Wedding MOH dilemma

[PearlDahhhling]

Ahhh I don''t know what to do...



A little background:

I grew up in one state, and then moved to another almost four years ago for school, which is where I met FI. I''ve gone back to my old town a few times to visit, and this week is one of those times. For the first half of my trip I stayed in my home town with friend one, and the second half of my trip, went to a neighboring town to visit friend two.

I''ve been friends with friend one, lets call her Sarah, since 6th grade. We were pretty much "best friends" all the way through high school. Joined at the hip, did everything together, ya know. Until she discovered boys... She''s the kind of girl who leaves her whole world behind for a guy, only to end up getting her heart broken by him a few months later and come crawling back. She''s also the kind of girl who is very into herself and her life and doesn''t really care about what''s going on in other people''s lives unless it has something to do with her. But I always thought I was the exception to this rule. But in the past few years it really seems as though we''ve grown apart, even though we still give ourselves that "best friend" title.

Friend two (we''ll call her Beth) and I have been friends since 2nd grade. We haven''t always been as close and joined at the hip as Sarah and I, but she has always been a true and loyal friend to me. We have stuck it out through thick and thin, gone weeks or even months without talking due to busy schedules and the distance between us, but we always are able to fall right back into being close.

Now I was planning on having both of these ladies as MOHs. I made up little cards asking them, and made cute little MOH tank tops for them. Their birthdays are only a few weeks apart and every year I send them birthday packages. In their packages this year I enclosed the MOH gifts. Beth got hers and was ecstatic about being a MOH! Sarah''s got returned to my house due to some problem with the addressing...? So she doesn''t really know she was going to be a MOH yet... I''m wondering if this is a sign...

Also! Sarah and I have always talked about how we were going to be each other''s MOH when we got married. Beth and I didn''t so much, and when she was actually planning her own wedding (which ended up getting called off) she had decided to forgo the whole MOH idea and just have bridesmaids, which I was one of.

So now I''m not sure if I should just change Sarah''s MOH stuff into bridesmaid stuff... Or leave it and keep my two MOH''s. Truely I only feel like Beth should be my MOH because she is such a more loyal and true friend and she''s actually excited for me through all of this planning stuff. Sarah doesn''t seem excited or truly happy for me and has actually expressed her jealousy of me a few times. But I know Sarah would be extremely hurt and upset if she wasn''t my MOH. I want to be true to myself and what I truly want for my wedding, but I also don''t want to hurt anyone.

So really I just don''t know what to do. Ugh. Please help!

 

[ladypirate]

This is a really tough situation--I always thought the whole MOH thing was kind of strange because it forces you to choose between your best friends and it seems like a lot of the time someone is hurt that they didn't get chosen. It really politicizes relationships and that's too bad. That said, it sounds like Beth is super excited and will want to be involved in the extra planning that is usually the MOH's prerogative. I'd rather have a MOH that will really take charge and help out with stuff than one who is going to be a downer about the whole thing. The other thing to remember is that MOH is just a title--it can hurt to not be chosen to hold it, but she should be honored to be one of your bridesmaids. If she confronts you on it, you can just tell her that you love her and want her to stand up with you on your special day and she should be thrilled about that.

 

[vintagelover229]

If you are happy with "Beth" being the MOH and she''s been there I say just have her. It sounds like she''s the more reliable of the two anyhow, and I personally wouldn''t want to have any more stress in my wedding day thinking that my other MOH is jealous, doesn''t show cuz of a new guy, etc. I''d take that package sending back as a sign. As far as Sarah being hurt...not tyring to be mean...but oh well. If she''s really your "best friend" she''ll understand and still be happy for you. If she''s that into titles and jealous...maybe she''s not really a bf?

Sorry, not trying to be mean!

 

[allycat0303]

I would go with Beth. It seems as though she is a terrific friend, and although doesn''t necessarily have the title of *best friend* it sounds to me like she is. But I guess it would depend on whether or not you thought *Sarah* would be offended. Honestly, if I had two good girlfriends, I would probably pick both so neither would get angry..honestly, I don''t see much of a difference between birdesmaid and maid of honor. They all pretty much participate in everything. At least that is my gut feeling on this.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[jstarfireb]

My mom gave me a piece of advice when it came to choosing the MOH. She regretted what she did, which was to go with the custom of choosing your oldest friend (more like Sarah for you), and she wishes she would have chosen someone who was closer to her at the time. It sounds like you and Sarah might have grown apart enough to warrant having only Beth as your MOH, but I think Sarah would make a nice choice for a bridesmaid. Also, I am in a wedding where the bride has 2 MOHs, and to be perfectly honest, it makes me feel a little more "secondary" as a regular bridesmaid.

 

[julabean]

I was in a similar situation: a best friend who I always thought would be my MOH and a best friend who, when the time came, I really wanted to be my MOH. I followed my gut and my best friend stood up with me on my wedding day. She helped me get ready, she was calm and helpful with difficult people on the day of the wedding, and she kept me sane on the days or weeks leading up to the wedding. I didn''t want/need any drama on my wedding day and MOH made sure anything that went crazy or wrong didn''t get to me. I couldn''t have done it without her and I wouldn''t want to have done it without her. So that''s how I think you should look at it: six months after the fact, will you regret giving the role to someone you are already doubting deserves it? If the answer is yes, then stick with Beth.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Do you plan on having other BMs? If not, I would give both of them the title of MOH, and then lean more heavily on Beth--and let Sarah be MOH in title only.