Wedding Non - cooking soon to be wife

[blissfulbride]

I am a working women, and I get home late and tired just like my fiance does. I lived alone in my apt for 2 years without gas. Now that we live together I told him right of the bat that I don''t cook. I told him we can connect the gas and I would try to learn but I hate my food even when my fiance says its great. I just dont see the point in making such a mess for food im not sure will even turn out good. I dont get any help food shoppin from him either. I just see it as a macho thing because he would never cook anything for me and times have changed. In terms of everyone saying that you save money. To be honest I dont see it at all.

Now am I really alone on this ? We dont have children.

 

[aprilcait]

I would soooo not go for that. If he doesn''t want to cook and you don''t want to cook you either A) need to both compromise by taking turns cooking, B) one cooks and one does some other chore that you both loathe doing, C) grab a load of take-out menus. It''s not fair that he expects you to cook even though you hate it, especially if he''s not willing to cook a meal or even shop for the food. Have you asked for his reasoning as to why you are expected to cook and do food shopping and he is not expected to do so? If it''s because you have ovaries and he doesn''t...

 

[Shoopy]

I don''t cook. Period. I don''t make eggs, I don''t make pancakes, I have burnt rice many times using the rice steamer, my chicken is awful, don''t get me started on my beef

.

The first "sleepover" weekend I had with my fiance I was mortified because I didn''t cook. He was the first guy that I ever really cared about (b4 then it was "yeah I don''t cook..and??"). So I attempted to make us rice and beans. It.was.horrible. But he ate the whole thing and even asked for a second plate (which of course forced me to eat a second plate too). Halfway through the second plate he asked me what was wrong and I said "I''m sorry, I just can''t. This is really, really bad." And he goes "it''s not that bad" Poor guy was just eating it not to make me feel bad.

Anyway, we established the "fiery" can''t cook anything clause very early in our relationship and I learned that night that he is a phenomenal cook. He''s one of those guys that can taste something at a restaurant, come home, and make the entire meal exactly the way it tasted at the restaurant (if not better...his PF Chang Lettuce Wraps replica is TDF!!).

People weren''t meant to be perfect. Everyone has their strengths. Yours isn''t cooking. So what. If you want to spend money on restaurants or instant meals, then go ahead (if it wasn''t for him, I''d be living off of the same thing). It''s nothing to worry about. I will say though that if bothers you, then a lot of community colleges offer cooking courses. I signed up once and am still promising myself that I''ll actually go.

 

[blissfulbride]

thanks guys i feel a bit better ! My girlfriend just kinda made me feel bad about it. I''m like you get married because you love eachother not because they expect you to do things for them. I do take care of him in other ways, but not with this. He can''t screw in a light bulb, and I don''t tell him anything. We can''t remodel anything and all he knows how to do is pay people to do things. So just like he cant fix things I can''t cook!

We women have come a long way. Men don''t seem to have a problem when women work and even make more then them. Oh but its a no no if a women doesnt cook!

 

[trillionaire]

I enjoy cooking, but I would NOT enjoy cooking for someone who expected me to do it and did not plan to cook in return. We both have to eat, afterall. If you feel the way that I do, you should talk to your partner about it and perhaps work out a schedule. (for example, maybe you would each cook twice a week, with one day of leftovers and eat out on weekends)

Cooking takes some time to get the hang of. A crockpot might be a good idea for you. If you get one that is programmable, you can set it and forget it while you are at work, and come home to some great meals. The internet is a great resource for free recipes, rather than paying for a cookbook. Just get a binder and print recipes that you like and keep them in one place.

As far as traditional meals,

Start with simple recipes, like chili (tomato sauce, chili seasoning packet, beans, ground meat) or spaghetti (tomato sauce, ground meat, noodles, basil, oregano, garlic powder and salt to taste) McCormick's has a white chicken chili seasoning that is really good if you like spicy food. Use 2 cans of white northern beans or canneli, instead of 1 as the package calls for.

Large salads could be an option that doesn't require cooking. Also, maybe a forman grill would be useful for you. I have cooked everything from grilled cheese to paninis to chicken and fish and burgers on mine!

Shrimp cook really fast and easily, and you can keep seasoning really simple by using Old Bay.

Also, cooking can be cost efficient, but doesn't have to be. It's really up to you two as a couple to decide if cooking is best for you, though if you plan to have kids, it is probably best for both of you to know how to cook. I hate when parents feed their kids "kids cuisines" everyday (like the families that I used to babysit for!), they are not healthy.

It also costs a lot more to feed more people with takeout

And there are a lot of couples that don't cook. If you are both fine with it, then you have no problem!

If you both want to learn, you can start by asking your parents for family recipes. It might be fun learning to do them together, even if it takes a few tries. Cooking competitions can also be a fun way to approach cooking (SO and I do this with burgers!)

 

[sklingem]

OK - before we get all cozy here in a big non-cooking lovefest let me say this (and from a guy''s perspective): No guy should expect his/her partner to have an interest in cooking/or to be able to cook. But! I personally think that learning how to cook is important - it can be fun, you can cook together with your partner, is often more healthy, cheaper (yes!) and you have more control over what you eat. What ticks me off are women (and I have met quite a few who hold this attitude) who are proud not to be able to cook (how progressive, I know) and who look for men who know how to cook, but without the intention of ever trying it out themselves or wanting to get better at it! Take cooking classes, find a friend to teach you or have your partner teach you (good exercise in communication and patience). That will make you even more independent as a woman ...! Of course I would expect the same from men as well. And maybe it will also benefit your children (if you want to have any) down the road ... it is scary to me how many of them grow up not having any clue about cooking/baking whatsoever! So kudos to you for wanting to get better at it and be sure to get your DH involved in the process!!!

 

[WishfulThinking]

People should take care of *each other* in marriage. If you don''t like to cook [even if you were great at it!] it shouldn''t be your responsibility. If he doesn''t like to cook, or isn''t willing to cook, then you can order food. I think you should put your foot down. Know that many women don''t feel like it is their responsibility to take care of the grown adult who is their spouse. He''s not a child, and he''s definitely not your responsibility any more than you are his.

If I were you I''d tell him on no uncertain terms that while you love him, you are absolutely not going to let him [or anyone else] make you feel guilty for not being a cook. This is 2008; for many people wife=/=personal cook, and that''s okay.

Alternate cooking, alternate shopping- do whatever it is you can to equalize things. You''re partners, not his servant [not that I think he wants you to be, but you get the point ] Make compromises; if he does the cooking or shopping one week, you will do _______ in return. Just be firm, and nice, and remind him how much you love him and value him and that you want to make sure you''re both happy with the roles you fill in your family.

 

[cara]

"he would never cook anything for me"
because he hates to cook too? Because he doesn't see it as his manly role? why?

Who is putting the pressure on who for cooking here? If you want to learn how to cook some, and you are putting this pressure on yourself as a soon-to-be wife, well I would try to take the pressure off and approach it as a hobby/life skill IF you are actually interested and not just doing it cause you feel you should.

Start on weekends when you have more time, buy cookbooks and follow the directions! Be reasonable in what you tackle (simpler meals at first) but pick things that you actually want to be able to make at home and eat! ie. don't just start with roasted chicken unless you actually want to eat roasted chicken. It does make a mess, and it does often not seem worth the time and effort when only cooking for two people and you have a busy schedule. But even for two people, it is cheaper than eating out and you will get more efficient in the kitchen. Also, the cost savings do scale, so if you are ever planning to have kids, rough kitchen skills are useful.

But if your FI wants some home cookin', I don't see why it has to be you alone and not both of you together - or him alone! I love that my husband cooks so the burden is not all on me. It'd be one thing if you loved cooking and he hated it - you guys could balance out the chore list some other way. Lots of folks have a you cook/I clean division. But cooking AND grocery shopping is more than the clean-up, usually. I also find that the mental energy of planning meals/coming up with meals is more than I am up to after a long day of work. If I have thought about a meal ahead of time and bought the ingredients, then I can go on autocook when coming home.

Some nights he makes something, some nights I make something, and some nights we work together. But we don't do full meals from scratch every night - we're not there yet! We both work and have no kids, so on worknights sometimes we end up eating out, or having takeout, or frozen meals. Or super-simple stuff, like pasta and salad. We do a lot of grilling in the summer and a lot of one pot/pan meals in the winter. But it's great to be able to rely on your spouse to cook a meal some nights when both people work...

 

[FrekeChild]

Oy. Well I can''t say anything about not being able to cook, because I''ve done it on a professional basis. But one thing I''ve always had ingrained into me is that any household should be able to produce about 5 meals that are good enough to serve to guests. Every single one of us is going to have at least one house guest or party someday, and having a fall back recipe or two isn''t going to hurt anyone. I''m not saying that you have to be able to cook anything and everything, but having those recipes isn''t going to hurt you in the end. I think I learned this from my mom, who is an AWFUL cook-even though she tries really hard. She has her 10 recipes that she''s tested over the years, and whenever company comes or she throws a party at their house, she whips a couple of those up, and everyone thinks she''s a great cook. She''s really not-this is why I''m the one making Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Lol.

She told me once a story about the first Thanksgiving meal she had to make. My parents had just gotten married, and it was their first T-day together. My aunt basically told her she was going to do it, and it had better be good. My mom''s mother had passed away a few days before and my mom agreed to it just to get rid of my aunt. So Turkey day comes, My mom slaves away in the kitchen, over cooks the turkey-it comes out dry as heck, doesn''t make enough gravy to go halfway around the table, mashed potatoes are from a box, stuffing is from a box, undercooked pumpkin pie and the meal is an overall disaster. She hasn''t had anyone back since then--this was about 35 years ago.

I think her disastrous cooking is why I took up cooking as a career.

You muck up something, and you learn from it. This is what learning is all about right?

But having said all of that, my dad doesn''t care less. He could eat out every night and be perfectly happy. But he will go to the grocery store--she just never knows what he''s going to bring back!! So she''d rather just go herself.

 

[applequeen]

Date: 8/6/2008 4:13:05 PM
Author: trillionaire
I enjoy cooking, but I would NOT enjoy cooking for someone who expected me to do it and did not plan to cook in return. We both have to eat, afterall. If you feel the way that I do, you should talk to your partner about it and perhaps work out a schedule. (for example, maybe you would each cook twice a week, with one day of leftovers and eat out on weekends)

Cooking takes some time to get the hang of. A crockpot might be a good idea for you. If you get one that is programmable, you can set it and forget it while you are at work, and come home to some great meals. The internet is a great resource for free recipes, rather than paying for a cookbook. Just get a binder and print recipes that you like and keep them in one place.

As far as traditional meals,

Start with simple recipes, like chili (tomato sauce, chili seasoning packet, beans, ground meat) or spaghetti (tomato sauce, ground meat, noodles, basil, oregano, garlic powder and salt to taste) McCormick's has a white chicken chili seasoning that is really good if you like spicy food. Use 2 cans of white northern beans or canneli, instead of 1 as the package calls for.

Large salads could be an option that doesn't require cooking. Also, maybe a forman grill would be useful for you. I have cooked everything from grilled cheese to paninis to chicken and fish and burgers on mine!

Shrimp cook really fast and easily, and you can keep seasoning really simple by using Old Bay.

Also, cooking can be cost efficient, but doesn't have to be. It's really up to you two as a couple to decide if cooking is best for you, though if you plan to have kids, it is probably best for both of you to know how to cook. I hate when parents feed their kids 'kids cuisines' everyday (like the families that I used to babysit for!), they are not healthy.

It also costs a lot more to feed more people with takeout

Big Ditto on the Crock Pot... it's like magic... you just dump the stuff in in the morning (seriously... just throw it all in there) set the timer and the temp (only 2 options... high or low.. for all day you'd almost always use low) and when you get home your dinner is waiting for you. I usually throw some vegetables or whatever in the microwave for a side. Dinner is ready within 15 minutes of when I get home. It's almost impossible to mess up anything in a crock pot. It'll come with a recipe book but those recipes tend to have a lot of ingrediants but it's really easy to simply them. I find a lot of easy ones on the internet (do a search for something like "easy crock pot chicken" and you'll get lots of results.

My husband and I both enjoy cooking but I bear the brunt of it. It really has more to do with our schedules than anything else. We're both pretty good cooks and I know he enjoys experimenting (with mixed results). We're trying to save $ (house remodel) so we don't eat out a lot. I was single for 29 years and had lived on my own since I was 21. During that time I NEVER cooked but the crock pot (wedding gift) really helped to ease me into it. I now enjoy cooking and it helps that my husband isnt' a picky eater.

Unfortunatly I do most of the food shopping. I try to get my husband to give me menu ideas but he's just not good at that part of it (he'd be great if we had an unlimited food budget but he's not so good at keeping in mind that the the menu should be 1)healthy, 2) easy/ fast, and 3) economical .

I think the money (whether it's cheaper to cook than to eat out) depends on where you live and what you eat.

I believe for a single person it is about the same and for couples it just depends on how you feel about leftovers. I hate leftovers but my husband will eat anything so we can usually eat dinner and then have leftovers for lunch or dinner the next day (I now operate using the 24 hour leftover rule).

Is it that you hate cooking of just you don't want to cook because you're not good at it? I think a cooking class (for both of you) might be a good idea... maybe you'll get lucky and your fiance will discover his inner chef.

Don't stress out about it or feel you're a bad fiance or will be a bad wife. There are so many more important things in a relationship than whether or not you can cook or clean (or if he can fix things). Just think of how many service jobs you're supporting by hiring someone to help you... you're helping the economy.

 

[diamondfan]

I do not typically mind cooking but hate shopping, cooking and it is gone and no one really seems to care what they ate. Though they complain if they dislike it, and try finding one meal three kids like. Pretty tough. I tend to have them fed earlier anyway since hubby works late, and it is better for them not to eat too late. They are not ultra finicky but somewhat so, and I always rack my brain for healthy, not to hard, taste pleasing meals that all three will eat.

I would love to go to culinary school only for fun though, so I would be freaking out from pressure. Also, I know quite a bit currently but tend to get overly ambitious and then frustrated in the kitchen.

 

[newbie124]

I love cooking but don''t always feel like cooking. I do cook dinner most weekdays, but that''s partly b/c I usually have cravings for something specific whereas FI will eat pretty much anything. Also, whenever he cooks, he waits till after we get home to come up with an idea and by then I''m starving and get impatient to eat! But I do appreciate that he knows does offer to cook about once or twice a week to give me a day off

On the weekends we usually cook more adventurous meals together. During the summers we grill a lot. He mans the fire and I do the prep work and indoor cooking. It''s a nice sharing of responsibilities and we''ve pretty much got it down to a science now.

My family is big on food so I would''ve been sad if FI had no interest in food or cooking. I think being around me, he''s also taken an even greater interest than he had before, which I really appreciate.

I second Rob09''s suggestions for trying to learn some dishes and maybe even take some classes together. I don''t think most people start out as naturally great cooks...there''s a lot of trial/error and progression. I think many people get into it once they find one or two recipes that are easy for them to replicate and turn out really well (as Freke) also mentions. I don''t think it''s very healthy or cost-effective to eat out all the time, so cooking is definitely a hobby worth getting into!

 

[absolut_blonde]

I do find it works out cheaper. Something like a container of greek yogurt, a couple peaches and a bag of museli will come out to what, $10? But it will make me breakfast all week. There''s no way I could buy a healthy, satisfying breakfast everyday for $2.

And money aside, I personally don''t think dining out is as healthy. At least, not my personal definition of healthy (minimal processed/refined foods, etc). You CAN find healthy options, but it can be tricky at times -- and there are a lot of hidden calories in restaurant foods. I find it hard to get a well-rounded meal most places, as well. They''ll charge you extra for salad instead of fries, etc etc. It''s annoying!

THAT being said... I know cooking can be intimidating and sometimes I think people overcomplicate it needlessly. You don''t have to cook big, elaborate meals each night. Often my meals only involve cooking one or two items anyway.

I do a lot of quick, easy things like:
- omelets with vegetables and/or meat, with whole grain toast
- spaghetti with meat sauce (brown meat, simmer in pasta sauce with chopped veg)
- big salads -- protein source (leftovers are good for this, or hardboiled eggs, etc), leafy greens, chopped up veg, beans and/or nuts, maybe a bit of fruit like diced apple
- baked salmon (wrap in foil with some marinade) and brown rice.
- chicken breasts and green beans... just pan fry the chicken and steam the beans

I''m also big on leftovers. If we have chicken breasts one evening, I will make extra and then we''ll have the rest sliced up and served on caesar salad for lunch/dinner the next day.


IMO, cooking is a responsibility that comes along with being an adult. Just like laundry and dishes. Some people may not choose to do it as often, for whatever reason, but everyone should be able to cook at least a few things. That''s just how I was raised, though.

I think it falls on both of your shoulders, or neither -- he can''t pick and choose, expecting you to do something he refuses. I mean, I hate doing the dishes but I still do them. Sure, SO does them more often than I do (I cook more often than he does) but I still do them. Honestly, if SO weren''t even willing to make a grilled cheese and soup, that wouldn''t fly with me at all.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree cooking at home gives more control over healthy content and keeps costs down. I think what is the best thing is to plan meals for the week if you can, and get prep done maybe Sunday night so the night of things go faster.

Slow cookers and Pressure cookers can be good too.

I think if one shops well, plans the menus and gets organized, it works pretty well. And sometimes simple is best! No need for pheasant under glass each night, broiled fish, roast chicken, broiled lamb chops, those are pretty easy to do. Add a side and a salad or soup, and you are good to go.

If my kids all liked the same thing, it would make life easier. The best thing I ever did was let my housekeeper cook a lot of their dinners, she took some culinary courses in her country, and they like what she makes. She gives me a grocery list and I get the stuff, and the kids love it and typically eat most of what she makes. I am not frustrated with them for picking at food, wasting, complaining, and if hubby is working late I then make myself a salad and I am happy. I sit with them and meals are more pleasant when they actually like the food and eat decently. I am not a clean your plate mom, but I think, take less to begin with, if you want more there is more, and try not to be wasteful. I used to make THREE meals (simple ones but still) because one kid hated this and one hated that...on different days. One would love chicken one night and not touch it the next. Made me nuts. I would love to have a chef someday, who cooks balanced healthy meals and makes healthy interesting to my hubby who only likes it deep fried or covered in cheese.

 

[Rhea]

Cooking is cheaper than eating out. We cook every other night and have the left-overs the following night. It takes much less time that way.

Not cooking or being involved in anything in the kitchen wouldn''t fly with me though. I can''t imagine spending the rest of my life with a person who doesn''t share in household activities. The signed marriage license shouldn''t mean that he expects you to take it all on.

Have you discussed household chores and activities and how you plan to share/split them?

 

[bee*]

I''ve only started cooking in the past two months and I used to hate it, but the more I cook now, the more I love it. I have done all the cooking since I''ve moved in with D but he does other things around the house and I like it this way, especially as I''m in the cooking honeymoon phase. If you actually want to try it, then I''d suggest buying a good cookery book (the ones that I''ve used are the Avoca cookbooks(they''re Irish)). I''ve found the great to work from and the dinners have turned out delicious. I wouldn''t cook though just because he expects it.

 

[Shoopy]

I will say this though, even though I''m in the camp of hating to/absolutely no desire to cook. If I''m blessed with children, I will force myself to cook because I was raised on homecooked meals and would want that for my kids.

But for now, Mr. Fiery''s delicious menu will do

 

[Sha]

I didn''t learn to cook till I was 20 years old and in college. Before that I didn''t really like the cooking, and always used to run when Mommy used to try to teach me recipes as a child. Now that I''m glad I''m able to cook - it''s a good skill to have. Just like being able to drive, IMO.

I don''t think it''s useful to proclaim, "I don''t cook" and leave it like that. As someone else said, a lot of people (like me) start out not knowing the first thing about cooking, and begin by producing bad-tasting meals, but we eventually learn through trial and error, and the meals get better. It''s not a special skill that persons either have or don''t have. Most poeple can learn how to cook, if they make they effort to.

So it''s good that you are willing to learn, and your FI should be as well, so that you can take some of the responsibility off of each other. And it is a big responsibility... my DH does most of the cooking and I''ve very happy for that, but that doesn''t mean that I leave it all up to him. Usually I cook on weekends. It''s great when both partners are able to carry the cooking load, IMO.

 

[Pandora II]

I love cooking, but... I so wish we only needed to eat 3 times a week so you could just make an effort and have nice things. All this eating because you are hungry is a PITA.

We shop online and Sainsburys deliver it to the door - then I just pick up veg from the guy outside the tube station.

DH and I take it in turns during the week and at weekends. We do tend to eat a LOT of microwave curries and my top fave - spaghetti with chopped bacon, pesto and peas.

Omelettes are a dead easy super quick dish, look impressive and are really nice with new potatoes and salad.

You just beat up two eggs, chuck in some herbs and a twist of salt and black pepper - chuck it in a frying pan with a bit of butter.

Make sure the bottom of the pan is coated with the mixture. Wait 30 seconds or so until the bottom begins to set, then chuck some ham, cheese, mushrooms or whatever you have in the fridge on the top. Fold the thing in half - should be golden on top. Cook it a bit, then turn it over and cook a little bit longer (so the cheese in the middle goes melted - mmmm).

Stick on plate with salad and eat.

Total time to prepare - 5 minutes, total time to cook - 5 minutes. Needed - 1 bowl, 1 knife, 1 chopping board, 1 frying pan and a thingy to turn it over with. Simple....

Your FI needs to grow up and take a turn. My DH does all the ironing, normally puts the laundry on, helps cook and wash up. The only thing he never does is clean - but we pay someone else to do that for us.

You save LOADS of money cooking at home - and even more if you shop online so you're not tempted by special offers etc. It's also an idea to cook a lot of something at a time and stick it in the fridge or freezer for when your knackered and can't be bothered to cook from scratch.

 

[iheartscience]

Yeah, I would not be down with his presumption that you should cook him dinner. How did he eat when you didn''t live together?

I don''t know how to cook and I don''t care! I pretty much can only make pasta with a jar of pasta sauce. My fiance can cook a few things, but we mostly just eat out. I just think it''s a hassle to cook for two. He doesn''t cook that often, so if he wants to, he has to go out and buy every single ingredient. Plus we don''t have a dishwasher, so there are a pile of dishes for only one meal. And a bunch of left over groceries usually end up going to waste. Even just a bag of salad will go rotten if you don''t eat the whole thing in one sitting!

I do keep cereal, yogurt, bananas, strawberries, etc. in the house and I try to make sure to eat those so they don''t go bad. I''ll eat those for breakfast and sometimes dinner also. I get lunch out every day so I do get some variety!

 

[Octavia]

If you hate cooking and grocery shopping, there''s no reason you should be the only one expected to do it. I actually enjoy cooking and do a reasonable (not great) job at it, while FI can barely boil pasta and is more than willing to eat out every meal. I also LOVE grocery shopping, except for the fact that everything has gotten so expensive recently, and he does not. So there''s definitely an imbalance in our kitchen, but I really don''t mind most of the time. Even so, FI would never expect me to do all the cooking, and whenever I say we''ll eat in he gets concerned that it''s too much work and I''m too tired. But it comes down to, is that I was raised eating a nutritious home-cooked meal every night and I''m really finicky about how my food is prepared, so I''d much rather do it myself. It''s so much healthier, not to mention cheaper. When FI is away, I don''t eat out at all and he always tells me I look thinner when he gets back -- and he''s right. Eating out every day adds a good 5 lbs to my frame within a couple weeks.

I do wish my FI would learn to cook a bit, and he''s recently expressed interest in learning. I really want to sign us up for a day-long cooking class, I think it would be fun and a good way to spend some productive time together!

 

[newbie124]

Just for comparison, we spend about $200-250/month on groceries and on avg about $500-600 dining out (and we only go out about 1-2 times/week).

And I'm not the type to buy groceries in mass quantity every one or two weeks, which I know can save money (I just can't plan what I want to eat that far ahead of time). So I generally end up going to the grocery store about every day depending on what I feel like making, and it still comes out to be significantly less.

We usually bring leftovers for lunch so that also saves $$/calories. Also, b/c we don't go out to eat as often, we can spare the money to go to nicer places every so often. If there's one thing I hate it's wasting money on a mediocre meal out, so that's another plus.

One of the hands down EASIEST and tastiest dinners we like to make is roast chicken. I always thought it was such a bother until I learned the real trick--cooking at high temp for roughly 40-50 minutes depending on size. No brining, no turning over. All you have to do it salt and pepper, maybe add some herbs or lemon slices. It really doesn't get easier than that. You can do it w/ cut up chicken pieces (less time) or a whole bird. When I do a whole bird, I now usually butterfly it (cut out the backbone and flatten w/ my hands) so that it cooks more evenly, but you don't really even have to do that.

I find that the greatest obstacle for me cooking on the weekdays is figuring out what to make. That can be a pain sometimes, but I've signed up to receive daily "Dinner Tonight" emails from Cooking Light, which has been a great source of inspiration.

I will say that having good kitchen tools/supplies and a stock of basic ingredients on hand definitely makes things easier. That takes a little time, but I've accumulated quite a collection over the years since that's what I have a tendency to ask for for bdays, xmas, etc. When FI and I first met, he had barely any tools and I was lugging my pots, pans, cooking tools, spices back and forth b/t our apartments Boy was I glad when we finally moved in together and I had all of that stuff on hand in one place!

 

[miraclesrule]

This is a very interesting thread...it made me crack up because it reminded me of a line from the Demi Moore/Rob Lowe movie, which went something like the following:

"Two nights a week you cook, two nights a week he cooks, two nights a week you eat out, and Wednesday is sandwich night. Is that what your sex life is like... Two nights a week he's on top, two night a week you're on top...what do you do on sandwich night?"

Eating is definately one of life's necessities. I think it can be terrifically romantic to plan, prepare and cook and cleanup after meals. The one thing I heard about Americans is that we just eat... when we should dine. In other cultures, dining is a huge life priority.

Crock pots are wonderful, and I wish I had one. I always swear I will get one, but until I have more than my mouth to feed on a daily basis, I have to cook for one.

With ready to cook meals and pre-cut vegetables and even cabbage, cooking doesn't have to take a lot of skill. Heck, you can even look up a local "Dream Dinners" or other meal preparation company and for $250 and a few hours, you and your SO can go and prepare 12 meals with 6 servings and freeze them and pull them out as needed. It also helps you determine what you like and how easy some tasty meals are to prepare. I eat a lot of raw foods and salads, so my prep is miminal. I buy frozen Tilipia and Salmon from Costco and then steam some veggies, you can even steam veggies in the microwave. I do a lot of shopping at the Farmer's market on a Sunday which is also a fun adventure with your SO...you can even pick up some freah flowers to spruce up the table. Oh that reminds me, I need to thaw out one of my favorite Farmer's Market finds...gourmet tamales without Lard. Spinach, Feta and tomatillo....yummmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyy!!!! With fresh store bought salsa. I can't do canned salsa....no way, no how.

It doesn't take a lot of work to prepare tasty healthy meals. Nobody expects you or your SO to be on Iron Chef. Yet, I feel that feeding someone a good meal is one of the most loving acts another human can do for and with another.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/6/2008 10:24:12 PM
Author: miraclesrule
This is a very interesting thread...it made me crack up because it reminded me of a line from the Demi Moore/Rob Lowe movie, which went something like the following:


''Two nights a week you cook, two nights a week he cooks, two nights a week you eat out, and Wednesday is sandwich night. Is that what your sex life is like... Two nights a week he''s on top, two night a week you''re on top...what do you do on sandwich night?''

Eating is definately one of life''s necessities. I think it can be terrifically romantic to plan, prepare and cook and cleanup after meals. The one thing I heard about Americans is that we just eat... when we should dine. In other cultures, dining is a huge life priority.


Crock pots are wonderful, and I wish I had one. I always swear I will get one, but until I have more than my mouth to feed on a daily basis, I have to cook for one.


With ready to cook meals and pre-cut vegetables and even cabbage, cooking doesn''t have to take a lot of skill. Heck, you can even look up a local ''Dream Dinners'' or other meal preparation company and for $250 and a few hours, you and your SO can go and prepare 12 meals with 6 servings and freeze them and pull them out as needed. It also helps you determine what you like and how easy some tasty meals are to prepare. I eat a lot of raw foods and salads, so my prep is miminal. I buy frozen Tilipia and Salmon from Costco

and then steam some veggies, you can even steam veggies in the microwave. I do a lot of shopping at the Farmer''s market on a Sunday which is also a fun adventure with your SO...you can even pick up some freah flowers to spruce up the table. Oh that reminds me, I need to thaw out one of my favorite Farmer''s Market finds...gourmet tamales without Lard. Spinach, Feta and tomatillo....yummmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyy!!!! With fresh store bought salsa. I can''t do canned salsa....no way, no how.


It doesn''t take a lot of work to prepare tasty healthy meals. Nobody expects you or your SO to be on Iron Chef. Yet, I feel that feeding someone a good meal is one of the most loving acts another human can do for and with another.

I have to say that the bag of salmon filets from Sam''s Club rock my world! 12-15 minutes in the oven, season with lemon pepper and/or cajun seasoning, diced garlic (you can buy in the jar) a few pats of butter or drizzle of olive oil... You CAN''T go wrong! Actually... I might go make some now....

This goes amazing with spinach and wild rice. (spinach = fresh or frozen, with Mrs. Dash, diced garlic, butter or olive oil, seasoned salt to taste)

The key to cooking IMHO is having a millions seasonings and spices. Just start smelling things and throwing them in where they seem interesting. I put indian spices in my hamburgers, and they are fantastic!

 

[Miranda]

Learn to cook and learn your place woman!

Haha!!! Just kidding! Though, I really do think you should learn to cook for your own health. Eating out all the time is not good for you. There are lots of easy things to make at home. Cook a few chicken breasts in a pan or even poach them. Chop some lettuce (or buy bagged), chop the chicken once cooked, add dressing and call it dinner. Easier than going out IMO. and with the leftover chicken you can have a few dinners.

Yep, women have come a long way. I stay home and sometimes DH comes home from a hard day and cooks AND does the dishes.

 

[swingirl]

It sounds like the problem really is you are tired at the end of the day and since nothing has been planned it becomes stressful to be expected to magically create something yummy that comes out perfect.

I don't know where you are financially but I know folks that hire someone to come in, spend an hour preparing a meal and occasionally it includes a shopping trip for supplies. They started doing it because the wife had carpil tunnel and couldn't lift pots and pans. Once she was all better they realized it made life so much easier for 2 working people. They did it 3 or 4 times a week and squeezed out leftovers as well.

Just an option!

 

[Sha]

I agree that this is an interesting thread. It actually made me think that I may be burdening DH a bit with all the cooking responsibility, even though he loves to cook. Sometimes I know he's tired or not necessarily in the mood. So tonight he came home late from work, and I decided to cook for him instead! I think he really appreciated it. I never really thought about doing it before... I guess because I was so happy with him doing all the cooking! But yeah... it can be a big responsibliity for one person, esp. if that person is working.

 

[FrekeChild]

swinggirl is talking about a personal chef. They rock my socks.

There is a place here in town that preps meals for you, sends you home with the ingredients, and then has a detailed card with how to put it together. My mom bought several, but didn''t like the looks of one, so she sent it home with me, and that rocked my socks too. I didn''t have to think about dinner AT ALL, just pulled it out of the freezer the night before and threw it together the next day. And FF LOVED it. Which is never a bad thing.

Plus, they have a bunch of options at any given time, so you can pick up several meals at once. You should see if there is anything like that where you live. I think it''s becoming pretty popular.

He liked it so much he asked me to make it from scratch for his grad school advisor when he invites her over for dinner sometime.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 8/6/2008 11:28:21 PM
Author: FrekeChild
swinggirl is talking about a personal chef. They rock my socks.

There is a place here in town that preps meals for you, sends you home with the ingredients, and then has a detailed card with how to put it together. My mom bought several, but didn''t like the looks of one, so she sent it home with me, and that rocked my socks too. I didn''t have to think about dinner AT ALL, just pulled it out of the freezer the night before and threw it together the next day. And FF LOVED it. Which is never a bad thing.

Plus, they have a bunch of options at any given time, so you can pick up several meals at once. You should see if there is anything like that where you live. I think it''s becoming pretty popular.

He liked it so much he asked me to make it from scratch for his grad school advisor when he invites her over for dinner sometime.

Freke, they can be a godsend. I used Dream Dinners a few times, but their portion size and the frozen tomatoes were yucky. We also had a privately owned one that I loved, loved, loved. If you were too lazy or didn''t have the time to come in and make them yourselves...which is easy as each station is set up like a subway with all the ingrediants and measuring spoons and menu in front of you....then you could pay extra for them to assemble the meal for you. This one place would even deliver for an additional fee. I got sooooooooooo spoiled by her, but apparently, she didn''t get enough business because she had to close. There were a lot of foodies that were really bummed when Chef Jane had to close her business. I still don''t know if I would go back to Dream Dinners, which is a growing franchise, but I have to admit, it sure beats having to come up with a meal yourself if you are feeding 4-6 people. Hmmmmmmmmm, maybe I will look up their link and see what is happening these days. I used them a lot when I had a roommate because he would split the cost with me.

 

[honey22]

You two need to sort out what is good for both of you! Not what everyone else believes you should be doing or not doing. If you both are cool with not cooking then great. If cooking was essential to be a wife, then I will have to hand back my ering, cause I don''t cook all the time. I love to do the occasional upteen course dinner party or bake goodies, all of which I am pretty great at, but I am just not the have-the-dinner-waiting-when-the-man-gets-home kind of woman.

Anyway, WIFE stands for Washing, Ironing, ****ing, Etc - I don''t see anything in there about cooking

I have mentioned to work collegues that DF doesn''t cook and I have had girls turn around and tell me that they would leave a man who didn''t cook. WTH?! In 12 years, I have not: pooper scopped, taken the rubbish bins out, changed a light bulb or a tyre, or done a whole lot of other yucky jobs that my darling boy has happily done for me. I do other stuff that he hasn''t even done and that is totally fine with us. The garage is ''his room'' and the laundry is ''my room'' and that''s good. I don''t play with his power tools and he leaves my washing machine alone! We have a fair division of labour, sure we do different jobs but it all works out in the end and we are happy. There is no way I am giving up this well trained house husband (well, soon to be husband) because he doesn''t cook!