Bliss
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2008
- Messages
- 3,016
Vesper and Haven, thanks! I think the world of you both as very intelligent powerful women so it means a lot that we connected in some way!
I love this thread. It's brought up so many interesting thoughts and strong emotions.
Hahahahaha. I personally have no problem being called lazy. Yes, sometimes I am lazy! I will leisurely stroll along the Hudson River and feel the breeze and let the sun warm my soul while I thank God in my heart for being alive. It's AWESOME!!! If you call enjoying the simple pleasures in life lazy, I feel sorry for you. Life isn't about working every single moment of your life. Some people think it is, but I don't. Somehow, I don't think God put me on this planet just so that I could be a good employee somewhere.
Why do Americans have such guilt about enjoying themselves and savoring the art of leisure? Italians know how to do it. French know how to do it. We Americans live to work! We work work work and when we're not working, we're stressed about work or thinking about work or feeling guilty about not working enough. Then we drop dead early from stress or get overweight and carry fat around our middles from stress and no one's happy, are they?
Being a mom is tremendous and if you don't think your life will change, God bless you! There is an iron triangle of resources and there are only 24 hours in a day. Can't change that. Something will suffer if you overextend yourself. If you have to do it to support your family, then God bless you! That is truly amazing and noble. But if you're doing it so that you can have a bigger McMansion and are miserable inside, then don't take it out on the SAHMs! Let's face it. In this day and age, almost all jobs TAKE what they GIVE. Usually, they take more than they give nowadays. Super high salaries? SUPER DUPER HIGH STRESS, long hours, tons of sacrifices, premature aging and big big tolls on the health. Trust me. Some people are tougher than others and can tough it out. Some perversely like it. Most hate it but can't say goodbye to the prestige and the money. Ego, gotta love that nefarious entity that seeps into every pure intention and riddles it with doubt!
And a very rare few walk away free because they realize that life is MORE.
Don't get me wrong. I've busted my buns working for over 10 years since college building my career. Everything I put my hand to, I do it to the best of my ability and with all of my might. I do it with joy! Whether I am washing a dish or leading a team of people, I put all of my energy into it and make it great. Yes, you can even gain great satisfaction doing even the smallest things - if you have the right intention, all that you do is a privilege and opportunity to live for others. Making dinner for your family. Holding the elevator for someone. Inspiring others through your work. I try to put my heart and soul into whatever I do (big or small) and try to make it sing! If not, why do it at all? To do that requires a lot of inner peace and happiness on my part - and I have NO guilt or issues recharging my batteries to do so.
So I do feel that I have earned my just rewards and feel absolutely no guilt taking a break from work to raise a child or two. I can always make money. Anyway, how much money is enough? Are people who take a break from a decade of work to climb Mt. Everest lazy? Hahaha. Not in my book! Society is not my judge; I don't live for that. When I fall flat on my face are the judgy wudgy people going to give me a helping hand? Nope! All those people who admired me for my awesome job will probably be at my funeral going, "Ahhh, she worked herself to death...never enjoyed life, poor woman. Can't take all that money with her where she's going." Yeah. So to heck with trying to impress the people I meet at cocktail parties who don't matter. I wouldn't expect them to understand anyway because if they did, I'd call them friends. Besides, money doesn't impress the people who matter. Being a good person with a shining heart makes a lasting impression.
I know for sure that I didn't go to college so that one day I could have a boss and run in a maze carrying a workload that stressed me out, sapped my energy and weighed me down. I went to college to illuminate the darkest corners of my mind. And I did not build a career so that people would be impressed with my career. I did it because I found it meaningful, challenging and exciting. It was a great ride! Maybe I'll go back one day. Maybe I won't.
As for the naysayers, they can just take one look at my smiling face and health and wonder what I'm doing that they're not doing. And the thing I'm doing is...following my bliss. Hey, that could be anyone - a working mom, a SAHM...whatever. But the point is, people can TELL if you're not happy doing what you're doing. It's no secret. It shows. So you might see a Superwoman who LOVES her career and is strong and powerful in her own right. Great! But you might have a different opinion because instead of Superwoman, you see a stressed out snappish lady looking about 10 years older than she should, too tired to take care of herself because she's over-extended. Same goes for Domestic Goddess. You might see a tired, bored, out of shape slug mama who feels no purpose in life because she never found the meaning in hers...or found her dreams. There are different types for both categories and successes and failures in both. You create your own story - that doesn't have to be your story.
I think perhaps there's insecurity on both sides for people who judge one group or the other. Maybe some SAHMs don't want to be, don't have any other option and never got to realize many of their dreams before motherhood came knocking. That is sad. Maybe some working moms would cross the desert on their knees to be able to spend time with their children and not have to Do It All...but aren't able to. That is also sad. We don't get EVERYTHING we want in life. Some people cope by bashing the ones they envy. It makes them feel better. Some just do it out of ignorance because they don't know better. Some SAHMs have never had careers so they think it's the greatest thing ever and envy those who have power and income. Some working moms are sick to death of the rat race but cannot fathom doing something as selfish as taking care of themselves first before being maxed out to family, home, kids and career. So much of what we THINK we want is an illusion anyway. Everything comes with a price. The only question is - can you afford the sacrifice and will it make you happy?
Women should support each other and enlighten each other. There is no capital "T" Truth out there. No one size fits all. We should always trade ideas and have healthy debate so we learn more about The Other Side. How does the grass over there taste, sister? Oh, it's pretty sweet but can be tough to chew? Thanks for sharing! My grass on this side is kind of bland at times but so refreshing in the morning it's delicious. LOL...It can only make us stronger. I think women can do tremendous harm to each other by being so divisive. No one wins and there are so many treasures we can share if we decide to do so. Just look at the Preggo, TTC or Newborn thread, for example! The most perfect threads out there! So much support and valuable info shared among intelligent caring superwomen. No one is insecure, competitive or judgy there. It's great! Wish all women were like that. The world would be a better place.
So that brings me to...and I must use slang here because it captures what I mean perfectly: if you do YOU right, you won't have to explain a THING. They'll know. People aren't blind. They can see the truth in you, shining from every inch of you. Are you living the life you dreamed of, are you doing the best with what you have... are you proud of yourself? Do you have self worth? That's what people are responding to. If *you're* ashamed to be a SAHM or if *you* feel guilty about being a working mom, then that's what people will pick up on and respond to. Life is too short to waste a day, weeks or even years feeling conflicted.
When we got pregnant, I cut way back on work. Ohhh, the first tri was brutal for me personally and I wanted a well deserved break. People ask me all the time, "WOW! What do you do all day? Don't you get bored?" I love answering this question. I tell them about the fun things I do with my time. I read! I dance! I do yoga! I go to classes - learning about spirituality and am also learning Spanish! I mentor college kids! I lounge in the park with my Kindle and watch foreign films when I feel like it. Oh! There are so many fun and neat things to do now.
And you know what? Every single person who asks me ends up saying wistfully, "You're so lucky. I wish I could do that."
Who knows what the future holds. Not every SAHM remains one. Some write books! Ever heard of JK Rowling? Some start businesses. Many go back to work with a new sense of purpose. Education and experience are never wasted - I mean, to even suggest that is ridiculous. Should women not be educated, then? Whatever! We're not robots and education isn't merely training for making widgets until we die. Has anyone seen today's US Jobs report? Hello, there aren't enough jobs for people right now. We need MORE education, not less. We need people to learn more and innovate in technology and environmental science. We need to learn how to become better people - and you learn that in college. Sorry, but I didn't learn how to be a good "job filler" or employee in college. I learned how to think for myself, see the world as a rich and diverse place and grow as a person.
In the end, it's all good.
I love this thread. It's brought up so many interesting thoughts and strong emotions.
Hahahahaha. I personally have no problem being called lazy. Yes, sometimes I am lazy! I will leisurely stroll along the Hudson River and feel the breeze and let the sun warm my soul while I thank God in my heart for being alive. It's AWESOME!!! If you call enjoying the simple pleasures in life lazy, I feel sorry for you. Life isn't about working every single moment of your life. Some people think it is, but I don't. Somehow, I don't think God put me on this planet just so that I could be a good employee somewhere.
Why do Americans have such guilt about enjoying themselves and savoring the art of leisure? Italians know how to do it. French know how to do it. We Americans live to work! We work work work and when we're not working, we're stressed about work or thinking about work or feeling guilty about not working enough. Then we drop dead early from stress or get overweight and carry fat around our middles from stress and no one's happy, are they?
Being a mom is tremendous and if you don't think your life will change, God bless you! There is an iron triangle of resources and there are only 24 hours in a day. Can't change that. Something will suffer if you overextend yourself. If you have to do it to support your family, then God bless you! That is truly amazing and noble. But if you're doing it so that you can have a bigger McMansion and are miserable inside, then don't take it out on the SAHMs! Let's face it. In this day and age, almost all jobs TAKE what they GIVE. Usually, they take more than they give nowadays. Super high salaries? SUPER DUPER HIGH STRESS, long hours, tons of sacrifices, premature aging and big big tolls on the health. Trust me. Some people are tougher than others and can tough it out. Some perversely like it. Most hate it but can't say goodbye to the prestige and the money. Ego, gotta love that nefarious entity that seeps into every pure intention and riddles it with doubt!
And a very rare few walk away free because they realize that life is MORE.
Don't get me wrong. I've busted my buns working for over 10 years since college building my career. Everything I put my hand to, I do it to the best of my ability and with all of my might. I do it with joy! Whether I am washing a dish or leading a team of people, I put all of my energy into it and make it great. Yes, you can even gain great satisfaction doing even the smallest things - if you have the right intention, all that you do is a privilege and opportunity to live for others. Making dinner for your family. Holding the elevator for someone. Inspiring others through your work. I try to put my heart and soul into whatever I do (big or small) and try to make it sing! If not, why do it at all? To do that requires a lot of inner peace and happiness on my part - and I have NO guilt or issues recharging my batteries to do so.
So I do feel that I have earned my just rewards and feel absolutely no guilt taking a break from work to raise a child or two. I can always make money. Anyway, how much money is enough? Are people who take a break from a decade of work to climb Mt. Everest lazy? Hahaha. Not in my book! Society is not my judge; I don't live for that. When I fall flat on my face are the judgy wudgy people going to give me a helping hand? Nope! All those people who admired me for my awesome job will probably be at my funeral going, "Ahhh, she worked herself to death...never enjoyed life, poor woman. Can't take all that money with her where she's going." Yeah. So to heck with trying to impress the people I meet at cocktail parties who don't matter. I wouldn't expect them to understand anyway because if they did, I'd call them friends. Besides, money doesn't impress the people who matter. Being a good person with a shining heart makes a lasting impression.
I know for sure that I didn't go to college so that one day I could have a boss and run in a maze carrying a workload that stressed me out, sapped my energy and weighed me down. I went to college to illuminate the darkest corners of my mind. And I did not build a career so that people would be impressed with my career. I did it because I found it meaningful, challenging and exciting. It was a great ride! Maybe I'll go back one day. Maybe I won't.
As for the naysayers, they can just take one look at my smiling face and health and wonder what I'm doing that they're not doing. And the thing I'm doing is...following my bliss. Hey, that could be anyone - a working mom, a SAHM...whatever. But the point is, people can TELL if you're not happy doing what you're doing. It's no secret. It shows. So you might see a Superwoman who LOVES her career and is strong and powerful in her own right. Great! But you might have a different opinion because instead of Superwoman, you see a stressed out snappish lady looking about 10 years older than she should, too tired to take care of herself because she's over-extended. Same goes for Domestic Goddess. You might see a tired, bored, out of shape slug mama who feels no purpose in life because she never found the meaning in hers...or found her dreams. There are different types for both categories and successes and failures in both. You create your own story - that doesn't have to be your story.
I think perhaps there's insecurity on both sides for people who judge one group or the other. Maybe some SAHMs don't want to be, don't have any other option and never got to realize many of their dreams before motherhood came knocking. That is sad. Maybe some working moms would cross the desert on their knees to be able to spend time with their children and not have to Do It All...but aren't able to. That is also sad. We don't get EVERYTHING we want in life. Some people cope by bashing the ones they envy. It makes them feel better. Some just do it out of ignorance because they don't know better. Some SAHMs have never had careers so they think it's the greatest thing ever and envy those who have power and income. Some working moms are sick to death of the rat race but cannot fathom doing something as selfish as taking care of themselves first before being maxed out to family, home, kids and career. So much of what we THINK we want is an illusion anyway. Everything comes with a price. The only question is - can you afford the sacrifice and will it make you happy?
Women should support each other and enlighten each other. There is no capital "T" Truth out there. No one size fits all. We should always trade ideas and have healthy debate so we learn more about The Other Side. How does the grass over there taste, sister? Oh, it's pretty sweet but can be tough to chew? Thanks for sharing! My grass on this side is kind of bland at times but so refreshing in the morning it's delicious. LOL...It can only make us stronger. I think women can do tremendous harm to each other by being so divisive. No one wins and there are so many treasures we can share if we decide to do so. Just look at the Preggo, TTC or Newborn thread, for example! The most perfect threads out there! So much support and valuable info shared among intelligent caring superwomen. No one is insecure, competitive or judgy there. It's great! Wish all women were like that. The world would be a better place.
So that brings me to...and I must use slang here because it captures what I mean perfectly: if you do YOU right, you won't have to explain a THING. They'll know. People aren't blind. They can see the truth in you, shining from every inch of you. Are you living the life you dreamed of, are you doing the best with what you have... are you proud of yourself? Do you have self worth? That's what people are responding to. If *you're* ashamed to be a SAHM or if *you* feel guilty about being a working mom, then that's what people will pick up on and respond to. Life is too short to waste a day, weeks or even years feeling conflicted.
When we got pregnant, I cut way back on work. Ohhh, the first tri was brutal for me personally and I wanted a well deserved break. People ask me all the time, "WOW! What do you do all day? Don't you get bored?" I love answering this question. I tell them about the fun things I do with my time. I read! I dance! I do yoga! I go to classes - learning about spirituality and am also learning Spanish! I mentor college kids! I lounge in the park with my Kindle and watch foreign films when I feel like it. Oh! There are so many fun and neat things to do now.
And you know what? Every single person who asks me ends up saying wistfully, "You're so lucky. I wish I could do that."
Who knows what the future holds. Not every SAHM remains one. Some write books! Ever heard of JK Rowling? Some start businesses. Many go back to work with a new sense of purpose. Education and experience are never wasted - I mean, to even suggest that is ridiculous. Should women not be educated, then? Whatever! We're not robots and education isn't merely training for making widgets until we die. Has anyone seen today's US Jobs report? Hello, there aren't enough jobs for people right now. We need MORE education, not less. We need people to learn more and innovate in technology and environmental science. We need to learn how to become better people - and you learn that in college. Sorry, but I didn't learn how to be a good "job filler" or employee in college. I learned how to think for myself, see the world as a rich and diverse place and grow as a person.
In the end, it's all good.
I will also pay someone to take care of a animal sanctuary for abandoned pets. 
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