Home Married and a mother at 11

[MonkeyPie]

I know this caused some big drama in other threads about the "gypsies", so I thought I''d post it here with the rest of the moms.

Even researching it and understanding that this is normal for them, for their culture, it just seems irresponsible...and the mothers of these kids are celebrating?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

How depressing. Cannot believe she compares a baby to "a toy." But, then again, I had a doll that drank from a bottle and pottied out the bottom so I guess it was just like my babies.

 

[yssie]

Different social norms can only account for so much...

My grandmother married at 15, had my mother at 18.

There''s a big difference between 18 and 11. How does any 11 year old child, regardless of raising or the culture she grew up in, have the maturity needed to raise a child? Thank goodness the (grand)parents are willing to step in - though celebrating an 11 year old''s marriage and pregnancy and allowing her to quit school doesn''t really show them in the most responsible light either.


ETA: I know that even in mainstream US culture 11 year old children are sometimes forced to look after their siblings, and essentially assume parenting roles. The difference is that they didn''t make that choice, and people frown on the situation and try to help, not celebrate it...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/16/2009 12:33:46 PM
Author: yssie
Different social norms can only account for so much...

My grandmother married at 15, had my mother at 18.

There''s a big difference between 18 and 11. How does any 11 year old child, regardless of raising or the culture she grew up in, have the maturity needed to raise a child? Thank goodness the (grand)parents are willing to step in - though celebrating an 11 year old''s marriage and pregnancy and allowing her to quit school doesn''t really show them in the most responsible light either.


ETA: I know that even in mainstream US culture 11 year old children are sometimes forced to look after their siblings, and essentially assume parenting roles. The difference is that they didn''t make that choice, and people frown on the situation and try to help, not celebrate it...

Well, since the norm for this culture is 13, it seems this is early for them too.

re: your last point...although 11 is young, I do think that the human spirit does have the ability to take on challenges. I do think it is *possible* for an 11 year old to become fully engrossed in the responsibilities of being a mother and to become competent at it.

It does seem though, that this situation isn''t ideal for anyone.

On an off note, I did notice that she looks so young with all that makeup in her wedding photo, but there is another still clip video imagine where she has no makeup on - she looks radiant there and actually appears older than 11 to me.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 11/16/2009 12:31:36 PM
Author: MC
How depressing. Cannot believe she compares a baby to ''a toy.'' But, then again, I had a doll that drank from a bottle and pottied out the bottom so I guess it was just like my babies.

That was the part that made me sad, too. She SHOULD still be playing with toys, not raising a baby!

 

[packrat]

Can''t say as I''ve ever been acquainted with an 11 year old who was mature and responsible enough to have a baby. When I was 11 if my dolls didn''t behave they got stuck in my deacon''s bench and I wouldn''t play with them for a week.

 

[MustangGal]

My youngest sister started baby sitting at 11 (an infant), so I guess it is possible to have the maturity level to do that, but it still just seems like robbing the girl of her childhood, and I wonder how hard a pregnancy is on an 11 year old body, it can''t be good for her future health...

 

[mayachel]

Problems abound in this scenerio. The young mother was 10 years old! When an 18 or 19 year old boy/man had sex with her. In America, this is considered Rape. Due to the age difference and maturity/development at this stage, I do not believe that it is possible for a 10 almost 11 year old girl to "consent" to sex. Even, when it is "common" for a 13 or 14 year old to marry.

On the plus side, her culture makes it easier for her family to embrace her and the child, as opposed to other cultures that might kill or injure her at worst or disown her and turn her out into the streets at best.

As a midwifery student, I do rotations in public health clinics. I have met young mothers 15, 16, 17 years old who do not have any support, or help from their family, I hate to consent that in the short term, this young mother''s scenario is not so bad.

I phrase it that way, because she has been honored as an "adult" and a "mother" by continuing forward. Historically, education to the high school level of girls or more, is the fastest stepping stone out of life of poverty, crime or abuse, as they are much more likely to be able to work outside the home, be able to be self supporting, and therefor able to leave an abusive situation. Connections socially as well, help women stand up for themselves.

Insular communities have an easier time hiding neglect and abuse. It doesn''t mean that this is her life, but if it SHOULD occur, it will be that much more difficult for her to get out, especially with children thrown into the mix.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

To be completely honest...this seems absolutely absurd.

I strive to understand and respect cultural differences, but this is pushing the limits for me. Children aren''t toys, and it''s a commitment that shouldn''t be entered into lightly. I have strong feelings about people having children who cannot afford to care for them. At 11 years old, this CHILD should be in 6th grade...what type of life can a person with a 6th grade education give her own child? Probably not much of one. And no, I''m not speaking only about money (although, that is a huge part)...I''m talking about basic stuff like understanding her child''s homework when the time comes, social norms, and daily functions like cooking and laundry. How will this mother possibly be able to advise her child when she is nothing more than a child herself? I have a dear friend who has an 11 year old son, he still throws temper tantrums, he''s still navigating puberty, he''s struggling over book reports and math homework...this is not the making of a "well rounded" parent.

And...may I point out...that the "normal" pregnancy is 9 months...if this girl is 11, there is a solid chance that she became pregnant at 10 years of age! Oh my God!!! Where were HER parents? At 10 years of age a female child body isn''t ready to carry a child...she is still developing. Her bones, her reproductive system...it''s just insane that this happened.

 

[ladypirate]

The article says she was 11 when she became pregnant and that she told the father that she was 15. Not saying it excuses his actions, but it''s more understandable for a 18 year old to want to have sex with a 15 year old than an 11 year old.

The whole situation is just sad. The girl said that she had had no sex education and didn''t even know about condoms or pregnancy. Poor thing.

 

[vespergirl]

Eww ... people like these are the reason that I''m totally against welfare programs. Because you know that''s how the gypsies are able to support their lifestyle.

 

[swimmer]

Date: 11/16/2009 6:45:42 PM
Author: ladypirate
The article says she was 11 when she became pregnant and that she told the father that she was 15. Not saying it excuses his actions, but it''s more understandable for a 18 year old to want to have sex with a 15 year old than an 11 year old.


The whole situation is just sad. The girl said that she had had no sex education and didn''t even know about condoms or pregnancy. Poor thing.

Just what I was thinking. It seems so obvious that knowledge is power, otherwise why would women have been denied an education and have had to marry men who were not of their choosing so early throughout history? In the 1700s in Europe and the US, 12 was prime marrying age. Of course way back in the day, Mary was estimated to be 13 when she gave birth, and Joseph was 43... The times have thankfully changed, but still not my place to judge others'' cultural norms.

 

[lilyfoot]

Wow.

My BF has an 11 year old niece and I couldn''t imagine her having a child, and she''s extremely mature for her age ..

I feel bad for the boyfriend, who states the girl lied about her age. She specifically said she was 15, with the law making it illegal to have sex with someone 14 and under. She obviously "knew" what she was doing with that! And now he''s facing going to prison because of it, leaving yet another one of our world''s babies without a father (for 2-6 years).

 

[Camille]

Yeah, this wouldn''t be happening if we didn''t have welfare/free edu avail. Sad, just sad!

 

[Lynnie]

I don''t feel bad for the boyfriend... regardless of how old he ''thought'' she was. Surely he should know - at 19 - what a condom is.

She really doesn''t look 11 to me either.

I think this story is sad. Fine, it''s a cultural thing to get married young... but the girl is quitting school, the boy may be jailed, and the taxpayers are paying for the child''s wellbeing - in the ghetto. Sad, and a shame.

 

[Deelight]

In the video the dad says that love has no boundaries....hrmmmm me thinks having sex with an 11yr old should be one of them - different culture or not a 19yr old and an 11yr year old is just beyond WRONG.



The thing is just sad.