakup and separation went down. Sounds like that guy behaved like class-A ...hole behind his former long-time girlfriend''s back and that would not sit right with me, either.

That said, I agree that the only thing to do is sit back, keep your doubts to yourself and be a good friend for the girl if and when she needs one.