Wedding Name Drama

[Pandora II]

Date: 6/18/2008 12:53:19 PM
Author: TanDogMom
One other question for you Pandora! I was talking to someone the other day who said she liked tsavorite for an engagement ring but was afraid it was too soft for everyday wear and tear. I told her to read up on Pricescope, but I just wanted to confirm - you haven''t had any problems with it, right? I think it''s a lovely choice and I love your e-ring!

You can wear it everyday as long as you are very careful. Mine goes in it''s box the minute I walk through the door in the evening and doesn''t come out again until I next leave the house.

I only wear it if I''m going to be doing non dangerous things.

If she wants a 24/7 ring (which I don''t recommend for ANY stone including diamonds) she''d be better going with a diamond or a sapphire.

Of the green stones, tsavorite is probably the best bet though. You can get green sapphires but a good green is VERY hard to find. I''ve only seen two that are green green and they were more chrysoberyl-like than tsav or emerald colour.

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 6/18/2008 1:04:25 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 6/18/2008 12:53:19 PM

Author: TanDogMom

One other question for you Pandora! I was talking to someone the other day who said she liked tsavorite for an engagement ring but was afraid it was too soft for everyday wear and tear. I told her to read up on Pricescope, but I just wanted to confirm - you haven''t had any problems with it, right? I think it''s a lovely choice and I love your e-ring!

You can wear it everyday as long as you are very careful. Mine goes in it''s box the minute I walk through the door in the evening and doesn''t come out again until I next leave the house.


I only wear it if I''m going to be doing non dangerous things.


If she wants a 24/7 ring (which I don''t recommend for ANY stone including diamonds) she''d be better going with a diamond or a sapphire.


Of the green stones, tsavorite is probably the best bet though. You can get green sapphires but a good green is VERY hard to find. I''ve only seen two that are green green and they were more chrysoberyl-like than tsav or emerald colour.

Thanks, I''ll tell her! She was trying to find a green sapphire but couldn''t find the color she wanted.

 

[spike13]

pandora your life sounds so extremely glamorous!

If it''s just one guest that you''re unsure how to address could you just call her and ask her preference? I think that would be better than dropping all titles since obviously you are taking great care with the formalities. That''s what I would do if it''s just one person.

 

[Haven]

I would just follow the proper conventions for my time and place in this situation, so I don''t have any advice to add.

On a lighter note--I do want to add that you should avoid becoming a teacher if you have serious issues with the Miss/Ms./Mrs. thing--I''m currently a "Miss" but I have been called every single thing since I started teaching. Students most often call me "Mrs. Surname", while my Hispanic students simply call me "Miss" without a last name at all. I''m told it''s a cultural convention. I don''t find any of it bothersome, though I do prefer to be called "Miss Surname" (I suppose it will be "Mrs. Fi''sSurname" in the fall! How strange that will feel!) Okay, carry on with the debate. Just wanted to share my little anecdote because I just kept thinking of how irritated so many of you would be if you had chosen a career in education!)

 

[kittybean]

Date: 6/18/2008 12:33:48 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 6/18/2008 9:12:52 AM

Author: Delster


BTW - if you go with option (C), I''m curious about this, I believe you have to own property in order to use the title ''Esq''?

Esquire just means ''gentleman'' and is basically just a courtesy title - in the same way the Dr is a courtesy title for a medical doctor (Dr should only really be used for people with doctorates).

It''s a term I use a lot if I want to send a more formal letter to a man. I also use Master for boys under the age of 13.


In the US I believe it''s many just used for lawyers (? Is this correct).

Yes, in the U.S., "esquire" is used for lawyers. When I first read that you were considering putting "Esq." after all of the men''s names, I thought you just knew an extraordinary number of lawyers! (This is actually the case for me--fiance and I are both lawyers, and sadly, it often feels like other lawyers are the only people we know.)

Speaking of lawyers in the U.S., in the court system where I work, all of the judges address female attorneys as "Ms.," regardless of marital status. In my opinion, it levels the playing field a little bit with the male attorneys who are invariably addressed as "Mr." When I get married next year, I''m definitely sticking with "Ms.," even if I change my name.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 6/19/2008 11:24:20 PM
Author: spike13
pandora your life sounds so extremely glamorous!

If it''s just one guest that you''re unsure how to address could you just call her and ask her preference? I think that would be better than dropping all titles since obviously you are taking great care with the formalities. That''s what I would do if it''s just one person.

LOL!

As I sit here at work in my decidedly scruffy jeans, how I wish this were the case! I work for a number of Peers, and working in politics you get to go to a lot of events and know a lot of people in circles you wouldn''t normally move in.

I don''t even own a tiara...

I bumped into this person''s new SO yesterday and I have a feeling she may well not be coming (her ex is the best man so it''s not like she can pretend he''s not there!)

 

[Pandora II]

WOW, I had no idea when I first put this post up that it would end up with such a big discussion - I must say that it has been really interesting to see other people''s points of view on the whole Miss/Mrs/Ms debate.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 6/19/2008 11:56:22 PM
Author: Haven
I would just follow the proper conventions for my time and place in this situation, so I don't have any advice to add.


On a lighter note--I do want to add that you should avoid becoming a teacher if you have serious issues with the Miss/Ms./Mrs. thing--I'm currently a 'Miss' but I have been called every single thing since I started teaching. Students most often call me 'Mrs. Surname', while my Hispanic students simply call me 'Miss' without a last name at all. I'm told it's a cultural convention. I don't find any of it bothersome, though I do prefer to be called 'Miss Surname' (I suppose it will be 'Mrs. Fi'sSurname' in the fall! How strange that will feel!) Okay, carry on with the debate. Just wanted to share my little anecdote because I just kept thinking of how irritated so many of you would be if you had chosen a career in education!)

Hmm, I always knew I couldn't be a teacher but I never even thought of this as one of the (many) reasons why!

I'm decidedly a "Ms," have been since I was old enough to actually think about it, and will continue to be regardless of my marital status. Kittybean, I haven't been in court yet but my professors in law school definitely either refer to us by first names or "Mr/Ms Lastname" -- I don't think I've EVER heard a professor call a woman "Miss" or "Mrs" even when they know her marital status full well. It definitely seems like a professional convention, and rightly so.

Once I'm married, I think a lot will depend on how well I know the person addressing me. If it's someone I've never met, or a very distant acquaintance, I'm not going to flip out if they refer to me as "Mrs. Hisname." But if it's someone who knows me relatively well and simply ignores my preference, I do feel like they'd be indicating a lack of respect for me, and it could become a problem. I'm all for going with "proper form" if you don't have any indication of preference, but I would feel terribly rude calling someone by a name I knew they didn't want to be called. I used to work in fundraising, so the issue came up regularly and our office had a policy of listing and mailing to people by preferred name, not standardized form -- some other organizations here standardize regardless of donor/patron preference and I never understood why they'd risk alienating the people who put bread on their table...but that's a whole other issue.

Incidentally, the name thing can get very tricky if people give checks as wedding gifts and make them out to "Mr. and Mrs. Groom'sname" but the woman doesn't change her name. I've heard of some banks giving such a hassle that the poor couple had to explain to the guests why they couldn't cash the check (this particular bank wouldn't even let them deposit it into an account that wasn't under both of their names as written on the check). So, if anyone ever plans to write a check to a newly married couple, it's always best to either find out whether the bride plans to change her name or to put "or" instead of "and" in the name field!