This is going to be a long post, I can feel it. I''m getting married Aug. 8th of this year. While I guess i''m suppose to be happy and excited, there''s a part of me that''s a little sad. My dad passed away unexpectedly January 12th of this year, and after much soul searching and talking it through with the entire family it was decided that it would be ok to have the wedding as planned. The way i saw it, it would be painful no matter when the wedding would be and i might as well "get it over with" as it were. I''m okay and i know i will be okay. My fiance has been so great throughout the whole thing, staying overnight in the hospital with my family and me for a week. Any doubts i might have had have been permanently erased.
I had hoped that my bridesmaids would be there for me during this time. My sister and a cousin are bridesmaids, but this is just as hard on them (it maybe harder on my cousin, but that''s a separate issue all together
)So that leaves my maid of honor and the other, whom i''ll refer to as "other". My maid of honor has been great, I''ve known her for as long as I''ve known my fiance, in fact we were all friends in undergrad, 8 years ago. She''s always here when i need her, helping me plan, stay on task, or just coming over to help me keep my sanity. The "other", whom we''ve all known for 7 years, got engaged this spring, before that she swore up and down that she would never get engaged, that she hated all things marriage related, and would NEVER get married, UNTIL all her friends start getting engaged, then all the sudden she wanted nothing more then a white picket fence. She was always too busy to be involved in with my wedding, she decided to plan her entire wedding, which is July of next year, between May and July of this year; when I finally started to get out of what I call a mental fog of graduate school and my dad''s death and started to plan my wedding. I''m not saying i wanted her to drop all of her stuff and focus on me, but it would have been nice for her to be there. She did not attend my bridal shower because she was leaving on vacation the same day and refused to leave a couple of hours later. She goes to the beach twice a summer for a week at a time, and she drives separately from them. I know she can be OCD about stuff, I was hurt but can you do. I emailed her about getting all the bridesmaids together and helping do the party favors (i think that''s what you call them? i can never remember)and she said she was not available for any of the dates i provided, but I could drop off some stuff for her to do. I emailed her separately and told her, that while i understand that she''s busy, i had hoped to see her more and how i would have liked her to have been more involved with the wedding stuff. She emailed me back and said that she''s is very busy and does not have time in her schedule for "unexpected and unplanned things", she also felt that she was being left out of the loop. She has shown no interest in the wedding, at times I would forget she was a bridesmaid, I don''t know if she expected me to email her with updates or what. At my bachelorette party, she was rather defensive and talked largely about her own wedding. I picked the bridesmaid dresses last summer, without her because she was at the beach. The other girls were fine with the dress, but she didn''t like it because it was a halter top and she doesn''t look good in a halter top. She also didn''t like the length, the color, or the little flower on it. It would be one thing if I had made her pay of the dress, but my mom paid for all the bridesmaid dresses. Her behavior isn''t totally out of character, she has always been a little self-centered, but it seems like it has gotten so much worse. From what i understand, there is usually one person in each wedding that keeps things "interesting". She had asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding a while ago, but i don''t know if i can be one, in good conscience. I don''t want be the kind of bridesmaid she was to me to her. I want to be the bigger person. But i fear, my some little voice, my petty side (and i do have one) will want to come out and play. And it might all to easy to be the same kind of person she is. I mean, seeing her in this capacity, has made me reevaluate our friendship. I know, you can''t hold the same expectations for different people. I can''t expect her to be empathic and caring all the sudden if she never ways, at least in the past, she would make time for friends, now I''m considered an "unexpected and unplanned" burden. She knows she''s not being a good friend, but she''s also a very proud person. My maid of honor wants to have an intervention to talk about her behavior, because she''s suppose to be the maid of honor at the other''s wedding too, but as she put''s it, "i''m not feeling the love for her right now".
i don''t know anyone else has experienced something similar. i can''t imagine i''m the only one with something like this.
In summary, weddings are crazy, they can bring out the best in people, but they can also bring out the worst. Sorry it was so long, good on you for reading all of that. You get a round of applause
. If there are any grammer/spelling mistakes, i''m sorry, but i don''t want to proof read all of that.
I had hoped that my bridesmaids would be there for me during this time. My sister and a cousin are bridesmaids, but this is just as hard on them (it maybe harder on my cousin, but that''s a separate issue all together
i don''t know anyone else has experienced something similar. i can''t imagine i''m the only one with something like this.
In summary, weddings are crazy, they can bring out the best in people, but they can also bring out the worst. Sorry it was so long, good on you for reading all of that. You get a round of applause
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