Wedding Mayday mayday, seeking dress help!

[Alison P]

Pricescopers, I''m in need of some dress advice from those who can relate (I think that''s pretty much every bride

. Here''s the deal:

I feel in love love love with ONE dress - I''ll call that THE dress. Cried when I put it on, the whole 9 yards.

It was one of those bait and switches from the bridal shops - "oh, I think this might look good on you...", opps it''s $5000 & way out of your budget type babies. Well, it worked! I couldn''t fit the dress into the budget (originally $2k-$3k), really stressed about it, looked endlessly for another hoping to fall in love with something... anything... else. Didn''t, and then went on a mad hunt to find a used one. Couldn''t, and finally asked the feature hubby what he thought. He went in to major sticker shock, and that was the end of that dream.

So, happily, I found a great designer/wedding seamstress in Carlsbad to replicate the dress. She won''t do an exact replication, but said it can be very similar. I paid her $2800, non-refundable, exactly one week ago yesterday after driving an hour and a half down there.

Yesterday, bored and messing around, I found THE dress on EBAY, new w/ tags, half-off the $500 price tag with no bids. Heart attack!!! Somebody grab me a paper lunch bag, I''m hypervenilating just writing about it!! :::Sigh:::

Here are the details:
Custom designer makes killer dresses - but she was a little confused about some of the dress details. It''s a little different - definintely not the cookie cutter variety.
THE dress on EBAY is a size 10, unaltered. On the designer''s size chart my waist is a 1/2" larger than a size 6, so I probably be somewhere between a 6 and an 8. As I said, the dress price is 1/2 off what the bridal shop charged right now with no bids (that''s about $300 less than I paid designer/seamstress), shipping is $200 and I would still need alterations.

I NEED ADVICE!!

Is a size 10 way too big for me to have altered?
Is it fair to ask the designer/seamstress to refund me, after she explained there would be no refunds? If so, what should I say? Phone or email?
What would YOU do?

Thanks!!!!!! I can''t wait to hear your thoughts!

 

[marchswallowbird]

Yes, I think it''s unfair to ask the seamstress to refund the money. She made her policies clear, and has already spent a fair amount of time with you, time that is money to her. I think you need to trust her to make a gorgeous dress that will fit you like a glove and probably be extaordinarily close to the dress you love.

I''m also assuming the dress on ebay was half of the $5,000 price tag, not the $500 price tag as your email said. That was a bit confusing, but my guess is that in your excitement you just left off a 0. Anyway, whether a size 10 can be altered to fit you properly will depend on the dress and how much detail and beading it has on it. My guess is that a custom made dress is going to fit you much better.

But that''s beside the point. I think you need to let that dress go, and focus on working with your seamstress to make you another dress you will fall in love with and which will bring tears to your eyes.

 

[Rhea]

Depending on the design it could be hard to alter the size 10 down to a size 6-8, plus the cost involved in doing so.

It is unfair to ask the seamstress to refund your money. You could work with her to help her tweek the design, but to ask for your money back is completely unfair unless she hasn''t done what she agreed to do. It sounds as though you wouldn''t even consider asking for your money back if you hadn''t found the original dress.

 

[lauralu]

Yes it''s unfair to ask the seamstress to refund your money.....however, that does not take away from the fact that I can totally understand how you are feeling OMG what were the chances of something like this happening? Like zero to none.

Look at it this way.....even of they dress could have been altered to fit you. That big of a change in size would cost you a ton.......maybe another 5-7 hundred of not more...

Breath and try to remember.. Everything happens for a reason. Your specially made dress will be perfectly gorgeous when done...

 

[calidaisy]

this is a tough call.

to answer your questions, (1) i think you can definitely alter a size 10 dress down to size 8 or 6. i bought a sample size 10 and brought it down to 2 or 4? (i'm a street size 0) with no problem; and (2) no, it is NOT FAIR to ask your seamstress to refund a FULL amount you paid, but i'm sure you can negotiate depending on how much work she has done on your dress. as long as you're willing to compensate her for what she's done AND hire her to alter the dress you buy from ebay, i don't think it's necessarily unfair.

however, you may end up spending a lot more than you had anticipated because of the added expense of alteration and compensating the seamstress.

moreover, i'd be afraid to spend $2500 on ebay purchase (imagine the amount of headache and heartache involved if the dress is not the way you wanted in terms of the quality, etc.?) nevertheless, the good news about the ebay dress is, if it all works out is it'll be a lot easier to re-sell after your wedding and recoup some of the cost while a replica of a couture dress (no matter how well made) always seems a bit more difficult to resell.

i don't know. i'll probably leave things as is (to save time and money i don't have) but that's just me.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 9/13/2008 12:56:03 AM
Author:Alison P

Well, it worked! I couldn''t fit the dress into the budget (originally $2k-$3k),

I paid her $2800, non-refundable, exactly one week ago yesterday after driving an hour and a half down there.

THE dress on EBAY is a size 10, unaltered. On the designer''s size chart my waist is a 1/2'' larger than a size 6, so I probably be somewhere between a 6 and an 8. As I said, the dress price is 1/2 off what the bridal shop charged right now with no bids (that''s about $300 less than I paid designer/seamstress), shipping is $200 and I would still need alterations.

Chances are the e-bay route will put you over-budget even if your seamstress were to refund all of your money. Apparently the opening bid on the dress is $2500, with shipping bringing it to $2700. Alterations would likely bring you to your $3000 limit, if not over... and you still wouldn''t have the one-of dress that you''ll be getting.

No doubt you did your homework before putting down the deposit, and you know that this seamstress does good work. If that''s the case, I''d continue down the path you''re on.

 

[neatfreak]

I do think it's rude to ask for your deposit back, and I have to say that I totally agree with the other ladies. Depending on the dress, bringing it down 2 sizes could be a MAJOR pain, not to mention EXPENSIVE! If the alterations are basic, they'll be a couple hundred dollars. If there is lace, beading, etc., the alterations alone could easily top $500...

And I think it's totally fun to have a custom made dress JUST for you ya know?

 

[Alison P]

Thanks ladies. I appreciate the insight and your honesty.

To clarify, I am making the assumption that since I paid last week when I was measured she hasn''t actually started on the gown. She mentioned that she had a lot of gowns "in que" for recent brides, and I haven''t sent all the pictures she needs yet.

With that said, I would certainly not want to put her in an uncomfortable position or do anything unethical.

The dress doesn''t have any bead-work, just ruching (I don''t know how to spell that).

It''s so true about resell! That was a concern I had too, b/c I am pretty certain I could have gotten some resale $ from the actual dress. I don''t think that I can resell a replica, as stated.

Thanks also for everyone reminding me about how this will be custom made for me - that''s a plus, right?!

What do you all think about emailing her and being honest about feeling nervous b/c I just saw the dress for sale? She''s great, and we had a good vibe... maybe she could ease my mind?

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 9/13/2008 5:03:32 PM
Author: Alison P
Thanks ladies. I appreciate the insight and your honesty.

To clarify, I am making the assumption that since I paid last week when I was measured she hasn't actually started on the gown. She mentioned that she had a lot of gowns 'in que' for recent brides, and I haven't sent all the pictures she needs yet.

What do you all think about emailing her and being honest about feeling nervous b/c I just saw the dress for sale? She's great, and we had a good vibe... maybe she could ease my mind?

Nervous about what? Ease your mind about what? As I read your initial post, you are considering buying a ready made dress instead of going custom because you found the dress you want at a price you can affordl. In other words, you'd like the right to change your mind.

Having said that, you could tell her you changed your mind and ask her to refund your deposit. She is under no obligation to accommodate you here but I suppose there is a possibility that she would refund a part of your money if she hasn't started work on your dress yet, hasn't ordered material yet, and hasn't had to turn down any other customers because of the time she set aside for your dress.

However, if you ask and she says no, you'd have two options: forfeit the deposit so you can get "the one," or continue to work with her on your custom dress -- and there's a strong possibility that the vibe wouldn't be quite as good at that point.

BTW on a good day I might, maybe, be able to subscribe to the theory that there is only one --"the one" -- true partner in the whole world for each of us. After a glass or two of wine. But I digress. I don't think I could hold enough wine to believe that the same is true of clothing, even wedding dresses!