Wedding need to vent

[Blair138]

I just got a call from one of my friend''s...seems her husband was asked to be a groomsman in another wedding on the same day FI and I are getting married-worst part is, the husband is going to be one of FI''s groomsman (they have been friends since high school) and FI HASN''T ASKED HIM YET!!! I talked with my friend and told her that her husband is going to be in our wedding. Also, their son is our ring bearer and we have already asked them about that. She told me we have priority as they are closer with us than with the other couple and because their son is in our wedding. She also said her husband is thinking about how he can do both weddings. Now here is where I become a bridezilla-I DID NOT SAY THIS TO HER BUT-no one in our wedding party will be doing ''other things'' on that day ESPECIALLY ANOTHER WEDDING which is over 30 miles away from ours. This guy is a good friend of both FI''s and mine, and I would be devastated if he wasn''t in it, especially if he didn''t come. I don''t know what to do-I called FI and told him that he should have asked his groomsmen WHEN I TOLD HIM TO. He said he will ask him, but I''m hoping the guy doesn''t think he can do 2 in one day-that''s nuts and it''s not 27 Dresses...I just needed to vent-rip me apart if you must...

 

[Sabine]

Awe, that really stinks!!! Unless the weddings are at 2 TOTALLY different times (like, say, 10 in the morning and 7 at night) I don''t think it would work for the guy to be in both. It must be so frustrating knowing that you asked your FI to ask his guys earlier and he hadn''t, but that''s so like the things my dh does! It''s so hard to be mad at them when you know they must be upset with themselves too! I would have your FI talk to this guy asap and try to work things out, good luck!

 

[Independent Gal]

Phooey! I don''t see how he could pull that off. Surely he will see that too once he thinks about it a little.

 

[Blair138]

Thanks ladies!! I thought the same thing but I am almost 100% sure they are at the exact same time. I hope his wife talks some sense into him and tells him that it''s not going to work. I just feel like banging my head on a wall. What are the odds that our wedding is on the same day as theirs!?? Well-hopefully FI will listen to me now so I don''t have to get angry with him everytime he doesn''t do something I ask

MEN...

 

[gtn]

I''m so sorry, that sucks. I can only hope that your FI talks to your friend''s husband ASAP.
Sending PS-dust your way!

 

[Gwyn]

Did her husband already answer the other couple who asked him to be in their wedding?

As crappy as it may be, if he has already said yes to them, thinking he was not going to be in your wedding OR thinking that if asked to be in yours he could do both, it might be kind of lame of him to back out. Regardless of "priority".

I suppose he could say something like well my friends asked me AND my son is already in their wedding....but thats asking to put alot of strain on that relationship.

Totally lame that your FI put off asking him and now you have to deal with this. Men can be so frustrating sometimes!

When is your wedding? Do you have a contingency plan if he cannot be in it?

One more question, how is it you asked about the son but the topic of him being in the wedding didn''t come up?

GOOD LUCK!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

After reading your post, I see a lot of "he will" and yet, your FI hasn''t even approached him on the subject yet....assuming only does one thing...remember that....

I can understand how completely frusterated you must be...but you should start at least entertaining the idea of him not being able to stand up for your FI. Maybe this guy values both friendships equally and will take on the moto "first in line, first in time"

I think talking his wife was a good thing to do. Maybe she can plant the seed that one wedding is more important than the other...however, I think you need to let you FI take over from here and ask his dear friend to do him the honor because this issue is really between the two of them. If he continues to drag his feet then he''ll only make his own situation worse...

BTW...did his friend already agree to be part of the wedding? Clearly he wants to be there if he is trying to figure out how to do both.

Sounds like this isn''t as cut and dry as you''d like to believe.

 

[Blair138]

No the friend didn''t agree to the other wedding yet. And the reason we asked the kid and not the friend is because ever since he was born I have been saying that I would love him to be my ring bearer. I''ve left the groomsmen asking to FI and I didn''t want to say "we want your kid and you (friend)".

Italian FI wants him as a groomsman, he has told me, he is just being slow to ask, it''s not an assumption on my part.

Seriously, who the hell would have ever thought something like this would have happened, I''m most upset at FI because he didn''t do what I asked and this situation occurred!! I can''t help but think that if he would have already been asked, it wouldn''t be such an issue. Like you said "first in line, first in time"...

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Hey Blair...men can be frusterating creatures at times...

I didn''t mean that you''re assuming your FI wants his friend as a groomsman...I meant assuming that your FI''s friend will accept the offer of being a groomsman now that he''s been asked by another couple. "He will" and "Hopefully he will" are two totally different things.

I would make sure your FI calls his friend TONIGHT...that way, worst case senario, you still "know" whats up and can go from there. Any more dragging of the feet, and a fear the decision will already be made and set in stone (and not in your favor).

Of course I wish you the best and hope that everything works out perfectly for you. As an ex-bride I know that those included in the wedding party are a sincere reflection of the relationships we value the most...and knowing that someone as close as a high school friend may be missing is very upsetting.

Good luck and best wishes!

 

[Blair138]

Thanks Italian-actually his wife is having their second baby today-so FI can''t really call him tonight-it will have to wait until we visit them this weekend to see the new little one...

 

[doodle]

yeah, i see what italia means--officially, someone isn''t IN your wedding until they accept the position, so if he already told the other couple he''d be in theirs, you guys may just be out of luck. if he hasn''t told the other couple he would, though, and if your FI very quickly asks him, he could tell the other couple it''s a no go, although i know if i were them, i''d be peeved if i found out he took a while to think about it and then bailed to be in someone else''s wedding. i''d feel like he valued my friendship less or something. as for your FI, honey, get used to it now--men never do anything when you first ask them to unless it involves nudity, sports, or food!

hope everything works out for y''all, and YAY second baby!!