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my husband may have cancer

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radiantquest

radiantquest

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 20, 2008
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its terrible. it is all i think about. he had a small lump in his arm and he was pretty active so we thought it was just muscle tissue. a few months passed and then it started growing really fast. it is now the size of my hand and i dont have small hands. he went to our family doctor and she sent him to get an MRI. he got the test results and they said that it looks suspicious. he is going to see a general surgeon on wednesday to see about getting a biopsy. he says that he has a feeling that this is it. how am i supposed to go on without him? everyone says not to worry until we know, but that is just not possible. i am a little bit angry with him, but dont have a good explanation for it. and i feel terrible about it because what if i am mad at him until he dies. if anyone has any suggestions or words of encouragement or advice i would greatly appreciate it.
 
Please don''t panic. I know its easy for me to say that. Wait and see what the biopsy reveals. I know you are terrified. I would be too. But you can''t let yourself fall apart now. You need to try and focus and be brave. I pray that the biopsy will be clear and he won''t have cancer.

Big Hugs.
 
I'm so sorry
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. However, don't get too far ahead of yourself yet. No one knows what this is yet, let alone if it's cancer. Also, today cancer is certainly not a death sentence, so please don't assume that he's dying, because you really don't know that for a fact. Chances are that he isn't.

Perhaps, wait and see what it is first, and go from there?
 
That is awful and I''m sending prayers that this is all nothing to worry about.

The feelings are normal but I do have to agree with trying not to panic about it right now or thinking negatively. Just be there to support each other, wait for the results, and go from there.
 
I''m so sorry to hear that! How scary for the both of you!

I''ll keep you both in my thoughts.

Do your best to stay positive.. both of you... it helps more than anyone realizes.
 
Oh, I am so sorry. Please know that I will keep you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers. I am just so sorry.

But...

Please don''t worry. Don''t let your mind "go there" yet...because you don''t know enough about what is going on to make informed predictions or plans. All you''re going to do is scare yourself and thats not what any of you needs right now. I''m sure it''s much easier said than done, since like you, I imagine I would be beside myself...but at least try. This period of "waiting" is the worst...since there is very little you can do to be productive even though you feel like you should be moving mountians...so try to use this time making you two happy as a couple. Go see a movie, or take a long walk, even just relax together.

Again, I am so sorry...and I''m wish you both a speedy diagnosis and much peace.

((hugs))
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I''m so sorry.
Prayers outgoing that the test result will be benign.
 
it just really sucks. now we are talking about life insurance and all that so it is really there to think about. i cant think about getting things in order without thinking about what it would be like without him.

thank you for your suggestions to not panic and the hugs and prayers sent to me. i am hoping that it is nothing and then hoping that even if it is cancer it is not in enough of an advanced stage to kill him. i asked the doctor about it and she said that when they did his blood work about the end of April his liver looked fine. so that should indicate that it isnt spreading to his organs so i suppose that is a good thing. right?
 
I''d be scared too, who wouldn''t be. But don''t get ahead of yourself, I know everyone says that but it''s true. Maybe you can call the American Cancer Society with some of your questions.. That might help??

I will be keeping you guys in my prayers. HUGS!!!

Can I ask which Hospital he''s using?? I
 
well as of now that biopsy is going to be at upper chesapeake hospital. just a run of the mill local hospital. luckily we live near some of the best hospitals is the country. i think that if it is cancer we may go to Johns Hopkins. i hear that is a pretty good hospital. i am going to do some investigating into the best cancer institutes.
 
I''m so sorry to hear this - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. Hopefully it is not as serious as you''re imagining it - I know it''s hard not to imagine the worst and not to panic, but try not to until you know all the facts. Please keep up updated - we will be thinking of you! *Hugs*
 
Date: 6/18/2009 4:24:58 PM
Author: radiantquest
well as of now that biopsy is going to be at upper chesapeake hospital. just a run of the mill local hospital. luckily we live near some of the best hospitals is the country. i think that if it is cancer we may go to Johns Hopkins. i hear that is a pretty good hospital. i am going to do some investigating into the best cancer institutes.
Click to expand...
Johns Hopkins is treating my best friends mom, it''s excellent.
 
I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. Johns Hopkins is an amazing, amazing hospital and I don't think you could be in any better hands should you have to go there. Best of luck, you're in my thoughts.
 
Oh Radiant, I am so sorry.

Idon''t know if this will help, but I''m a doctor who has done a rotation in Plastic Surgery and have seen a lot of people having lumps as you''ve described removed. Please know that even if it is malignant (which it may well not be), sarcomas (soft tissue tumours) are very VERY treatable cancers. Most people get away with just having them cut out and that''s that.

I know it must be a terrifying time for you but PLEASE try to keep calm for now, and take it one step at a time. It might help to talk to a doctor who is experienced with soft tissue lumps and talk through the possibilities, just so you know the worst case scenario is not necessarily as bad as you''re imagining.

Prayers outgoing for you.
 
prayers outgoing
 
radiant : hugs and warm wishes coming your way
 
Thoughts and prayers to you both!
 
your husband is in my prayers
 
Oh dear... So sorry to hear about this!! I hate to echo the words of others, but you can''t panic yet. You don''t know what it is... It could be a benign growth or some other issue. Even if it is cancer, treatment has come a long way and he may end up being just fine!! My prayers go out to you and your family. Please stay strong and keep us updated!!
 
Prayers going out to you and your husband
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Hoping very hard for a good result to the biopsy. Biggest hugs outgoing to you both. Hang in there.
 
I''m so sorry Radiant, how terrifying. Your feelings are totally normal and you won''t stay mad at him. It sounds like a good idea to focus that energy into looking into good hospitals etc. I hope for the best on Wednesday. And remember what BrooklynGirl said - while it is awful and scary, cancer certainly is not a death sentence.
 
I''m hoping like heck that it''s not nearly as bad as you''re imagining. Stay positive, if you can.

Thinking good thoughts for you and your husband.
 
I am so sorry. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
 
BIG hugs and prayers. Be upbeat for him. Could be nothing or could be benign.
 
Radiant, I am so sorry that you are dealing with some news that makes you fearful and anxious.

If I may share some words of wisdom from my neurosurgeon? 15 years ago they found a tumor in my brain. The first appt I had with him I was really, really scared. He, in a very calm and quiet voice said to me: "CAT, my job is to do the worrying for you until we determine what the problem actually is. When the time comes for YOU to start worrying, I'll tell you, ok?" And he actually DID tell me one day that the news was bad but there was a plan in place to deal with the tumor. So I didn't feel like he was patting me on the head like a little kid.

It all turned out ok. When I had to return to him again this year, funny thing, he said the SAME THING! And again, he was right. We talked about it a bit, and he said that for patients, they can expend so much energy catastrophizing the situation until the full diagnosis is complete.

I'm not in any way minimizing your fears, but just trying to gently say to try to not assume the worst until you get the diagnosis.

And if nothing else, please know that MIRACLES are a daily occurrence here on earth. I know, I got my 2nd one this past January!

Best of luck with this. Ask lots of questions, and work towards getting the plan in place. Once that's sorted out, it won't feel so scary.

((hugs))

LS

ETA: it's totally normal to be scared. And to have lots of questions. And to need to vent the situation. You may feel angry with him, angry at the world, angry at God, etc. etc. Come here to vent, it will help to get it off your chest. A lot of people here are survivors of "the big stuff". We'll help you with this, no matter how it turns out. You are not alone.
 
Prayers outgoing for your husband and your family, radiant. Big hugs.
 
I am sorry you are having this frightening situation.

BUT - a whole lot of things are suspicious on an MRI. Biopsy is how you diagnose cancer and until they tell you it''s cancer, you cannot determine that it is cancer.

I have even seen situations where fine needle biopsy reported cancer and then they did surgery, removed the tissue and the pathologist found it not to be cancer. If you have the biopsy done in a community hospital, you might want to ask that the pathology be done at a larger place (like Hopkins).

There are many, many things that it could be an though it is scary and I feel your concern, it is not cancer yet.

Is your DH in otherwise good health? Any other symptoms? Plus, even if it is cancer, many cancers are treatable. Don''t give up yet!
 
Radiant, I don't know if this story will...but it's about extremely progressive cancer, and hopefully it will calm you a bit...

My freshman year of high school was mom was diagnosised with breast cancer. About 2 months prior to see ingthe doctor for an offical diagnosis, she felt a small pea-sized lump. She was concerned, but not overly since her mammogram the same year was clear. However, she booked an appointment anyway--with 2 young daughters, she was all about being safe rather than sorry.

By the time she got in to see the doctor, the lump had multiplied in size--on the mammogram, it was the size of a softball. Basically, in 2 months the pea sized lump had overtaken her entire breast.

The doctor went through the testing...and it came back as cancer. Due to it's rapid growth, stage number and all...they gave her a mere 20% chance of survival, in 1998 that was more or less a death sentence. They even suggested doing a full mascetomy that night. My mom was beside herself...but knew she needed to find the right doctor...so she opted out of the emergency surgery, went home and researched. She found the Lynn Sage Center at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago--which was cutting edge for breast cancer all those years ago.

She had chemo, radiation, and a full masectomy--including lympnodes. It was a long recovery, emotionally and physically....but, she made it.

Happily I can report that she is fine. Healthy, happy and in full remission for 9 years. Even with those daunting statistics and numbers, with the right treatment and modern advances, she's fine--although, she does suffer from lymphodema in left arm.

So...the moral is...modern medicine is amazing. Even if your worst fears are recognized, the battle isn't lost. So now, be positive...research different doctors and get your stuff in order...but stay optimistic. My mom always says her recovery was 75% science 25% soul. Mind, body, spirit...build up those defenses.
 
thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.
 
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