Wedding MY MIL is #$%'' ( NO Words )

[crystalheart1]

I have been doing my wedding planning pretty much on my own.. It is a second marriage so that is to be expected.
Both sets of parents have been very Hands off, showing little interest.

The only thing that I requested was the color scheme to follow for the MOB and MOG.

My future MIL asked me what color dress to look for . I " suggested " either black, silver, or grey.

She asked - what about Blue ? My FI family are very old fashion and thinks Black is for Funerals only.. wait until
she sees the Black linens and Damask accents.

I told her Blue would probably Clash with the Black.. ( I do not like Blue and Black together.

Guess what ???? She called FI and told him she got a Blue Dress...

 

[brandy_z28]

Oh man! I feel for ya! I''ll keep my fingers crossed that her dress isn''t a dark or navy blue, then it wouldn''t be too bad.

 

[Sabine]

I get the annoyance, I mean why ask if she isn''t going to listen to you input, but your title seems a bit harsh. This is coming from someone who went through a bit of drama herself with my MOB''s dress, and I can honestly say that once you see the dress, if she looks appropriate for her age and size and feels comfortable, you should try to just let the color go. It''s not ideal, but it''s not the end of the world either, and I hope your FMIL isn''t doing it to be mean, but maybe just because she had trouble finding a dress that worked for her in the colors you wanted.

 

[crystalheart1]

Sabine

There are other *factors* going into that title. She is very passive aggressive.

Very sweet to your face, and then talks behind your back.

She has also made an anti Semetic remark about " only Jews wear Black to weddings "

I am Jewish.

 

[crystalheart1]

Just a side note.. It is not going to upset me if she wants to wear blue..

It was a tongue in cheek remark... It was the ONLY color I told her might clash ( with black ). It was Navy Blue..

I told her any other color is fine if she could not find something in Black Silver or Grey.

 

[cara]

I sympathize that your simple request was ignored... but this is petty! Petty of her to not honor your request and... while frustrating... its not worthy of you getting too worked up about. She's an adult and allowed to dress herself for the wedding. Heresy I know, but she didn't agree to wear a matching outfit just by being the MOG. Of course I say this with the image of Sabine's mother's outfit in my head cringing imagining all the ways a blue dress could go very wrong but... its MIL's job to attire herself, so she gets the consequences. And your wedding WILL be lovely whatever she wears. Good luck.

ETA: OMG, the extra comments illuminate it all! That is pure poison! Please, let this woman attire herself and steer clear! And this second-marriage, uninvolved parental units thing is really a blessing. You want as little of this passive-aggressive bs as possible.

 

[diamondfan]

Why the need for drama? If you gave her so many other options, why not just pick something and be done? She is not being too fair here, but there is not really much you can do unless you want to push the issue.

 

[marchswallowbird]

I have to agree with Diamondfan. Why all the drama? I am not even addressing this at all with my parents or FI''s parents. They can wear whatever they want, I could care less. Really, a wedding is about the blending of two families and the joy of creating a new one, and what people are wearing in the photos is really of such little importance, as long as they are not completely and totally inappropriately attired for a wedding.

 

[sklingem]

I have to agree with previous postings ... while it may not have been very nice of your MIL, you can feel pretty lucky if that is the only "problem" you are likely to encounter!
Try to focus on the positives and don''t let anybody ruin your wonderful wedding!

 

[Blair138]

Sorry about your FMIL, crystalheart. I, like you, let things get to me. I REALLY try not to but that''s the type of person I am. If she was not going to listen to you, there was no need to ask your opinion on the color. Also, her other comments are unnecessary. I would steer clear of you and try not to let it bug you. Vent about it here

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I''m all aboard on the MIL drama train. Mine is a piece of work too...and actually bought her dress before my mother, or even my bridesmaids bought their dresses or, for that matter, had even looked....and she did this because my old @$$ SIL was able to go to the bridal salon with her

.

At the time, I was maddened. I thought "how rude ... how flat out inconsiderate"...because NOW we all have to work around the dress you picked out on a whim. If I wasn''t as meek as I am when it comes to my MIL, I would have "popped off" on her. But, I didn''t...I swallowed it down, and tried to move on. I did however ask to see pictures immediately and shared with her that no other dresses had been purchased, and I hoped that whatever was selected by my BM''s and Mother would compliment her dress.

I eventually just tied myself to the frame of mind that "if she''s comfortable in it, let her wear it". My main goal for my wedding was for everyone to be comfortable...and if my husbands mom found a dress she loved, then I was happy for her. The color thing worked itself out in end, and I don''t think -- even looking at the pictures -- it jumped out at me.

My best advice is to just don''t allow yourself to get crazy over it. It''s such a small detail of such a big day...and you just have to accept you cannot control every single aspect, or dress.

Good luck and big support being sent your way.

 

[TravelingGal]

I feel for you, I really do. It seems there are other issues with your FMIL that you have to deal with.

But in this case, humor her. Many "mature" ladies don''t like to wear silver, black or grey (they may look nice it in, but they don''t like to wear it) because it can often wash them out. My mom would have hated those color choices and also loves blue. In the scheme of things, hopefully you can deal with the fact that she won''t match. I don''t anyone else will notice.

It''s a big day for the parents too and they want to look nice for the pictures. My mom really wanted to look lovely but was so stressed she''d look old. I told her to wear whatever she wanted. Same with my MIL. I wanted ALL of us to look and FEEL pretty.

I''ve suggested this to brides before - maybe you will find it helpful. Make a list of three important things that you absolutely want to have on your wedding day. Don''t sweat the rest.

 

[diamondfan]

I also think it is funny what we fixate on but I almost would be you when you see your pictures it will not really be an issue for you...you will recall the happiness of the day and it will not matter much.

 

[crystalheart1]

Thanks ALL!! I appreciate the support.. This was just more or less a bit of a Vent ( since it will not be discussed with anyone in the outside world )

I am not stressing over it.. It was more or less along the lines of what I should expect. I just thought it was funny
to ask and then do the opposite... Yes - passive / aggressive.

I never had a chance to plan my first wedding. I want everyone to enjoy themselves with good food and drinks,
nice atmosphere, and a great party.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

That *IS* annoying. Any chance of being able to see the positive side of it though? That in the grand scheme of things, the color of MIL''s dress will only show up in a small segment of your photos, few people do anything with the family shots other than sending copies to those in the photo and a couple of pages in an album that you won''t even be pulling out very often as time goes by, and even then that stupid, clashing, contrarian blue dress will be an "inside joke" as to what a passive-aggressive PITA your MIL is?

Eh, the blue dress is only showing her true nature IMO. Have fun planning your wedding, indulge in all the little luxuries that will make you feel like a joyous goddess on your day, and rejoice in the fact that you''re marrying a great guy.

f-d-l

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/9/2008 6:29:41 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Make a list of three important things that you absolutely want to have on your wedding day. Don''t sweat the rest.

THIS IS THE BEST WEDDING ADVICE I''VE EVER HEARD!!! It is soooooooo easy to start believing your own hype. "I allllwwways wanted peonies ... ALWAYS!!!" "I''ve been dreaming of these monogrammed matchbook covers FOR LIKE EVER" "The *only* thing I asked was for them to have my bachelorette party in VEGAS!" Get the picture?

TG''s advice will help all brides focus on the things that *truly* matter in the big scheme of things. But, guess what, those might go "wrong" too!

Beyond "don''t sweat the rest" -- learn to LAUGH at the rest!

 

[crystalheart1]

Ha.. F-D-L.. Her true nature... She loves to play victim and be a martyr.. I would not be surprised if she told people
that she was not informed of our "colors" so she did not match everyone else.
I have heard countless number of times how she was left out of all the planning details of the first marriage. She loves to complain about everything.
So I try to tell her about our plans, she says that''s nice and changes the subject.
She also told me that there wasn''t one picture of her and my Future FIL in the first wedding album ( there was )
and my FI first wife took her to a thrift store to pick our her dress


Yes Very Petty...
She wants people to feel sorry for her all the time .. she actually tells people her parents left her to die in a Sick Childrens Seaside Facility when she was six...I can go on. and on...

 

[musey]

I feel ya

at least it's just a color issue, instead of a specific outfit that you veto'd. My MIL sent me an image of the pantsuit (yes, for our formal wedding) below and asked me to be completely honest as to whether I thought it was appropriate. I said it's not the best, because the Christmasy colors will clash with our autumny color scheme, and that it was a little informal. Unspoken reason: it's friggin' ugly, IMO.

She emailed me two days later to say she'd ordered it.

In the end, I'm sure I wouldn't have cared--she could've shown up at the wedding in it and I wouldn't have thought anything beyond "Yeeps, FMIL chose a pretty ugly outfit!"--but she ASKED, yanno? Why ask if you don't actually want the person's advice?

ETA: She has since chosen another, more appropriate outfit, per FI's suggestion.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

got to love old ladies and their whaky sense of style!

 

[Yimmers]

One word: Photoshop

Her dress will then be any color you want it be in your pictures! Pink, black, grey, or puce - for the times you need something to throw darts at when the passive-aggressiveness drives you completely bonkers! J/k!

 

[diamondfan]

jack here to say, WHY ASK IF YOU ALREADY BOUGHT IT AND ARE WEARING IT NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS?

Passive Aggressive at your service. One of my biggest peeves.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 9/9/2008 10:05:30 PM
Author: musey
I feel ya

at least it''s just a color issue, instead of a specific outfit that you veto''d. My MIL sent me an image of the pantsuit (yes, for our formal wedding) below and asked me to be completely honest as to whether I thought it was appropriate. I said it''s not the best, because the Christmasy colors will clash with our autumny color scheme, and that it was a little informal. Unspoken reason: it''s friggin'' ugly, IMO.


She emailed me two days later to say she''d ordered it.


In the end, I''m sure I wouldn''t have cared--she could''ve shown up at the wedding in it and I wouldn''t have thought anything beyond ''Yeeps, FMIL chose a pretty ugly outfit!''--but she ASKED, yanno? Why ask if you don''t actually want the person''s advice?


ETA: She has since chosen another, more appropriate outfit, per FI''s suggestion.

Musey, You gave me a good giggle out of this.


Linda

 

[marchswallowbird]

This thread prompted me to watch "Whose Wedding is it Anyway" tonite, a show I''ve not watched before. One segment involved the mother of the groom, who not only insisted on wearing a bright red, long, strapless, satin dress that clashed with the rest of the bridal party, she actually went around to each table at the reception and flamboyantly introduced herself to all the guests -- just as if it were her wedding. Most guests just politely looked at her with expressions that told you they thought she was crazy.

The bride stressed about the clashing colors at first, and then said she couldn''t worry about it, she was getting married and that was the most important thing. I felt like cheering. Poor thing, her MIL is nuts.

 

[musey]

Date: 9/10/2008 12:59:57 AM
Author: Linda W

Date: 9/9/2008 10:05:30 PM
Author: musey
I feel ya

at least it's just a color issue, instead of a specific outfit that you veto'd. My MIL sent me an image of the pantsuit (yes, for our formal wedding) below and asked me to be completely honest as to whether I thought it was appropriate. I said it's not the best, because the Christmasy colors will clash with our autumny color scheme, and that it was a little informal. Unspoken reason: it's friggin' ugly, IMO.

She emailed me two days later to say she'd ordered it.

In the end, I'm sure I wouldn't have cared--she could've shown up at the wedding in it and I wouldn't have thought anything beyond 'Yeeps, FMIL chose a pretty ugly outfit!'--but she ASKED, yanno? Why ask if you don't actually want the person's advice?

ETA: She has since chosen another, more appropriate outfit, per FI's suggestion.

Musey, You gave me a good giggle out of this.

Linda

I'm glad

I can laugh about it now, which is good, because the wedding hasn't even happened yet!

 

[Linda W]

Date: 9/10/2008 12:08:12 PM
Author: musey

Date: 9/10/2008 12:59:57 AM

Author: Linda W

Date: 9/9/2008 10:05:30 PM

Author: musey

I feel ya

at least it''s just a color issue, instead of a specific outfit that you veto''d. My MIL sent me an image of the pantsuit (yes, for our formal wedding) below and asked me to be completely honest as to whether I thought it was appropriate. I said it''s not the best, because the Christmasy colors will clash with our autumny color scheme, and that it was a little informal. Unspoken reason: it''s friggin'' ugly, IMO.


She emailed me two days later to say she''d ordered it.


In the end, I''m sure I wouldn''t have cared--she could''ve shown up at the wedding in it and I wouldn''t have thought anything beyond ''Yeeps, FMIL chose a pretty ugly outfit!''--but she ASKED, yanno? Why ask if you don''t actually want the person''s advice?


ETA: She has since chosen another, more appropriate outfit, per FI''s suggestion.

Musey, You gave me a good giggle out of this.


Linda

I''m glad

I can laugh about it now, which is good, because the wedding hasn''t even happened yet!

Ha ha ha ha. My mouth dropped open when I saw that picture.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 9/9/2008 10:05:30 PM
Author: musey
I feel ya

at least it''s just a color issue, instead of a specific outfit that you veto''d. My MIL sent me an image of the pantsuit (yes, for our formal wedding) below and asked me to be completely honest as to whether I thought it was appropriate. I said it''s not the best, because the Christmasy colors will clash with our autumny color scheme, and that it was a little informal. Unspoken reason: it''s friggin'' ugly, IMO.

She emailed me two days later to say she''d ordered it.

In the end, I''m sure I wouldn''t have cared--she could''ve shown up at the wedding in it and I wouldn''t have thought anything beyond ''Yeeps, FMIL chose a pretty ugly outfit!''--but she ASKED, yanno? Why ask if you don''t actually want the person''s advice?

ETA: She has since chosen another, more appropriate outfit, per FI''s suggestion.

OMG Musey. Hilarious! That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. It''s like something your hippie art teacher in elementary school would wear...not exactly formal wedding attire! Yikes!

 

[musey]

I''m glad you guys think it''s ugly--I thought I was being a fashion snob!! haha

 

[crystalheart1]

Musey - At least she got something else to wear at your wedding

What did her new outfit look like ?

My MIL will go ahead and do what ever she wants...

She went through my FI to tell him about the Blue Dress... At least your MIL communicated with you directly..

I have two boys and would never act this way.. I wonder if it is a generation thing? Do we really change that much when we get older?

I hope not

 

[musey]

Sorry, I didn''t mean to make you feel worse about your situation! I was trying to make you feel better, as in ''at least her dress won''t be as ugly as this outfit''...

 

[CNOS128]

I didn''t even know we were allowed to tell the mothers what to wear!!

That''s not something my mother or FMIL would ask me about, I think . . . they don''t (nor should they!) feel an obligation to ''match'' the wedding colors.

But -- you should just be grateful that your FMIL didn''t buy a long, white dress. THAT would be passive aggressive.