nowadays, she must buy him an engagement gift?

[Dancing Fire]

is this a new tradition? did you buy him an engagement gift? never heard about it 25 yrs ago.

 

[TristanC]

Outside of an E-ring, birthdays and christmas if you celebrate it (along with gifting religious ceremonies or ones that got muddled with gifting); I don't think there are many "compulsory" gift occasions.

Many people do anniversaries. Many others don't. I don't think there are any other "must" days yet. But a gift in kind is always welcome between two people able to share one aspect of love with thoughtful items or displays no?

 

[swingirl]

Neither my husband or I gave each other engagement or wedding gifts. Well, I got the e-ring and he got the wife. We considered ourselves to be the gifts to each other and that was that!

I think people complicate their wedding/engagement with too many gifts, surprises, and wow moments.

 

[chel180]

I bought my hubby a watch as an engagement gift. I didn't want it to be me that got all the nice shiney things. It was me that suggested that he had an engagement gift- it wasn't expected or required, simply apprecaited and enjoyed. I like things to be even and thought it would be fair if we both had nice gifts to enjoy and symbolise our commitment.
Very glad I did now as he loves the watch and its very significant to him-well us both really.

 

[zoebartlett]

No, I didn't get my husband an engagement gift. I've never known anyone who's this either.

 

[Pandora II]

We did engagement and wedding gifts - not because we felt we had to but because we like buying presents and it seemed like a good excuse!

I gave him the Canon Rebel camera for an engagement gift - he's already upgraded , he gave me my e-ring.

For our wedding, he gave me a bespoke 4ct sphene pendant with matching 2cttw sphene stud earrings.

I gave him a solid gold Victorian watch chain to wear with the gold pocket watch his father gave him for his 21st birthday, a pair of Victorian gold cufflinks and an antique solid silver hip-flask from around 1890. He wore morning dress for our wedding so also wore the cufflinks and the watch and chain - his father was over the moon that he wore the watch so I made 2 people happy!

I don't think there is any compulsion in either engagement or wedding gifts, but it's a nice idea if the couple want to.

 

[Tuckins1]

No, we did not do engagement presents. I got a ring, he got a fiancee. No other gifts were necessary.

 

[vc10um]

I did not buy him an engagement gift, but I did buy him a wedding present. I've heard of people purchasing engagement gifts for their men, but they're usually things like a watch or a new TV: DH doesn't wear jewelry except his WB and we had just recently been gifted a new TV from a friend, so neither made sense.

 

[Missy]

No, I didn't buy my dh an engagement gift but we both bought wedding gifts for each other. I bought him a watch and he bought me a necklace. LOL we didn't even let our friends get us engagement gifts.

OK I am going off on a small tangent now so please disregard if you have no tolerance for what is about to be a (small) vent: I know there are people who have engagement parties and then bridal showers and I'm like enough with the gifts already KWIM? We had an informal engagement party and asked that no one bring gifts as it really does get to be a bit much. If you wanted to bring a gift to the wedding that was fine but how many gifts should one expect for one marriage?

 

[Missy]

No, we did not do engagement presents. I got a ring, he got a fiancee. No other gifts were necessary.

Yes, this exactly!!

 

[Mayk]

Not an engagement gift but I did buy him a beautiful watch as a wedding gift... a Panerai. He loves it.... I figured it I got lots of bling and believe me... two settings and four bands later (see my posting in Preloved Jewels selling the originals) and a fabulous wedding (second for me and for him so we split the cost) it was a great party with awesome food for 50 close friends...... he should get something and since he is watch crazy... that made it easy to pick....

 

[Black Jade]

Never heard of anyone else who did this except my Mom, who gave my Dad an engagement gift in 1955 when they married. She says "I loved him so much I just wanted to give him something." She gave him a custom made solid gold signet ring with his initials that he always wore. when it was stolen, she replaced it with another one. He loved it.
I didn't give my husband anything and neither did anyone I know. the young girls I know getting married now aren't doing it either.

 

[Rhea]

He gave me a ring for the engagement and I gave him one. For wedding we exchanged rings, no other gifts.

 

[stephbolt]

I offered to buy DH an engagement gift. He asked for a cat. We were about to move in together and he was going to put up with my somewhat moody cat, so he wanted another cat that would actually be nice to him. And that's how we ended up with our Maine Coon, Simon.

 

[Skippy123]

No, I didn't get my husband an engagement gift. I've never known anyone who's this either.

lol me either!!! I thought the Honeymoon was the gift for the guy.

 

[yssie]

I offered to buy DH an engagement gift. He asked for a cat. We were about to move in together and he was going to put up with my somewhat moody cat, so he wanted another cat that would actually be nice to him. And that's how we ended up with our Maine Coon, Simon.

My DH asked for a puppy! We knew that we had to get a house first though. Now we have the house, and my parents just got an adorable puppy that chews the walls and strips wallpaper, drags branches and gutter piping inside, gets into *everything* and has limitless energy and has the cat plotting murder... his puppy fever has cooled

 

[Dancing Fire]

We did engagement and wedding gifts - not because we felt we had to but because we like buying presents and it seemed like a good excuse!

I gave him the Canon Rebel camera for an engagement gift - he's already upgraded , he gave me my e-ring.

For our wedding, he gave me a bespoke 4ct sphene pendant with matching 2cttw sphene stud earrings.

I gave him a solid gold Victorian watch chain to wear with the gold pocket watch his father gave him for his 21st birthday, a pair of Victorian gold cufflinks and an antique solid silver hip-flask from around 1890. He wore morning dress for our wedding so also wore the cufflinks and the watch and chain - his father was over the moon that he wore the watch so I made 2 people happy!

I don't think there is any compulsion in either engagement or wedding gifts, but it's a nice idea if the couple want to.

the wife or the camera?...

 

[blacksand]

I got my FI an iPad as an engagement gift (he had been wanting it for months). I had it engraved with "Will you also marry me?" on the back. It was definitely not an expected thing, and there were a few people in our families who thought it was a little odd, but nobody would object. Who would object to my giving a present to the man I love to commemorate our engagement, really? I don't think it should be "required," but I do think it's nice for the men to get a little attention and a nice gift, too. The engagement is not just about the woman, despite what popular culture would have us believe. My FI is an incredible guy and I thought he deserved a little something special, too. Especially after putting up with my LIWitis and allowing me to choose my own ring!

 

[TravelingGal]

I did it because when I get something nice, I like to give something nice and share the wealth. I bought TGuy a nice set of golf clubs for an engagement gift. If anything it just puts an extra smile on the guy's face to get something too.

 

[MissStepcut]

Well, my SO bought my ring after a certain milestone in law school (that came paired with a fat paycheck) and since I am a year behind him, I will be at the same milestone soon, so I was planning on buying him something nice at the same milestone. Whether that's a watch or a TV or a dining room table... I guess we'll see!

 

[Kaleigh]

I haven't heard of this. Many of DD's friends are getting engaged and none of them are doing this. I did get DH a nice watch as a wedding present.

 

[zoebartlett]

No, I didn't get my husband an engagement gift. I've never known anyone who's this either.

lol me either!!! I thought the Honeymoon was the gift for the guy.

Exactly!

 

[jstarfireb]

I haven't yet, but I told him I'd put money down on his next car in order to be more egalitarian.

ETA: We didn't get each other wedding gifts. I suppose the honeymoon counted?

 

[MissStepcut]

No, I didn't get my husband an engagement gift. I've never known anyone who's this either.

lol me either!!! I thought the Honeymoon was the gift for the guy.

Exactly!

I'd never heard this reasoning before, but since the bride's family traditionally foots the bill for the wedding, it doesn't seem at all unequal to me... and withe the crazy cost averages for weddings in the past couple decades, if a man buys the average engagement ring and a woman & her family foot the bill for the average wedding... he's getting a damn steal

 

[TristanC]

No, I didn't get my husband an engagement gift. I've never known anyone who's this either.

lol me either!!! I thought the Honeymoon was the gift for the guy.

Exactly!

I'd never heard this reasoning before, but since the bride's family traditionally foots the bill for the wedding, it doesn't seem at all unequal to me... and withe the crazy cost averages for weddings in the past couple decades, if a man buys the average engagement ring and a woman & her family foot the bill for the average wedding... he's getting a damn steal

Oh? Which culture is this?

Here not only does the guy pick out everything, they are occasionally expected to gift tables back to the bride's family at the big dinner event. Tables cost in the region of 1K each, and the average sized do ranges 25-50 tables with 10 pax per table. There are "takings" as well as guests give money back to the married couple for attending the wedding which typically covers the bulk of the cost. So gifting tables essentially means you pay for them, but the brides family takes the "takings" for the guests from those tables.

It seems to revolve too much around money. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="TristanC|
Oh? Which culture is this?

Here not only does the guy pick out everything, they are occasionally expected to gift tables back to the bride's family at the big dinner event. Tables cost in the region of 1K each, and the average sized do ranges 25-50 tables with 10 pax per table. There are "takings" as well as guests give money back to the married couple for attending the wedding which typically covers the bulk of the cost. So gifting tables essentially means you pay for them, but the brides family takes the "takings" for the guests from those tables.

It seems to revolve too much around money. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.[/quote]


i know what your saying, but i don't think most PSers understand...

 

[MissStepcut]

@ Tristan, in the U.S.

I know in my SO's culture they divide the various wedding festivities between the two families, but the groom's family pays a bride-price on top of that.

Under Islamic law, my understanding that the bride's family pays a dowry, but that money is actually the possession of the bride, and she is supposed to be able to access the money or valuables if the husband should pass or if the marriage otherwise dissolves.

I suppose these sorts of expectations are rooted in our cultural histories, and as our culture changes, so do the expectations. As people get married later and marriages become more the union of two earners rather than a provider-male and housemaker-female, it certainly makes sense that engagement presents for men would enter into the equation.

That said, what Americans would like to imagine is a union of equals rarely ends up that way if the couple has children. I think the fiction that women have the freedom to earn as much as men and that parenthood should be an undertaking of two equal co-parents can ultimately be pretty unfair to women. But that's a rant for another thread.

 

[ZahraLeyla]

I have bought The Pharmacist an engagement gift, in anticipation of our engagement next year. We've been a little unconventional (though perhaps not by PS standards) about the engagement process to date. I have done pretty much all of the deciding when it comes to diamond and setting, and he has simply okayed the purchases. It's been a very expensive process too, and I felt that it wasn't fair to have tens of thousands of dollars lavished on me when he gets nothing (in a material sense) in return. So, I have very sneakily bought him a Rolex to surprise him with when he proposes. I can't wait to see his face, because he absolutely will not be expecting anything, let alone this.

However, as to whether it's necessary to buy your partner an engagement gift - no, I don't think it is. Every couple is different, and people should just do what they think is right for them.

 

[Echidna]

Ditto TGal and ZahraLeyla.

I got my now-DH an engagement gift. We chose my ring together (he proposed when he was ready, then we shopped ) and chose his gift (a woodworking shed) together. It gave us both a great deal of joy to give each other these gifts (from joint funds). I still joke that we can never move now because he'd have to leave his engagement gift behind. We did not exchange wedding gifts.

DH's gift was not "necessary" per se just as a ring is not "necessary" for an engagement or a marriage. To each their own!

 

[Mrsacornblue]

I did not get my DH an engagement gift. He proposed on my birthday, so I guess my e-ring was a joint engagement/birthday gift? We bought a nice camera to take on our honeymoon as a joint wedding gift.