Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match...

[Gypsy]

I have a good friend from law school has asked me to help her find the 'right' guy.
And I want to help.
But, well...

I'm not sure I really know her anymore. We talk once every six months or so... and I we've drifted apart.

She's a very warm hearted person.
VERY pretty
VERY sucessful.

But I think she intimidates men. She's not overbearing or anywhere near as blunt as I am. She's quite diplomatic and tactful actually.

The biggest thing is that what I would look for and she seems to look for are very different.

She wants a very financially sucessful, equally educated mate who is also very handsome.

She's dated men who are... well, not nice people because they've had these qualities.

So I'd like her to find a nice person who will love her and support her emotionally and is financially secure and would like to give her the family she wants. But... well, to make sure that he's appropriately well off and quite handsome to boot. I don't know.

But she's hinted at my matchmaking for a while now... since a couple of our mutual friend started to get married 4 years ago... and this time it was with the insistence that she would move just about anywhere in the US(she's in PA) for the right person (as long as there is a Saks, Neimans, Cartier nearby she's happy). After four years... well, I feel guilty I haven't done anything.

Added to all of this is the fact that she dated a Catholic guy who completely did a one eighty on her after 2 years and demanded she convert (she's Jewish). So now she's on the fence about dating outside her faith.

What would you do?

I just... well, I don't know many guys that fit the bill... and the ones I do, I just don't know very well. They are family friends' children, and well... people lie or put on their social mask and you don't KNOW who that person really is.

Advice?

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/4/2007 5:59:50 PM
Author:Gypsy
I have a good friend from law school has asked me to help her find the ''right'' guy.

And I want to help.

But, well...


I''m not sure I really know her anymore. We talk once every six months or so... and I we''ve drifted apart.


She''s a very warm hearted person.

VERY pretty

VERY sucessful.


But I think she intimidates men. She''s not overbearing or anywhere near as blunt as I am. She''s quite diplomatic and tactful actually.


The biggest thing is that what I would look for and she seems to look for are very different.


She wants a very financially sucessful, equally educated mate who is also very handsome.


She''s dated men who are... well, not nice people because they''ve had these qualities.


So I''d like her to find a nice person who will love her and support her emotionally and is financially secure and would like to give her the family she wants. But... well, to make sure that he''s appropriately well off and quite handsome to boot. I don''t know.


But she''s hinted at my matchmaking for a while now... since a couple of our mutual friend started to get married 4 years ago... and this time it was with the insistence that she would move just about anywhere in the US(she''s in PA) for the right person (as long as there is a Saks, Neimans, Cartier nearby she''s happy). After four years... well, I feel guilty I haven''t done anything.


Added to all of this is the fact that she dated a Catholic guy who completely did a one eighty on her after 2 years and demanded she convert (she''s Jewish). So now she''s on the fence about dating outside her faith.


What would you do?


I just... well, I don''t know many guys that fit the bill... and the ones I do, I just don''t know very well. They are family friends'' children, and well... people lie or put on their social mask and you don''t KNOW who that person really is.


Advice?

I would just be honest with her and let her know that currently, you don''t know anyone that would fit the bill, but that you''ll keep her in mind if you find someone that would. No sense in setting her up with someone who wouldn''t be a good fit for her personality.

I *HATE* it when a friend pushes me to set them up with someone/ a type of person that isn''t good for them in the long run! I usually just use the brush off line and let it drop, or else if it''s a really good friend I might gently suggest they expand their dating pool.

 

[Gypsy]

I thought about asking one of my aunts to help, she's a social whirlwind in Fortworth, and my friend likes Dallas. But, well... I don't know.

I've tried the expand the dating pool hints. But well... it hasn't worked that I can tell. Last time we were out together she met this guy with his own business who was handsome and once she found out that his business is housepainting and 'only' had a BA... she started making excuses about not liking his chin.

I'm well, not snobby. I like people for who they really are not how they make me look or what they can do for me. And she wasn't that way either in law school, but when I talk to her now... I get hints of that and well... I'm put off by it.

BTW she gets along with my mother like white on rice. So, some of my preceptions might be colored by that.

 

[rockzilla]

I hate to say this, but the guys that are: very attractive, very smart, very successful, AND very financially well off...usually know it! This makes them often not the nicest guys in the world (I concede there are exceptions). It is sort of a supply and demand thing...if as a guy you are in high demand, you are less likely to feel grateful to be with your current person, since you are always aware there are other women out there who want to snap you up. I personally think feeling that you''re lucky to be with your SO is one of the most important parts of a relationship. (This is also one of the reasons I think a lot of hollywood marriages fail....when you''re rich and hot and famous, everyone wants you, which makes it easier to use the faults of the person you''re with to dump them)

To put it bluntly, she needs to prioritize. What is the MOST important to her? Noone is entitled to the perfect guy..especially since he doesn''t exist...there may be a guy out there who is just right for her, but she seems to have unrealistic expectations.

 

[Independent Gal]

Tell her to call Barbie Adler at ''Selective Search''. If she needs a matchmaker, Barbie''s her man, so to speak.

 

[Gypsy]

http://www.selectivesearch-inc.com/about/barbie.html

Hmm. That was interesting. REALLY interesting. Score one for the PS ladies!

I'm going to send that over to her IMMEDIATELY.

That's not rude is it??

ETA; Rockzilla I agree! I really do. That's why I haven't done anything to help. I just... I can't see it working.

 

[Skippy123]

I am a good little matchmaker. I think it is because I love setting people up! I remember how horrible the dating world was for me before I met hubby. Anyway I have 2 *successful set ups* (thses couples are now married) under my belt. It makes me happy to help when I can. It does not sound like you can help her.


From what you say I would not set her up unless you have a good match for her. Wow, lots of people like Bill Gates did not finish college and we know who he is!!! I wouldn't say anything to her and say you tried but you don't know anyone that would be a match for her at this time.

 

[Aloros]

You could tell her to sign up for "The Bachelorette" casting call. Then we can all watch and gossip about it.

Yea, not much to add to what others have already said.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/4/2007 6:27:52 PM
Author: Gypsy
http://www.selectivesearch-inc.com/about/barbie.html

Oh my god is that disturbing. But so so appropriate for what your friend is looking for!

 

[Gypsy]

It''s perfect for her!! It really is. LOVE IT!

 

[Independent Gal]

Glad to be of service. Barbie + Your friend sounded like a match made in heaven to me.

Hey Skippy! I also love to set people up, and have two marriages notched on my matchmaker belt too!

ETA: If Gypsy's friend marries Barbie, that will make three.

(OK, now I'm getting silly).

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 5/4/2007 7:32:06 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Glad to be of service. Barbie + Your friend sounded like a match made in heaven to me.

Hey Skippy! I also love to set people up, and have two marriages notched on my matchmaker belt too!

Whooooooo hoooooo! We should go into business together

hehehe

 

[Gypsy]

Marries Barbie herself?

LOL!

I think that if she finds anything through Barbie''s service, you can call it a match!

 

[kcoursolle]

Has she considered e-harmony or match.com? It''s a little easier to find nice committed boys on these sites rather than at the bar and you can also be matched on education and income, and personally I don''t think you need to help her unless you already have someone in mind.