Wedding My man of honor is dissappointing me!

[TravelingGal]

Please do not make/guilt him into this. Many WOMEN don''t want to do the dress shopping, let alone men.

I had a man of honor (my brother). I asked him because I wanted him by my side on an important day in my life. He asked me if I needed anything like a party thrown for me, and I said no...that it would just be an honor for him to be there with me.

I don''t know where the whole maid/man of honor thing comes from, but I would like to think it is an honor for ME to have them there, not an honor for THEM to take on the "role." I sympathize that you don''t have too many people to help you with this special time, but it is what it is and I would urge you to respect that.

 

[lauralu]

HI Bliss,

I am sorry you and your best friend are on the outs on this issue. I hope in time you can talk it out and come to an understanding of some sort about it all and move on to continue to be friends. This Kind of thing happening at this time in your life can sometimes break friendships apart for a long time.

I do understand why you are disappointed. However, if it were me, I would take a very deep breath and claim temporary misjudgment saying something like....I got all wrapped up in what I needed, I am sorry I should have not pressured you, lets move on and just get back to being the close friends we are and be done with it.

I guess if you were having to go alone to something wedding related, and without family near by. I would understand this totally. However, you have your bridesmaids for this one. They are shopping for their dress. I am having a difficult time even immagining where he would fit in? He couldn''t be in the rooms trying on. The sample dresses alot of the times do not fit properly, so the ladies might be over exposed ect. I don''t think to many ladies venture out of the fitting rooms to model. I envision him sitting by himself somewhere waiting for updates on how you all are doing. But, I could be wrong..

Again I am sorry, I can so see how this could get out of hand..I know he said he would and now is backing out. However, I would forgive him on this one and move on...

 

[SarahAnn]

Lots of good advice here already, so I''ll just cut to the rest.
First, I understand wanting a Man of Honour. . .most of my friends are males, along with my best friend. However, I think that this is something that is insanely trendy and brides do not think about the consequenses of having a gentleman in this position. . .especially when they are expeting an over the top performance by their MOH. For a gentleman, picking out flowers, BM dresses, which sparklies to put on the BM shoes, flowers, etc. would be like a female (put yourself in this position) being Best Woman and going with the guys to pick out strippers, boose, and prank blow up dolls for the bachelor party. . .not exactly fun for all involved. There are compromises when you make these types of decisions, no matter how good of a friend they are.

May sound extreme, but it would be the same feeling for a male.

 

[musey]

Date: 9/9/2008 7:17:03 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I don't know where the whole maid/man of honor thing comes from, but I would like to think it is an honor for ME to have them there, not an honor for THEM to take on the 'role.'

DITTO.

Add me to the pile of people saying to cut him some slack. Minims' email is a must in this situation, IMO. I know that you want to be 'honest' with him about your disappointment, but there's a difference between sharing your feelings (something like 'I'm bummed that you didn't follow through with this, I just thought we should talk about it') and laying on a guilt trip ("up until yesterday I thought I had the best person in my world to have by my side on my special day").

I sympathize that you don't have too many people to help you with this special time, but it is what it is and I would urge you to respect that.

I'm the same way. My mom came to visit for dress shopping, but other than that I've done everything else on my own (or with FI). So I get that it's a little sucky... but in the end it is NOT a big deal, and CERTAINLY not something to guilt a guy into dress shopping over ("as you already know I have no family here to support me, so I am pretty much depending on you").

Please cut him some slack asap. If you alienate him over this, you'll be really disappointed in yourself later.

 

[blissfulbride]

I Just wanted to thank everyone for the advice, and admit that I did overeact. We spoke today, and everything is all good. I told him this isn''t worth fighting over because our friendship is more important. I told him he was the last person on earth I would want to fight with. I told him that he has been really good with me and I just have alot on my mind. We are going to the movies tonight to see Tropic thunder!

Thanks guys maybe next time I''ll take more time to think before acting now that I know how easily I can blow my top. I''ve been just on edge !

Love
Blissfulbride !

 

[princesss]

Glad to hear you''ve patched things up with your friend. Have fun at the movies tonight!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

This is great news!! Sometimes stepping back and looking at the situation is much easier said than done!! Enjoy Tropic Thunder, you''ll love it! It''s hilarious!

 

[MaggieB]

I am really happy to hear this news! We all know where you''ve been . . . the stress can really get overwhelming at times. I''m glad that you and your best friend have worked it out

 

[musey]

Have fun at Tropic Thunder, FI and I couldn''t stop laughing the whole way through!!

 

[swingirl]

Glad it worked out.

 

[VRBeauty]

 

[bee*]

glad to hear that everything''s sorted

 

[icekid]

Glad you worked it out... I think going BM dress shopping would be my hubby''s version of hell, so I''m glad you decided to go easier on him for this one

 

[decodelighted]

Good for you. Perspective is mahhhhhhvelous thing.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/10/2008 5:30:46 PM
Author: decodelighted
Good for you. Perspective is mahhhhhhvelous thing.

Ditto...good for you! Have fun!