Need Cat Help - DESPERATLY

[MichelleCarmen]

Situation. . . two years ago my husband brought home a few kittens, one of which I fell in love with. Him and I have a bond beyond any pet - I swear he's my kitty soul mate! The deal is, he's incredibly shy. So much that he ONLY cuddles with me at night and during the day, when I'm busy, he hides under the bed. My kids are noisy, which scares him, and my other cat hisses and attacks him. All that combined has made for a terribly frightened kitty, but one who feels safe with me and him, so we're just bonded.

Things turned sour, literally, when we moved from a home where he could go outside during the day and escape the kids (and then be in my room at night), to a home now where he is inside all day and night and as a result has started PEEING everywhere in our office.

My husband said the cat had to go, and so, well. . .

I placed an ad on CL and got an email w/in an hour from a woman who said she recently lost her cat and was interested in my cat and would love to adopt him. I made it clear in more than one phone conversation (and we TALKED for a while both times) that the cat would take quite a bit of work to warm up to her. That he needs patience, etc., and a quiet environment away from kids AND a place to go outside so he can do his "business." She seemed up for the task, even told me "it was a sign" that the day she decided to look for a cat, she found him and fell in love with the photo I posted on CL and so she and took him home yesterday. . .

Since then, I've been in "mourning" of sorts and am having pangs of pain over the loss of my cat!

Well, the problem NOW is that the woman called back this evening and said that the cat isn't going to work. She said he is not "engaging," and her and her husband decided he needs to be returned to us because the alternative would be taking him to the pound. She said he does cuddle for a bit, but then hides. I TOLD her it would take time, but apparently more than 24 hours is too much work. She even said that he went outside so his problem here was not an issue there since I said he HAS TO go outside and she followed through on those directions.

What do I do now? I absolutely LOVE this cat and seeing him again when I already said my goodbyes is going to be unbarable.

Any advice on how to get an indoor/outdoor cat turned indoor to NOT use the carpet as a literbox? The woman who adopted him said she had a cat door so all was good, but here we do not have one, so we need help on how to retrain him.

Is this where we call in the cat whisperer? I was against cat prozac, but now even my DH and I are considering that!

Thanks for help.

 

[Pandora II]

Try rescue remedy in his water bowl.

Also cat prozac is great - one of my mother''s cats had to have it.

Your cat is just super stressed. Will have a think and post more later. How old is he by the way?

PS That woman is nuts! It took me 6 months to get my baby hedgehog to do anything other than sink her teeth into me! Six months and now she is lovely. WTF did they think would happen in 24 hours???

 

[bee*]

He just sounds so stressed. You could try Feliway, or whatever your alternative is in the US. It seems to work wonders. http://www.feliway.com/homefeliway.nsf. You can get it from your vets.

 

[FireGoddess]

1. Did you make SURE this cat was seen by a vet the instant it started peeing all over the office? That is the one of the signs of a UTI, and should ALWAYS be checked first before assuming the problem is behavioral.

2. Do you have Feliway plugins in your house, including the office and where your cat spends most of its time?

It just saddens me that when a loved cat started behaving in a matter your husband doesn't like that the cat becomes disposable. It is clear you love the cat but if the cat started acting this way, there is SOMETHING CAUSING IT that is either medical or situational, and you as the owners are responsible for both parts. I say this because I have a cat that is pathologically shy, and that started peeing all over my stuff and the first few times it WAS A UTI. The last time it was because the household situation had changed and she was TERRIFIED to go into the room that had her litterbox in it.

They aren't doing these things to be spiteful. There is ALWAYS a reason. It is our obligation to find out what it is.

It pisses me off to this day that one of my coworkers got rid of a cat they had for years because she started peeing outside the litterbox. Poor cat was even only peeing on HER OWN STUFF, which amazed me. I told him I bet 99% she had a UTI. Guess what, she did. He decided he didn't want to deal with it. Fricking ridiculous. He should have gotten a frickin stuffed animal if he wanted a no maintenance pet.

Anyway...as you can see I have strong feelings about this. Get the cat checked for a UTI. Even a behaviorist won't take on a litterbox related job before that's done.

ETA: The other reason this is upsetting is because you already know and love this cat...very few people want to take on pre-established issues like this and if it's hard for you to deal with, do you think most other people will deal with it? It's more likely that they'll either try to give the cat back to you or it will end up in the pound because they won't have the patience to work through it as you've seen yourself already. That would kill me. I know from experience that it's a challenge, but my scared kitty with issues is the most cuddly, loving cat I have ever had and I wouldn't give her up for all the peeing-on-my-bed that she has done.

I should note that she hasn't done it except once in the last 3 years, which was the day I rescued our second cat. It IS fixable if you can take the time to get to the root of it.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/3/2008 9:42:59 AM
Author: FireGoddess
1. Did you make SURE this cat was seen by a vet the instant it started peeing all over the office? That is the one of the signs of a UTI, and should ALWAYS be checked first before assuming the problem is behavioral.

Same thing happened with one of my cats except he was squatting everywhere all the time with no liquid some simple meds and told the cat was stressed and it was all fixed.

I would take her to vet

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks everyone. Him having a UTI crossed my mind, so I will call his vet today.

He''s two years old. . .

Thanks for all the suggestions. I''ll try ALL OF THEM!

 

[FireGoddess]

I think that's the best place to start. I hope (?!) that's it and that's the end of it. It sounds weird to hope a cat has an infection but it's the clearest cut directive of all of them.

BTW, shame on me, I forgot to mention what a CUTIE PIE HE IS.

*head bonk*

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks for the compliment. He is the ultra lover!

The vet cannot see him until Saturday because of the holiday tomorrow.

It was a mistake for me not to take him into to check for a UTI, however, better late than never! I''ll keep you all posted.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

If you eliminate an infection, you might try another litter box. If you have a covered one you can put much closer to where your pretty baby hangs out during the day. If he is scared, not having to go very far and having the privacy of a covered box could really help.

Also, my aunt''s cat has done really well on kitty prozac, as wierd as that sounds.

I don''t blame you for putting him up, I know you had a whole bunch of cats and were moving to a much smaller space, but good for you for not abandoning him when he really needed you.

 

[wishful]

Date: 7/3/2008 7:09:52 AM
Author: bee*
He just sounds so stressed. You could try Feliway, or whatever your alternative is in the US. It seems to work wonders. http://www.feliway.com/homefeliway.nsf. You can get it from your vets.

I was JUST going to say that!!!! I have it sitting here on my desk at work because I just moved my kitties to my BF''s place and one of them looks to be a bit more stressed than the other so our Pet Buyer suggested this Feliway pheramone to calm him.

It''s worth a try!!! ANYTHING is worth a try. I could never part with my baby. I have the same bond that you described. He''s my little love.

I hope that things work out!!!!!!!