Need Advice for Cheering Up a Coworker

[joflier]

Work has been kind of stressful and busy lately. Not as much for me, but a coworker/friend that is very dear to me. He''s just not dealing with the stress very well and keeps talking about throwing in the towel and finding a new job. I think its mostly just venting. Its tough to find a job as good as what he has in this economy. But he''s just so down and burnt out and walks around like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. I''ve always been able to make him smile and cheer up, but lately its getting harder to do. I''m just at a loss of what I can say or do. He likes to hear my advice and wisdom, but I just don''t have any good advice left. What are some pearls of wisdom I could share? Or something to say to try to cheer him up?

 

[D&T]

how long has he worked there? long hours? rude people? does he need a mental health day?

 

[ficklefaye]

are there any other things in his life bothering him? there were days when i felt that way, but i think about all the other things going well in my life and it made me feel better, work is just work

 

[joflier]

Date: 5/27/2009 9:33:11 PM
Author: D&T
how long has he worked there? long hours? rude people? does he need a mental health day?

2 years - yes, long hours. But he also gets a lot of time off though, too. I''m sure he probably does need a mental health day.

 

[Dancing Fire]

he needs a date with a hot looking redhead.

 

[joflier]

Date: 5/27/2009 9:35:15 PM
Author: ficklefaye
are there any other things in his life bothering him? there were days when i felt that way, but i think about all the other things going well in my life and it made me feel better, work is just work

Yes there are. I haven''t had a chance to ask him about it lately, but I think that''s adding to it. Our friendship is kind of complicated. Which makes it harder for me to know what to say.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 5/27/2009 9:01:45 PM
Author:joflier
Work has been kind of stressful and busy lately. Not as much for me, but a coworker/friend that is very dear to me. He''s just not dealing with the stress very well and keeps talking about throwing in the towel and finding a new job. I think its mostly just venting. Its tough to find a job as good as what he has in this economy. But he''s just so down and burnt out and walks around like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. I''ve always been able to make him smile and cheer up, but lately its getting harder to do. I''m just at a loss of what I can say or do. He likes to hear my advice and wisdom, but I just don''t have any good advice left. What are some pearls of wisdom I could share? Or something to say to try to cheer him up?

At this point in time, I think ANYONE who has a job and is getting a paycheck should be thanking their lucky stars. I say it''s time for some tough love, joflier. Any job this guy ends up taking is going to have stressful and busy times, I don''t care where he goes. If you''ve already tried the cheering up thing with him and he''s still not changing his attitude, then probably nothing you say is going to help.

I''m sorry if that seems really blunt and harsh, but I really have zero patience for complainers. A team of co-workers is only as strong as their weakest link, like every other team in life...he''s bringing you down and most likely the rest of your team and that''s not fair to anyone, it''s very selfish of him. I hope for your sake that his attitude improves because he chooses to improve it, not because he needs hand-holding.

 

[meresal]

I agree with Monarch... not your first sentance monarch

, but tough love is the answer here, especially if you've been "cheering" him up for a while. It's time for him to figure out how to deal or move on to something that makes him happier. I'm sure 80% of the nation would be happier with "another" job, but it's just not in the cards to walk away for most of us.

Tell him to go talk with someone that has been at a company for 30 years, and talk about all the "hard times" they had to go thru. I work in an office with about 10 people that had to suffer through the S&L crisis in the 80's, so anytime I'm feeling down, I just remember that EVERYTHING is cyclical and come next January I will have 4 weeks vacation AND bank holidays!

He needs to figure out how to cheer himself up, and stop leaning on other people.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 5/28/2009 10:27:39 AM
Author: meresal
I agree with Monarch... not your first sentance moanarch

, but tough love is the answer here, especially if you''ve been ''cheering'' him up for a while. It''s time for him to figure out how to deal or move on to something that makes him happier. I''m sure 80% of the nation would be happier with ''another'' job, but it''s just not in the cards to walk away for most of us.

Tell him to go talk with someone that has been at a company for 30 years, and talk about all the ''hard times'' they had to go thru. I work in an office with about 10 people that had to suffer through the S&L crisis in the 80''s, so anytime I''m feeling down, I just remember that EVERYTHING is cyclical and come next January I will have 4 weeks vacation AND bank holidays!

He needs to figure out how to cheer himself up, and stop leaning on other people.

Ok, maybe not ANYONE, I''m generalizing because I was laid off twice in 12 months and it was no. fun. I always took having a job for granted and after my 2nd layoff it took me 8 months to find another, which is the longest I''ve been unemployed since I started working when I was 17. I''m not that far away from Elkhart, IN, where the unemployment rate was ~15% a few months ago, so that also colors my view when it comes to people not appreciating their employment status or just being a complainer/whiner in general.

Like anything, once something has affected your life in a negative or even a positive way, your viewpoint becomes biased. If I HAD to take a job here detassling corn or something equally undesirable (to me, because it''s very labor intensive and just downright hard work), I wouldn''t be thanking my lucky stars I suppose.

 

[meresal]

Date: 5/28/2009 10:37:08 AM
Author: monarch64

Date: 5/28/2009 10:27:39 AM
Author: meresal
I agree with Monarch... not your first sentance moanarch

, but tough love is the answer here, especially if you''ve been ''cheering'' him up for a while. It''s time for him to figure out how to deal or move on to something that makes him happier. I''m sure 80% of the nation would be happier with ''another'' job, but it''s just not in the cards to walk away for most of us.

Tell him to go talk with someone that has been at a company for 30 years, and talk about all the ''hard times'' they had to go thru. I work in an office with about 10 people that had to suffer through the S&L crisis in the 80''s, so anytime I''m feeling down, I just remember that EVERYTHING is cyclical and come next January I will have 4 weeks vacation AND bank holidays!

He needs to figure out how to cheer himself up, and stop leaning on other people.

Ok, maybe not ANYONE, I''m generalizing because I was laid off twice in 12 months and it was no. fun. I always took having a job for granted and after my 2nd layoff it took me 8 months to find another, which is the longest I''ve been unemployed since I started working when I was 17. I''m not that far away from Elkhart, IN, where the unemployment rate was ~15% a few months ago, so that also colors my view when it comes to people not appreciating their employment status or just being a complainer/whiner in general.

Like anything, once something has affected your life in a negative or even a positive way, your viewpoint becomes biased. If I HAD to take a job here detassling corn or something equally undesirable (to me, because it''s very labor intensive and just downright hard work), I wouldn''t be thanking my lucky stars I suppose.

Monarch, ITA. I''m sorry to hear about your extended unemployemnt. I always remind myself, as much as I may not like my job... I could end up with much worse if it got to the point where I HAD to take any job that offers.

If I ever get to the point where I would be willing to take anything offered to me, that is when I know I need to switch jobs. Just like you said

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Jofier,
Sounds like your co-worker has sucked all your energy out of you and is taking flat out taking advantage of you at this point by continuing to drain you. How long has this guy been like this? Always?

 

[joflier]

No, he''s not always like this. I mean, sure, there''s always something to complain about. But there''s a big difference between complaining and just being flat out depressed and ready to give up. I should say too, that he doesn''t talk about quitting or how frustrated he is to anyone and everyone. Its mainly just to me. I''m his confidante. And its not one-sided, he''s my listening ear, too. I don''t really feel like he''s taking advantage of me.....I feel that his emotions that he''s expressing are genuine, but perhaps he''s really putting it out there to just get my attention? I don''t know. I just feel like there must be something I can do or say. He always takes whatever I have to say to heart. I just want to say the right things.

 

[scarleta]

One advice to deal with stress is to learn how to meditate.It does wonders for that.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 5/28/2009 7:49:08 PM
Author: joflier
No, he''s not always like this. I mean, sure, there''s always something to complain about. But there''s a big difference between complaining and just being flat out depressed and ready to give up. I should say too, that he doesn''t talk about quitting or how frustrated he is to anyone and everyone. Its mainly just to me. I''m his confidante. And its not one-sided, he''s my listening ear, too. I don''t really feel like he''s taking advantage of me.....I feel that his emotions that he''s expressing are genuine, but perhaps he''s really putting it out there to just get my attention? I don''t know. I just feel like there must be something I can do or say. He always takes whatever I have to say to heart. I just want to say the right things.

Ok, curiosity is killing me here. I''m going to be totally nosy and ask you: is there a romantic interest going on here between you and this co-worker?

 

[Skippy123]

Joflier, awww, you are so sweet and encouraging! I had a coworker that was miserable and after 2 yrs he took another job and couldn't be happier; I am sure it is harder to find a job now but he won't know if he doesn't try. He was a good guy and complained to me nonstop and I knew that was not his personality just that he was unhappy, so I kind understand where you are coming from. My friend is no longer negative about his job and is a lot happier now.

 

[joflier]

Date: 5/29/2009 10:42:38 AM
Author: Skippy123
Joflier, awww, you are so sweet and encouraging! I had a coworker that was miserable and after 2 yrs he took another job and couldn''t be happier; I am sure it is harder to find a job now but he won''t know if he doesn''t try. He was a good guy and complained to me nonstop and I knew that was not his personality just that he was unhappy, so I kind understand where you are coming from. My friend is no longer negative about his job and is a lot happier now.

That''s good that he''s found a happy place! That may be the case for my friend as well. I hope not though. I like having him around.

 

[joflier]

Date: 5/29/2009 10:37:29 AM
Author: monarch64
Ok, curiosity is killing me here. I''m going to be totally nosy and ask you: is there a romantic interest going on here between you and this co-worker?

Maybe.......