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my husband may have cancer

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thanks to everyone. you really are calming me down. i even been all over pricescope trying to think of other things. what a great community this is. i am so glad that i have all of you to share this with.

Italiahaircolor: that is an amazing story. and it reminds me that even if the biopsy is bad, that doesnt mean that he wont be ok. congrats to your mom. it gives me chills to read her story. wow. that is just great!
 
I am keeping you and your husband in my thoughts.
 
Date: 6/18/2009 7:03:12 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Radiant, I don''t know if this story will...but it''s about extremely progressive cancer, and hopefully it will calm you a bit...

My freshman year of high school was mom was diagnosised with breast cancer. About 2 months prior to see ingthe doctor for an offical diagnosis, she felt a small pea-sized lump. She was concerned, but not overly since her mammogram the same year was clear. However, she booked an appointment anyway--with 2 young daughters, she was all about being safe rather than sorry.

By the time she got in to see the doctor, the lump had multiplied in size--on the mammogram, it was the size of a softball. Basically, in 2 months the pea sized lump had overtaken her entire breast.

The doctor went through the testing...and it came back as cancer. Due to it''s rapid growth, stage number and all...they gave her a mere 20% chance of survival, in 1998 that was more or less a death sentence. They even suggested doing a full mascetomy that night. My mom was beside herself...but knew she needed to find the right doctor...so she opted out of the emergency surgery, went home and researched. She found the Lynn Sage Center at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago--which was cutting edge for breast cancer all those years ago.

She had chemo, radiation, and a full masectomy--including lympnodes. It was a long recovery, emotionally and physically....but, she made it.

Happily I can report that she is fine. Healthy, happy and in full remission for 9 years. Even with those daunting statistics and numbers, with the right treatment and modern advances, she''s fine--although, she does suffer from lymphodema in left arm.

So...the moral is...modern medicine is amazing. Even if your worst fears are recognized, the battle isn''t lost. So now, be positive...research different doctors and get your stuff in order...but stay optimistic. My mom always says her recovery was 75% science 25% soul. Mind, body, spirit...build up those defenses.
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radiant, my mother''s case was similar to Italiahaircolors in that she had a large tumor in her left breast, and underwent radical surgery, nine rounds of chemo each spaced three weeks apart, and then daily radiation for six months, but today, fourteen years later, she is cancer free and her radiologist judges her to have only the most remote chance of a future recurrence. Medicine can be amazing if it does happen to be cancer, it''s caught early and the patient and the family commits to fighting with everything they''ve got at their disposal.

The mantra on the cancer boards (I was my husband''s aunt''s cancer buddy every day for four years), is "it''s not cancer until a pathology report says it''s cancer". Please try to do your best to not worry yourselves sick until you know you have something to worry about. A positive attitude makes such a difference in getting through this. Italia is right, build up those defenses. Let him lean on you of course, but you lean on him a little too. That way he''ll KNOW how very important he is to you and how much you want him and need him in your life. The buddy system....

Please let us know how he is when you know. God be with you both.
 
Hugs Radiant! I think your reaction is totally normal after getting a shock like this. Don''t beat yourself up for how you feel. Anger is a normal part of the grieving process, which I think goes hand in hand with getting this type of news. Hopefully it will be nothing, but even if it''s not there''s a good chance it''s treatable!
 
Date: 6/18/2009 4:24:58 PM
Author: radiantquest
well as of now that biopsy is going to be at upper chesapeake hospital. just a run of the mill local hospital. luckily we live near some of the best hospitals is the country. i think that if it is cancer we may go to Johns Hopkins. i hear that is a pretty good hospital. i am going to do some investigating into the best cancer institutes.
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HI:

It is my experience that most hospitals would be reliable to perform and analyze a tissue biopsy and that their results would be valid.
It is a human reaction to have fear--as you don''t know what to expect and likely have little background in this area on which to draw. Fear often begats anger.
Furthermore, you''ve had no pathological confrmations that it is in fact a dangerous lump; so please, take one day at a time. Worry robs you of your strength!!!
Take care!

kind regards, Sharon
 
Big hugs to you! Sending prayers for comfort and healing.

Lori
 
Hugs and so many prayers outgoing!
 
I''m hoping that the results come back as something benign. Stay calm and use your family & friends'' support as much as you need at this time of need. My thoughts are with you and your family.
 
Oh Radiant, how scared you and your hubby must be! I sincerely hope for the best outcome from the biopsy. You are both in my thoughts.
 
Lots of positive vibes headed your way Radiant. I hope it turns up benign for you guys.
 
Hi Radiant. I haven''t read all the responses, but the best advice I can give you (having gone through this with my wife) is don''t panic.

When you''re in a panicked state of mind you make irrational decisions.

That''s all well and good you say, but how do I keep from panicking?

The opposite of panic is faith. Faith is the God given ability not to panic. Sometimes this requires what I''ve heard referred to as "combat faith".

You have to reach into your soul at times like this. Pull out that which is best in mankind. Facing a situation like this with faith is far superior to facing it in panic. One is total negative energy, the other is total positive energy. It makes a huge difference.

You''ll sense how to do it. Just follow your gut.
 
Radiant, I''m hoping that everything turns out benign...and that your hubby makes a speedy recovery from whatever is going on. I refuse to think that it is cancer at this point because I''m just an optimist. However, if that is the case, he has a very strong woman behind him and all of us PS members rooting for him. Like Richard put it, don''t panic. Try to stay calm and take it one day at a time. Tell your hubby that you love him and offer him (verbally) all of your love and support. I know that sounds like a given, but sometimes we forget to do that in times of crisis. Stay calm with the docs, you''ll get more info that way, but also don''t let them be too nonchalant. Nothing in life is insurmountable. You will get through this with your husband...you both took vows and you are being tested right now. I''m really sorry about your luck, it''s a terrible thing to have to go through. I am thinking my most positive thoughts for you and sending good vibes your way.
 
My prayers are with you. My mother had cancer when I was 13 and I can say from experience that it is a very scary experience to go through. I hope that all works out for the best.
 
My husband does have cancer so I know EXACTLY how you''re feeling. This is going to sound weird, but the not knowing is in some ways the hardest part. You don''t want to think about the worst that could happen, but you can''t help it. And because I''ve been in this situation and lived with it for many years with several recurrences including now, I''m going to say something different than a lot of other people have said.

It''s okay to be scared, it''s okay to be angry, it''s okay to not be able to think about anything else. Trying to put on a positive front when you''re panicking inside can take as much or more energy than just letting yourself be worried and scared. You have to let yourself feel whatever you feel. If you need to go off and have a long cry, that''s okay. If you need to go off and have a long scream, that''s okay. If you need to hear about cancer success stories, seek them out because there are lots of them. Do whatever helps you most.

And I''m very careful now that I''ve been on the other side not to tell people that they need to think positively. For those people who best deal with bad news by being positive, they will be anyway. For those who are not wired that way, you just make them feel like they''re making a bad situation worse. They don''t need any more pressure. So I''m going to tell you it''s natural to be scared. It''s natural to be angry. It''s natural to feel crappy. The possibility that your husband may have cancer is a crappy situation. It just is. And don''t be afraid to tell your husband that you''re scared. He is too and the worst thing you can do is for both of you to pretend you''re okay. You''re not. Both of you are scared out of your wits. But you can be scared together and face it together. If it turns out he has cancer, you''ll deal with it together. And if it turns out he doesn''t, you''ll go out and celebrate together.

Best of luck with the biopsy.
 
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...stay strong and remember that PS is here should you need to vent or just talk. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

joe
 
So sorry you are having to deal with this. Prayers outgoing.
 
Thinking of you and pulling for your DH.
 
Oh my goodness. I''m so sorry to hear about that. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. Best wishes to you...
 
Sorry to hear this. Stay strong, calm and focus on the priorities. You and your DH will be in my thoughts. Goodluck on the tests.
 
My mom an aunt are both cancer survivors, honey it happens. It''s terrifying but it happens. We''re all rooting for you and your husband. ((HUG))
 
Prayers outgoing. Lots and lots of prayers outgoing.
 
thank you everyone. i will keep everyone posted and hopefully all the prayers and well wishing will gives us that nudge with God and make everything ok. you all are awesome.

rainwood- i am so sorry. i cant imagine how heartbreaking it is to think that he is in the clear, in remission and then it keeps coming back. i give my prayers to you. if you ever need someone to talk to i am around here quite often. i dont know if there is a way to give personal emails and such back and forth, but i would be happy to "listen" if you want to vent, rant and rave, or just have someone listen. it is such an eye opener. you think that you will grow old with your husband and then all of a sudden things can change. i cant say that i know what it is like, but i think i might have a clue.
 
Prayers outgoing, radiantquest.

Keep us posted. Keeping my fingers crossed for you both. (My FI is a cancer survivor--he would say "a$%-kicker--and I can ask if he has any thoughts JUST IN CASE. I know there were some good books and mantras that kept him going.)

Thinking positive.
((HUGS))
 
thinking of you, radiant, praying for you, and sitting with you in this difficult time....

God''s blessings to you and your husband....
 
I am thinking of you and your husband, and I will say a prayer that everything will be ok. Hang in there, I know that this must be so difficult for you both.
 
There is no reason to assume the worst. Is there? Yes, it may be cancer. That isn't an automatic death sentence, however.

Until you know more, please don't panic. He needs you to remain calm. Blessings to you both.
 
Sending you dust and prayers
 
Dust and prayers outgoing
 
Radiant - I don''t have much personal experience to draw on, though I have put enough people to sleep for excisional biopsies often enough in the past (am not an oncologist by any means though). I''m sure it''s totally normal to freak out and go through all the worst case scenarios in your head, but until you have a tissue diagnosis (or confirmation that it''s a benign lesion) and have had discussions with surgeons and oncologists, you won''t really know what the prognosis is. If it is cancer, I imagine he''ll end up getting a few CT and bone scans to rule out metastases, and will need definitive surgery to remove the lesion. There really are amazing stories out there of people beating the odds, and many kinds of cancer are very treatable/curable these days with a combo of surgery, radiation and chemo. It won''t be an easy course, I''m sure (if that''s what it turns out to be), but I''m sure the two of you will find a way to pull together and get through it all one day at a time.

There are no guarantees in this life at all, and although I can understand you being angry that he didn''t get this looked into sooner, you can''t go back and change it now. All you can do is help advocate for him to see the best doctors and get the best care possible in a timely fashion. I was a little apprehensive to fall for and marry a man 8 years my senior. I know it''s not a big age difference in the grand scheme of things, but I do get scared when I think of what things will be like later in life if he''s in poor health and I''m left being his caregiver more than his wife. On the other hand something terrible could befall me and he''d be the one left in that role. I''ve seen some horrible cases during my 8 years in medicine, like the 48 year old woman whose cerebral aneurysm ruputred at work one day, leaving her irrevokably brain-damaged. There''s not a heck of a lot you can do to fight that, but whatever your husband has is likely to be something that you can fight. And you''ll have him sound of mind, fighting it alongside you.

Praying for a quick biopsy and a quick benign diagnosis for you both. I''d probably be asking if they could do an open biopsy under local during Wednesday''s visit. Not sure if that''s possible, but the sooner you get some answers, the sooner you''ll be able to come up with a plan.

Take care,
Kate
 
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
 
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