Number of Attendants- Opinions needed

[chris-uk04]

I am curious about number of attendants for a wedding. My fiancée and I will be having a rather small wedding (60-75 people) , but the amount of attendants my fiancee wants keeps going up and up. It first started with 2 and went up to 3, which seemed like a good number for the size of the wedding. Now she wants 5, because she fears offending a friend. Besides appearance, there is also cost, which keeps going up. More bridesmaids mean bouquets, gifts, and accommodations. While that’s her family’s responsibility, it means I need two more groomsmen with similar costs to me.

To me, a complete wedding novice, 5 attendants for a wedding of about 75 seems a bit much. What do you all think?

 

[janmlau]

i don't think there's a rule of how many attendants you can have according to the amount of people you invite. but i do agree that 5 people for a small wedding of 60-75 people is alot...doesn't look right.

what you can tell her is that you guys are having a small wedding therefore, everyone attending will be there are your closest family and friends and they shouldn't be offended or upset because you decided to have a small wedding....which also usually means a small wedding party.

marriage should be about compromising. if you started at 2, then later she wanted more...it should be worked out somewhat in the middle...maybe 3-4 people. that way, she gets 1-2 people more in the wedding party, but it's not too many like 5. it's a give an take.

it doesn't matter whether her who is paying for the wedding. if you're a part of it, then you get a say in it. it's the same with life.

good luck and congrats!!

 

[honeynut]

The biggest mistake a girl can make is asking someone to be her attendant out of guilt, rather than out of a sincere and deep desire to have this person stand up in support of her relationship. Also, asking one's 'oldest' friend rather than one's 'closest' friend is a mistake. Just because someone's been around forever does not mean they love you more than someone you've had a special friendship with for a couple of years.

I DO think that 5 attendants is too many, but this is culturally relative. I only want two, my two best friends. My to-be has two best men.

 

[goldengirl]

I think 5 attendants sounds like a major headache...but then, I will probably only have one.

If she has already asked these girls to be her attendants, I'd say you're stuck with them, because it's terribly rude to kick someone out of the wedding party. If she hasn't, tell her you'd be happy to compromise, and try to stick with 3--you could try saying something like, you don't have more than 3 friends you'd feel comfortable asking.

But ultimately......if she HAS to have these attendants........ make them pay their own way. Dresses, shoes, accomodations... of course you will have to supply the flowers but you could always go 'simplistic' with a single orchid or something!

 

[LGail]

If you had one brother and her one sister, that could make it REALLY easy!! That is what FI and I are doing. My sister with me and his brother with him.

 

[chris-uk04]

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On 9/7/2004 12:09:08 AM LGail wrote:

If you had one brother and her one sister, that could make it REALLY easy!! That is what FI and I are doing. My sister with me and his brother with him. ----------------

We actually do have that, and they are the best man/ maid of honor. Unfortunately she wants 4 additional bridemaids and wonders why I am being resistant. She says it looks fine to have 5 attendents for a wedding of 75, but I still think it looks out of place...not to mention another additional expense. She's only asked 2 so far.

I could have 4 groomsmen, but the additional two aren't exactly the most reliable guys in the world. Mentioning this led to her offering some of her guy friends from college. --Ummm, no guy wants that.

Since we've only started wedding planning, I've told her to wait a month or two more until we put together a more solid budget and see what we are looking at before commiting to 2 more bridesmaids. I assume between flowers,gifts, accomodations, etc each additional bridemaid would cost about $300 each? Two of them with two groomsmen might add a total of $1000 to the wedding? Is this a decent assumption?

 

[MelissaSue]

My best friend is having a "small wedding" of less than 100 people (or at least it started that way) and she started with having 1 attendant on each side...(and about 50 guests, with me not even being invited) to now having 5 on each side, but I think her guest list is growing quickly too.. Her parents were being weird about money at first, but I think they have realized they want her to have a real wedding.
I plan on having four bridesmaids, but my boyfriend wants 5 groomsmen, and I'm not bothered by having an uneven number..so i think that is what we will do
A girl I work with is having 8 on each side... YIKES
Melissa

 

[aljdewey]

Chris, I'd say this to you: There don't have to be an equal number of women and men attendants. If she's really close to 5 girls, and you're only close to 3 guys, then go with that. Don't add expense needlessly just for the sake of "balance".




Balance can be achieved in a number of other ways. The maid-of-honor/best man can walk together, and the other two groomsmen can have a BM on each arm. Balance problem solved and no additional expense---plus it keeps the sheer numbers more in line with the size of your wedding.

 

[daboyzmomi]

I agree with AJ fully. I was in a wedding where there were less groomsmen then bridesmaids and we just doubled up'd bridesmaids on the groomsmens arms and walked out of the church to a very cute laugh from the wedding guests since the guy who got the 2 extra girls had a HUGE smile on his face. We made his day! LOL. I say let her have as many as she wants, after all, it is her day and she will only get this chance once in a lifetime. Good luck.

 

[goldengirl]

I do not see here that she is terribly close to these 5 women and wants to have them with her on her big day; I see that she is close to 2 or 3 of them, and feels obligated to invite 2 more because she's afraid they'll be offended.

Not a good reason to add the hassle, IMO.

 

[aljdewey]

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On 9/8/2004 5:45:29 PM goldengirl wrote:

I do not see here that she is terribly close to these 5 women and wants to have them with her on her big day; I see that she is close to 2 or 3 of them, and feels obligated to invite 2 more because she's afraid they'll be offended.

Not a good reason to add the hassle, IMO.----------------

That may be so, but if she *wants* them in it (regardless of how lame the reason is), it's not a good idea to veto that. If she felt strong enough to resist the pull of obligation, she wouldn't be contemplating it.

It's fine if she decides it's not a good enough reason, but it's not the same if the FI decides that for her. Make sense?