Wedding Motherly Love - short rant

[buttercup80]

I''ve had issues with my mom forever - and wedding planning has just not helped at all. We left my parents'' house the other day and FI observed that "your mom just never has anything nice to say to you."

A few gems from this week:

"You should really wear long sleeves for your new engagement pictures. Your arms are distracting." Hmmmm, I might have liked to know about my grotesque appendage prior to buying a $1000 STRAPLESS wedding dress. Nevermind the fact that that''s just rude!

Responding to the fact that they are sewing cups into my dress so I don''t really have to wear a bra or anything: "But don''t you want to wear something to suck in your stomach?"

After a conversation about my weight loss efforts and gym routine: "In all of this, what are you doing for your abs?"

This is a woman who told me, as I was LEAVING for prom - "You would have looked better if you had just lost those last 10 pounds."

Thanks mom!

 

[jcarlylew]

i think your mom hung out with mine recently. thats just. sucky.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I really think you need to talk to your mom calmly about this. You are not a teenager anymore. (not that it was acceptable back then either) You are grown woman. Would she say something like that to one of her friends or coworkers? I think you need to tell your mother that her comments on your appearance are very hurtful and inappropriate, and that you would appreciate it if she would offer the same courtesy to you as she would to any other grown woman. You value her opinion if you ask for it, but there is still a tactful way and a hurtful way of speaking to someone.

Even Thumper''s mother knew that if you don''t have anything nice to say, you shouldn''t say anything at all... and she''s a rabbit!


I feel really strongly about this because my mother struggles with weight her whole life, and while she never complains about it really, I know she went through a lot of shame and hurtful situations growing up. She had to eat different food than everyone as a child. She actually declined being in someone''s wedding when she was 19 because she had been told by her stepmother for so long growing up that they don''t make pretty dresses in bigger sizes. Get this - my mom was like a 14 or a maybe a 16 at the biggest. She played volleyball, basketball and was 5''6" so I can''t imagine someone being made to feel awful like that!

I''m sorry your mother is so mean like that. She probably doesn''t realize the damage she causes.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Those comments are all so mean and unnecessary!! Do you talk to her about how this makes you feel? We all have different relationships with our parents, and it can be very hard. Your mother may never change, especially since she''s been talking to you like this since high school!! I would tell her in no uncertain terms that her comments are not helpful, are in fact harmful and she should cease making such comments in the future. You probably have already had this talk with her . . . . This is very hard, but her comments are unacceptable. I don''t know what else to say. I''m sorry you have to deal with this!!

 

[diamondfan]

Buttercup, she is clearly not being nice. I would ignore it. I know many gals who had terrible moms, moms who made comments about their appearance in front of store owners and their friends...always criticizing them or undermining them...I cannot imagine being that kind of parent but there are sadly many moms like that...I saw it when I was in high school too.

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh that''s terrible. Ignore her please!! Have you ever called her on these kind of hurtful comments?

 

[D2B]

You know, that sort of rude behaviour needs to be stood up to, politely but firmly. If you dont stop it know, will she do this to her grandchildren one day, (if you have kids later)?

Every time she says something rude simply say:

""Mum that is unecessarily rude and spiteful, if you dont have anything postitive to say dont say anthing at all."

and then do not engage further in that discussion, leave the room if you have to.

Every time she is rude call her out on it, it needs to be stopped NOW. She is an adult, you are an adult, no need to put up with it

good luck, be strong.

d2b

 

[CJ2008]

sorry, buttercup...it''s like anything you accomplish is never good enough.

But you do know better, right?

 

[Italiahaircolor]

What ever happened to "if you can''t say something nice, don''t say anything at all" ???????

Tell her that next time she gets rude.

 

[buttercup80]

Thank you so much for the support, ladies! Discussing the problem calmly with her has not worked in the past so my strategy now is to ignore, but it gets hard. . .

I love my e pics and I love my dress, but her comments hurt and can make me second guess myself - or see problems that I never notice (which magnifies them in my head).

Sigh. I just need a rant every once in a while!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Don''t let her make you second guess yourself, buttercup. You''re beautiful, strong, and confident. And my God you''ve LOST weight! Not to mention you weren''t large to begin with. I think you look great! So ignore her please! And maybe talking it out would be a good idea, I agree with everyone who says you''re a grown woman now. But sometimes people just won''t listen, so it may be useless. Either way, you have a FI that loves you and I am sure tons of other friends and family that support you and think you''re beautiful as well! Ignore mean comments even if they''re coming from someone who should NEVER say things like that. ((Hugs))

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Ignore it...or say something to her flat out. My mother was not excited about my e pics and I just told her she was too old to understand...mean, yes...shut her right up...absolutely. I love the pics, so I don''t give a toss what anyone else thinks.

 

[Izzy03]

I don''t know if she is trying to be mean, or really just thinks she is helping you.

My mom definitely makes certain comments but I know she thinks she is being helpful. Oh well. We are always here to vent to!