Need shoppaholical advice!

[MichelleCarmen]

Yikes, time for therapy, and NOT retail therapy! A year and a half ago, my husband and I made a huge decision to change our way of living and seriously cut back in every way possible. We''ve been saving up like crazy and not making implusive purchases. Well, now we''re rebound shopping. Help! What is the deal? My husband bought two major items w/in the last few months and now I''m on a clothes and shoes buying kick. My kids find me in front of the school by scanning for shirts they know. A few times now they''ve mentioned that it took longer to find me because of my new sweater or coat or whatever.

Ugh, gotta stop, but I''m having SO much fun.

How does one train themself NOT to shop again after not shopping and then rediscovering how much fun it is? I was SOOOO good at recognizing that I only need a few pairs of new shoes a year, but ahhh, now all self control has been lost!

 

[Lauren8211]

I am a recovering shopaholic.

I''ve made a rule. Unless I''m specifically going out to buy something (Say, I need a new winter jacket, not want, need) I have a 1 week rule. I cannot buy anything that I have not already decided that I need. If I still really, really want it after a week, I''ll talk to DH about it, and then go buy it if we decide its OK to purchase. Ok that made DH sound controlling, but I really asked him to do it because I need help not shopping.

You''d be surprised how little shopaholism is thinking something is cute, and how much it is just the need for the rush of shopping. I RARELY go back for anything a week later.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

There was one jacket I kept going back for, for over *three* weeks. Every time I went into the store it was on sale for $49.99 (reg. $69.99). I desperately wanted it but kept holding off because I wanted a better deal. Finally last week it was discounted to 50% off and I had to go to three of different stores to find my size!

It is good to ask your husband about bigger purchases. I'm not sure what the cut-off line is though when it comes to cost. Of course, if something is a thousand, you would, but what about $25 or $50.00?

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 10/28/2009 3:21:15 PM
Author: MC
There was one jacket I kept going back for, for over *three* weeks. Every time I went into the store it was on sale for $49.99 (reg. $69.99). I desperately wanted it but kept holding off because I wanted a better deal. Finally last week it was discounted to 50% off and I had to go to three of different stores to find my size!

It is good to ask your husband about bigger purchases. I''m not sure what the cut-off line is though when it comes to cost. Of course, if something is a thousand, you would, but what about $25 or $50.00?

Haha. At least you''re a bargain hunter!

I ask him about EVERY clothing purchase because I honestly don''t trust myself right now. That will change in the future. I''m already getting better. I ask no matter the cost. I started this "asking" process when I went through my closet and realized I had close to 1,000 dollars worth of clothes that still had tags on them.

You need to have some sort of checks and balances system, or you''ll talk yourself into buying everything. If you spend "only 50 bucks" but do it 10 times, you''ve just spend 500 bucks, ya know?

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 10/28/2009 3:21:15 PM
Author: MC
There was one jacket I kept going back for, for over *three* weeks. Every time I went into the store it was on sale for $49.99 (reg. $69.99). I desperately wanted it but kept holding off because I wanted a better deal. Finally last week it was discounted to 50% off and I had to go to three of different stores to find my size!


It is good to ask your husband about bigger purchases. I''m not sure what the cut-off line is though when it comes to cost. Of course, if something is a thousand, you would, but what about $25 or $50.00?

I would say that those smaller purchases add up quickly! Perhaps tell yourself you have a budget of $xxx a month to spend on whatever you want. Once you spend that amount, it''s gone, or any other purchases, regardless of the size or amount needs to be agreed upon with your husband.

 

[Haven]

DON''T GO INTO THE STORES! Seriously, if you don''t go in, you can''t buy anything.

I also use the "sleep on it" method to curb impulse purchases. Even if it''s a *great* deal, I go home and sleep on it for at least one night if it''s a small purchase (under $50) and If I still want it 24 hours later, I''ll go get it.

I have yet to go back and buy something the next day.

I never shop without a very strict list or idea of what I want. That way, I know what constitutes and impulse buy vs. what I went looking for in the first place. For example, if I''m looking for new wardrobe pieces, I figure out exactly what I want--one pair of dark jeans, one button down top--and if I find something that isn''t on the list, I don''t buy it.

Good luck! It''s difficult, I know. Staying out of the stores is the best way, though. You can''t buy what you don''t see.

 

[KimberlyH]

People I know who have the hardest time with money are those with the "It''s only $(insert small dollar amount here)." I enjoy shopping but have never been excessive. I don''t carry cash; I don''t buy things that I don''t need; I tend to take my husband shopping with me as it keeps me on track; we don''t make purchases over $250 without discussing with each other first.

 

[4ever]

Last time I was working really hard to save all of my income I could to go on a trip I used to just leave my bag at home when I went shopping. If there was somthing I was going out to get , eg: if i was meeting a friend for coffee, I would bring $10 for coffee and leave any other cash or cards at home. If you don''t have money, you can''t spend it.

 

[Elmorton]

MC, what about a cash diet? My big issue is extra food/eating out. I pack a lunch every day, but I''ll find that I''m stopping to get a soda, a coffee, a dessert, whatnot - or worse, I''ll throw out my lunch and go out to eat instead. It''s bad on my waistline and bad on the wallet. So, each week, I grab a $20 out and that''s what I have for the week to spend on "the small stuff." I was shocked how unwilling I suddenly was to get a $4 latte when I was wanting to go out to lunch later on in the week. I''m spending less and consuming less and a splurge feels good because I''ve budgeted for it and I''m not doing it every day.

 

[partgypsy]

I think you sense that you have some more looseness in your budget and might as well spend up to that level. I think everyone is vulnerable to that (I certainly am!) The way I deal with it is put a name on it. Although I did cave and order a jacket for myself (I''ve been wanting something for over a year) I know we will have expenses coming up because I want to redo our bedroom and bathroom. Typically even though I see things I like, I want a redone bathroom MORE. You got to want something more and make it concrete what you are saving this money for.

Also I recommend that everyone have a little bit of room in their budge for personal items. Just know when you go over that amount you are done for the month.

 

[Mara]

sometimes i wonder if shopping fill some sort of other void currently existing...aka i notice that when i am bored or don't have any 'big issues' to focus on or worry about that i tend to catalog and online surf more and impulse shop.

did your kids recently go back to school or do you find yourself with more time or something? if it is something like this maybe it's time for a new hobby or something to learn that might challenge you mentally?

i can be the world's worst impulse shopper (Though i also veer all the way to the other side and can be the world's biggest researcher and take way too long to make any sort of real decision) but i notice when i am really busy with other stuff like events or friends or family that i tend to shop/spend hardly at all. though there is that definite rush when you buy something, until it goes in the closet hardly to be seen again!!

being pregnant has really put the kabosh on my shopping habits, i am not interested in dressing my body the way it is so i just buy the bare minimum!

 

[E B]

I'm not a shopaholic, but I've found myself resisting impulse purchases thanks to a PSer's (MrsSalvo's, I think?) signature quote: "A deal is only a deal if you're getting exactly what you want," combined with a previous suggestion of waiting to see if I still have to have it.

For example, I wanted a pair of specific ballet flats, in black. A certain brand, fit, and material. I found a website that had them on sale (50% off!), but they didn't have the black in my size. I considered a less 'wearable' color, and trolled other sites for a similar style. I also almost pulled the trigger on a pair of full price, but reminded myself that a) I didn't NEED them and b) If I waited, I'd probably find them on sale somewhere else or the site would restock. I checked the website often, and after about a week and a half, my size in black popped up, and I got 'em- for 50% off. I was truly happy with my purchase, and I didn't waste money on another color, similar style, or the full price pair.

I'm not saying you should only buy what you need, or miss a great price on something, but take it all into consideration. Think about what you want before shopping. Need a winter coat? Decide what you'd like in a coat, set a spending limit, and only buy it if it meets both requirements. Buying anything and everything that's cute and something you MAY wear when it warms up, or to a party that MAY happen, is a recipe for trouble.

 

[Bliss]

MC, I totally get ya! I think we all go through those "spree" periods where one purchase leads to another and another. I think it's cyclical, even seasonal. I don't tend to buy as much during the winter because I'm inside a lot and in NY, it is a pain in the butt to get all bundled up and carry shopping bags in the cold and snow. In the summer, watch out!

Do you think you maybe denied yourself too much? If you go to any extreme, sometimes you can relapse into the old habits. Is there any way you could go back into saving mode but "treat" yourself more frequently with smaller items? Kind of a "cheat" day like a dieting tool? Then you won't be in starvation mode when you hit the stores!

I wouldn't worry too much because you sound reasonable and aren't impulse buying things out of your budget just because - you seem to be wearing and enjoying your purchases. And you're a smart shopper on top of that! That isn't such a bad thing, is it?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 10/28/2009 6:57:55 PM
Author: Bliss
MC, I totally get ya! I think we all go through those 'spree' periods where one purchase leads to another and another. I think it's cyclical, even seasonal. I don't tend to buy as much during the winter because I'm inside a lot and in NY, it is a pain in the butt to get all bundled up and carry shopping bags in the cold and snow. In the summer, watch out!

Do you think you maybe denied yourself too much? If you go to any extreme, sometimes you can relapse into the old habits. Is there any way you could go back into saving mode but 'treat' yourself more frequently with smaller items? Kind of a 'cheat' day like a dieting tool? Then you won't be in starvation mode when you hit the stores!

I wouldn't worry too much because you sound reasonable and aren't impulse buying things out of your budget just because - you seem to be wearing and enjoying your purchases. And you're a smart shopper on top of that! That isn't such a bad thing, is it?

Yes, I totally denied myself. As mentioned, DH and I went in major savings mode - so much so that I only had two wearable winter coats to last through the previous two years. There was the last year and a half, where I rarely went shopping. . .it is kind of like a relapse! (and yes, I'm within a regular budget - haven't used my CCs. . .except for Nord to get the Nordstrom points, which are adding up VERY slowly

)

Mara - Yes, my kids are in school and I'm busy with volunteering there, taking my kids to sports, socializing with friends, and also have a few hobbies that take up time. I don't think I'm trying to "fill a void" type of thing, I'm just drawn to pretty new stuff

Plus, after working very hard, my DH got a raise, so now we do have more income and so I'm not dipping into the amount we had specifically set aside to save, just enjoying the extra.

Swedish - I use to do the envelope of cash per month. . . I'd set a specific amount for clothing & accessories and after the money was spent, I was through for the month. That's probably the best first step, along with thinking more about stuff before buying. It's a juggle because I'm also purchasing for my kids, so it seems like there is always new stuff coming in - like last week both children needed new winter coats and shoes.

 

[Gypsy]

I do that when I go through ''deprivation periods''... CASH is my soliution. I don''t like parting with the green bills, so I do everything via cash and in person (this also makes it harder to spend because I am lazy). If its something that I have to (or should for the protection it offers) buy via credit card, then I wait 24 hours and think about it. I''m not always successful in following this, but it is my plan of action. OH, and I leave PS for spells, honestly this place is TERRIBLE for my spending habits. Shoes, handbags, gems, diamond, gold.

 

[oneandahalfrock]

Date: 10/28/2009 2:38:52 PM
Author:MC
Yikes, time for therapy, and NOT retail therapy! A year and a half ago, my husband and I made a huge decision to change our way of living and seriously cut back in every way possible. We''ve been saving up like crazy and not making implusive purchases. Well, now we''re rebound shopping. Help! What is the deal? My husband bought two major items w/in the last few months and now I''m on a clothes and shoes buying kick. My kids find me in front of the school by scanning for shirts they know. A few times now they''ve mentioned that it took longer to find me because of my new sweater or coat or whatever.


Ugh, gotta stop, but I''m having SO much fun.


How does one train themself NOT to shop again after not shopping and then rediscovering how much fun it is? I was SOOOO good at recognizing that I only need a few pairs of new shoes a year, but ahhh, now all self control has been lost!

If you''re doing this with anything but cash or have no budget, I seriously recommend the book "Total Money Makeover"
It has some great advice and inspiring stores to keep you on track.
Much luck!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 10/28/2009 8:57:01 PM
Author: Gypsy
I do that when I go through ''deprivation periods''... CASH is my soliution. I don''t like parting with the green bills, so I do everything via cash and in person (this also makes it harder to spend because I am lazy). If its something that I have to (or should for the protection it offers) buy via credit card, then I wait 24 hours and think about it. I''m not always successful in following this, but it is my plan of action. OH, and I leave PS for spells, honestly this place is TERRIBLE for my spending habits. Shoes, handbags, gems, diamond, gold.

Cash probably is the solution. I''m not using my credit cards (except Nord as I said above - except I only owe $24 on it - lol), but my debit card kind of isn''t as much like spending "cash" as actual green bills are, is it? It''s still just a swip and a pin and voila - new shoes!!!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 10/28/2009 8:58:59 PM
Author: oneandahalfrock

If you''re doing this with anything but cash or have no budget, I seriously recommend the book ''Total Money Makeover''
It has some great advice and inspiring stores to keep you on track.
Much luck!

Okay, I hunt it down at the library just to check it out for reference. I refuse to use credit cards, so that''s def. not a problem. I never understand why people use them for odd things like buying groceries and then pay off at the end of the month. By doing that, I''d for sure loose track of our food budget.

With my DH making more, we do want to make the best of the addiitional amount we can save. Possibly after the excitement wears off, it''ll be easy to revert into hoarding mode.

 

[Mara]

if you''re just ''enjoying the extra'' then why worry about it?? sounds like you guys are having fun and don''t really want to change habits...if you want for it to wear off after the initial excitement just wait. otherwise, definitely take some of the suggestions.

 

[wsu12]

Two words: Dave Ramsey.
Changed my life...seriously. My husband and I started The Total Money Makeover less than 6 months ago. We now have no student loans, no credit card debt (we don''t even have accounts any longer...closed them), have less than 6 months till our last vehicle is paid off. Former shopaholic here with extremely expensive taste..if I could make this lifestyle change, anyone can.

Good Luck!

 

[Mara]

fsu, curious, what does he say about the negatives on closing your cc accts and paying everything off and living off cash? what about when you want to buy a house or need credit for something?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 10/28/2009 9:26:04 PM
Author: fsu1227
Two words: Dave Ramsey.
Changed my life...seriously. My husband and I started The Total Money Makeover less than 6 months ago. We now have no student loans, no credit card debt (we don''t even have accounts any longer...closed them), have less than 6 months till our last vehicle is paid off. Former shopaholic here with extremely expensive taste..if I could make this lifestyle change, anyone can.

Good Luck!

Thanks. Luckily, DH and I don''t have any debt. Even though I don''t use my CCs, I am under the assumption that you need those accounts open to maintain a higher credit score. One of my friends works as a mortgage broker and he''s had clients in with $50K+ worth of debt with 700+ credit scores because they had a ton of available credit spread between many accounts. Not to say it''s good to have debt, but just that regardless if you do or don''t you can work the numbers to ones advantage.

 

[Camille]

Date: 10/28/2009 9:04:38 PM
Author: MC
Okay, I hunt it down at the library just to check it out for reference. I refuse to use credit cards, so that's def. not a problem. I never understand why people use them for odd things like buying groceries and then pay off at the end of the month. By doing that, I'd for sure loose track of our food budget.

With my DH making more, we do want to make the best of the addiitional amount we can save. Possibly after the excitement wears off, it'll be easy to revert into hoarding mode.

P E R F E C T! *my kind of gal*
Honestly, if it doesn't create any issue with family finances...I don't see a problem, the excitement will wear off and hopefully you'll move on to something more fulfilling, maybe a hobby, new friend, sport or the community.....
I can't advise you because every family has different dynamics. When I quit working, I made sure I wasn't going to be asking DH $$ for every single thing

for many years I placed half of my salary away for this as a per$onal ins.
[best friend got a divorced last year and If I ever get into that situation...I'll need the best lawyer in town]
I adore DH but stuff happens/people get crazy or sick you know? He knows about it [not the reasons] and likes the fact that exists for our kids' future/emergency.....I spend 1/4 of my monthly allowance on stupid things [hobbies/out] 1/2 goes to 'piggy' [another stash for home improvement$] rest goes for kids stuff, they always need something, their wants aren't taken seriously unless they have earned good grades, so far they haven't asked for expensive things, unwanted hugs are their dialy treat instead. Dh is w/me on that one, being a magnificent provider, I make sure to never go over our budget, he pays all the bills and obviously doesn't have time to fix/do anything around [some occasional cooking

]....I keep our home/kids clean and tuned.

 

[Haven]

Date: 10/28/2009 10:03:23 PM
Author: Mara
fsu, curious, what does he say about the negatives on closing your cc accts and paying everything off and living off cash? what about when you want to buy a house or need credit for something?

This is from "Credit Card Q&A With Dave" on daveramsey.com:

“But Dave, I have to build my credit.”

Bankers, car dealers, and unknowledgeable lenders have told America for years to “build your credit.” They are telling you to get debt so you can get more debt because debt is how you get stuff. Those of us who are debt free know that cash buys stuff better than debt.

“But Dave, what about buying a house?”

Since you aren’t “building your credit” you will need to find a mortgage company that does actual underwriting. That means they are professional enough to process the details of your life instead of using only a Beacon score (lending for dummies). You can qualify for a conventional 15-year fixed-rate loan if:

* You have paid your landlord early or on time for 2 years.
* You have been in the same career field for 2 years.
* You have a good down payment.
* You have no other credit.
* You are not trying to get too big a loan.

The big question is, What do millionaires do? They don’t get rich with free hats, brownie points, or air miles. What do broke people do? They use credit cards. I rest my case.

 

[Gleam]

Date: 10/28/2009 8:57:01 PM
Author: Gypsy
I do that when I go through 'deprivation periods'... CASH is my soliution. I don't like parting with the green bills, so I do everything via cash and in person (this also makes it harder to spend because I am lazy). If its something that I have to (or should for the protection it offers) buy via credit card, then I wait 24 hours and think about it. I'm not always successful in following this, but it is my plan of action. OH, and I leave PS for spells, honestly this place is TERRIBLE for my spending habits. Shoes, handbags, gems, diamond, gold.

Cash is my solution, too. This sounds so stupid, but I'm the "stuff cash under the mattress" type of girl. Even when I use my debit card, it just doesn't feel like real money to me. When I have to whip out $100 bills? Suddenly that dress isn't looking so good.

I try to keep bills as large as possible... I can part with a $20 more easily than a $50... and a $50more than a $100. When my fiance gives me spending money, he always does so in $100 bills because he knows I'm more likely to squirrel it away!

My buying philosophy is to only buy what I really love. And I don't mean "Saw it on the sale rack and it's a great deal" love, I mean, an item I've been lusting after, like diamond earrings or an Oscar de la Renta dress. I try not to buy a bunch of little things that add up, and that I don't end up liking. Now I save for bigger items and this has actually saved me money.

 

[Thomperchik]

I had to cut back when my salary dropped 30% from 2007-Yikes! I''m recovering now that the market is recovering, but I hit tough times. I went from spending frivolously to not spending at all. The one thing that help me not spend on what I thought were "sales" & "bargains" was to tell myself that I didn''t have any money. Even if I did, I kept telling myself, "I don''t have any money, I don''t have any money, I can''t afford that. I''ll need to pay that back eventually & I don''t want it at 9.9%! I don''t have any money!" I know it''s a little extreme, but it really help me deal with cost. Now I have paid off two credit cards, and I''m working on the other two!

So when I go out now and I know I can''t spend a certain amount, I just take $20 with me and decide if it''s worth spending or not. I leave my credit cards at home and leave my debit card if need be.

I''m recovering still from the big hit I took, but now I understand the real value of money & savings!

Good luck!

 

[dragonfly411]

I''m horrible about shopping, but I DO Try to find bargains, and I also tend to make sure that I sit in the dressing room and think... ok... what will I wear this with... how many ways can I alternate it. I try to find things I can wear with AT LEAST two things before I bring it home. I very very rarely buy things at full price. It has to be some amazing I HAVE TO HAVE THIS for me to get it. I''ve found fantastic suit sets, basics (that can be worn with five bajillion things), dress shirts, etc on super mark down and love them. I also go through regularly and weed out items that I''m not wearing (usually it is faded, or something I kept that is too big but kept still thinking hmmm maybe? and it never happened). I love a good deal, I love to shop... the two combined is helpful. I won''t buy something unless I need it. I recently got three neutral fleece scarves.... b/c I had NO warm scarves that weren''t really artsy fartsy. I also got some basic striped tees/long sleeves, a black cardigan and a grey cardigan... b/c I had none. So there it is lol.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 10/28/2009 9:26:04 PM
Author: fsu1227
Two words: Dave Ramsey.

Changed my life...seriously. My husband and I started The Total Money Makeover less than 6 months ago. We now have no student loans, no credit card debt (we don''t even have accounts any longer...closed them), have less than 6 months till our last vehicle is paid off. Former shopaholic here with extremely expensive taste..if I could make this lifestyle change, anyone can.


Good Luck!

Ditto! We got his book last August and it has totally changed our outlook on money. We kept 1 credit card for booking hotels since they put a hold on lots of $, but other than that, we haven''t used a cc since then. His plan is awesome and I actually look forward to doing the budget every month (I know, I am a geek

).

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 10/29/2009 10:22:30 AM
Author: dragonfly411
I'm horrible about shopping, but I DO Try to find bargains, and I also tend to make sure that I sit in the dressing room and think... ok... what will I wear this with... how many ways can I alternate it. I try to find things I can wear with AT LEAST two things before I bring it home. I very very rarely buy things at full price. It has to be some amazing I HAVE TO HAVE THIS for me to get it. I've found fantastic suit sets, basics (that can be worn with five bajillion things), dress shirts, etc on super mark down and love them. I also go through regularly and weed out items that I'm not wearing (usually it is faded, or something I kept that is too big but kept still thinking hmmm maybe? and it never happened). I love a good deal, I love to shop... the two combined is helpful. I won't buy something unless I need it. I recently got three neutral fleece scarves.... b/c I had NO warm scarves that weren't really artsy fartsy. I also got some basic striped tees/long sleeves, a black cardigan and a grey cardigan... b/c I had none. So there it is lol.

mmmm . . .scarves! I love those. I found the prettiest 100% rayon scarf the other week and had noticed EVERYONE staring at it and even heard a conversational exchange between two women about it while we were all waiting in line at Nordstrom! They then stood there staring at it, either deciding whether to ask where I got it OR possibly to yank it from my neck and run off with it!

Funny thing is it was only $12 at Old Navy. It was an odd find among their just so-so scarves. Yah. And, it can be worn with lots of things. Most of my shirts are black (and so are three of my coats), so everything matches them.

I agree it's important to be able to add things in that work with mostly everything else. Most of my shoes are black, as well, for the same reason.

ETA - here's the scarf (in black floral). "Boho-inspired." Never would have guessed that!

http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=38340&vid=1&pid=699106&scid=699106002

 

[dragonfly411]

MC - MINE WERE FROM THERE TOO!!!!!!!!! I got the basic Fleece for 5.00. I wasn''t sure how much I"d like them but they are SO CUTE and so SNUGGLY