need your opinion please ...how would you feel?

[mausketeer]

Wait wait wait everyone - I thought of something here....... listen - I think I might know what the OP is thinking - I am THAT GIRL too (my situation is not as bad, I posted in the "Hangout" section about a bad name that my boyfriend keeps calling me when we fight and boy, did I get a lot of responses!) I bet I can sum up what she is thinking: you love him. You have a "good" relationship most of the time, right? When things are going good, you''re happy, he''s happy, everyone is happy. I bet here''s the kicker though - he TELLS you ONE thing, but he ACTS a different way. WHICH do you believe? Do you believe what he tells you? Which you desperately want to believe? And when you DO believe it, everything can go on as "normal" and your life can continue the way it is and NOTHING has to change? Or do you believe YOUR own eyes (and ears?) and that little voice inside you that says "Hey, wait a minute here - this isn''t FAIR - WHY am I paying for all of this? WHY did he get me THIS ring? The carat weight is the SAME? NO it''s NOT! And hey, HE''S the one that messed up the FIRST one, why should I have to settle for a littler replacement ring when HE''S putting new MAGS on his CAR!" You KNOW it''s a bunch of CRAP, dont'' you? But you don''t let yourself believe it because if you DID, you''d have to admit that all this OTHER stuff that is going on is a bunch of crap too so you make excuses for him to yourself. "Well...... maybeeeeeee - um, maybeeeee he doesn''t know much about diamonds. Yes, that''s it. He doesn''t know that three stones of 1/3 carat weight are not the same as one stone. THAT''S all it is. Okay......" So you kind of hem and haw and make it okay in your mind as to WHY it''s okay that he has done this instead of admitting to yourself the REAL reason that he is doing this and that he is TOTALLY taking advantage of you: BECAUSE HE CAN.

So here is MY suggestion. You tell him: "Sweetie (honey, baby) I have been thinking and I decided that if we are going to get married that I need to let you in to my life more. I think this whole notion that I am a strong independant woman who won''t let anyone "help" me is hurting our relationship and I think I''m ready for us to be equal partners now. So starting today, here is what you owe me for your half of the rent, the electricity, water, etc. Oh, sorry, I had to cancel your cell phone but here is the number for the provider, you can just call them and get it redone in your own name, right? Same with the gym membership. Oh, and the tanning. Darling, I''m so happy we''re going to be doing all of this TOGETHER now. I''m sure we''ll be so much CLOSER now."

I''d be VERY interested to hear what his reaction would be after that conversation.......

 

[VRBeauty]

I''m sorry, but I''m sensing a creative writing exercise here.

Do you really expect us to believe that you''re smart enough to find your way here, smart enough to post a nice, concise, relationship horror story, smart enough to realize that your story is laced with red flags, smart enough to support two adults and an unknown number of children...

yet dumb enough to defend this guy and staying with him?

I''m not buying it.

 

[woodlandsmonica]

well what made me run a search for a forum like this was that he posted on his dumb import site where they talk about cars and stuff about me getting upset over the replacement ring. he failed to tell more to the story. all he said was that him and i had gotten into a fight broke up he threw the ring and he replaced it but i was unhappy with the replacement. and boy o boy the names those people were calling me. calling me a gold digger and i should be happy with what i get blah blah blah ... i was like gold digger??? wtf!!! i pay for everything how am i the gold digger!!!

soooo i was out to show him and prove to him i wasnt over reacting and that other people hopefully would feel somewhat what i was feeling about the situation.

thanks everyone for the insight on this i appreciate it very much!

 

[girlie-girl]

Date: 5/12/2009 1:15:30 PM
Author: woodlandsmonica
he is 24 and i am 32. he has a good job, no he is not going to school. my point is that he spends almost 700 a month in car payment and he loves putting new things on his cars. for instance he had no issue going to pay over 350 just for these new bright lights for the front head lights. i feel like i''m last on his priority list. i have never asked him for a dime, and my feelings are hurt because the replacment ring isnt the same as my orignal. i feel like this is the one thing he could of showed me how he feels and to replace it with a ring that looks much smaller than the one he proposed with (even tho its the same in carat he says but the tiny baggets on the sides makes it the same carat but the 3 stones are much much smaller that sit on top) just really hurt my feelings. i feel like i oay for 99.9% in everything we do and felt that my wedding ring would of been something he would of took more pride in. when we went and looked at rings we found this amazing beautiful ring that was just breath taking. it wasnt even that expensive, with discounts and stuff it was only $1850.... he had just sold a watch for 1200 and told me he was using that money to help buy my replacment ring. he ended up going and buying the ring i have now and bragged how he sold that watch for 1200 and used some money to buy my replacment and still had money left over from the sale of the watch. i am a very giving person and love to go out of my way to do things for others and i was just hopeing that this one thing he would of made special for me....

... I think he did, sadly.

 

[HornAround]

edited to not feed the troll....

 

[purrfectpear]

Ladies, if this isn''t made up drama (aka trolling for reaction) I''ll eat my keyboard.

Puhleeze....

If you''re going to troll us, at least make it good. You went over the top when you told us you were paying for his tanning.

 

[EHR2009]

I agree that it sounds like you already know what you should do...good luck!

 

[TravelingGal]

T.R.O.L.L.

I read the entire first page thinking, is anyone not seeing this? Good to see it only took until page 2.

 

[woodlandsmonica]

no i swear nothing is made up. i guess when you see it in black and white it makes you feel like a big idiot. so guess i am a big idiot!!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/12/2009 5:43:21 PM
Author: woodlandsmonica
no i swear nothing is made up. i guess when you see it in black and white it makes you feel like a big idiot. so guess i am a big idiot!!!

Possibly.

But you''re definitely a woman with no self respect.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I vote him off the Island.

cheers--Sharon

 

[E B]

Date: 5/12/2009 5:43:21 PM
Author: woodlandsmonica
no i swear nothing is made up. i guess when you see it in black and white it makes you feel like a big idiot. so guess i am a big idiot!!!

I''ll bite.

If he has a good job, why are you paying for everything?

 

[Dancing Fire]

paid for his tanning?? stick that turkey in the oven and turn it to broil, he''ll get a nice tan alright.

 

[tlh]

Date: 5/12/2009 5:51:51 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

I vote him off the Island.

cheers--Sharon

I''ll drink to that!

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/12/2009 5:22:03 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Ladies, if this isn''t made up drama (aka trolling for reaction) I''ll eat my keyboard.


Puhleeze....

If you''re going to troll us, at least make it good. You went over the top when you told us you were paying for his tanning.

Have to say I was thinking the same! If it''s not made up, then I agree with the others..run. Yes you could ask for a bigger ring, but there are many more issues at hand and it''s very hard to give advice about a ring with all of those things in the way.

 

[luckystar112]

I love threads like this. You know, threads that start out with some long, shocking, melodramatic story and then end with, "But I''m not really looking for advice on that. Should I get the H VS2 or the E SI1?

"

In any case, I really have nothing to say. I agree with everyone else about your relationship.

 

[bebe]

Why is an adult man tanning?
Has he not heard of skin cancer concerns?

Besides that issue, he needs to grow up
and be financially responsive. It sounds
like Monica is enabling him to never grow up.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/12/2009 6:22:52 PM
Author: luckystar112
I love threads like this. You know, threads that start out with some long, shocking, melodramatic story and then end with, ''But I''m not really looking for advice on that. Should I get the H VS2 or the E SI1?

''

In any case, I really have nothing to say. I agree with everyone else about your relationship.

If it were real, it''s not a relationship. It''s a sinkingship.

 

[tlh]

tanning is cool.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/12/2009 6:32:44 PM
Author: tlh
tanning is cool.

That is exactly the color of my favorite crayola. Burnt Siena.

 

[VegasAngel]

This thread is funny.

Nothing new to add, get rid of this guy already. He wont change.

 

[mausketeer]

Date: 5/12/2009 6:34:26 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 5/12/2009 6:32:44 PM
Author: tlh
tanning is cool.

That is exactly the color of my favorite crayola. Burnt Siena.

Is there a new way to say LOL that involves choking on your own tongue?????? That MADE my day TLH!

Off to search for what on earth "trolling" is...... (I tell yah, I''m too damn old for this stuff....... does it have anything to do with TWITTER? just kidding.......

 

[Camille]

Date: 5/12/2009 1:23:59 PM
Author: grapegravity

Date: 5/12/2009 1:10:18 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
BIG RED FLAG......... run.

Ditto... before it's too late....

100% this is your chance to get rid of him...............a biger/nicer diamond won't make it work, he needs to mature, leave him alone girl, find a man willing to respect you, pay for his own and more.

 

[neatfreak]

If this is serious then yes you are in the wrong...for wanting to stick with him. Ugh-I don''t even know you and I know you deserve better.

 

[Mariposa]

"I''m sorry...he''s just a tool."

 

[HollyS]

You DON''T need opinions on whether you should marry this guy? Really????

Independent women do not have moocher boyfriends. And they don''t make said moocher BF into their fiance.

And really, what did you expect to receive from a petulant child you lavish with toys, gifts, and domicile, while he lives scott free of any inconvenient responsibility ????

Can you say Train Wreck?

I think you should keep the ring. It''s apropos.

OR, you''re a troll. Hmmmmmmm??????

 

[HollyS]

Date: 5/12/2009 6:15:40 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
paid for his tanning?? stick that turkey in the oven and turn it to broil, he''ll get a nice tan alright.

ROFLMAO!!!

 

[tlh]

one word.

PRE-NUP

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I agree with everyone who told you to "run".

I know you don't want advice...and I can see why you wouldn't...shining a light on a situation can be uncomfortable. But, listen...you're marrying a man who replaced you in a single night...and you're worried about him replacing a ring. In my honest opinion, you're priorities are skewed. You are valuing things over the important stuff...like commitment, monogamy, self respect, and so so so much more.

Right now, you're a sugar mama. You pay his way through life...and he thinks so little of you that you could have an argument and he could move on to another woman in a snap. That's not right...no matter how you break it down. That speaks volumes about your relationship.

My best advice...I would seriously get into counseling...find yourself...and then finds someone who will love you and treat you with respect.

 

[tberube]

Yes, in my humble opinion, you are wrong in what you''re feeling....feeling like you still want to give to this man after all that he has taken from you.