Wedding My mother is throwing me a shower. Slight vent, lots of whining.

[Gypsy]

Okay so it is a VERY nice thing for my mother to do. I mean that. I really do.

But I was so looking forward to just kicking back Labor Day weekend (its just before my birthday too so I just wanted to relax) and not having anything wedding related to do. And she's now (all of the sudden) planning a shower. No invites, just phone calls and emails (*sigh*)... none of my friends or FI's family. FI's family is on the east coast and can't make it and my friends are scattered, and the few I have here in Nor Cal aren't invited to the wedding (various reasons), so they aren't invited to the shower. Just a bunch of my mother's friends. Some of them are very nice ladies whom I love, but... a few of them are just catty witches I am ONLY inviting to my wedding because I got guilted and maneuvered into it. She's already invited folks so it's too late now.

Plus she mentioned my um... lack of nice lingere last time she was over and mentioned today that the shower should take care of that problem. I don't know about you guys but I don't like the thought of near strangers purchasing me underwear. Especially since they will all ask for my size. And my mom will have to say 'extra large'... and the whole thing has me nauseated. Plus there's my eyebrows. They won't be grown in, so they won't be plucked and persian ladies are like... hawks when it comes to spotting facial hair flaws.

I'm really unhappy about this. Thanks for letting me vent and whine.

 

[musey]

I'm sorry Gypsy. I was dreading my own shower, and it actually was quite fun... maybe you'll have the same experience? To be fair, there was no lingerie involved in mine, but certainly a bunch of people I barely know (and four I'd never met before in my life).

I wish she'd cleared her invite list through you before inviting people!!

 

[miraclesrule]

I''ve got one piece of advice....alcohol. Make sure they serve it. Make sure you drink some.

 

[Gypsy]

Hi Musey. Honestly she's just inviting all the women who are invited to the wedding who live up here. But the problem with that is... like 8 of them are women I can't stand. At the wedding, I can totally ignore them. In my mother's house with only 8 other women there (max), they aren't going to be avoidable. Maybe I should just ask the doctor for some Xanax.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 8/11/2008 8:25:43 PM
Author: Gypsy
Hi Musey. Honestly she''s just inviting all the women who are invited to the wedding who live up here. But the problem with that is... like 8 of them are women I can''t stand. At the wedding, I can totally ignore them. In my mother''s house with only 8 other women there (max), they aren''t going to be avoidable. Maybe I should just ask the doctor for some Xanax.

That works too!

 

[Gypsy]

Miracles, I can't. My mom is very... well, she's into appearances. And alcohol is one of those things that she watches like a hawk. I'm ALWAYS and STILL getting lectures on 'ladies don't do this' and 'ladies don't do that' and alcohol is on that list. Which isn't a problem as I rarely drink, but it is a pain when she's around if I want more than one glass of anything. She even chides me for laughing too heartily or loudly (ladies don't) in the MOVIE theater, for context. Xanax. Defintely Xanax. Ladies DO take Xanax.

 

[miraclesrule]

LMAO at the laughing. I have a hearty laugh too. At least I don''t snort laugh....

Xanax better for anxiety then alcohol anyway. Alcohol may make you too honest for your own group. Probably not a good thing with this group of woman.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Just be thankful you have a mother wonderful and kind enough to host a shower for you.

It will be a few hours...painful as they may be...but the rewards will be worth it. You''ll either walk away with a drawer full of lovely, lacy things you can spoil your DF with...or all sorts of wonderful gadgets you can spoil yourself with over and over again.

Sure, it sucks that key people will be missing...but, it''s still a really special thing for a bride to be showered with love and gifts.

 

[Gypsy]

Miracles... yeah, I stopped going with her to the theater a while back. Not with any concious intent, but after a couple of times of enjoying myself then getting shushed all of the sudden... I just stopped suggesting we go see movies. Sad, kinda now that I think about it. Maybe I''ll invite my mom to the movies... and tell her not to shush me if I laugh.

Italia, I know, and I agree about my mom.

I''ll do the pretty for moms friends. Obviously, I''d rather get no gifts and spend the afternoon with friends than get a bunch of gifts from people I don''t generally like... but like I said, some of the people invited are people I genuinely like... so maybe more of them will come, and the others will have other commitments!

 

[doodle]

if they''re your mom''s friends, i''m guessing they''re closer to their age, too--you may be heartily amused by some of the stuff you get! my cousin had a lingerie shower, and her FI''s mom was invited, which was kind of weird, but anyway, when the bride opened the gift from her FMIL, the younger crowd had to stifle some serious laughter at the frumpy old man pajamas that T was trying to act like she was thrilled with. if you''re really worried about it, have one person who''ll be in attendance who will play wingman--have a signal that means "OMG save me or i''ll never speak to you again EVAR!!", get xannied to the point where you could have a car parked on your foot and be happy about it, and everything''ll be fine!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Oh Gypsy I feel for you. My mother''s Korean friends are exactly like that! Most are good-hearted, kind ladies, but boy do they gossip, and friend''s daughter''s love and sex life is not off-limits! (personal experience from last Thanksgiving....when this came up, I started hyper-ventilating - I was at the table for heaven''s sake! - and got up to frantically text BF). But it is really nice that your mother is doing this, and she probably wants to show you and your impending wedding off to her friends, since she''s proud of you!

However, with that said, I totally ditto all the Xanax recommendations.

 

[Gypsy]

Hi Doodle. I''d love a T-shirt and old man PJs! Or a tank top or cami and PJs. This is the reason my mother is lamenting. Last time she was over I was folding laundry and she was like... your lingerie would do your grandma proud.

But she''s right. I love cotton.

So I''m a little concerned about what she might say to her friends, and where they might shop. Mom''s since gotten me a nightie from Fredrick''s, so I''m imagining her cattier friends in there holding up strange unmentionables that need a road map to put on. I think you are right that I am going to be surprised. I gotta say some of her friends are really... well, they have a wild side. I''d seriously go up in flames if one of them got me a toy or something um... mechanical.

I''m hoping for towels.

Brown Eyed, yeah, exactly. Gossipy and they feed off of each other. I''m also not an extrovert and so, the attention itself is a little daunting for me. You definitely have a good point about wanting to show off though, I hadn''t considered that, and I think its right on. She does want to show me off. I get that. Proud momma. And that actually makes it easier to deal with. Thank you very much for the perspective.

I''m gonna have to get a new dress, aren''t I?

 

[doodle]

haha, my poor cousin--she got a relatively safe set of lingerie from me (i''m wacky, so i think she was afraid i''d give her something leather with cut-outs in front of her FMIL...but i''m wacky, not evil, so i somewhat behaved). i totally threw her for a loop though because i wrote in the card, "eat safe. use condiments"...hey, at least i warned her ahead of time not to read it aloud! moral of the story--at least i won''t be at your shower causing trouble!

 

[Shoopy]

Ok let me get it out of the way *LOL at the old ladies buying you underwear*

Now for really I''m sorry.

I ditto the alcohol. Long Island Iced Tea is a sure bet.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 8/11/2008 11:58:23 PM
Author: Gypsy
Miracles... yeah, I stopped going with her to the theater a while back. Not with any concious intent, but after a couple of times of enjoying myself then getting shushed all of the sudden... I just stopped suggesting we go see movies. Sad, kinda now that I think about it. Maybe I''ll invite my mom to the movies... and tell her not to shush me if I laugh.

Italia, I know, and I agree about my mom.

I''ll do the pretty for moms friends. Obviously, I''d rather get no gifts and spend the afternoon with friends than get a bunch of gifts from people I don''t generally like... but like I said, some of the people invited are people I genuinely like... so maybe more of them will come, and the others will have other commitments!

OMG, I have serious issues with shushers!! I had a guy friend who would always shush me. Always!!. One night at Ruth Cris we were having a nice dinner with his best friend who was in town and we were engaged in a lively conversation about their recent Vagas trip where they won a lot of money and my friend must of shushed me at least twice before I finished my salad. I had finally had enough. I told him not to shush me...why are you always shushing me...I hate it when you shush me. He looked around and said that my voice and my laugh was loud and he looked around at the the other tables. His best friend said to him "Hey, she is arguably the most captivating person in this room, she is probably making their dinner more enjoyable, especially if they hear her, which I doubt they can, so Miracles, continue with what were you saying?" Suffice it to say, he never ever shushed me again.

I refer you to the second bold quote: Tell her not to shush you. Then remind her that it''s her fault. She made you.

 

[Gypsy]

Hi doodle, I know what you mean. I''m the friend my friends used to be afraid of, I do have a little bit of a

side. But I wouldn''t do anything in front of their FMIL''s at all so I get safe stuff, and yes, at times I sense a sigh of relief when that box is opened. I LOVE your card note though! ROFLMAO. And you DID warn her!

Fiery, the sad part is... these more mature ladies might be wilder in their lingerie selections than I would be... BY FAR-- many of them are hip and really young types. I guess I''ll just hope for gift receipts, right? And no bondage.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 8/12/2008 12:45:29 PM
Author: miraclesrule

Date: 8/11/2008 11:58:23 PM
Author: Gypsy
Miracles... yeah, I stopped going with her to the theater a while back. Not with any concious intent, but after a couple of times of enjoying myself then getting shushed all of the sudden... I just stopped suggesting we go see movies. Sad, kinda now that I think about it. Maybe I'll invite my mom to the movies... and tell her not to shush me if I laugh.

Italia, I know, and I agree about my mom.

I'll do the pretty for moms friends. Obviously, I'd rather get no gifts and spend the afternoon with friends than get a bunch of gifts from people I don't generally like... but like I said, some of the people invited are people I genuinely like... so maybe more of them will come, and the others will have other commitments!

OMG, I have serious issues with shushers!! I had a guy friend who would always shush me. Always!!. One night at Ruth Cris we were having a nice dinner with his best friend who was in town and we were engaged in a lively conversation about their recent Vagas trip where they won a lot of money and my friend must of shushed me at least twice before I finished my salad. I had finally had enough. I told him not to shush me...why are you always shushing me...I hate it when you shush me. He looked around and said that my voice and my laugh was loud and he looked around at the the other tables. His best friend said to him 'Hey, she is arguably the most captivating person in this room, she is probably making their dinner more enjoyable, especially if they hear her, which I doubt they can, so Miracles, continue with what were you saying?' Suffice it to say, he never ever shushed me again.

I refer you to the second bold quote: Tell her not to shush you. Then remind her that it's her fault. She made you.

Yeah, shushers bug me too. I will make sure to tell her. As for it's her fault. She blames by dad. LOL. All the good comes from her, all the bad, my dad. OR it's John's influence. Or his mom's. Problem is when she admits fault it's a chest beating, WHERE DID I GO WRONG, complete with tears. Overall, better to blame my absent dad. LOL.

 

[miraclesrule]

Haha, Guilty!! I do the same thing with my daughter and her absent father. All the good traits and behavior...ME. All the rest, HIM.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 8/12/2008 12:57:43 PM
Author: miraclesrule
Haha, Guilty!! I do the same thing with my daughter and her absent father. All the good traits and behavior...ME. All the rest, HIM.

It happens!

 

[rockzilla]

Can you ask her to not make it a lingerie shower? It might be more fun that way...and you''ll certainly get more exciting (and returnable) presents...

Not to knock the lingerie shower, but the idea of a friend of my mom''s, 20+ years older picking my intimates sounds a little scary.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 8/12/2008 1:01:14 PM
Author: rockzilla
Can you ask her to not make it a lingerie shower? It might be more fun that way...and you''ll certainly get more exciting (and returnable) presents...

Not to knock the lingerie shower, but the idea of a friend of my mom''s, 20+ years older picking my intimates sounds a little scary.

Yeah. I''m right there with ya. I''m thinking of giving her a call and mentioning that I''d be really happy with TOWELS. And SHEETS. LOL.

 

[Bliss]

Gypsy!

You will handle this with grace! I''m so sorry but I am LAUGHING, too! My mother also likes to chime in on my nightgowns/lingerie. And my best friend is Iranian (Persian) as well so I understand the eyebrow thing! Threading is a sacred art!!!! It will be a very very fine affair, if your mom is hosting -- everything will be first class! Might as well enjoy a nice party, despite the catty ladies who will be comparing their children to you all day. Can you bring earplugs?

As for older ladies buying you lingerie... LOL. Who knows what you''ll get? Oldier ladies can actually are much more...hmm...sexually open than we are. Surprisingly, it seems many are very adventurous to the point where we look like prudes! So you may actually be surprised by the gifts! I think you may just have to endure this one!!!

 

[Gypsy]

Hi Bliss, I want to thank you for the vote of confidence, and the commiseration on the eyebrow thing! It is the comparison their children thing too... there is a Jennifer Weiner book in which this one woman always refers to her daughter as "My Marsha" as in, my Marsha is a princess and can do now wrong. But then again, as Brown Eyed Girl pointed out... my mom wants her "My Marsha" moment, so while the earplugs may be noticable a Xanax hopefully won''t be and I''ll have to just grin and bear it as you said Bliss!





I did want to clarify for anyone reading that my objection to the lingerie shower has nothing to do with the age of the person buying the item but more to do with the fact that many of them are near strangers, and my undergarments are rather personal items I wouldn''t feel comfortable recieving from ANY person who I don''t know well (and even some I do know well) regardless of their age. It''s a matter of my relationship (or lack their of) with them, rather than the number of years they have been on this earth. Ya know?

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Gypsy-gal, vent-away! I hear ya.

I too wasn''t too thrilled at the prospect of having a shower, but it ended up being FUN!

I giggled at the "My Marsha" comparison you made. It was from ''In Her Shoes" (good book!)

 

[WishfulThinking]

Oh Gypsy... this is so funny and yet so not funny at the same time. You have a knack for capturing these stories in print.

I sincerely hope for your sake that they bust out the towels and sheets so your thoroughly xanax-ed self can float happily through the ordeal. It doesn''t sound like that is likely, though. These women sound like a real hoot. A real hoot I wouldn''t really want near me at a party and certainly not foisting lingerie at me, that is.

On the topic of shushing and acting like a "lady" all I can say is that I would flat out punch someone if they tried to reign in my behavior with some 1950s-esque definition of what people with my "naughty bits" should act like. Mother or not.

Really, though, it is a huge pet peeve of mine.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Bring a friend. After the "My Marsha" comment, having a slightly snarky friend who will hold you back *just in case* you happen to inadvertently pick up a large knife while making a point is probably the wisest thing you can do in this situation.

If you get anything that is truly and hilariously inappropriate, would you be willing to post pictures when you return home so the rest of us can gasp too?

f-d-l

 

[Gypsy]

Hi Charger-- Okay, you and Musey and the other PS brides have me hoping that dispute my lack of enthusiasm it might be a fun experience. Which is not unprecedented in this wedding planning process: I wanted to slit my wrists rather than take engagement pics, but it ended up being one of the best parts of the wedding planning so far. So who knows?

Wishful... yeah. At times I have actually lashed out at her verbally when she's on one of her 'ladies don't' kicks. I feel bad about it, but ... it wears on a soul. I'm not lady-like. I'm just me. Loud laugh and all.

"I sincerely hope for your sake that they bust out the towels and sheets so your thoroughly xanax-ed self can float happily through the ordeal." I sincerely hope so too, but you are right, not too likely, ahh well. "These women sound like a real hoot. A real hoot I wouldn't really want near me at a party and certainly not foisting lingerie at me, that is." I always feel like I'm watching animal kingdom when I'm in a room with them. I just watch and wait for the crazy ladies to start throwing produce at the camera man. They are fun to watch... from a distance. In a wow, lookit that car wreck kinda way. One of them, that I like, is a bit of a raunchy riot when she gets tipsy. She's one that's been friends with one of my aunts since they were like 10. When she and my aunt and my mom get together I catch myself watching wide-eyed while chanting "Double, double toil and trouble." in a low undertone. Funny thing is, when you meet her you think she is the most elegant, staid, kinda super snotty person.

Hi Fleur... you've got me giggling over here. I don't know if anyone is going to be taking pics... but I can ask my one aunt to as I open presents, just in case there is a priceless kodak moment. My one aunt is actually pretty good at connecting with me and holding me back... and speaking up when someone offends or oversteps, so I'll ask her to keep me in check.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Oh dear. I don''t have alot of advice as my mother knows better than to make arrangements on my behalf or make decisions about me.

Just hang in there, I''m thinking about ya~!

 

[Gypsy]

iwanna, I agree, as a general rule my mother asks me. But you see... showers have a strong traditions of being a surprise. So SURPRISE!!! hehehehe

 

[iheartscience]

OMG, I would probably die of laughter/embarassment if my mom''s friends were buying me lingerie! AHHHHAHAHA! Okay, sorry!

I''m sorry you have to have a shower against your will, but it sounds like it''s something you could try to enjoy, while on Xanax, of course! I think Xanax is the only way I could handle something like that!

Good luck...and don''t forget-ladies don''t punch old ladies who get catty with them!