Wedding No bridal shower!!!

[tanisha]

Okay, so my maid of honor lives about two hours away. But my wedding is in august and I still have no word about if she is planning on throwing me a bridal shower. My future Mother in Law said she woudl throw me one but I feel bad asking her, what should I do??? Please help

 

[Mandarine]

Be honest?

Ask your MOH what her plans are? or if she has any?...if she says no, then tell her your FMIL is willing to throw you one and you like the idea (I don''t know why you feel bad if she''s offering).

M~

 

[neatfreak]

My MOH isn''t throwing me a shower. Instead, a good friend from where I lived offered to do it (my MOH lives far away and doesn''t have a lot of $). I would gently ask your MOH what her plans are and if not, let your MIL do it! I know mine would be thrilled to be involved.

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 6/14/2007 1:21:25 PM
Author: neatfreak
My MOH isn''t throwing me a shower. Instead, a good friend from where I lived offered to do it (my MOH lives far away and doesn''t have a lot of $). I would gently ask your MOH what her plans are and if not, let your MIL do it! I know mine would be thrilled to be involved.

Sounds like mine!

 

[rainbowtrout]

Well.....

I don''t know. I''ve never thought that one "has" to be given a shower; unless you gave her one and its obvious that this is expected? I.e., maybe she thinks showing up at your wedding and helping you with all the little details is enough/doesn''t realize she needs to throw you another party? I''m being serious, not snippy, btw...she may just not realize.

I''d love a shower but it ain''t happening..first of all I can''t see my friends thinking of it and second they live out of town...even 2 hrs away is still kind of far!

 

[sumbride]

If you want one, bring it up! And there''s no reason your FMIL can''t give you one in addition to, or instead of, the one from your MOH. Just speak up.

My MOH lives in Boston, I live in Baltimore. FAR. But not only is she, along with my bridesmaids, planning my shower... she''s coming! As is my Texas bridesmaid! And then they are coming back the next month for my bachelorette. I was in shock when they told me, but happy.

 

[Jas12]

I would just ask really casually--something like: " ___are you planning on throwing a wedding shower for me, b/c my FMIL was asked about throwing one, but she didn''t want to interfere with your plans if you had them..." I think that gets her to answer directly, without making it sound like you are angry or pushing her into having one.

It''s weird, I have found that the people i expected to be really into my wedding planning (not as into it as me of course--but invloved) are not--and those whom I never expected are doing special things--you just never know.

 

[Independent Gal]

I agree you should find a gentle way of asking her about her plans and saying ''FMIL asked about throwing one / didn''t want to interfere if you were planning to'' would be a good way to go. That way, you get the info + let her off the hook if she didn''t want to plan one + remind her if she did but was just not ''on the case''. You don''t want your MOH to feel like you ''EXPECT'' her to throw you a party and that she''s being remiss if she doesn''t! I know it''s a traditional thing that MOH''s do, but I don''t think anyone should ''expect'' it, just like we shouldn''t ''expect'' wedding gifts, or the bride''s parents to pay for the whole wedding, etc.

At the same time, if she WAS planning something, you don''t want her to feel like FMIL is stepping on her toes.

Let us know what happens!

And lucky you for having such a nice FMIL.

 

[parrot tulips]

I agree with the other ladies here that if you''d really like a shower, honesty would be your best bet...asking if she had any plans since your future MIL was inquiring.

Just for a little perspective. My sister and I were bridesmaids a few years back for the same friend. I hate to say it, but the thought of a shower never crossed either one of our minds. The MOH was going through some personal stuff, so it was expected she''d be unavailable throughout the process. We had never been in a wedding before (even though we weren''t especially young...late 20''s), and K was the first of our friends to be getting married. We offered whatever help we could to the bride, but just assumed that whatever was expected of us would be asked. We were horrified when we received a call from her fiance one day saying she was in tears over "missing out on the whole bridal experience." We honestly had no idea and felt just awful about it. We quickly got our act together and threw a lovely shower & started making plans for the bachlorette. Moral of the story - sometimes people are well intentioned, but a little clueless, and they need a little nudge.

 

[akw94]

I think that if you want a shower, you should just approach your MOH about it. Also, you can mention that your MIL brought it up but you wanted to talk to her about it first. And if you throw in that your MIL would be more than happy to help, that may take some of the burden off of her since she''s far away.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Tanisha,

Welcome to PS! Maybe you''re MOH is throwing you a surprise shower and that''s why you don''t know details. Just a thought...