Need Some Suggestions for Destressing

[armywife13]

The past 6 months have been CRAZY for my household and I am having a really hard time finding ways to destress. My old method used to be smoking, but obviously that isn't the best idea and I am not going back to that. So heres what's going on, maybe someone can help me figure out a good way to destress.....

I started going to school online a year ago because the Army never kept us in one place long enough to finish my degree, I am taking approximately 20-22 credits a semester including summer for my Bachelors degree. My husband is in flight training for the Army, so Sunday afternoon through Friday afternoon he is pretty much unavailable except for about an hour every night to eat dinner. My 18 month daughter has been battling MRSA and some other skin issues the doctors can't figure out, and this has been going on nonstop for 7 months. It involves a lot of trips to the ER, peds visits, infectious disease visits, derm visits, lots of medication, and special care for her. All of this stuff going on with DD is pretty much on my own because my husband cannot get time off during flight school. On top of all that I am trying to keep my thyroid levels under control(hypothyroid), not relapse with depression, and lose some significant weight(much needed!). I barely have any time in the day between the above listed stuff and general daily tasks like cleaning, cooking and errands.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a "woe is me" post complaining about life, but I just need somewhere to vent and look for advice. I don't have a support system of friends or family here, so there is no one to really talk to about this with except DH. But when I do talk to him I feel bad because he then feels like this is his fault. So, does anyone have any relaxation or destressing techniques that have worked for them? I need to be able to unwind so I can get some sleep at night! Otherwise, pretty soon I am going to be a walking zombie!!!

 

[Cluless]

Oh armywife my heart goes out to you. After your daughter is down for the night would you be able to draw yourself an nice hot bubble bath maybe light some scented candles(I read somewhere lavander helps relax) and grab a good book and just soak there for a good half hour or so.Maybe watch something funny on t.v. or just come here and lurk or vent, your know we're here for you xo

 

[armywife13]

Thanks for the response, Cluless. Even just typing this all out and getting to off my chest seemed to help a little. A bath sounds amazing, actually. I need to give the tub a scrub tough, my husband cleaned it last, so I question how clean it actually is.

 

[Hera]

Sometimes I think we can put too much on our plate. I can especially empathize with your situation as I'm a fellow military wife. Our husbands can get so busy that we often have to take care of everything on our own. Maybe you can think about taking less college courses at least until your husband's done with flight school.

As for de-stressing, I like to get out in nature. Maybe some nice walks around a pond or lake to just get away from the hustle and bustle of life? Set aside some you time in the evening to read a book (non textbook, of course). I think a little me time might go a long way to helping you de-stress.

 

[Skippy123]

Oh gosh, I am so sorry. I will keep your little one in my prayers!!! I am a momma so I can sympathize! hugs to you.

Can you go for a long walk? I notice that helps clear my mind; I meditate when I walk so that helps me. I am sending dust and prayers your way!!!

 

[armywife13]

Heraanderson, we definitely do end up picking up the slack. I am trying to avoid cutting down on classes so I can finish school by next summer, but I might just have to in order to save my sanity.

Skippy, thanks so much for the prayers and dust. It makes me so sad and frustrated that she is having to go through all of this, I would do anything to take all of the pain and issues away from her. I am going to look into meditation, maybe that combined with a relaxing quiet walk like you and hersanderson suggested would help clear my head and relax me so I can sleep.

 

[imitcan]

It seems like you really do have a lot on your plate. Is it possible to scale back on the number of credits you are taking per semester? Lots of my friends have done post secondary courses on a part time basis and each has found her own limit of school time to balance all the other responsiblities they have/had. It took longer to get the degree or diploma but they just did not have the time to devote to full-time studies.
Also try to find a reliable babysitter to spend some time with your daughter on a regular basis. Even just an hour to yourself every few days or every week would allow you a change of scenery and a chance to breathe deeply. A brisk walk, or an hour with a good book or a favourite magazine at a local coffee shop can help.
Is it possible for you search out other army wives in your area, and plan some outings together? I hope things start to get better, especially regarding your daughter's and your health.
When my kids were little I had a teenager up the street come and stay with them for an hour or two and I would escape to the public library (I love magazines) or the local used bookstore to peruse all sorts of books (most of the time I wouldn't even buy anything) but I would love to lose myself in a coffee table book with loads of pictures or a cookbook with meals that I never had the time to make for real.
I hope you feel better soon.

 

[armywife13]

It seems like you really do have a lot on your plate. Is it possible to scale back on the number of credits you are taking per semester? Lots of my friends have done post secondary courses on a part time basis and each has found her own limit of school time to balance all the other responsiblities they have/had. It took longer to get the degree or diploma but they just did not have the time to devote to full-time studies.
Also try to find a reliable babysitter to spend some time with your daughter on a regular basis. Even just an hour to yourself every few days or every week would allow you a change of scenery and a chance to breathe deeply. A brisk walk, or an hour with a good book or a favourite magazine at a local coffee shop can help.
Is it possible for you search out other army wives in your area, and plan some outings together? I hope things start to get better, especially regarding your daughter's and your health.
When my kids were little I had a teenager up the street come and stay with them for an hour or two and I would escape to the public library (I love magazines) or the local used bookstore to peruse all sorts of books (most of the time I wouldn't even buy anything) but I would love to lose myself in a coffee table book with loads of pictures or a cookbook with meals that I never had the time to make for real.
I hope you feel better soon.

We originally had her in part time daycare so I could work on class work, but with the MRSA I didn't feel comfortable putting her in there. That's the same issue with having people we know babysit, since they all have kids too. I don't want to have any other kids pick up this infection. Hopefully we can get it under control soon, though.

I think I will contact my school at the end of his semester and see about lightening my load until things are under control. That would free up some time for me to take care of things around the house, and maybe, even get to sit down for a few

Maybe taking a nice walk in the evening with DD in the stroller, putting her to bed, and curling up with a book would calm me down and let me unwind before bed. Lightening my load of classes would allow me a little time in the evening.

I guess part of me posting here was to justify making some changes, especially with school. Sometimes I feel like all this stress is just in my head and that I should be able to handle it.

 

[aviastar]

It really does sound like you have a very full plate! A bath would be my suggestion, too- I don't know what it is about that hot water, but a good soak really does give my poor brain a rest in a way that nothing else does.

Good luck!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I have a bath and read US Weekly at the end of the week. I shut the door and it's nothing but me and tabloid trash for an hour. I treasure that hour.

 

[armywife13]

Thanks for the responses, aviastar and asscherhalo_lover. It appears the general consensus is that I need a bath.

 

[Snicklefritz]

Woah! That sounds like super, stress overload, armywife! I can see how you're having a hard time relaxing.

My destressing needs vary by day. Some days I need to crawl into bed at night and watch mindless comedies. Other nights I need a walk in the park, esp when the weather is nice and everything is beautiful and green. Sometimes, an easy-to-read book is very helpful. Occasionally, it just helps to grab a leisurely dinner with the gals and have a serious venting session!

I'd prescribe all of the above for you

 

[armywife13]

Woah! That sounds like super, stress overload, armywife! I can see how you're having a hard time relaxing.

My destressing needs vary by day. Some days I need to crawl into bed at night and watch mindless comedies. Other nights I need a walk in the park, esp when the weather is nice and everything is beautiful and green. Sometimes, an easy-to-read book is very helpful. Occasionally, it just helps to grab a leisurely dinner with the gals and have a serious venting session!

I'd prescribe all of the above for you

Thanks for the prescription

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Oh armywife my heart goes out to you. After your daughter is down for the night would you be able to draw yourself an nice hot bubble bath maybe light some scented candles(I read somewhere lavander helps relax) and grab a good book and just soak there for a good half hour or so.Maybe watch something funny on t.v. or just come here and lurk or vent, your know we're here for you xo

Yes, lavendar is excellent for relaxation. I've combined using lavendar scented candles with meditation and just use that scent when meditating because if you combine the two, you'll find that your mind will begin to associate the lavendar smell with relaxing and it'll help you get into that mode.

Brainsync has some relaxation CDs that I've tried out. Some are great...some are so-so...

http://www.brainsync.com/

I like the basic one...

http://www.brainsync.com/shop/brain-health/total-relaxation.html

 

[armywife13]

Oh armywife my heart goes out to you. After your daughter is down for the night would you be able to draw yourself an nice hot bubble bath maybe light some scented candles(I read somewhere lavander helps relax) and grab a good book and just soak there for a good half hour or so.Maybe watch something funny on t.v. or just come here and lurk or vent, your know we're here for you xo

Yes, lavendar is excellent for relaxation. I've combined using lavendar scented candles with meditation and just use that scent when meditating because if you combine the two, you'll find that your mind will begin to associate the lavendar smell with relaxing and it'll help you get into that mode.

Brainsync has some relaxation CDs that I've tried out. Some are great...some are so-so...

http://www.brainsync.com/

I like the basic one...

http://www.brainsync.com/shop/brain-health/total-relaxation.html

I'll check those out, thanks MC

 

[Haven]

It sounds like you have a very full plate, ArmyWife!

Being active helps me destress. I belonged to a dojo and took karate and kickboxing lessons for about twelve years. It was expensive, but the best way to blow off steam.

If you can't join a class of some sort, a brisk walk might be helpful too. Whenever I'm really stressed out I take my dogs for a long walk and I always feel better by the time I get back home. You could take your daughter with you, too.

I also go to my favorite movies to feel better. When Harry Met Sally, When a Man Loves a Woman, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Dan in Real Life--watching these makes me feel better for some reason.

Do you have any hobbies that you can get lost in? Some kind of art, or writing, or reading, or building model airplanes? I like to escape from really stressful situations by picking up a passion and getting into the zone.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Oh armywife my heart goes out to you. After your daughter is down for the night would you be able to draw yourself an nice hot bubble bath maybe light some scented candles(I read somewhere lavander helps relax) and grab a good book and just soak there for a good half hour or so.Maybe watch something funny on t.v. or just come here and lurk or vent, your know we're here for you xo

Yes, lavendar is excellent for relaxation. I've combined using lavendar scented candles with meditation and just use that scent when meditating because if you combine the two, you'll find that your mind will begin to associate the lavendar smell with relaxing and it'll help you get into that mode.

Brainsync has some relaxation CDs that I've tried out. Some are great...some are so-so...

http://www.brainsync.com/

I like the basic one...

http://www.brainsync.com/shop/brain-health/total-relaxation.html

I'll check those out, thanks MC

Yeah, be sure to post which ones your looking at in case any of them are ones I tried...certain waves target different parts of the brain and are meant to achieve different results. I had all the info memorized, but then found a couple CDs I liked and just went from there. Oh, and NEVER get a relaxation CD that has the sound of rain or moving water! I won't post why b/c it's weird to type it out.

ETA - oh, and you're suppose to use earbuds/earphones w/the CDs to help the sound entirely surround you. Helps eliminate distracting noises around the house.

 

[armywife13]

It sounds like you have a very full plate, ArmyWife!

Being active helps me destress. I belonged to a dojo and took karate and kickboxing lessons for about twelve years. It was expensive, but the best way to blow off steam.

If you can't join a class of some sort, a brisk walk might be helpful too. Whenever I'm really stressed out I take my dogs for a long walk and I always feel better by the time I get back home. You could take your daughter with you, too.

I also go to my favorite movies to feel better. When Harry Met Sally, When a Man Loves a Woman, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Dan in Real Life--watching these makes me feel better for some reason.

Do you have any hobbies that you can get lost in? Some kind of art, or writing, or reading, or building model airplanes? I like to escape from really stressful situations by picking up a passion and getting into the zone.

I was going to the gym 4-5 times a week, which was great. If I could count on being able to fall asleep when I get home, I would get back to going to the gym at night once DD is asleep and my hubby is home. He said he can get up with her if she wakes up while I'm gone.

And I love When Harry Met Sally, I will have to watch some of the other ones-embarrassing as it is, I haven't seen those.

 

[armywife13]

Oh armywife my heart goes out to you. After your daughter is down for the night would you be able to draw yourself an nice hot bubble bath maybe light some scented candles(I read somewhere lavander helps relax) and grab a good book and just soak there for a good half hour or so.Maybe watch something funny on t.v. or just come here and lurk or vent, your know we're here for you xo

Yes, lavendar is excellent for relaxation. I've combined using lavendar scented candles with meditation and just use that scent when meditating because if you combine the two, you'll find that your mind will begin to associate the lavendar smell with relaxing and it'll help you get into that mode.

Brainsync has some relaxation CDs that I've tried out. Some are great...some are so-so...

http://www.brainsync.com/

I like the basic one...

http://www.brainsync.com/shop/brain-health/total-relaxation.html

I'll check those out, thanks MC

Yeah, be sure to post which ones your looking at in case any of them are ones I tried...certain waves target different parts of the brain and are meant to achieve different results. I had all the info memorized, but then found a couple CDs I liked and just went from there. Oh, and NEVER get a relaxation CD that has the sound of rain or moving water! I won't post why b/c it's weird to type it out.

ETA - oh, and you're suppose to use earbuds/earphones w/the CDs to help the sound entirely surround you. Helps eliminate distracting noises around the house.

Ha ha, now I am curious about the rain and moving water CDs! Have you ever tried the deep sleep or sound sleep?

http://www.brainsync.com/shop/brain-health/insomnia.html

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Ha ha, now I am curious about the rain and moving water CDs! Have you ever tried the deep sleep or sound sleep?

http://www.brainsync.com/shop/brain-health/insomnia.html

I haven't tried either of those. I just looked on Amazon and there are "preloved" (lol) copies of Sound Sleep for under $4.00. That way you can try out without investing a lot of money. Also, there are reviews so you can see what others have said. I think some don't like the sound, but my son LOVES that one too.

For sleep, I often listen to Enya Watermark. It's also available for .01 on Amazon. hahaha http://www.amazon.com/Watermark-Enya/dp/B000002LRR/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1336673856&sr=1-1

I normally listen to music like Joy Division & the Smiths, etc., so Enya is WAY different...it is nice though!

 

[armywife13]

Ha ha, now I am curious about the rain and moving water CDs! Have you ever tried the deep sleep or sound sleep?

http://www.brainsync.com/shop/brain-health/insomnia.html

I haven't tried either of those. I just looked on Amazon and there are "preloved" (lol) copies of Sound Sleep for under $4.00. That way you can try out without investing a lot of money. Also, there are reviews so you can see what others have said. I think some don't like the sound, but my son LOVES that one too.

For sleep, I often listen to Enya Watermark. It's also available for .01 on Amazon. hahaha http://www.amazon.com/Watermark-Enya/dp/B000002LRR/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1336673856&sr=1-1

I normally listen to music like Joy Division & the Smiths, etc., so Enya is WAY different...it is nice though!

Nice! Thanks for the good finds!

 

[stargurl78]

I am sorry you are stressed armywife! School stresses me out like crazy and I don't even have kids yet so I feel for you. I am with the others that have suggested walking. A nice long walk always helps me to relieve stress. And maybe book a massage for yourself?

Also, I purchased this sound machine a few months ago and it was the best money I have ever spent. Its the only thing that has helped me sleep despite my husband's snoring (and believe me, we've tried everything). So maybe this would help you to get some rest as well:
http://www.amazon.com/Ecotones-Sound-Sleep-Machine-ASM1002/dp/B002SMJQT4/ref=sr_1_5?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1336677276&sr=1-5

And of course, my favorite way to relax :

 

[Lotus99]

If your finances allow for it, you could also consider hiring help for cooking, cleaning and laundry. That might help take some of the constant feeling of needing to be doing something or that things have been left undone. I know those things can add to the stress when you have other things that are more important (DD's health, your health, studies).

I hope you both feel better soon.

 

[armywife13]

Stargurl78-wine!!! Ahhh I do love a good glass of wine. So I need to go for a walk, come home and take a bubble bath while reading and drinking wine. Then a funny movie. I like the sound of that routine

Lotus99, thanks, I hope things get better soon too. I had never really thought about hiring help, I'll have to talk to my hubby about that. It would lighten the load.

 

[Sha]

Just throwing out a few tips. I haven't read the whole thread:

-Have someone to talk/vent to on a regular basis, other than your DH. Is their counselor at your base that you can schedule sessions with? Any friends you can talk to in-person, on the phone, or online? (there's online therapy/counselling as well) Writing your thoughts/feelings out in a journal is a good alternative too.

-Do something that relaxes and recharges you on a regular basis. Watching a favourite TV show? Surfing? Taking a walk? Gardening? Curling up with a good book?

-Pamper yourself e.g soak in a hot bath, eat some comfort food, get a massage? Set aside some regular time 'just for you'.

-Make a daily/weekly list of 'to do's' to help you keep track of your tasks. Do it in order or priority.

-Don't commit to any additional responsibilities

-Deep breathing during stressful moments) and stretching exercises at the end of the day to help with relaxation

Hope something there helps!






-

 

[Enerchi]

Yoga.

I took that up when I had a whole bunch of stress in my life and was wound up tighter than a drum and could snap like a twig at any point... and I found that it helped. It was a 50 minute class 2x / week (so not too demanding in the overall picture) and that was my time. It was quiet, dark, i was moving and strengthening and focused on breathing. It really was so soothing and I felt energized and much much calmer after.

If you can't get to a class - find a simple tape/DVD and plug it in when DD goes to bed or a nap. Good luck!

(oh, and a well stocked wine bar can't hurt either! )

 

[armywife13]

Thanks for the suggestions Sha and Enerchi!

Sha, I actually started working on a weekly schedule last night when I couldn't sleep. I think the organization will help.

Enerchi, how about yoga with wine? Sounds enjoyable, but potentially dangerous depending on the amount of wine and difficulty of the poses.

 

[Enerchi]

LOL!!! no no no!! Yoga first, then wine....!

 

[armywife13]

LOL!!! no no no!! Yoga first, then wine....!

Fiiiiine.....(please envision me slouching and stomping away to do sober yoga)

 

[armywife13]

By the way, I just want to say that you all are awesome! All of the support and suggestions have really lifted my spirits.