Wedding Now our WP is MIA!

[Krissie]

As I may have mentioned on these boards, our wedding planner is actually a former colleague and friend of my mom''s. We are paying her the full fee, however. Over the past few months I''ve been super frustrated with her lack of responsiveness, but it''s a touchy issue due to her friendship with my mom. I''ve just been pretty assertive and have booked most everything myself.

Next week, D''s family are flying over from England, and we have 6 wedding-related appointments! Yet we haven''t heard anything from our WP in over a month. A few calls, many emails, and no response. We''re of course worried that something has happened to her, but my mom has asked their mutual friends and nothing is apparently wrong.

So, once again, we''ve taken matters into our own hands. I have come to find out that appointments supposedly made with our caterer, cake baker and florist were never actually put on the books. Thankfully all vendors had time available for next week, so we will be able to meet with them. But it SURE would have been nice to have a WP with us throughout the process. Neither of us have been married before, our parents were both married 40 yrs ago, and we just need some guidance as to what is practical, realistic, etc.

Mainly I just wanted to vent and share my frustration. We really feel like we are going it alone. My mom is being hyper sensitive and won''t just fire her straight off. I appreciate that it is a tough position for her to be in, when her friend has been MIA for almost all of the wedding planning (for which she is being paid the full rate). We aren''t asking for any favors, and I think that probably any other paying client would have received a heck of a lot more attention than we have.

Things I booked alone after not hearing a thing from her: transportation, hotels, tuxes, string quartet, calligrapher, photographer, hair/makeup, rehearsal dinner venue, reception venue. She booked the florist, DJ and cake baker. She was supposed to book a videographer 2 months ago, but we haven''t heard anything.

Mom says that if I''m so assertive, I can just do it all. But that''s not the point. We are paying WP to be our coordinator, and she''s not even returning our calls. We''re all going to be in town next week (ALL OF US - including D''s family from England) and we have to get the remainder of our plans sorted during that time, because we can''t make it back before the wedding. The trip has been scheduled since March, and she''s known about it since then.

On a macro scale -- we''re inviting 320 people! The entire wedding weekend is a huge event, and we need help. D and I are out of state, his family is out of the country, and my mom just isn''t willing to burn bridges.

ARGH!

 

[Bia]

Yikes! See this is why I don't like the sound of working with family (or family friends).

I think, since you are paying her (full fee for that matter) you are within every right to say something. I would kindly, but firmly, tell her that you really need a wedding planner, you need the help, as this event is going to be catering a large amount of people. As such, that WP needs to be up-to-task (of course not verbatim) and if she is tied up or has too many other commitments, you completely understand but you're inclined to find someone else. Rework the words so that it sounds nice but she knows you aren't fooling around--esp since you're paying the woman! If moms doens't like it, well then I am sure she'll get over it. But have a sit down with your mom and tell her you had reservations about working with someone so close to home (if you did?) and you have been proven right. AND that this is your wedding and you want it to be special without anymore unecessary added stress. She'll understand, I think.

I hope.

 

[ladyciel]

That's flat out ridiculous. Your mom needs to wake up to reality and realize you're basically giving away a chunk of your wedding budget to somebody who doesn't care enough about her or you to step up to the plate. If this was ANY other vendor you'd have walked away months ago. Honestly, I'd tell your mother that you've reached the end of your rope. You want a planner there with you for this upcoming visit. Either SHE straightens out her friend, or YOU burn the bridge, find a new planner, and file suit in small claims (if necessary) to get your fee returned to you. Right now you're taking all the punishment for your mom's blind support for/fear of hurting this woman, and you don't deserve it.

Sorry, I'm just furious for you.

ETA: I'm more mad at the planner than I am at your mother, but right now your immediate issue is dealing with your mom so that you can actually deal with the planner. If she won't step out of the way (she SHOULD be on your side), go around her.

 

[Maisie]

It sounds to me that you have been your own wedding planner! I wouldn''t pay her another penny! If it causes problems then so be it. She hasn''t fulfilled her obligation to you. Why should you pay someone for doing nothing!

 

[Krissie]

Thanks, ladies. Typing it all out made me realize just how angry I''m becoming about this! I just phoned my mom, and she says that she left WP another message this morning and called it "urgent." I think when I''m home with my parents this weekend, I will let her know in person just how much this is frustrating me, and wearing me out! I mean, I feel like I will have to fill WP in on everything I have done in her absence - shouldn''t it be the other way around?

She charges a percentage fee on the total cost of the wedding, and we have put down a $1,500 deposit.

Now I''m torn between even having a WP at all, and trying to find a replacement. What else do I need a WP for? Probably just the logistics/wedding day support.

In any event, we would be saving about $5,000 if we fired her outright, which is no laughing matter! Maybe my parents will be persuaded by the sheer financial impact.

 

[Maisie]

I think for a wedding your size you do need on the day coordination. You don''t want to be hung up on details on your wedding day. I would find someone to do that for you. I wouldn''t pay this woman anything else.

 

[Krissie]

Date: 6/26/2008 2:18:43 PM
Author: Maisie
I think for a wedding your size you do need on the day coordination. You don''t want to be hung up on details on your wedding day. I would find someone to do that for you. I wouldn''t pay this woman anything else.

Agreed, I think realistically I need a lot of help that weekend.

I wish right now that we were paying for the entire wedding. Instead, it''s a 3-way split between D''s family, my parents and the two of us. If I were paying for the whole thing, WP would be out before you could say "goodbye."

 

[Maisie]

Surely they won''t make you keep someone who isn''t doing the job you are paying her for? Even if she is a family friend, why should you do that?

I feel awful for you, it must be really frustrating!

 

[Krissie]

Date: 6/26/2008 2:26:02 PM
Author: Maisie
Surely they won''t make you keep someone who isn''t doing the job you are paying her for? Even if she is a family friend, why should you do that?

I feel awful for you, it must be really frustrating!

I just don''t know. We can''t even get in touch with her to tell her nevermind. I hope we come to a solution when we are home next week.

 

[Maisie]

I''m sure something will be sorted. Have a bridal tantrum! You are entitled to at least one while you are planning!

 

[lliang_chi]

I''d just send her an email message titled "You''re fired."

I''m sure she''ll call you guys back REEEEAL quick!

 

[Krissie]

Date: 6/26/2008 2:31:02 PM
Author: lliang_chi
I''d just send her an email message titled ''You''re fired.''

I''m sure she''ll call you guys back REEEEAL quick!

ROFL!

 

[zoebartlett]

Oy. I''m sorry you''re going through this. I''m not sure what you''ve said in past e-mails or phone messages, but I think now would be a good time to write another e-mail and tell your mom''s friend what you''ve booked/done since you haven''t heard from her. You''ve essentially been throwing the money you paid her down the drain. I''d tell her when the upcoming appontments are and express how much you''d appreciate it if she could attend these meetings with you. Even if your wedding was going to have 50 people in attendance, your planner should be doing her job (I know you know this, but I guess I''m just venting my own frustration over this situation).

Have you tried the "We haven''t talked in a while, and I''m just seeing if everything''s okay" message? The only other thing I can think of is that maybe there''s a personal/family issue she''s dealing with that your mom or her other friends might be unaware of. Even if there is, I would think that she''d still at least get in touch with you to let you know that there are other things on her plate at the moment.

 

[Krissie]

Date: 6/26/2008 2:33:32 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Oy. I''m sorry you''re going through this. I''m not sure what you''ve said in past e-mails or phone messages, but I think now would be a good time to write another e-mail and tell your mom''s friend what you''ve booked/done since you haven''t heard from her. You''ve essentially been throwing the money you paid her down the drain. I''d tell her when the upcoming appontments are and express how much you''d appreciate it if she could attend these meetings with you. Even if your wedding was going to have 50 people in attendance, your planner should be doing her job (I know you know this, but I guess I''m just venting my own frustration over this situation).

Have you tried the ''We haven''t talked in a while, and I''m just seeing if everything''s okay'' message? The only other thing I can think of is that maybe there''s a personal/family issue she''s dealing with that your mom or her other friends might be unaware of. Even if there is, I would think that she''d still at least get in touch with you to let you know that there are other things on her plate at the moment.

Hi Zoe! I''ve tried all kinds of approaches! That''s what prompted my mom to try and figure out if something personal is going on in her life.

I had another chat with my mom - she agrees that at a minimum, we should negotiate down and pay her for day-of fees rather than any planning fees. She does charge a separate day-of charge. Although she''s been terribly flaky in the lead up, she works with a good group of people for the day of the event, so maybe that would be OK, I don''t know. I just hope we hear back from her soon, so we can figure out what''s going on.

 

[bee*]

That''s ridiculous! I would definitely fire her! It would be different if she was doing it as a favour but she''s charging the full fee-no way would I pay her!

 

[Krissie]

It gets worse.

I found out an hour ago that she never booked in our appointment with the cake baker, and she is out of town next week. So, we don''t even get to sample our own wedding cake. I had really looked forward to that. We can''t go back to Kentucky before the wedding just to sample wedding cake.

Anyway, talk about unleashing a spastic crying jag. My mom gets it, I think. D and I are firing her.

The problem is we have less than 4 months til the wedding, and it''s not exactly a big town that we''re getting married in. I will bet that other coordinators are all booked up.

Just feeling incredibly down right now.

 

[miraclesrule]

(((((((((((((((((( Krissie )))))))))))))))))))))))<------------- big cyber hugs.

Flaky people suck, especially those who have the nerve to take your money and not perform. I hope you are successful in finding a really competent and attentive replacement. A wedding of your size is a large strategic event and the planning shouldn't be borne by you and your fiancee alone.

I hope you know that right now someone is out there just waiting to offer you the skills you need. I pray you find them very soon.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I am so sorry Krissie! This sucks.

Is there any way you can get any kind of refund?

ETA: Nevermind..that was a stupid question. What am I trying to say is what are your options at this point?

 

[choro72]

I would demand every single penny back from her! She basically did nothing

I think your mom feels like she is in an awkward position, but it''s her "friend" that''s in an awkward position! Your mom should be severely disappointed with the "friendship". Very bad business, and bizarre as well, since friends tend to try their best to please the customer.

 

[lliang_chi]

Freaking hell! This sucks big time!!!! Definitely fire her and let it be known what an awful job she''s done!!! I''m so mad for you!!!

Re: the cake baker, if it''s a standard bakery, can you just go there and try some of their regular cakes that they sell everyday? That way you at least have an idea of their cake baking skills and you might find something there you like. Just a suggestion.

It''ll be okay Krissie! If you think your "WP" has a good team, maybe you can ask them to 1) do the work or 2) get a suggestion. Maybe there''s someone in the next town that can help? Just trying to think of options for you.

 

[Krissie]

Date: 6/27/2008 8:58:28 AM
Author: lliang_chi
Freaking hell! This sucks big time!!!! Definitely fire her and let it be known what an awful job she''s done!!! I''m so mad for you!!!

Re: the cake baker, if it''s a standard bakery, can you just go there and try some of their regular cakes that they sell everyday? That way you at least have an idea of their cake baking skills and you might find something there you like. Just a suggestion.

It''ll be okay Krissie! If you think your ''WP'' has a good team, maybe you can ask them to 1) do the work or 2) get a suggestion. Maybe there''s someone in the next town that can help? Just trying to think of options for you.

Thanks everyone. I feel so incredibly down this morning. Here we are driving 10 hrs to be with my family and his tomorrow for what was supposed to be a fun (yet overwhelming) week of tying up all the loose wedding ends. Instead, this black cloud.

That baker only does wedding cakes, and she is completely out of town when we are there next week. We can''t make another trip back.

There is another baker that is filled to capacity on our date and more expensive, but our previously MIA WP (who miraculously responded when we left an angry voicemail at 10 pm last night) has "called in a favor" and gotten us on her books. She is also offering to make up any price difference, including the deposit we lost by not going with the baker who is out of town next week.

We are hot on the search for a new WP, but not feeling positive at this late notice. We''re also 2 full-time lawyers and I honestly don''t feel I have time for this anymore.

 

[lliang_chi]

Krissie, Don''t feel down!!!! Your families are getting together to help you with your wedding. Despite everything there''s lots of love going around for you and your FI. It sucks that all this went pear-shaped but don''t let that horrid WP ruin your week with family! She''s not worth it.