Mothers of the Groom,Please help

[missy]

We don’t do bridal showers here either (as far as I know), I think it gets really out of hand if you’re expected to go a shower/hen do abroad, wedding, new outfit etc., but maybe I’m just an old grouch

Haha no not an old grouch at all. Well if you are so am I.

We didn't want a bridal shower, bachelorette/bachelor party or engagement party (our friends wanted to give us all of these but we declined all offers) because I think there is just too much fuss and it's over the top and at some point (and I am sure some people will disagree and that is OK) it just becomes a gift grab IMO.

I mean, bridal showers, engagement parties, wedding, bachelor parties etc. How many things to celebrate one occasion? It's too much IMO.

But, and this is a big but, I think every couple should do what they want to do and guests who want to attend can and those who don't want to don't have to. I get why some want to be the center of attention and keep the partying non stop (celebrating and sharing the joy is nice) but it does add up and can be a burden on guests.

So that is where I stand. Do what you (as a couple) want to as it is your decision and the guests can attend which events they want to and give gifts as they see fit.


And most of all wishing a happy and healthy marriage to all the couples who get married with all or without all those parties. After all that is what truly matters.

 

[Austina]

@Austina, How on earth do you plan if people keep inviting more people? It sounds like a nightmare. Does Kim think there will be a large turnout at a destination wedding?

I have no idea how they managed @Calliecake, I know the venue was huge, so perhaps they told the caterers to just ensure there was a lot of extra food.

Part of the reason for the destination wedding, is to keep all the friends of friends and casual acquaintances at bay, they’re not going to want the expense of travelling and accommodation. Adam has found a lovely 8 bed place for them and Kim’s family, but that’s already about 20+, so we’ve said we’ll stay at the hotel.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Of course we will be doing the rehearsal dinner, but we put our kid thru private school from pre-K to MBA and he has a good job, she's a teacher so I feel like we feel like we've sorta done quite a bit.. Her mom is doing the venue and I don't know what her dad will be doing as they are divorced.Of course we will be giving them cash to go towards their house fund. He's 34, she's 33 and they have been living together for about a year. We were talking about the brunch the next day, but we want to check out a few places before we commit.

I want to thank everyone for their interesting and informative suggestion/experiences.{I have an injured hand so please ignore any typos and my brevity.}

 

[Calliecake]

@Austina, They are wise having a destination wedding. I’ve known two couples who opted for destination weddings. Both weddings had around 50 attendees and everyone had a wonderful time. Only family and very close friends attended and at the end of the day aren’t those the people you want to be surrounded by on your wedding day. A 300 guest wedding sounds like a nightmare.

 

[AprilBaby]

In my case hosting the shower meant the bridesmaids did all the work and were official hosts and I paid the bill since they were at restaurants. The bridesmaids couldn’t afford to host.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I would like the shower madness stopped-lol. Most people getting married now are probably living together, or at least have reasonably stocked households.

When did it become acceptable to invite people to a shower who have never met the bride?!?!?!
Why do I want to spend my Saturday with strangers opening gifts?
I have had instances of being invited to more than one shower for someone I have never met. That is insanity to me.

Im sure its different in different parts of the world
I don't understand these huge extravagance things either
Back before people lived together young brides would be setting up a house
In my mother's circle older family friends gave kitchen/ bathroom teas for the daughter's of their friends
I remember my mother holding several and she would also invite a couple of her own friends plus the bridesmaids, bride's and groom's mums, any elderly female relatives of the pair
Most people gave small practice gifts, the groom's mum something more expensive
They played gentle games, had afternoon tea maybe with something bubbly to drink but no one got drunk

Now i watch movies and brides have these huge weekends involving flights and hotels ???

 

[donnabrsd]

@Amber St. Clare
I am from Southern California where in most instances I have known the parent's of the groom to pay for the rehearsal dinner and the champagne toast at the wedding. A few times, I recall them additionally paying for the flowers and the adult beverages for the wedding (depending on the financial situation of everyone). My son is getting married this year and I am giving them a sum of money to do with as they please. I am hoping they will spend wisely and use 1/2 towards the wedding and 1/2 to put in savings for the future. My son's father is paying for the rehearsal dinner. The bride's mother and I are are hosting the bridal shower, so I will additionally pay for 1/2 the expenses and I will purchase a gift for the bride.

 

[Catmom]

My son just got married last September. We paid for the rehearsal dinner and we gave them a chunk of money to use however they saw fit.